Worth It (44 page)

“You’re welcome. For everything you give me, it’s the least I can do.” She gives me a small smile.

I lean in and give her a soft peck. “Wait here. I’ll get your door.”

I walk around the front of the truck and open her door. She smiles at me like I just gave her the moon, and I chuckle and shake my head as she hops down from the truck. As much as her gratitude to small gestures used to drive me nuts, my mindset has shifted. I’m happy that I can be the one to do these things for her, that she doesn’t expect them, because
I’m
the only one to ever put that smile on her face.

That rocks.

Just as I close the truck door and take Anna’s hand in mine, the front door swings open, and a young blonde chick rushes toward us with a worried expression on her face. Anna’s lip-gnawing starts again, and I have to suppress the urge to make her stop with my tongue.

Once the girl reaches us, Anna asks, “Everything okay, Ash?”

Ash’s eyes cut to mine briefly. “Uh, hey. Jed, right?”

I nod, confused.

“I’m Anna’s sister, Ashley. Mind if I have a quick word with Anna before we go in?” she asks, biting her lip nervously.

That must be a family trait.

“Um, sure.” I’m not really nervous about meeting Anna’s parents, but this strange behavior has me uneasy. I hope everything is okay.

Once the girls are a few feet away, Ashley starts to tell her sister something. I catch “drinking” and “be careful.” Anna’s face drains of the little color I can see in the moonlight. Her wide eyes shoot to mine, and she’s about to say something when she’s cut off.

“Anna!”

I turn to see an older blonde version of Anna in the doorway.

“Come in out of the cold!” she shouts a little too loudly, a little too cheerfully. She tries to take a step forward to wave us in, but she stumbles slightly.

I feel like I’m on the border of a mosh pit. I look at all the chaos of bodies thrashing around, and even though I know I shouldn’t join in because I’ll probably get an elbow to the teeth, I jump in anyway.

This situation screams chaos, and I know I should probably make some excuse to leave, but I want to know everything about Anna—the good, the bad, and the ugly. Besides, she saw an awkward side of my family. This can’t be worse than my Uncle Sal.

When she gets close, I grab her hand, interlace our fingers, and give her a wink of reassurance.

“Jed, I think we should head back to your place and—” Anna says with a shaky voice.

“It’ll be fine, baby. I want to meet your family.”

“But—” she tries again.

“Anna, come on, sweetie. I want to meet your handsome boyfriend!” the woman who I assume is her mom calls.

I tug on her hand to pull her toward the house, and she reluctantly follows behind with a concerned-looking Ashley by her side. When we make it to the front door, their mom embraces Anna in a tight hug.

“I feel like I never see you anymore,” she says, her speech slow. Then, she holds Anna at arm’s length. “My pretty baby girl.” She chokes on a sob.

I tilt my head to the side. Her mom is trashed, but that’s not too weird. Had we stayed later at my family’s place, we would have seen the same thing.

Anna and Ashley exchange a raised eyebrow before.

“Uh, I work a lot, and I have class. You know this, Mom,” she says as she pulls away from the hug. “Um…Mom, this is Jed,” she gestures toward me “Jed, this is my mom, Lynn.”

Lynn shifts her attention to me, and I stick out my hand.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Matuszak.”

Lynn swats my hand away and goes in for a hug, which I return. I’m used to an affectionate family. I wonder if Anna exaggerated about her mom because she seems nice enough to me.

“It’s nice to meet you, too, Jed, and please call me Lynn,” she tells me as she pulls back.

I grin at her. “Okay, Lynn, sounds good.”

Her grin widens, and she turns to Anna. “You really caught yourself a good one, Anna. You must have some serious Hoover skills. Let’s go and get some dessert.”

She turns and makes her way into the house, totally missing my dropping jaw.

What the fuck?

Shocked, I shoot a glance at Anna just in time to see her eyes close and her head and shoulders slump. She avoids my gaze and follows Lynn into the house. We pass the living room on the way to the kitchen, and Anna stops in front of an older guy, who I assume is her dad. He’s watching TV, and he is so engrossed that he never saw us approach.

“Hey, Dad. This Is Jed.”

He looks up at the sound of her voice, and then he shifts his eyes to me.

“Jed, this is my dad, Mike.”

I stick out my hand. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Matuszak.”

“Hi,” he says as he takes my hand and nods. Then, he returns his attention to the TV.

I look at Anna and raise an eyebrow. She sighs and shrugs before she heads toward the kitchen.

Well, I was warned he was standoffish.

Once we get there, Lynn is pouring a glass of wine.

“Shit,” Anna says under her breath.

Ashley is talking to a petite brunette who seems to be about sixteen or so, and when we enter the room, they both snap their heads up and plaster on fake smiles. They walk toward us as Lynn, who hasn’t realized we’ve entered the room, chugs the entire glass of wine.

I’m starting to regret my decision to stay.

“Hey, Jed, this is our other sister, Jackie,” Ashley says, gesturing towards the brunette.

We politely shake hands, but Jackie is looking me up and down like I’m the scum of the earth.

What the fuck did I do?

“Nice to meet you, Jackie.”

“Hmm, yeah…you, too,” she says.

“Jed! I didn’t see you come in! Lemme get you some pie,” Lynn says. She whips out a huge butcher knife.

Oh Jesus
. It’s a good thing the emergency room is open on Christmas because I’m pretty sure someone is going to lose a finger. I fight the urge to cross my legs because there is one appendage I don’t think I could live without.

“Mom! Let me get that. You worked so hard on those. The least I can do is serve it up.” Anna rushes to her side and relieves her mom of the giant cock-slicing knife.

“Can I get you a beer, Jed?” Lynn asks as she refills her wine glass.

“Um, sure,” I reply, sitting down at the kitchen table next to Ashley.

She slides me my beer and joins Ashley and me at the table as Anna and Jackie dish out the pie. Lynn, Ashley, and I make small talk until Anna and Jackie join us. It’s weird that Mike hasn’t come into the kitchen, but maybe that’s normal around here. Lynn seems nice enough despite her Hoover remark. Ashley is really nice and kind of funny. She reminds me a lot of her sister, but instead of Anna’s sadness, Ashley has innocence in her eyes. After we finish our apple pie, which is a personal favorite, Jackie decides to sit with her dad in front of the TV. I’m not sure what I did to annoy her, but she’s obviously not my biggest fan.

“I forgot to tell you some guy stopped by yesterday,” Lynn says.

“Who?” Anna asks, confused.

I peek at her, wondering what fucking guy is coming to her house, looking for her.

“He didn’t say his name. He just asked for you, and when you weren’t here, he left.”

“Well, what did he look like?”

“Blond, and I think he had blue eyes…no, green. No, they were definitely blue.” She pauses. “I think.”

Anna glances at me and shrugs before returning her attention back to her mother. “It was probably Aaron. I’ll ask him the next time I see him.”

Her mom shrugs.

I don’t like thinking about other guys coming to Anna’s house, looking for her, so I try to change the subject. “So, you’re from Wisconsin, right? What’s it like out there? Lots of cheese?” I ask Lynn teasingly.

I immediately regret the question because a few things happen at once. Lynn’s smile vanishes and her jaw grow hard, all the blood drains from Ashley’s face, and Anna mutters, “Fuck,” as she drops her face in her hands.

“You wanna know what Wisconsin is like?” Lynn spits out, her bottom lip quivering.

“Um…”
This isn’t going to be good.

“Wisconsin is a place where fathers leave their kids.”

Anna sucks in a breath, and I blanch.

Lynn continues, “Wanna know how I know?” She leans forward.

“I—”

“Anna’s father left her, and mine left me. Then, my mother killed herself with a shotgun in front of me. I was seven.”

Christ, there’s the mosh pit elbow to the face.
Feeling like an asshole, I try to offer sympathy as I backtrack. “I, um…I’m sorry. I—” I’m not very smooth, but what the hell do I say to that? Fuck, that’s horrible.

“You want to know what Wisconsin is like?” Lynn asks again, her voice quivering and a tear escaping her watery eyes.

“Mom—” Anna starts.

Lynn leans forward. “Wisconsin is the type of place where family is able to take in everyone but the oldest, and she gets stuck in foster care. Wanna know how I know?”

I don’t say anything. I have no clue what I should say to that.

“Mom, he doesn’t—” Ashley tries.

Anna plants her enflamed face back in her hands.

“It happened to me.”

“Um—” I start to say.

“And do you know what foster sons do to the twelve-year-old little girl living with them?” Lynn asks as another tear slips down her face.

God, I feel so bad for her. I don’t even know this woman, and she’s flinging her skeletons out of her closet faster than I can blink. Christ, my heart breaks for her, but damn.

“MOM! Please stop—” Anna begins as a tear falls down her desperate face.

Her mom continues as her tears begin to leak from her eyes, “He raped me. I was twelve years old, and he raped me repeatedly…for a whole fucking year before my grandmother could take me in.” Lynn drops her head in her hands and starts to full-on wail.

I sit back in my chair, unsure of what to say or do, as she sobs. I glance at Anna whose face is still buried in her hands. Then, I look to Ashley, and she raises her hands and shoulders slowly, wearing a sheepish smile, as if to say,
Sorry, my mom is a little emotional and crazy. I don’t know what to tell ya.

I turn back to Lynn, and I feel like I should say something. This poor woman just drunkenly confessed all that shit to a stranger, but I got nothin’. I’m stunned speechless, but I try to say
something
.

“I’m sorry that happened to you, Lynn. That’s horrible.” All right, it was not exactly eloquent, but I’m at a loss.

“That’s why I broke down when Anna was twelve.” Lynn lifts her head and pauses long enough to down half of her glass of wine.

Anna’s head snaps up in surprise, and based Ashley’s wide eyes, this is news to her, too.

“Anna turned twelve, and Ashley turned seven, and I just lost it. I couldn’t escape my past when I had to look at their innocent faces and know I was Anna’s age when those things happened to me.” She downs the rest of her wine, and then she plants her face back into her palms and continues to cry.

I look to Anna whose face is stoic, except for the slight widening of her eyes. I lick my bottom lip, then bite it as I search Anna’s face. I’m a little worried that Lynn’s confession will make her shut down again. Because Anna and I have been talking more, I know she’s always wondered what made her mom lose her shit when Anna was young.

“Lynn…”

We all glance over to the doorway where Mike is standing.

“Time for bed.”

Lynn stands woodenly and walks out of the room, and Ashley follows, presumably to take care of her mom.

Mike glances at us, taking in the aftermath of the tornado, until his gaze finally settles on Anna. “You kids should probably get going.” Then, he turns to me. “Nice to meet you, Jed.” He gives me a nod before following his wife.

“I am so sorry, Jed. She can be a little crazy, but she’s not usually that bad,” Anna says with wide, red-rimmed eyes.

I rub my palms down my face. “Don’t be sorry, Anna. It was a shock and a little weird—”

One of her eyebrows lifts.

“Okay, it was really weird, but damn, I think she’s allowed to break down once in a while.” I pause. “Are you okay?”

She groans and rubs her face in her hands. “Yeah, I think so. At least I have an explanation now. Part of me wants to blame myself, but I know I shouldn’t. I can’t help my age.” She peeks up at me. “Is that odd?”

I smile at her, relieved. “No, baby, that’s great.”

She gives me a half smile. “Thanks. So, you ready to head for the hills yet?”

I grin. “Like you said earlier, she’s family, baby, and no one is perfect.” I lean over and kiss her forehead. “And it’s gonna take a hell of a lot more than that to chase me away.”

January 6th

Today’s therapy was similar to the last few. Dr. Jenson and I discussed letting go of blame. As scary as it is, I know it’s something I need to do. I can’t say I’ve really done that yet, but I think knowing the core issue helps a lot. I really want to get better and move on, so I’m trying. I think I’ve made some progress, but it’s hard. I shared about Jed and how our relationship was moving forward. She asked how I felt about that, and I told her the truth. I’m deliriously happy to have him know everything, and he still accepts and loves me. And I know he really loves me. It’s in the simple touches and the looks and the smiles. In the words of Betty Everett—yes, I had to look that up—“It’s in his kiss. That’s where it is.”