WMIS 06 Tied With Me (29 page)

“The reason you’re on the pill.” I nod, remembering.

“I don’t need the pill for birth control, Matt. The PCOS
is
my birth control. With that combined with the diabetes, a pregnancy is not a good idea for me.
If
I happened to get pregnant by some miracle, the pregnancy would be high-risk and difficult.”

“Okay.” I shrug. “What does this have to do with us?”

“Have you not been listening?” She looks at me like I’m an idiot, and I scowl back at her.

“You can’t have children. Although, I think there might be ways around that, with as far as medical science has come, but even if that’s true, why can’t we be together?”

“Because I can’t give you what you deserve!”

“What I deserve?” My blood is heating now. “What, exactly, do you think I deserve, Nicole?”

“A nice, submissive woman who can give you lots of babies and live happily ever after,” she whispers, not meeting my gaze.

I sit in the chair opposite her and stare at her for a long minute.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“No.” She shakes her head and clasps her hands together. “I love you enough to let you go and to find that person who can give you those things.”

“You know what, Nic? No one likes a fucking martyr.”
 

Her gaze whips up in shock. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Who the fuck are you to decide what I need and want?”

She stands to get in my face. “Well, isn’t that just fucking hypocritical?”

I stand and clench my fists at my sides, glaring at her, trying to ignore the gaping hole in my chest where my heart once was.

“I’ve always been one thousand percent honest with you, Nic. While you’ve only shared what was convenient or I ripped out of you. I told you from the beginning, trust is imperative in this relationship.”

I advance on her, not touching her, and push my face within inches of hers. “It’s my fucking
job
to keep you safe, and knowing what you need and want is a part of that. I’m in love with you. You need time to get your head on straight? Fine. I’ll leave you alone for now, but I’m telling you right now, you are
mine.
Nothing will ever change that.”

“I’m saying
red
,” she whispers.
 

I stare at her in shock for several seconds without blinking.
 

“You said at the club that all I have to say is ‘red,’ and it all stops.”

She’s using a fucking
safe word
?

I pull her against me and kiss the breath out of her, putting all the anger and frustration I’m feeling into this kiss, then I pull away and brush my thumbs down her cheeks, wiping her tears away.
 

“I don’t know how you got it in your head that you can’t give me what I deserve when I’m looking at everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman.
You
are what I need and deserve, Nicole. When you figure out that your medical issues are a fucking excuse to push me away, you come find me. In the meantime, you’re right. ‘Red’ is a term I understand perfectly.”

With that I turn away and walk out of her apartment without looking back.

***

I drive straight to the hospital. I need to see Natalie, and not worry about my own issues for a while.

Everything that Nic said in her apartment is rolling around in my head in a big, fucked-up, jumbled mess.

Jesus, how did we get here?

I walk into Natalie’s room with a bouquet of flowers that I spent way too much money on in the gift shop.

“Hey.” She grins and holds her arms open for a hug, which I happily oblige.

“Hey, sweet girl. How are you feeling?”

“Better today,” she replies.

“She passed the stone during the night,” Luke says as he shakes my hand. “We’ll be heading home tomorrow.”

“Thank goodness.” Nat sighs. “I miss my baby girl.”

“Don’t worry about Liv, just worry about you,” Luke instructs her and then laughs when Nat sticks her tongue out at him.
 

“She always was a handful,” I remark with a smirk. “I’m happy to see things haven’t changed.”

“Why did you come here? Just to be mean to me?” she asks and narrows her eyes on me.

“I came to check on you.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing.”

“You look pouty.” She smirks.
 

“I do not.” I scowl and reach out to pull on a strand of her long dark hair. “I don’t pout.”

“You totally pout. Did Nic smack you around this morning?”

You have no idea.

“I’m not pouting.”

“Okay.” She grins. “I’ll call Jules, and she and I will just gang up on you.”

“I will tell the doctor to keep you here another day.”

“You’re mean!” she exclaims.
 

I laugh and lean in to kiss her cheek. “Don’t forget it.”

She cups my face in her hand and says quietly, “I love you, and I’m a good listener if you need one.”

I smile gently and kiss her cheek one more time before pulling away. “I love you, too. Thank you. You just work on feeling well and cooking that boy in there, and I’ll be happy.”

“He’s cooking,” she replies and rubs her hands over her belly.

“How are you, man?” I ask Luke. He looks tired, sitting with his laptop on his lap, keeping an eye on his wife.

“Better now that she’s on the mend and the baby is safe,” he replies. “I think we’re both looking forward to going home.”

“He’s going to make me rest.” Nat pouts. “And no more photography until after the baby’s born.”

“You Nazi,” I exclaim in outrage, making Natalie laugh. “How dare you take proper care of your wife?”

“I know, I’m evil.”

I laugh as I back toward the door. “I love you.
Rest.
” I give her the stink eye. “I’ll look in on you in a couple days.”

“Yes, detective.” She waves and giggles as I leave and almost bump right into my mother.

“Hi, Mom.” I give her a big hug.

“Hi, darling.” She pulls back and smiles up at me and then sobers. “Oh, we need to talk.” She turns and walks with me down the hallway to the waiting room.

“I thought you were here to see Nat.”

“I’ll see her after you and I talk.”

“What are we talking about?”

“Don’t be a shit,” she scolds me and sits in one of the plastic chairs, motioning for me to sit opposite her. “Now, tell me what happened.”

I frown at her and then laugh, looking up at the ceiling. “Am I seriously having this conversation with my mom?”

“You are,” she confirms. “Come on, I know something is up. Of all of my children, you’ve always been the hardest to read.” She rests her chin on her hand and watches me for a moment. “So sober. So serious. But it’s when your eyes look sad that give you away. You had that look when Asher’s wife died. When Brynna and the girls were hurt. Let me help.”

I clear my throat and am shocked when the whole story begins to flow, minus the Shibari, of course.

“So, she’s decided that because she can’t have kids, and she thinks that I
deserve
to have kids, that she’s not the right person for me.”

“Did you point out to her that there are several different ways to add children to your family?” Mom asks, tapping her chin with her finger, deep in thought.

“No, I was too surprised, and admittedly pissed, to bring that up.”

Mom nods and sits back in her seat with a sigh. “I’m sorry about her health concerns.”

“She manages them well.” I shrug. “She’s not on medication, and she takes good care of herself. She’s actually quite healthy.”

“Good.” Mom grins, her eyes shining. “And you love her.”

“Against my better judgment today, yes.” I laugh again and rub my hands together. “She challenges me. She’s funny and smart, and it’s easy to be with her. She knows things about me that no one else in the world knows and…”

“And she loves you anyway,” Mom finishes softly.

“Yeah.”

“It sounds to me like she’s a bit scared, son. It sounds like this relationship is still young, and happened quickly. Falling hard and fast is exhilarating and scary all at the same time.”

I nod again, and then she hits me with, “Do you think
Nicole
wants children?”

I think back to how great she was with Casey, with Maddie and Josie, and how naturally she snuggled Olivia in her arms and rocked her back and forth.

“She’d be an awesome mom,” I respond softly.

“You know, it can’t be easy for a woman who believes she’s infertile to spend a lot of time around pregnant women and couples with children. I’m not saying she doesn’t enjoy being around the whole gang, but it might have played with her emotions a bit, too. Each time she sees Nat, Jules and Brynna and their men hovering over them, it’s a reminder that she might never have that.” She leans in closer and takes my hand. “And it’s a reminder that she might not be able to give that to
you.
”

“Shit,” I whisper.

“Indeed.” Mom kisses my cheek and stands. “She’ll come around.”

“I hope you’re right, because the thought of being without her leaves me hollow.”

“Oh, darling, that’s wonderful.” She laughs when I frown at her in frustration. “It means it’s real.”

“Oh, it’s real all right.”

“Give her a little time to talk to her friends and miss you a bit.”
 

“Thanks, Mom.”

“That’s what I’m here for, dear.” She winks and leaves me to go check in on Natalie, the daughter who didn’t come from her body but couldn’t be more hers if they shared the same bloodline.

Chapter Eighteen

Two weeks later

~Nic~

“Thanks for your help today, Tess.” I grin at the young woman as she gathers her purse to leave for the day.

“My pleasure, as always, boss,” she replies with a happy smile. “No wine with Bailey today?”

I shrug and shake my head as though it’s no big deal. I just can’t face her, or anyone really, right now.
 

“All you’ve done for the past two weeks is hole up in this shop and then sit at home,” Tess points out with a frown. “You’re starting to wig me out.”

“I’m fine,” I reply, irritated. “Have a good evening.”

“You, too.” She sighs dejectedly.
 

I follow her to the front door to lock it behind her, but just as Tess leaves, Gail Montgomery approaches, smiling warmly, dressed in casual denim capris and an orange T-shirt.

“Hi, Mrs. Montgomery.” Good God, what is she doing here?
 

“Hello, dear. I know you’re about to close. I was hoping for a moment of your time. Privately.”
 

“Of course.” I raise a brow and motion for her to come inside and lock the door behind her. “Have a seat.”

“Thank you.” She sits at one of my small round pub tables and smiles as I sit opposite her. “How are you, Nic?”

“I’m fine.”
 

Her eyes narrow as she watches me, an expression I’m all too familiar with on her son. “That’s good.”

“What can I do for you?” I ask. “Would you like a cupcake? Cup of coffee?”

“Oh, not right now, although I might take a few home to Steven.” She leans an elbow on the table and looks about my shop. “This is a beautiful bakery.”

“Thank you.”

“Have you spoken to my son?” she asks bluntly.

“Not in a few weeks,” I reply softly and feel the stab to my heart. God, I miss him so much it hurts.
 

“I see.” She frowns and links her hands, resting them in her lap. “May I ask why?”

I clear my throat and frown. Geez, how much do I tell his mom? “Honestly, it feels like a betrayal to him to talk about our relationship with you without him here.”

She smiles widely and reaches across the table to lay her hand on my arm. “I like you, Nic. It’s only because I like you that I’m here. I spoke with Matt the morning that you had your fight.”

My eyes widen in surprise.
 

“That startles you,” she guesses correctly.

“Matt’s not really the kind of person to seek someone out to talk to,” I reply honestly.

“He didn’t seek me out. He ran into me at the hospital.”

“Oh, how is Natalie?” I ask, genuinely concerned. Another difficult part of losing Matt was losing the fragile friendships that I’d just started to form with his family.

“She’s very well, thank you.” Gail shifts in her seat and considers her next words carefully. “Nic, Matt confided in me about your medical troubles.”

Well, she just keeps shocking the hell out of me.
 

“I’m actually quite healthy,” I reply.

“He said that, too, but he said that the main reason you believe you can’t pursue your relationship with him is because you may not be able to give him children.”