Wolf Creek Widow (Wolf Creek, Arkansas Book 4) (13 page)

Meg’s eyes widened with surprise. How could her aunt have known about that? She’d thought she was the only one to see the inappropriate way Charlie had looked at her.

“I’m not blind, child. Thank goodness you got out.”

Meg gave a bitter laugh. “I got out, but I only traded one kind of hell for another.”

“You had no way of knowing that.” Serena gave her another hug. “Let’s join the others. I imagine Rachel’s ready to get on the road. Give yourself time to heal, Meg. There’s someone out there who will be the man you and your children need.” She gave her a saucy wink. “From what I’ve seen and heard, you could do worse than the one who’s helping out.”

“Ace!” she scoffed. “He isn’t interested.”

Soft laughter filled the small room. “Remember, sweet Meg, I’m not blind, and I’m not stupid. I see the way
he
looks at you.”

* * *

Nita joined her to send their visitors on their way. Before the dust had cleared, the two women had headed to the barn. She could spare only a minute since the baby was asleep inside, but she wanted to make sure Teddy was not aggravating Ace. To her surprise, she found her son with his little hands on his hips, staring up at Ace, who was on a ladder nailing a board in place for what looked like another lean-to.

“Mama, Ace is making a surprise!” he shouted, grabbing her around the knees.

“I see that.” She ruffled his hair and looked from him to Ace. “What are you doing?” she asked.

“Fixing a place outside for you to do the laundry that’s partially protected, so you won’t be at the mercy of the weather quite as much this winter,” he explained. “It’ll have a roof and three enclosed sides. I’m hoping that if you build the fires near the open end, the smoke will go out, but a little of the heat just might stay in.” He shrugged. “I’m no carpenter and it isn’t a perfect solution, but maybe it will help. At least you’ll be out of the rain.”

For a moment, Meg was stunned speechless by the thoughtful gesture. She couldn’t recall Elton ever doing anything for her simply because he knew it would make her life easier.

“Thank you,” she said. “I appreciate it. Any kind of protection will be better than what I’ve had.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“I think Teddy and I will go inside to check on Lucy and think about what to fix for supper,” Nita said, stretching out a hand to the toddler. “What sounds good to you, Teddy?”

“Pink beans,” he said, placing his hand in Nita’s. “They’re the bestest beans in the world.”

Meg and Nita exchanged smiles. He’d always loved navy beans.

“I think that can be arranged, even though I didn’t put any to soak this morning.”

“Soda,” Meg offered as the two started toward the house.

Nita turned. “Baking soda?”

“Yes. You’ve never heard of baking soda to help them cook faster?”

“I can’t say that I’ve ever run across that in any of my Cherokee or Irish recipes,” Nita confessed.

Meg smiled back. “I’ll be in in a moment to show you what to do.”

“I’ll be looking forward to it.”

Silence descended on Ace and Meg after Teddy and Nita went to the house.

“Did Teddy get in the way?” she asked, hoping to get a feel for what Ace thought of her son.

“No more than any three-year-old boy who wants to help,” he said. “Mother said you were worried about him coming out here.”

“Yes.”

“Why? Because Elton would have been furious to have a kid in his way, or he didn’t want to keep an eye on him?”

“Yes to both of those reasons. He had no patience with Teddy—with either one of them, for that matter.”

“Doesn’t sound to me like he had much patience for anything,” Ace commented, reaching for more nails.

“You’re right. He was like a tinderbox and a piece of flint. Anything and everything could set him off.”

“I’m not Elton.” A muscle in his jaw tightened.

“You’ve told me that before,” she reminded him.

“And I’ll keep telling you until you believe it.”

How could she tell him that she did believe it, but that her history had left her a little gun-shy? It would be a long time before the new lessons she was learning were such a part of her that she would no longer worry or question the little everyday irritants and expect them to explode into full-blown quarrels. What she could do instead was thank him.

“I really do appreciate everything you’ve done for me, Ace,” she said at last. “I can never repay you.”

“So you’ve said before,” he told her, tossing her words back at her as he hammered another nail into the end of a board. “I don’t want any pay except to see you get better.”

“I am.”

“I know, and I’m glad.”

She drew in a shaky breath as he came down the ladder. It seemed imperative that she tell him how she was feeling, how she was changing. She leaned against the barn wall.

“That day...the day you and Colt and Dan found me and I was hurt so badly, I hardly felt it. It’s like I was dead inside, like Elton had killed the very thing that made me who I was.”

“Who you
are
.”

“No!” she snapped with a sharp shake of her head. “I’m not that woman anymore. I won’t ever be that scared, weak woman again.” One corner of her mouth hiked up in a wry smile. “In a strange way, I guess I can thank Elton for that.”

Ace took a step closer. “I’m not Elton, and not all men are users, Meg.”

“I know. You’ve shown me that. You’ve shown me that I don’t have to be afraid of saying what I want or feel.” Tears filled her eyes. “I don’t have to be afraid.”

“All I’ve done is help with a few chores.”

“You’ve done more than that,” she argued softly. “You’re a man who’s been through some of the same things I have and you’ve learned a lot along the way, things you’ve passed on to me.”

“Like what?”

“Like, don’t give up. Don’t ever give up. Rachel said we should try to find the good that’s hidden in the bad. You and Nita are the part of the good. She’s so kind and so wise, and you... You’ve taught me that with God, all things
are
possible, even forgiving the ones who caused our pain.”

She gave a little laugh. “I admit I’m having a little trouble with that one, but as Brother McAdams says, it will come.”

“And it will, in time.”

She nodded. “I’ve learned, too, that the Lord is able to heal broken hearts and shattered souls. Especially shattered souls.”

“Souls are His specialty,” Ace reminded her.

“Yes,” she whispered. “I always knew that, but I’d just more or less given up on hope and trust and...and life. I don’t think I could have come as far as I have in such a short time without you to help me along the way.”

“Don’t try to make me some kind of white knight,” he cautioned. “I’m just a man with all the usual bad habits.”

Meg stood there staring at him, wanting to tell him that he was much more than that to her and that she dreaded the time he would leave and not come back, and that even though she was determined to be strong, she wasn’t sure she could go on without his reassuring, supportive presence.

“I’d better go inside and show your mother what to do with that baking soda,” she said instead, taking the coward’s way out.

The new Meg was a little afraid of being that daring.

* * *

A week passed, and then two. As he always had, Ace went home at night to take care of their place; Nita was staying nights for a while, sleeping in Teddy’s narrow bed to keep an eye on Lucy. Teddy slept with Meg. As much as she hated imposing on the older woman, Meg was glad for her help. Chasing after two little ones was harder than she’d expected, especially since Lucy was finally walking and wanting to explore everything. It had taken Meg less than twenty-four hours to realize she wasn’t up to her former strength just yet.

Teddy settled back into his life with his mother without any problem. Lucy was harder. Aunt Serena was all she’d known for weeks, and it was evident that she missed her, probably as much as Serena missed Lucy.

Gradually, though, Meg felt her life returning to normal. No, not normal. The life she’d shared with Elton had in no way been normal. Instead, like the squirrel, she was rebuilding her nest and cautiously building a new life.

The days things felt overwhelming and frightening, Nita would remind her to put her trust in the Lord. That simple command was hard for a woman who felt more secure if she were in control. Nita said that like everything else in her life, it would take time.

* * *

Another week passed. Meg had promised Ace that she would do her best to start each day with a positive attitude and thankfulness, so even though the weather was growing colder, she started taking her coffee and Bible with her to the back porch first thing in the mornings. She hoped the quiet time while the children still slept would give her the optimistic attitude she needed to tackle the day ahead.

She was a little surprised at how easily she fell back into her old routine and amazed that with every faltering prayer and every moment she spent with the Word, she felt more peace and strength filling her.

To her amazement, both the children were quite taken with Ace. Teddy, who’d become Uncle Dave’s shadow during the weeks he’d stayed with him, was at an age where he needed a man to look up to, and Uncle Dave was one of the best. With her uncle out of the picture, Teddy had latched on to Ace in a way he never had his own father.

They had fallen into the habit of Ace regaling Teddy with some folk tale or another at bedtime. Meg couldn’t believe how adept he was at mimicking an Irish brogue and the high girlish voices of the ladies and the various facial expressions that accompanied the tales of haughty princesses, lazy beauties and enchanted lakes that brought smiles and laughter to everyone.

She didn’t know if the growing closeness between the two was a blessing or another problem she’d have to deal with when Ace and Nita stopped coming around. She pushed the troubling thought aside. That was in the future, and she was doing her best to take one day at a time.

Even though Ace was not what any woman would call handsome, he was very attractive in a stark sort of way, which was the only reason Meg could figure out that Lucy was so taken with him. She was a female, after all, and whether or not they would admit to it, he was the kind of man most of the fairer sex found appealing. Of course, it might be the gentleness of his rare smile or the softness of his voice when he spoke to her.

At almost every meal, Lucy held up her arms for Ace to pick her up, and he always did. He blew on hot food and fed her things from his plate that her chubby hands could handle. When she made some sort of mess and he scowled at her in mock ferocity, Lucy just giggled, showing off her eight little teeth, as if to say she knew he was harmless. If children and dogs were the best judges of character, Ace passed with flying colors.

They hadn’t yet talked about his “stuffiness” or anything else serious since soon after they’d almost shared a kiss. He’d finished the laundry lean-to and spent most of his time trapping. Meg had been busy with the children. Everyone was working hard, and her life was settling into one she found she liked. Perhaps she liked it too much.

As a treat, everyone was going to ride into town with Ace the next morning when he went to deliver the laundry. Meg was looking forward to the trip, especially since she’d have Nita and the children as buffers to ease any strain between her and Ace.

She’d been sticking back a little money every week, hoping there would be enough—after making a land payment to Nate Haversham at the bank and seeing if Gabe had any shoes that would see Lucy through the winter—to treat everyone to pie at Ellie’s. She was also looking forward to visiting Libby Granville at the library and checking out some more books. She also thought she’d worked up enough nerve to speak to Libby about some things that had been bothering her.

She was so excited about the upcoming trip she could hardly contain herself. It had been so long since she’d been around anyone but Ace and Nita. Her anticipation had rubbed off on Teddy, and even though he usually fell right to sleep after his story, tonight was different. By the time his eyes drifted closed, Meg was exhausted, but she knew it was far too early to call it a day.

She shut the bedroom door behind her and found Nita thumbing through one of the magazines Libby had brought.

“Finally asleep?”

“Finally.” She noticed a glow outside the kitchen window and looked inquiringly at Nita.

“Ace built a fire,” she explained. “He likes sitting outside, even in the dead of winter.”

Meg could imagine what he’d say if she were to ask him why. He would tell her about finding peace beneath the vast space after being confined behind bars for so long, or feeling closest to God when he was enjoying His creations. Or he might simply say that he liked to be alone.

“Why don’t you wrap up in a quilt and join him?” Nita suggested.

Memories of the times she’d tried to connect with Elton flashed through her mind, followed almost immediately by the memory of Ace telling her time and again that he wasn’t Elton. She knew that, but still, the thought of imposing on his alone time was a bit scary.

“Go on,” Nita urged. “He won’t mind. I’ll make you each a cup of sassafras tea with honey to keep you warm.”

Meg took a deep breath. “Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure,” Nita told her, making a shooing motion toward the door. “Go. Get the quilt off my bed.”

Fearful that she might be overstepping her bounds, Meg nonetheless decided to do just that. After all, she was not the old Meg anymore. The new Meg needed to be more forceful, less fearful. Besides, Ace was too polite to say anything, even if he did feel as if she were intruding. Taking Nita’s suggestion, she tiptoed into the children’s room and got the quilt.

Chapter Eleven

A
ce was staring into the fire when he must have heard the latch of the door catch. He looked up and watched as she made her way down the back steps. Knowing he was watching every step she took made her very uncomfortable. Trying to ignore the butterflies in her stomach, she settled onto one of the big chunks of wood that doubled as a stool. It was closer to his than she would have liked, but moving it would only draw more attention to the awkwardness they’d struggled with the past weeks.

“Kids down for the night?” he asked.

His voice was as smooth and dark as the sky spread out above them. She gave a little shiver that had nothing to do with the chilly air and drew the quilt closer. “Yes. I think between your story and the excitement over tomorrow, Teddy was just overly excited.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh, no! I didn’t mean to put the blame on you. It’s just one of those things that happen every now and then when you have children.”

“You’re a good mother.”

The compliment caught Meg off guard. No one except her aunt had ever told her that before. She felt pleased and strangely humbled. She loosed a soft, wry laugh into the night. “I don’t know if I’m doing a good job or not, but I’m trying.”

“That’s all anyone can do.”

“I hope they aren’t bothering you too much, demanding so much of your attention,” she said, daring to put her fears to the forefront.

He turned to face her, and the light of the fire gilded his angular features with molten copper. “Lucy and Teddy? Not at all. I remember being as curious as Teddy about everything when I was his age, and Lucy is such a sweetheart that no one could be angry at her about anything.”

“Elton could.”

The words escaped before she could stop them. Meg wished with all her heart that she could call them back, that she could reach a point where everything in her present life was not a comparison to the past.

“That was too bad for him,” Ace said.

The awkwardness passed and that peaceful silence they’d shared as they worked together stretched out between them. An owl hooted nearby, and a pack of coyotes began to yip in the distance.

Meg decided to raise a topic she’d wondered about for more than three long weeks—probably longer than that. It was a very personal topic, and probably one that was highly improper for her to bring up, but she hoped to gain some insight into the workings of the mind of the man with whom she feared she was falling in love. Taking a deep breath, she plunged headlong into uncharted waters.

“You’ve never married.”

* * *

The statement caught Ace completely off guard. He was surprised and wasn’t sure he wanted to comment. “No.”

Meg looked at him curiously. “I know it’s none of my business, but why? It’s pretty clear that you’d make a great husband and father.”

He couldn’t tell her that he’d cared for her since the first time he’d seen her, and he couldn’t say that for three long weeks he’d thought of little else but the moment he’d almost kissed her.

Though he regretted passing on the chance to see if her lips held the sweetness they promised, it was best for everyone that his sanity had returned in time. He knew that she’d wanted that kiss as much as he did, but he was also aware that sometimes in situations like theirs affections got misplaced. He didn’t want her to make the mistake of thinking she cared for him when in reality it was nothing but gratitude.

“How many women want to get involved with a man who’s been in prison?”

She frowned. “I don’t think people think of you in that way. More than likely they think of you as the man who rescued me and my children and saved Colt’s life.”

Ace nodded slowly. “Ah, so that’s what you’re calling it now instead of me killing your husband,” he said, determined to make her see the reality of what had happened.

“That’s not how it was. It was self-defense. Everyone says so,” she argued. “Besides, you saved lives besides yours.”

“Trying to make me a hero again, Meg?”

“You’re my hero.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, Ace saw that she regretted them. So did he. He was no hero, and no one knew it any better than he did. Still, he wished the words were true.

He leaped to his feet so fast she gasped. Turning his back to her, he stared into the fire as if he thought he could find some sort of answer in its flickering depths. That failing, he drew in a couple of deep lungfuls of air to clear his mind and refocus his thoughts.

“The fair maiden isn’t usually afraid of her hero,” he said mockingly without turning to look at her.

He heard her small, embarrassed laugh.

“If you’re no hero, I’m certainly no fair maiden, but I am still a little fearful.”

“Only a little?”

“Only a little.”

“What else do you want from me, Meg?” he asked, needing to know, yet fearing the answer, since he knew that any way she responded would not lead to the conclusion he wanted.

“What do you mean?”

“What do you want besides my...help?”

“For starters, I want you to tell me what’s wrong with me.”

He turned to look at her. “Wrong with you? I’m not sure I understand.”

“Well,” she said with a hesitant shrug, “Elton...was never happy with anything I did, and you...you were going to...to k...kiss me and you stopped, so I figured there’s something wrong with me.” She’d stood as she spoke, leaving the quilt behind. She tipped back her chin to a determined angle as she faced him.

“Are we about to have the conversation about my...stuffiness?” he asked, unable to suppress a hint of a smile.

“I believe we are,” she told him, moving closer. “After what I went through growing up, I’d be the last person to look down on anyone that way. We’re not responsible for our parents’ sins and they aren’t responsible for ours.

“That may be what the Bible says, but that doesn’t stop people from feeling differently.”

“You have a point,” he told her, knowing that she was right.

“All right,” she said, forging ahead in a way that surprised him. “You said the timing was bad. Why?”

“Because it was. Elton—”

“Had only been dead a short time,” she interrupted. “I know that. I thought you were saying in a nice way that I was too bold.”

“You, bold?” he asked with a lift of his eyebrows.

“Well, I did encourage...things. It’s just that I haven’t loved Elton for a very long time, so it didn’t seem too soon at all to me.”

He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. What a muddle! “Look, Meg,” he said, trying once more to make her see the reality of their situation—or maybe it was himself he was trying to convince. “When people go through difficult incidents together, their thinking can go awry and they sometimes misinterpret a situation.”

“Did I misinterpret?” Without allowing him time to reply, she took another step toward him, looking up at him in the dim light of the fire. “I don’t have much experience with men, but it felt...right.”

Ace closed his eyes. He was doomed, he thought, unaware that he reached out and curled his hands over her shoulders. Without knowing quite how it happened, he realized that he was holding her in a close embrace. Her arms were tight around his middle and her cheek was pressed against his chest. In the sweetness of that moment, when he let down his guard to reveal his own vulnerability, he knew without a doubt how much he loved her.

With a sigh of surrender, he closed his eyes and rested his chin on the top of her head. Her arms tightened around him and he wished she could stay in his arms forever, shielded from any harm. Safe.

“What am I going to do with you?” he asked, more to himself and the night than to her.

* * *

Love me.

Meg wanted to say it, but she knew she couldn’t make him love her any more than she could force the sun to rise in the west. He would either return her feelings or he wouldn’t.

She understood all that, but none of it mattered. Not now. Instead, she pressed closer. She was so wrapped up in the mixed emotions racing through her she almost missed what he said.

“No.”

“What?” she asked, drawing back to look at him.

Ace tucked a silvery strand of her straight blond hair behind her ear. “You didn’t misinterpret.”

Did this mean that he cared for her, too? Oh, she hoped so! Even though she had more healing to do before she was truly whole, Meg was pretty sure her feelings for him wouldn’t change, but there was no guarantee that he would ever feel more than this...whatever it was, for her.

She couldn’t let this moment pass by. It might be the only thing she had to remember him by. “Then don’t be stuffy,” she begged. “Please.”

“Meg...”

She curled her fingers in the fabric of his shirt. “Please.”

He gave another of those soft moans, and then she felt his lips touch hers.

For such a hard man, the touch of his mouth was incredibly soft. A revelation. Accustomed as Ace was to physical demands, his lips communicated controlled longing as well as tenderness. She felt cherished, special, as if she had worth to him. It was her turn to groan in protest when his hands slid to her shoulders and he stepped back, lifting his mouth from hers.

Meg’s lips felt as if they’d been branded by his kiss. Was the wonder still coursing through her veins reflected in her eyes? Did he feel it? She stared at him, waiting for him to comment or to do something to let her know what he was feeling, what he’d felt.

No. She knew. For once he wasn’t hiding behind his expressionless shield. He looked as overwhelmed as she felt. He might have been reluctant to kiss her, but she was no innocent miss who didn’t know when a man’s emotions were involved. His had been, yet she couldn’t help wondering if she had somehow disappointed him as she so often had Elton. She wanted to ask him, but figured she’d been brazen enough for one night.

The sound of the door closing sent them jumping apart. Nita was coming down the steps with the tea. Had she seen them?

“Are you two freezing?” she asked, handing them each a large cup.

“It’s not too bad,” Ace said.

Was it Meg’s imagination, or was his voice huskier than usual?

“I’m warm enough,” Meg added.

Nita crossed her arms and tipped back her head to look up at the sky. “Isn’t it gorgeous?” she asked on an exhaled breath.

“It is,” Meg agreed, following her example.

“I never grow tired of looking at it.”

Meg didn’t want to admit that she couldn’t recall the last time she’d really looked up at the night sky. Probably not since before she married. Once she and Elton had tied the knot, she’d been too busy with work and babies, or just too plain worn-out to want to sit outside, drink tea and stargaze.

She remembered when she was about fifteen or so, Aunt Serena had told her to look up at the night sky. As Meg had been trying to take in its vast beauty, her aunt had told her that if God could make all of that from nothing, He could take care of any problems they might have.

Funny that she’d forgotten that until this moment. That she hadn’t remembered such a wise statement was a shame, just as it was a shame that she had so seldom looked up. She vowed to do better.

“Well, I’ll leave you two to your visiting,” Nita said, turning back toward the house and pulling Meg’s attention back to the present.

Once the door had closed behind her, Meg said, “She’s a wonderful woman.”

“She is,” Ace agreed. “She thinks you’re pretty wonderful, too.”

“I can’t imagine why.”

“Can’t you, Meg? How can you think of what you’ve accomplished in spite of everything you’ve been through and not know that there are few women who could do the same?”

“The same way you can’t see that in spite of everything you’ve been through, you’re a pretty remarkable man, I suppose,” the new, bold Meg dared to say.

He didn’t reply, and there was no hint of what he was feeling on his face. For several seconds they stood looking at each other and Meg was tense with anticipation that he might kiss her again.

Finally, when the silence stretched out unbearably, she took a sip of her sassafras tea and pasted a false smile on her lips. “So tell me again why you’ve never married.”

“Because until now I’ve never met a woman who was everything I wanted and needed.”

Meg froze. It felt as if the world were suddenly empty of air. He couldn’t possibly mean her, could he? Once again she was afraid to ask. So much for her newfound courage.

“Why do you look so confused?” he asked. “After that kiss there can’t be any doubt in your mind who I’m talking about or how I feel.”

“Are you saying that you care for me?” Her voice was so small the vast darkness almost swallowed it up.

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to do anything about it.”

He sounded defeated.

“Why are you acting as if...caring for me is a bad thing?” she asked. “You must know that I...I care for you, too.”

Ace flung the contents of his cup into the night and set the mug on the log. “Do you, Meg?” he asked. “You’ve spent almost four years in a marriage that was little more than a prison. Now you’ve been let out and the freedom must be overwhelming. Maybe you just fancy that you care for me because I’m the first man to treat you well.”

She opened her mouth to deny the charge, but realized he had a point. The knowledge that Elton would never deal her any more grief
was
liberating in ways she was only now beginning to understand. She could do or be whatever she wanted, go wherever she pleased, without fear of punishment. But Ace was right. Sometimes that newly found freedom was a little frightening. How could he know that?

Because he’s been where you are.

He could be right about something else.
Was
she mistaking her feelings for love when they were nothing but gratitude? She didn’t think so, but how could she know for sure? Her head spun with conflicting emotions as she struggled to put all the pieces together.

“You say you care for me. Why don’t you want me to care for you?”

“You’re very vulnerable right now, Meg. Everyone keeps saying it, but I’m not sure you really grasp that you can’t get over the things you’ve been through in a matter of weeks.”