Witchful Thinking (15 page)

With the help of Rand, I’d just explained the experience of the night before, describing in vivid detail everything I could recall about the vision. Everyone seemed dumbstruck, their expressions revealing shock and concern.

“The Lurkers have magic,” I finished.

“Perhaps they do,” Mercedes said and offered me an unenthusiastic frown.

“I saw and felt it,” I argued.

She shook her head. “We do not know anything for certain. Yes, you had a vision, but as you well know, Jolie, visions can be flawed. They can reveal part of the picture, but not necessarily the whole thing.”

“We must consider them possessing magic as a possibility,” Mathilda offered.

I glanced at her and smiled. She lowered her head and faced Mercedes again.

“Of one thing I am certain … the Queen will require protectors,” Mercedes announced, addressing the entire room. She was sitting next to the fireplace, and the fire burning in the hearth highlighted the strong planes of her face, making her look like an omniscient deity.

At the mention of “the Queen,” I glanced at Rand. His attention was riveted on Mercedes’ face, but he wasn’t allowing any reaction to show. It was like he was trying to imitate a statue and doing a damn good job.

“Protectors?” Trent repeated and raised his eyebrows in an expression I didn’t know how to read. As I mentioned earlier, Trent and I had a history, although not exactly a deep one. We dated until he told me he was too dangerous and basically dumped me. Then a week later, I saw him sporting some werewolf girl on his arm. Later I had the displeasure of meeting up with him at an Underworld function chaired by Rand, where Trent tried to get back together with me. Of course I told him where he could shove that idea and then, to make a long story
short, he got pissed off, accused Rand of trying to be with me, and then sucker-punched him right across the face.

I guess it was kudos to Rand that Trent was even sitting at the table this evening—Rand could be forgiving when it suited him. Although I imagine he’ll never forgive Sinjin for … being Sinjin.

Mercedes faced Trent and nodded, her lips drawn in a tight, stern line, her expression one of
Don’t question me, you peon, I’m the prophetess
.

“Yes, we will need to assemble a band of soldiers dedicated solely to the Queen’s protection,” she said with finality.

“I offer my protection,” Sinjin said. When I glanced at him, wondering if he was joking, he wouldn’t look at me. Instead he faced Mercedes resolutely, looking every bit sincere.

“No,” Rand answered at the same time Odran began chuckling.

“Perhaps I could have protected her from the vision,” Sinjin started.

“No one could have protected me from it,” I intercepted. “I believe it was just a vision, an unbelievably lucent one but a vision all the same.”

Sinjin nodded but by the twinkle in his eyes, it didn’t seem he’d given in. “Regardless, I will protect our Queen.”

“Aye, boot who will protect ’er against your advances?” Odran then erupted into another hearty laugh, which Trent echoed. In fact, it had come to my attention that Trent had recently taken up the position of Odran’s shadow. They reminded me of a poorly cast Batman and Robin—just missing the tights.

“Odran is right,” Rand offered. “Sinjin would be the worst person to protect Jolie.”

“The child would be vulnerable in the day,” Mathilda added in a soft voice.

“Would you prefer to take the task upon yourself?” Mercedes demanded of Rand, seemingly ignoring Mathilda’s comment for the moment.

Rand narrowed his eyes but said nothing more, merely leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms against his chest, looking pissed off. Instantly my stomach seemed to drop to the ground as I wondered why Rand didn’t champion my cause—why didn’t he stand up and announce that, yes, he would defend me, that he would continue protecting me as he always had?

“I offer my complete and total loyalty to our Queen,” Sinjin continued, now looking at me. “It is true that I cannot protect her while the sun commands the sky, but I will arrange for others who can.”

Mercedes nodded. “I believe that solves the issue.” She glanced at Mathilda. “Mathilda?”

Mathilda merely nodded as Sinjin cleared his throat, returning our attention to him.

“And as long as my employer does not find fault with the arrangement, I dedicate myself entirely to the Queen’s preservation.”

Varick seemed to weigh the subject for a few seconds before he nodded. “I find this arrangement to be quite satisfactory.”

“Very good.” Mercedes slapped her hands together. “Sinjin, I will leave it to you to assemble a force strong enough to protect your Queen.”

Sinjin bowed his head in what appeared to be humble acceptance and then glanced at me, the beginnings of a smile working on his lips. It was an expression of triumph and I had to wonder why being named my protector would cause him to feel victorious.

Rand exhaled deeply and then pushed himself away from the table to walk to the opposite side of the room. He was dressed casually in loose, dark jeans that hinted at the athletic lines of his butt and legs. He wore a
chocolate-brown polo-necked, short-sleeved T-shirt, and I tried to pull my attention away from his incredibly shapely arms, ignoring how his biceps seemed to pop whenever he shifted.

“I believe we should release the legion from Pelham Manor,” he said. I wondered if I was just imagining it or if he was making eye contact with everyone but me.

“Your ledger is finalized, then?” Varick asked.

Rand nodded and crossed his arms against his chest, leaning against the wall. He still refused to look at me.

“Yes, and our soldiers are eager to return to their families. If all of you agree, I will dispatch them and tell them to await further instruction.” He paused for a second or two and then faced Sinjin with razor-sharp eyes. “In fact, I will require everyone to vacate Pelham Manor by tomorrow evening.”

Sinjin arched a brow and relaxed into his seat, as if to say he wasn’t going anywhere. “Agreed, Randall, though any soldiers deployed in the safety of the Queen must remain … with the Queen.”

“No,” Rand said quickly, almost cutting Sinjin off. Rand’s voice was rough, like a raspy file grating on cement. “You are most certainly no longer welcome here.”

Sinjin dropped his smile but didn’t lose the intensity of his glare, which was aimed at Rand. If looks could kill …

“I am the Queen’s sworn protector—I go wherever she goes.”

“Which brings up another issue, Rand,” Mercedes interrupted. “I informed Jolie yesterday that she will need to make her home elsewhere—somewhere more suitable for a Queen.”

Rand didn’t say anything but shook his head and started pacing from one side of the room to the other in usual perturbed-Rand form. I personally hated the fact
that I had to move, and seeing the anger chip away at Rand’s face made the subject even harder to swallow.

Finally Rand stopped pacing and faced Mercedes. “I do not support a monarchy,” he said simply.

The silence in the room seemed to pound against my mind with fists of mute frustration. I tore my gaze from Rand’s face and looked around the table, noting the surprise in everyone’s eyes.

Odran cleared his throat. “Ye have noo choice,” he said.

“This is preordained, Rand.” Mathilda glanced up at him with eyes of understanding. Aside from me, Mathilda really was the only other person in the room who cared about Rand. I thought of her as his surrogate mother in some ways.

“I don’t care,” Rand answered, shaking his head. “I couldn’t tolerate the idea of Bella being Queen, and although I care deeply for Jolie, I can’t support monarchy in any form.”

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach, like I might vomit right then and there. This was what I’d been afraid of all along, though I’d known it was coming all the same. Really, I should never have expected otherwise—Rand was too stubborn, too dedicated to his ideals of democracy to ever sway from them. And for that, I actually admired him.

“Rand,” I started but was drowned out by the voices of everyone else around the table. It was suddenly a cacophony of dissidence—questions tumbling over comments of surprise and anger.

“This is Jolie’s destiny.” Mercedes quieted everyone in an instant. It was as if she could control sound, so that only her voice could be heard. It sort of freaked me out.

“I believe in freedom of choice, not destiny,” Rand responded, his voice constricted and tight.

“Jolie’s fate is to become Queen and unite the creatures
of the Underworld. Without her, our society’s existence is perilous,” Mercedes said.

Mathilda nodded and I glanced at Rand as the sick feeling returned. He was still avoiding my eyes. I felt like I was a ghost, just observing a conversation in which I had no part. I was losing him—I could almost feel him ripping away from me and I wanted to cry. Scratch that, I wanted to scream. But I couldn’t argue with Mercedes because I knew that this
was
my destiny. And in accepting that there was a greater purpose for my life, I had to sacrifice Rand’s love.

“Then if he isn’t with us, he’s against us?” Trent continued, his voice laced with anger.

“Rand is not against us,” I said in a vacant voice.

Rand was silent for a few seconds, staring at me as if he’d only just remembered I was in the room. I said nothing in return and met his stare, our eyes having a conversation of their own.

Finally he smiled sadly. “I will never be against you. I am merely opting out. I have always been a renegade so I’ll go back to being a renegade.”

And that was the truth. When I was first introduced to this world and learned that newbies needed some type of protector, Rand hadn’t been exactly keen on the idea of becoming mine. Instead he’d informed me that he lived outside the rules, that he was a renegade. But once Bella made it known that she wanted to be my protector—for less-than-noble reasons—Rand really had no choice but to take the task upon himself.

“No one should exist outside the rules of the kingdom,” Varick said pointedly. “If we are to have a Queen over our society, we must come to terms with the fact that rules must exist for everyone. Otherwise, there is no difference to how things used to be.”

“Yes, there would be a difference,” Rand began. “A
monarchy would be in full effect but I would not consider myself an enemy of the state, merely a bystander.”

“I doona like the idea,” Odran said and shook his head.

“Frankly, I don’t care,” Rand answered.

I couldn’t help but notice that Sinjin hadn’t said anything. I was glad. I didn’t want to know what was going through his head. But I did want to know what was going through Rand’s.

It can be different, Rand, a different form of rule than you’re imagining it to be
, I thought and glanced up at him, my expression hopeful.

This goes against everything I believe, Jolie, everything I stand for
.

Even though I knew it was fruitless, I couldn’t help but fight back. I had to try to convince him his idea of monarchy was old school, that the Underworld Queen of the twenty-first century could be as different as night is to day.

It doesn’t have to contradict your values, Rand. We can shape this role to be anything we want it to be!
And for the first time, I realized what my goal was, my hope in taking the so-called throne—I didn’t want to rule the Underworld alone. I wanted to lead with Rand by my side. The problem was that Rand was too stubborn to see it.

By its very nature, this goes against every fiber of my being, Jolie. I don’t believe any creature should be subjugated to a ruler, whether Bella or … you
.

Rand, please. Just give me a chance
.

“As I understand it, there are creatures who are waiting to be brought back to life?” Mercedes asked, focusing on Rand again. I had to wonder if she’d been eavesdropping on our conversation or if she had just realized it was time for a change of subject matter.

Rand was quiet for a few seconds and then nodded. “I am ready if you and Jolie are.”

Mercedes nodded and faced the table again. “I believe we should start with ten deceased at a time.”

“Ten?” I asked in surprise, pushing all thoughts of being Queen to the back of my mind. “Um, I’ve only ever reanimated one person at a time, Mercedes.”

“Jolie has a point,” Rand said, shaking his head. “Ten seems overzealous.”

Mercedes gave a smile that said she knew something we didn’t. I’ve learned to hate those types of smiles.

“With the three of us, it will be an easy feat,” Mercedes said. “Let us reassemble here tomorrow morning.”

I just nodded although I had to wonder how in the hell I was going to reanimate ten of our fallen soldiers at the same time.

Later that evening, I couldn’t sleep. Memories of Rand assaulted my mind and I couldn’t seem to force them down. I sat up in my bed and sighed deeply. Sometimes I felt like I was living in the past—like I just couldn’t allow the memories of my best moments with Rand to live in eternity as they were meant.

But tonight my memories were alive. And they centered on the moment when Rand had first told me he loved me. It was the evening before we were due to go to war with Bella, and Rand and I were in the midst of a telepathic conversation …

Rand was quiet for a moment or two.
Have you been crying?

Yes, I’ve been so worried and I couldn’t stomach the idea of you going to war and being angry with me
.

I wasn’t angry with you, Jolie. I was hurt
.

I’m sorry
.

There is something I’ve wanted to tell you for a while
.
I’d hoped to tell you before tonight and I could kick myself for my own bloody foolish pride … but I want you to know there has never been a day I haven’t thought of you. Sometimes I drive myself mad with debating over whether we should be together or not. I’ve never acted on my feelings because I’ve convinced myself I’m not in your best interests
.

His comment amazed me. Not in my best interests? As if to say I was too good for him?
How could you not be in my best interest?