WMIS 06 Tied With Me (30 page)

Tears prick my eyes as I stare down at the tabletop. I can only nod in response.

“And that you think that Matt should have a large family.”

“I’ve seen him with the kids, with his pregnant sisters, Mrs. Montgomery. He’d be an excellent father, and he should have that.”

“I agree, but Nic, why do you feel that you can’t eventually have that with him? Aside from the fact that your relationship is new, and marriage and children are still in the distant future, why do you not think that you could be the woman to eventually share those things with him? You’re obviously very much in love with each other.”

“Because I can’t have children, ma’am. Sure, I may be able to get pregnant through the miracles of modern medicine, but the PCOS is so bad that I’ve been advised that I
shouldn’t
have children.”

“And why is it necessary for the children you may have to be biologically yours?”

I sit in stunned silence and stare at the older woman, then crease my brow in confusion. “Isn’t that usually how it works? Matt should have his own biological children.”

Gail’s eyes flare in irritation, and she crosses her arms over her chest, and I have a bad feeling that I’ve just pissed off the mama bear.

Shit.

“Because you’re new to our fold, let me explain something to you about our family, Nic. The saying ‘blood is thicker than water’ is bullshit. My Natalie first came into our family when she was in college with Jules. They became fast best friends, and Nat came home with Jules during holidays and such. And when her parents died, leaving her orphaned, we are the ones who stood by her, helped her through that difficult time, and continue to love her. Natalie is as much my daughter as Jules is, but she isn’t my biological daughter.” Gail smiles softly.
 

“Caleb,” she continues, “just adopted Maddie and Josie and couldn’t love them more than the baby he’s conceived with Brynna. Those girls are
his.
In every way, Nic.”

I remember the girls with Caleb when I was invited to dinner and smile as I nod in agreement.

“Another example is Meg and Leo. They both came from some of the most difficult of circumstances, but found each other and have claimed each other as brother and sister since Meg was a preteen. But they don’t share parents, Nic. They just love each other so much that they made a family together.

“The Williams family, all of my sons and daughters-in-law, have become as much my family as those I gave birth to.”

God, I’m such a moron. All this time, I thought it would be important to Matt to have children of his own, but it never occurred to me that he would welcome children who might come to us through other means.

“And Dominic,” Gail continues, much to my surprise. “Did Matt tell you that story?”

“Just that Dominic is his half brother.”

“I’m surprised he worded it that way,” Gail murmurs. “My husband and I had a rough time of it right after Caleb was born. We split for a few months, and during that time, Steven slept with a woman while on a business trip, resulting in Dominic.”

My mouth drops as I stare at her, shocked.

“We didn’t know about the baby until early this year when Dominic hired a private investigator to find his biological father. It shocked Steven, but between you and me, it turned my world upside down. Nic”—she leans in and lays her hands on the table—“my husband had a child with another woman. I knew about the sex more than thirty years ago, right after it happened, but now there was a man in front of me, claiming to be my husband’s
son.
His mother died last year, and he was curious. What was I supposed to do? Throw him away and pretend he never existed?”

“What did you do?” I ask, enthralled.

“I welcomed that man into our family. I’d forgiven Steven a lifetime ago, and Dom is his child. He’s come to fit in very well with our family, and my other children love him, too.”

“You are an extraordinary family, ma’am. Families like yours don’t happen every day.”

“Oh, darling, we are not perfect, that’s for sure. But my point is, whether it’s through blood or pure love, family is family. I dare you to tell me that the twins, Olivia and the new baby about to come aren’t my grandchildren.”

“Of course they are,” I reply immediately.

“And any children that you and Matt are blessed with, whether they come from your womb or through adoption, or even surrogacy, would be loved just the same, Nic. That’s what a family is.”

The tears are flowing freely now.
 

Gail scoots her chair around to mine and rubs my back soothingly.
 

“I’m so ridiculous,” I choke out.

“You love him, sweet girl. You thought you were doing what was right for him.”

“I love him so much it hurts to breathe.”

Tears fill Gail’s own eyes as she nods. “Only a woman in love would be so stupid. I’m sure it didn’t help being around the pregnant girls and the kids.”

I shrug and then nod, chuckling through my tears. “I feel so silly because I really like Nat, Jules and Brynna, and I’m happy for them all. I would never begrudge them the children they’re having.”

“Well, you’re not a monster, Nic. But it’s a hard thing to see their men hold their bellies.”

“I…” I begin and then just sigh, hanging my head in my hands. “Yes. It’s hard.”

“It’s easier when you have people around you who love you and understand.”

“I don’t want anyone’s pity. I have so much to be thankful for, and I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me.”

“There’s a big difference between support and pity, Nicole, and you know it.”

I bite my lip and nod reluctantly. “I made a mess.”

“You can clean it up.”

“You think?” I ask hopefully. “Matt and I haven’t been seeing each other long, so to bring up kids now was relationship suicide.”

Gail laughs and pats my shoulder. “It might have been early, yes, but I don’t think Matt’s thoughts were far from yours. One thing you have to understand about my Matthew: Honesty is paramount to him. Maybe it’s the cop in him, but he will respect you going to him and being honest. Then you two can take it from there.”

“Why did you choose today to come see me?” I ask, curious.

“Because Matt is a grouchy ass, and after two weeks, I figured you needed a nudge.”

I giggle and nod. “I have some thinking to do, but I’ll go talk to him soon.”

“Good. Now, about those cupcakes.”

“Here, let me box some up for you.”

***

“Thank you, dear. Good luck.”

Gail nods and walks down the block, carrying her box of cupcakes.
 

I take a deep breath and lock the door, then set about cleaning up for the day, letting my mind wander.

She’s right. I don’t have to give birth to children for them to be mine. Why hadn’t I ever thought of it before?

And then I remember.

Because my whole life, it was drilled into me by my parents and doctors: You’ll never have children.

But maybe, just maybe, someday, I might.

I grin and jump when my phone vibrates in my pocket.
 

“Hello?”

“Hey, gorgeous.”

“Ben!” I grin and climb the stairs to my apartment, happy to hear from my old friend. “How are you?”

“I’m great. I’m in Seattle for the week. Have dinner with me tonight.” His voice is warm and familiar, and I realize I’ve missed him like crazy.

“I would love that. What time?”

“I can head your way now.”

“I’ll be ready.”

Ben was my boyfriend in my early twenties when I still lived back home. I was overweight and not taking care of myself, and the handsome personal trainer had loved me anyway, and helped me get healthy.

Not because he didn’t like me the way I was, but because he wanted me to be healthy and whole, and I’d loved him for that.

Ben was my first love.

And now he’s one of my best friends.

I fix my hair and makeup and change into a lacy pink tank top with a flowy white skirt and sandals, and when I pull the door open for him, he scoops me into his arms and turns a circle in my living room.
 

“You look wonderful!” I exclaim and kiss his cheek as he sets me back on my feet.

“You look…hungry.” He laughs. “And beautiful, as always.”

“I am hungry. Feed me, please.”

“My pleasure. Mexican?”

“Mmm…yes.” We jog down my steps and walk up the block to one of our favorite Mexican places in Seattle. “What are you in town for?”
 

“A job interview.”

“You’re moving here?” I ask excitedly.

“Hoping to, yes. I’m never going to do more with my career back home. We both know that.”

“You should have warned me that you were coming.” I smack his arm playfully as the hostess seats us in a booth against the wall. Someone else drops off chips, salsa and water, and I greedily dig in.

“You haven’t lost your appetite,” he observes drily.

“Never,” I agree and grin. “Seriously, why didn’t you give me a heads-up?”

“I thought I’d surprise you.” His hazel eyes are happy as he smiles at me. “How have you been?”

“Meh,” I reply and shrug, feeling much better now that I’ve had the encouraging talk with Gail and am now having dinner with my dear friend.

“Explain the
meh.
”

“Oh, it’s a long, drama-filled story.”

“The best kind.” Ben winks and pops a chip in his mouth.
 

I tilt my head and watch him. He’s not just handsome, although with his muscles for days, light hazel eyes and square jaw, he’s certainly one hot number. Ben is a beautiful man, inside and out.
 

“You’re a good person, Benjamin.”

“Uh, don’t say that, Nic. That only leads to ‘but,’ and we broke up a long time ago.”

I toss my head back and laugh hard, then throw a chip at him. “Don’t be a douche. I was paying you a compliment.”

“I see that you’ve kept up with your workouts. You look great.” He tilts his head, watching me closely. “But I know you, and you have circles under your eyes, so spill it.”

I sigh and lean my chin in my hand. “I’m an idiot.”

“Agreed.”

“You’re a jerk.”

“Typically, yes.”

I laugh again and shake my head. “Stop it. You are not. There is a guy.”

“Do I want to know this?” His handsome face cringes. “I mean, I know we’re just good friends, but I don’t think you’re supposed to know who your ex-girlfriend is sleeping with. It’s weird.”

“How do you know I’m sleeping with him?”

“Are you?”

“Yeah.”

“Now I know.”

“Jealous?” I ask with a raised brow.
 

He sits back and actually thinks about it, surprising me. I expected a witty comeback, but instead he just answers honestly.

“Not jealous in the way I would have been five years ago, but worried because you mean a lot to me and I don’t want to have to kill him for hurting you.”

“I hurt him, Ben.” I sigh and push my fingers through my short hair.

“I like the haircut, by the way.”

“Oh, thanks. It was time for a change.” I take another bite of chip. “Anyway, I fell hard and fast for him. He’s a great guy. A cop.” I tell him all about Matt and his family, how we met,
everything.
And it feels good because I haven’t been able to tell anyone everything about my relationship with Matt, and I know that Ben won’t judge me.

“So, aside from the kinky sex, which sounds like a lot of fun to me, but makes me very uncomfortable in relation to
you
”—he cringes again—“he sounds like a solid guy.”

“He is.”

“So what’s the issue?”

“I broke up with him.”

“Why?”

I bite my lip and stare at the half-eaten basket of chips.

“Nicole…” Ben lowers his head to catch my gaze. “Why?”

“I thought he deserved better than me,” I whisper. “With my medical stuff and everything.”

Ben’s brow creases in surprise. “Nic, I’ve been around the block a time or two, and I’m telling you right now, there are few better than you.”

My jaw drops in surprise. “If you propose right now, I’m going to throw this margarita in your face.”

He laughs and shakes his head. “My girlfriend might have an issue with that.”

“Girlfriend!” I squeak. “You haven’t told me about a girlfriend! Is she here or in Wyoming?”

“She’s in Wyoming, but if I get the job here, I’m hoping she’ll move out here with me.”

“Who is she? Do I know her?”

“We’ll get to her later.” He waves it aside and reaches across the table to take my hand in his large one. “Do you love him?”

“Yeah. But to be honest, his family, although they’re great, they are damn intimidating. Half of them are celebrities, Ben. There’s money, and they’re all beautiful and just…I
read
about these kinds of people.”