Worth It (23 page)

“So beautiful,” he murmurs against my skin.

I close my eyes and relish the feeling of being desired and wanted. I feel him unbutton my jeans and drag down the zipper. He traces his tongue along my panty line, and my core aches to be touched.

“Look at me, baby.”

I open my eyes to meet his as he pulls down my pants. He kisses his way back up my legs while I pant heavily. Once he reaches the apex of my legs, he breathes me in and flattens his tongue on me over my panties.

“You smell and taste so fucking good. I love putting my mouth on you.”

I can’t take it anymore, so I reach down and grasp his face, pulling him up until his lips to mine. I devour him, and he eagerly reciprocates. I trail my fingers down his hard chest and over his taut abs. His breathing catches, and his muscles tighten under my fingertips. Once I reach his waist, I quickly undo his belt and jeans. I reach in and grasp his throbbing heavy cock. He groans loudly as I slide my hand up and down his hard length. He braces himself on one hand, never breaking our kiss, and slips his free hand inside my panties. My body hums with a desperate need as he lightly brushes his thumb on my clit. I jerk with the pleasurable lightning sensation his touch causes. His finger slips inside my soaked core, and I moan softly.

“God, baby, you’re so wet for me. I love it,” he whispers against my lips.

My hand tightens around him, and I increase my pace. His thumb finds my clit again, and he firmly rubs back and forth as he adds a second finger to move in and out of me. My pace on him falters as the building pleasure in me starts.

“That’s it, baby. I love watching you come apart under me.”

His words send the climbing pressure into overdrive. My thighs tighten as he picks up the speed with his hand.

“Oh God,” I pant. I reach the pinnacle of bliss, and I squeeze my eyes shut as the wave of ecstasy washes over me. I can’t hold back when I call out his name.

“I need to be inside you.” He stands and drags down his unbuttoned jeans and boxer briefs at the same time. Bending down to reach inside his jeans, he grabs a condom from his wallet and places it on the coffee table.

When he returns to me, he quickly sheds my bra and panties. Despite my orgasm, I feel like the ache in me has barely been touched. I need him as much as he needs me, so I reach over and grab the condom, not willing to wait a second more to have him inside me. Once the package is open, I sheath him quickly. He groans low in his chest as my fingers slide over him. Leaning over me, he kisses me deeply and positions himself at my entrance. As he slowly slips inside me, I moan softly at the delicious stretch.
He’s so damn
big.
Once he’s deep within me, he stills, so I can adjust around him.

“Fuck, you’re so tight and hot. I love being buried inside you.” He leans his forehead against mine and begins to move. He slides out slowly and glides back in, but soon, his pace quickens. His thrusts become harder and faster.

“Wrap your legs around me, baby,” he says.

I comply, but I’m surprised when he stands, his hard muscles rippling with the effort of pushing us both up. His palms grip my ass as he carries me to a nearby wall. He presses me against its cool smooth surface and starts to really pound into me.

Fuck, this feels so good.

The beautiful pressure starts to build again as he pumps in and out of my tightening core. His hard shaft moves in and out of me, harder and faster and deeper. My throbbing body screams for release as a tingle starts from my core and spreads outward. I come apart, screaming his name, and with two more deep thrusts, he follows me over the edge.

Two week later things are still going beautifully between me and Jed. The more we talk, the more we find we have in common. He truly is a good man, and I’m lucky that I have him—for now at least. I’m still not convinced that he’s not going to bolt, especially because he doesn’t know about the darkness I carry inside me. I’ve shown cracks, and I know he’s seen them. It makes me nervous, so I try harder to bury my pain.

We’ve fallen into an easy routine of spending an hour or two together after I get out of work and before I head home. This relationship feels normal. It’s hot, electric, and precious, but it’s still normal, and that’s hard for me. I’m stuck between guarding my heart and analyzing everything. I’m really trying this thing out with Jed to see if he is my happily ever after. It’s confusing and stressful, which is not helping my nightmares.

Sam is also stressing me the fuck out. He is not taking the hint. I haven’t mentioned the calls and texts to Jed because I don’t want any of my baggage to come between us. Unfortunately, Sam called a few times when I was with Jed, and I wasn’t going to lie about who was calling. Jed didn’t say or do anything, but from the hard look on his face, I could tell he was getting angry.

For the past month, Chad and Shannon’s dad were redoing the floors in Shannon’s kitchen, so she didn’t want to have Rock Band Night while that was happening. Now that it was all done, she wanted to resume our Friday night ritual. Tonight would be the first Rock Band Night since Jed and I started dating. He’s picking me up tonight after work, and I’m really excited to bring him. He’s the first guy my friends have liked, and I want Jed to get to know them better, too.

When my shift ends, I take off my apron, and just as I begin to pull my purse over my shoulder before reaching for my coat, Jed walks in. Every time I look at him, my mouth goes dry, and my stomach starts to flutter. I stay rooted to the spot as he makes his way over to me.

I can’t believe this sexy-as-fuck man is mine.

When he reaches me, he abruptly dips me before planting a firm kiss on my lips.

When his lips separate from mine, he says, “Ready to go, babe?”

I smile and giggle. “Yep.”

He kisses my nose and smiles back. “Good. Let’s go.”

We’re nearly to Shannon’s house when my phone rings, and I pull it out and glance at it. It’s Sam. I can’t believe that he hasn’t quit this shit after a month. I hit the End button to silence the call, and I put the phone back into my purse. I focus my attention out my side window, trying to contain my fury, as I rearrange my features back to the easygoing expression I had before his call.

Jed is silent for a few moments before he asks, “Was that him?”

I glance over at him, but his face is unreadable.

I don’t want to lie to him, so I sigh and say, “Yeah”

He pauses, then stating coldly, “He’s still bothering you.”

“Yes.” My voice is small voice.

He seems deep in thought. Then he finally asks, “Can I ask you a question?”

“I guess,” I say, my tone wary.

“Is he the reason you have such low self-esteem?”

This question takes me off guard.
I guess my cracks are showing more than I thought.
“Is it that obvious?”

He chews on his lip, probably trying to decide the best way to respond. He glances over at me briefly before focusing his eyes on the road. “I’m not really sure how to answer that. I don’t think you see yourself the way others do. Besides your obvious beauty, you have a big heart, you’re funny, and…” He pauses. “I don’t know. A lot of the time, I get the impression that you think”—he blows out a breath—“that I’m going to bolt at any second.”

I stare at him, wide-eyed. I knew he could read me well, but shit. He’s so spot-on that it makes me feel naked. It’s like he has dug inside my head, and he is rooting around, trying to find all my secrets that I’ve hidden away. I don’t like it.

“Huh,” is all I can say, attempting to dodge the conversation.

“Am I wrong—about how you feel about yourself and how you feel about me?” he asks.

It doesn’t sound like a question though. It’s more like a need for confirmation, and he already knows the answer.

I shrug and look out the window. “I don’t know. Not really.”

“Anna…”

His warning tone causes me to turn my head.

“I thought we agreed to no games.”

This is way out of my comfort zone, and anxiety begins to trickle through my body. My muscles tense up, and my eyes are staring holes through the windshield.

“Hey,” he calls softly.

I turn my head in his direction.

“You can talk to me about anything, okay? I want to be here for you.”

I hear his words, but I can’t really believe him. He doesn’t know what he’s saying. I don’t want to drag him down under with me. He deserves better, but he also deserves honesty. I promised him that much.

I nod slowly and stare down at my wringing fingers. “Okay.”

“So, was I right?”

My heart pounds in my ears with the adrenaline coursing through my veins. I answer in a near whisper, “Yeah, I guess. I really don’t want to dwell on this, but sometimes, I get scared that you’ll finally realize you can do a lot better.”

He doesn’t say anything for a minute. “I hate that you feel that way, that you don’t think you’re good enough. You are. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again—
I
think you are good enough for
me.
It’s not up to you to decide what I want.
I
want
you
.”

Tingles spread over my body, and my palms begin to sweat. Tears prick my eyes, and my breathing starts to come in short bursts as I will those tears not to fall. I
love
what he’s saying. It’s the best thing anyone has ever said to me, but how can I believe it? How can he really think I’m good enough for him if he doesn’t know the dirty, dark tar inside my soul?
No one wants to deal with my baggage.
I
don’t want to.

“Does that help ease your mind?”

His question brings me out of my bleak thoughts.

No.
“A little,” I lie.

His words make the internal battle of keeping him out and letting him in more difficult. I peek over at him, and his lips are turned down in a frown.

“I’m going to prove it to you.” He glances over at me, and his eyes are as soft as his words.

I blink back tears and acknowledge his statement with a weak smile. My behavior bothers me a lot. I don’t like to be seen as a weak person, and I hate showing cracks even more. He reaches over, takes my hand, and then lifts it to place a soft kiss on it before he puts our entwined fingers on my thigh.

“You never did answer the original question. Is he responsible for your low self-esteem?” he asks gently.

My jaw is tight with emotion, and I glance out the window. “Can we drop it for now? We’re almost there.” Then, I peek over at him.

His sexy full lips form a hard line, and he looks a little disappointed. “Do you think you’ll ever talk to me?”

No
. “Maybe.”

He parks, throws the truck in gear, and turns off the engine. He shifts his body in the seat to direct all his attention to me. His intense, determined stare sends the jitters in my stomach into a chaotic tap dance.

Finally, he sighs and says, “All right, Anna. We’ll talk about it another time, okay?”

“Okay.” I nod, but I know I’m lying. There is no way I’m letting him inside to wade around in my mess.