WOLF DAWN: Science Fiction Thriller/ Romance (Forsaken Worlds) (8 page)

Dumbfounded, Larren blinked, “That’s quite a story.”

“You think I’m lying?” she demanded, quick to take insult.

“I didn’t say that,” Larren said, unwilling to offend her. He stood up and began to pace the room. “No. I believe you.” He turned back toward her and changed the subject. “Do you really think that you’ll be safe on Kalar?”

“Yes, I do. You see, Kalar is so remote and no one there is really interested in who you are or where you came from. If there was a search for us they would get no assistance from the Kalarians.”

“But what will you do? Live there forever? What about your homeworld? And Ash, now King. Will he marry a nice Kalarian girl and settle down?”

Sartha was quiet. She brushed a stray lock of hair from her face, with great concentration. “I haven’t thought that far. I just know I must finish his training and ensure he is safe. He’ll have to be told about Delian — ” There was a catch in her voice. “ — and his father.” She looked like she was going to burst into tears again.

With natural compassion, Larren reached for Sartha. Taking her hand he pulled her to her feet, and up against him offering the natural comfort of a human embrace. She rested her head on his chest with neither encouragement nor resistance, and he wrapped his arms around her. Larren saw Sartha for who she was now. She wasn’t trying to play him. The woman had decided to trust him. He was surprised to find that, despite her nearness, her scent, and the feel of her soft skin next to his, he no longer felt an involuntary passion or the fear of a beautiful woman. Oh, the attraction was still there, but it was eclipsed by an inherent desire to help and protect her. Her courage fascinated him. She was all drive and determination wrapped up in a soft, feminine body. He breathed in deeply. And apparently, he thought wryly, she could read minds.

The holovid wall had started up again through an automatic default program. Now it showed a valley surrounded by white-capped mountains, all in twilight. The darkness of the setting reduced the light in the room, giving everything soft edges, making it seem quiet and protected.

“I don’t know why, It’s against all my service training, but I do believe you, Sartha,” Larren said as he idly patted her back. He kept his voice low, deep and soothing while he cradled her as he might an injured child. “And I’ll help you and your son in any way I can.”

After a few comfortable minutes, Sartha pulled away from him and sat back on the bed. Her emotions appeared to be more under control. She looked up at him with a grateful smile. “Thank you,” she said.

The holovid wall shifted. Flowers again. The light in the room increased and brightened as the view panned over an undulating field of yellow daffodils shining cheerfully on a brilliant sunny day.

Larren noticed that the flowers didn’t irritate him in the slightest now. He was genuinely surprised by how he felt. It was as if the woman had cast a spell. He had a sharp ache in his chest at the thought of her leaving, fleeing to Kalar, with her son. Sartha’s husband had recently been murdered, she still grieved, yet all he could feel was the overwhelming urge to remain with her. He wanted to see her again. All his life he had fought any possibility of a permanent attachment. Throughout his service history, his cherished vessel, the Lady
Darla
, had been his one true love. Like many beautiful but jealous women, she always demanded his full attention. What he felt for the Lady Sartha wasn’t love, but it was … something. It was an intractable feeling he knew he wouldn’t be able to shake. Not only that, he didn’t want to shake it.

Larren wondered what Sartha would think if she knew that he wanted to see her again. Having recently lost her husband, in fact her whole world, she would probably be appalled. He put his hands in his pockets and asked, “You say you can read minds?”

“It’s not really mind reading. Our gift is one of perception.”

“Can you read my mind?”

Her blue eyes lit with mischief. “I already have.”

“You said you only had a moment’s contact. I’d like you to do it properly this time.”

“Why?”

He shrugged.

She tilted her head. “I suppose it is a new idea to know another so completely, but it is easily done. It may take a while,” she warned, then lay down on the bed, comfortably curled on her side.

“I’ll wait,” he assured. He wanted her to know him better. Then she could decide how he could best help her and, more importantly, if she wanted to see him again. As the minutes passed he moved restlessly, eventually laying down on the bed beside her, resting his head on one arm. Sartha faced him with her eyes shut, her golden hair loose about her. She looked peaceful and relaxed … and beautiful.

Larren didn’t feel anything. Was she reading his mind? He considered the matter and was surprised at the level of trust he had given her. He didn’t care what she knew about him. Had he ever met anyone like her before he would have pursued and courted her, determined to discover if she really was the unique, indomitable person that he suspected she was. Then he probably would have given up the service, as well as his beloved vessel, and begged her to stay with him.

He was astonished to discover genuine affection now. He had enjoyed many passing liaisons, but other than a number of childish infatuations in his youth, he didn’t think he had ever really been in love. His past experience with the opposite sex had been more of friendship and affection, or a release of sexual tension with neither party seeking permanent attachment.

He grinned and decided he was an idiot.

This current fascination was probably just the result of some need to rescue a woman in trouble. He frowned and rubbed the beginning growth of stubble on his chin. But she did attract him, and not just physically. No matter. He remembered that he was owed time off. He would visit her on Kalar and get to know her son. He would ensure for himself that they were okay. His left hand went to his pocket to his lucky marble, touching the smoothness of the Plexiglas that held that beautiful blue stone. Larren held it not with tension this time, but with a silly sort of happiness. So stupid. He was in the grip of some sort of mad, impractical joy. He shook his head with bemused chagrin.

I really like this woman
, he thought.

Lying further back on the bed, almost touching her, he let his mind wander. Perhaps he could do a bit of mind-touching himself. Now what could she be thinking? Larren began a kind of mental reaching in Sartha’s direction, surprised to feel a warm, flowing sensation, a depth, an almost electric impression vibrating along his skin. The hairs on his arms stood on end — it was as if his body was humming.

It felt good.
Really, really good.

With a confusion of senses, an electric combining of viewpoints, his perspective shifted.

Completely disoriented, Larren tried to focus on one thing, leaving everything else to spin. He stared and stared, until finally the blurred object at the center of his vision came into view.

A coarse expletive sounded in his mind. He tried to exclaim out loud, only his mouth didn’t respond.
He was staring … at himself!

He saw it. Motionless and undisturbed, his body laying stationary on the bed.

He thought,
“Am I dead?”

Terror swept through him. Mentally he screamed.

“Don’t be afraid. You are alive.”

Larren clearly heard someone reassure him — no, he
felt
someone reassure him.

“You are safe, with me.”
Sartha’s whispered thought was a warm touch caressing his mind.

He was still looking at his own motionless form —
from outside of it.

“Lady, please. What’s happening? Is this a dream?”
It had to be some sort of nightmarish figment of his imagination. Had there been some sort of hallucinogenic in that coffee?

“
Larren.
” The fingers of her mind were soft and gentle. “
You are disoriented. You’ve had no training
.” He became aware of her astonishment as she added,
“And you have touched me
.
I am having two-way contact with an off-worlder. This is impossible, for you are not Delian. You should be mentally blind.”

“
This is mind-touch?
” He asked the tentative question as he doggedly fought his fear. “
If my body is over there, where am I?”

“
We are together. You are with me
,” she replied. “
Try not to be shocked. Just look. You are regarding your own body, from my mind and vision.”

Looking, he was bombarded with sensory input: he was
her
. He felt his — no,
her —
breasts rise as she took in a long, deep breath. He felt small, light, delicate and soft. His long golden hair curled around his neck and there was a delightful female smell; he could feel her velvety dress against her skin. He could even experience her sense of taste — she had recently eaten something sweet, something with cinnamon and honey.

He was NOT in his body.

He stared at his own unconscious form, hyperaware of being within hers.

Sartha remained silent, allowing him time to master his fear.

After some minutes, Larren felt more in control.
Fine,
he thought.
I am a woman. So what? It isn’t the end of the United Worlds or anything.
Unaccountably, he felt like giggling. “
Well,
” he mentally voiced to Sartha, “
you have a beautiful body. But — no offense — I prefer my own.
” He was beginning to relax and could perceive her smiling. There was a bubble of amusement in her mind. Physically, he felt the corners of her — his — lips rise. She, he … well,
they
were smiling.

“
The condition is quite temporary, Captain, I assure you. You are currently me, assuming my point of view, observing life as the Lady Sartha does.
” She began to communicate mind to mind in an ordinary manner, as if discussing a favorite repast, she calm and natural, he barely recovered from utter panic. “
A body is an animal of its own, Larren, with instincts, needs and desires. The mind and spirit are separate, yet joined. Delians have the power to take themselves, mind and spirit, into another’s body and mind.

“What about my brain? I thought my mind was in my brain?”

“
The brain is simply another part of one’s flesh, Larren. A vital part, yes, as it helps the essence control the body. But your brain is not you.”

She gave him a moment to digest that, while he thought it through. He focused on Sartha’s body, her regular breathing: in, out, in, out. Despite the oddity of being aware that he now had breasts, simply breathing soothed him. Being her was so different from being within his own heavy, solid masculine self. She was so feminine. Was he using her brain? But that made no sense. He was who he was, intact. He was still a person with his own mind, his own memories. Nothing had changed there. And yet here he was looking through the Lady Sartha’s eyes. He was looking from outside himself.

He thought: “
I am not my body
.” It was a revelation.

“True.”
After a moment Sartha thought,
“I know you now, Larren. Look.”
Like a mirror inside Larren’s mind, Sartha reflected the unaltered Truth of Larren’s past back to him, starting with his childhood. Kind parents, two sisters, both much younger than he — Larren loved them all. A loyal, kind and teasing big brother. A need to go off world. A desire to help others. Adolescent, idealistic, Service mad. Even as a boy Larren had been a natural leader. People wanted to follow him, not through fear but from admiration. Larren inspired others with a desire to live up to his expectations — and he had high expectations.

She knew his embarrassing moments — jealousy, greed, lust. She discovered all his stupid mistakes and seemed to understand his hard-won lessons. Larren heard an echo of Sartha’s thoughts:
He is an honorable man.
She understood him and delighted in knowing him. Somehow he felt flattered. He was a better man than he thought, when viewed through her eyes.

She found an incident where some of his crew had been injured. Sartha exposed Larren’s guilt as irrational, and he felt lighter. A number of battles, powerful events, flickered through his awareness like shuffling cards, stopping when he had not fully viewed something, until he had found the
Truth
. Through her insight he saw himself differently, more clearly. Linetta was there, and suddenly he understood why he still dreamed of her, why her passing continued to trouble him.

If he had been capable of it he would have laughed out loud.

Larren began to experience bubbles of joy from within. He felt good.
So good
. An incredible lightness of being. He saw his sleeping body through Sartha’s eyes once more and this cooled his pleasure. He dreaded entrapment. He thought, “
I’ll go back to myself, right?”

“Oh, yes, Larren. You are with me for a short time only. As you know, the great thinkers of the past once said that one must “walk in another’s shoes” before one could honestly know another. There is no greater truth. How could one know another’s point of view, unless one assumed it? The ability to mind-touch allows one unique comprehension.”

“Is that what I am doing? Reading your mind?”

“No, but you can do so, it seems …”
This tough, no-nonsense Captain was solid and real, something to hold on to. Sartha had felt safe in his arms, reassured by his integrity and his strength. She closed her eyes and envisioned her husband. There were similarities. They were both strong yet gentle. Jarith would be pleased that she had found a friend, a champion. Larren was a good man. She was incredibly grateful that he had come into her life. She had read his mind and knew why he had wanted her to do so. He felt guilty because he wanted to see her again. He was attracted to her. Honorable man that he was, he despised himself for thinking such a thing when she had so recently lost her love. Larren couldn’t explain what he felt, but he wanted her to know. It was sweet and he was kind and thoughtful.