Words Can Change Your Brain (37 page)

effective communication of, 139, 188, 196

guidance from, 186–87

positivity in, 190

values of, 183, 185–86

Leahy, Robert, 36

Levin, Roger P., 117–18

life-threatening events, 113

limbic brain, 10

listening

and ability to anticipate speakers, 82

bad listening, 144

in CC model, 123, 142–43

to children, 203–4

emphasis on, 9

and inner speech, 68

and interruptions, 142–43

to monologues, 142–43, 158–59

and neural resonance, 81, 82

scripted practice of, 157

Losada, Marcial, 130, 189, 190

love, 29, 34, 89

loved ones, 165–81

and criticism, 179–80

and the “empty-chair” exercise, 175–77

first dates, 166–69

imagining, 99–100

marital conflicts, 169–73, 173–74

seeking behavioral changes in, 177–78

trust between, 173

Lovelock, James, 80

Lyubomirsky, Sonja, 30–31

major league baseball, 186

Manning, Chris, 8, 187, 193

marriage

criticism in, 179–80

marital conflicts, 169–73, 173–74

word choices in, 178–79

See also
loved ones

Meaningful Differences in Everyday Experience of Young American Children
(Hart and Risely), 201

mediators, 174

medical profession, 186, 190–94

meditation, 33, 36

memory and memories

in CC model, 123, 134–35

of children, 202

chunking mechanism of, 59, 61

disturbing memories, 35

and facial expressions, 134

rescripting negative memories, 131

scripted practice of, 152

men, 181

mind, 15

mindfulness, 14–15, 37–38, 188–89

mirroring

anger, 97

facial expressions, 97

language styles, 82–83

and neural resonance, 80, 81

mirror neurons, 45

miscommunications, 29, 84

misunderstandings, 165–66

Mona Lisa
(Leonardo da Vinci), 98

money, 112–13

monologues, 142–43, 158–59

moral decision making, 15, 89–90

mothers and infants, 98–99, 100

motivational centers of the brain, 30

mouth, 94–95, 98–99

negative rumination

brain’s perception of, 57

and hostile language, 33

neurological effects of, 25

preventing, 36

and reflecting on values, 104

negativity, 17–18

and anxiety, 131

and children, 202

and consciousness, 57

and credibility, 31

damage caused by, 24

effect of, on relationships, 173

in everyday communication, 178–79

and fatigue, 18–19

and genes, 33

and handedness, 44

and inner speech, 66–68

interrupting negativity, 26–27, 85, 129

negative criticism, 180

and overused words, 31

positivity-to-negativity ratio, 18, 130–31, 189–90

recognizing, 37

rooting out, 131–32, 205

self-perpetuating quality of, 25

subliminal words, 33–34

vocalizing, 24

in the workplace, 189–90, 194–96

and writing exercises, 204–5

negotiations, 188, 192–93

neocortex, 42, 57

neural dissonance, 139, 173

neural resonance, 80–82, 95–96

neuroanatomy

amygdala, 24, 25–26, 27, 48

anterior cingulate, 19, 48–49, 68, 100

axons, 42

Broca’s area, 50–51

limbic brain, 10

mirror neurons, 45

neocortex, 42, 57

neurotransmitters, 35

thalamus, 35, 57

Wernicke’s area of the brain, 33

See also
frontal lobes

neurochemistry, 24–25, 33

neuroeconomics, 78

Nexi (social robot), 97

Nhât Hanh, Thích, 177–78

“no,” the power of, 24, 30, 31

nonverbal communication

in CC model, 123, 135–36

neurological basis of, 44–45

of a robot, 97

scripted practice of, 152–53

See also
facial expressions

notes, sending, 137

observation, 81, 89–90

observing self, 74–75, 145

oxytocin, 135, 174

parenting, 203–4

pausing in speech, 69–70

“peace,” 35

Penrose, Roger, 55

personalities and subpersonalities, 64

Phelan, Donna, 7

Piaget, Jean, 63

pictures, thinking in, 49

plants, 79–80

positivity

in business and the workplace, 186–87, 189–90

in CC model, 123, 129–32

and children, 202

effectiveness of, 35, 36, 173

in everyday communication, 178–79

and handedness, 44

and inner speech, 66–68

in leadership, 190

neurological effects of, 34–35

and overused words, 31

positivity bias, 19

positivity-to-negativity ratio, 18, 130–31, 189–90

power of, 27–28, 28–29, 30–31

scripted practice of, 151–52

and smiling, 98

subliminal words, 33–34

writing in positive terms, 205, 206

practicing Compassionate Communication, 147–62

entering a conversation, 153–54

with a partner, 154–59

preparing to practice, 148–49

script for, 149–53

prayer, 33

preparing for conversations, 129–30, 131, 192–93

present, staying, 123, 126–27, 150–51

primates, 43

procrastination, 65

progressive muscle relaxation, 33

punishment, 85

Radin, Dean, 55–56

rate of speech

in CC model, 123, 140

and competence, 140

and comprehension, 60, 140

emotional impact of, 70–74, 138

of physicians, 138

scripted practice of, 156–57

and stress levels, 60

rational decisions, 17

reality, transforming, 34–37

reciprocation, expectation of, 78

rehearsing, 46–47

rejection, fear of, 173

relaxation

in the “breakout principle,” 188–89

in CC model, 123, 124–25

effectiveness of, 27–28, 36

exercises for, 124

relaxation response, 32–33, 188

scripted practice of, 150

and staying present, 126

relevance, 62

repetitious patterns of thinking, 36–37

resistance of the brain, 10, 37

respect, 173

Risely, Todd, 201

robots, 97

Roulac, Stephen E., 194

Sachs, Joel, 79

sadness, 95–97, 127

Sartre, Jean-Paul, 89

schizophrenia, 52

The Secret
(Byrne), 112

secret desires, 112

self-doubt, 173

self-esteem, 173, 185

selfishness, 77–79

Seligman, Martin, 131

short-term memory, 15–16

silence, 69–70

in CC model, 123, 127–28

improving, 74

inner silence, 127–28

scripted practice of, 151

between words, 70–74

situational values, 113–14

slime mold, 55

slow speech.
See
rate of speech

smiles, 94–95

and eliciting pleasant memories, 134

and imagining a loved one, 99–100

Mona Lisa
smiles, 98, 99–100

neurological basis of, 98–99