Wishing Pearl (32 page)

Everyone scurried for a seat. Extra chairs had been set at each table to accommodate their guests. Once everyone was seated, Ben stood in front of them and smiled. “I just love Christmastime at Diamond Estates. I’m reminded why we’re here. Why Alicia and I do what we do. It refocuses my mind and my purpose for the coming year. I pray it will do the same for you this year. Let’s enjoy this meal together after we give thanks to God.”

He lifted his hands and looked down on the baby in the manger with love in his eyes. “Precious Lord Jesus. Our Savior. Our God who became flesh to live with us. Thank You. Thank You for leaving Your heavenly home, the presence of Your Father, to come to us in this evil, sin-filled world. I don’t know that I could have done it. That’s why You’re God and I’m not. Thank You.

“Lord, we pray for our loved ones we are unable to be with today. We pray that their Christmas morning is as rich and bright as ours is here today. Remind them, as You’ve so elegantly reminded us, that this day is about Your Son, Jesus. Let us all honor You in everything we say or do this day. Please bless this rich, delicious meal to our bodies in remembrance of You. Amen.”

“Amen.” Olivia reached for her cloth napkin to dab at her eyes and noticed that most everyone else did, too. There was a certain sense … something palpable. Was that the presence of God? It felt peaceful. She felt loved. If only she could take that feeling with her always.

More strangers sailed through the swinging doors with trays of piping hot food resting on their shoulders. They went to each table and served the food onto the fine-china place settings in front of the diners. “Who are all these people?” Olivia whispered to Ju-Ju.

“Some of them are family members of a few of the girls—the ones who were allowed to have visitors come. The others are people from church. It’s really cool of them to come here on Christmas morning like this.” Ju-Ju leaned back so her crystal goblet could be filled with orange juice. She flipped open her napkin and placed it in her lap. “I think they all contributed their china sets on loan, too. That probably makes you feel at home, huh?”

“Wow. They left their families at home to come serve us?” No one had ever gone to any trouble like that for Olivia before—not that she could remember anyway.

She glanced at Skye. How hard this day must be for her most of all. In Olivia’s case, she wouldn’t have wanted to go home even if she had earned the privilege. Ju-Ju had no home to go to, and Tricia had a little ways to go before she’d earn the right to travel away for a weekend. But Skye had a family at home celebrating without her. They didn’t want her. What was she thinking about as she watched the reindeer foraging in the trough? Probably imagining the Christmases of her youth—when she was wanted … loved. Years when she wore smaller versions of her peppermint pajamas and smiled a toothless grin for the camera while she opened gifts.

“It’s weird.” The corners of Skye’s mouth turned up ever so slightly. “I can picture my little brothers diving at the presents under the tree. I can almost smell the hot cocoa my mom has simmering in the kitchen.”

Olivia felt her heart would break as she imagined the magnitude of Skye’s suffering. Olivia had lost her dad—she knew the pain of endless grief. But the thought of having parents alive, on the earth, who had no interest in her, who had sent her away—unfathomable. “Do you hate them, Skye? Your mom and dad?”

“No. No.” Skye raised her watery gaze to Olivia’s eyes. “I feel sorry for them.”

How could Skye be so kind and happy all the time? She’d probably say it was Jesus in her. But how? And how could Olivia have that same thing for herself?

“Oh no.” Olivia snapped out of it as trays of goodies passed by. “I can feel my muffin top coming back as we speak.” Biscuits and ladles full of sausage gravy. Thick french toast with powdered sugar sprinkled all over it. Homemade donuts and bowls of fruit. Seasoned potatoes and scrambled eggs. Delicate crepes filled with strawberries or blueberries. Every time Olivia thought they had to be done bringing things out, more appeared.

Skye eyed the tray of still-steaming cinnamon rolls. “Honey, no diet is strong enough for this. Besides, it’s Christmas.”

A man wearing a chef’s hat wheeled out a cart with a succulent glazed ham in the center and a carving knife beside it. He paused beside the first table and sliced a piece for each plate. Good thing the music played—otherwise the room would have been silent except for the clinking silverware.

Olivia gazed around the table and felt warmth fill her heart. As usual, Ju-Ju rolled her eyes at something naive Skye said in her Southern drawl, and Tricia gave a radiant smile then shrank back into her shyness. They each had their special qualities … and their pain. She couldn’t have asked for more perfect roommates. They had become her family. What would she do when they left or when she did?
Don’t think about that right now. It’s Christmas
.

She lifted her eyes to take in the rest of the room. Directly across from her sat Ben and Alicia with Justin between them. He took a bite of the gooey cinnamon roll then glanced up and caught Olivia’s gaze. The corners of his mouth turned up, and his eyes crinkled.
Merry Christmas
. He mouthed the words with his sticky lips and tipped his glass of orange juice toward her.

Olivia blinked once and gave a soft smile.
You, too
.

He turned to respond to something his mom said while Olivia let her wistful eyes rove the room again. Everyone looked so happy, and warmth filled her belly once more—contentment. Just as she was about to fork another bite, her gaze stopped dead on a bitter face.

Kira
.

If looks could kill.

Trudging up the hill with a group of girls to the pasture beyond the barn, Olivia filled her lungs with the crisp mountain air. For once she didn’t even want to ruin it with a cigarette. At least not at that moment. Why hadn’t she seen the beauty around her before this? The snowcapped trees whose limbs gave out under the weight and dumped a fresh pile of snow every few minutes. The crackling fire where Ben was burning some brush. The horses whinnying in the pasture as they stood for their saddles in anticipation of the upcoming ride.

Olivia mounted Cinnamon, her favorite mare. They had a special bond, so Olivia chose her whenever she could. Cinnamon pranced around the corral, as eager to get going as Olivia. Steam rose from the horse’s mouth as her warm breath mingled with the frigid January air. She snorted and whinnied, begging for freedom.

Finally, Ben released the gate and let them out for their ride.

“You have a walkie?” he called to Justin, who led the group.

“Yep, channel two, Dad.”

Ben waved them on and patted Cinnamon’s flank as they passed him. “Have a nice ride.”

Since there weren’t enough horses for everyone, the rest of the girls had free time and those who wanted to would get to ride later that day. Olivia felt bad to leave anyone behind on such a beautiful afternoon. She couldn’t think of anywhere she’d rather be or anything she’d rather be doing.

The snow crunched beneath Cinnamon’s hooves as she followed the horse in front of her up a steady grade. Olivia let Cinnamon handle things and closed her eyes to feel the wind on her cheeks. It smelled heavenly—a heady blend of the bonfire smoke that had wafted up from the ground below and pungent evergreen needles.

They came to a small clearing where the horses spread out a bit. Olivia let Cinnamon roam as she wished. She listened to the forest noises and imagined the wildlife in the trees around and above her. A whole different world. Someone had to have created all of it. There was no way it was an accident. No way.

“There you are.” Justin’s voice startled Olivia out of her thoughts.

“Oh, you scared me. You seem to do that a lot.”

“We almost went on. Luckily I took a count. Not that I wouldn’t have noticed you were missing eventually.” Justin blushed.

“Oh?” Olivia tipped her head coyly. “You’d have noticed?” Where had that come from? She wasn’t a flirt. The thin mountain air must have given her an extra dose of self-confidence.

“‘Course I’d have noticed. I’m too afraid of my dad to leave someone behind.” Justin winked and rode away. “Giddyap, girl. Follow that horse.”

O
livia picked at her breakfast and spread it around on her plate, trying to look like she was actually eating the fattening fare she’d been trying to avoid since Christmas. “Uh-oh. Here comes Patty.” Olivia popped a bite of scrambled egg into her mouth.

Ju-Ju and Skye munched on their bagels, and Tricia drank some juice.

“What’s up, Patty?” Ju-Ju asked with her mouth full.

“Morning, girls.” Patty pulled up a chair and sat on it facing backward. “I just wanted to talk to Olivia for a sec. The service coordinator from church called. The woman who usually does sign language is pretty sick and won’t be going today, and her usual backup is out of town. We were wondering if you’d be willing to sign on stage for this morning’s service.”

In front of all those people? Olivia’s stomach flopped.

“Oh, you should totally do it, Liv.” Skye grinned.

Signing definitely
was
something she loved to do, and Jake would be so proud. And maybe getting involved at church in some way would help her figure things out. “Sure. I’ll give it a try. Sounds like fun.”
Gulp!

“Great. You’ll just go wait right where the signer usually sits in the front row and then take her spot whenever it’s time. I’ll let the coordinator know about the change.” Patty started to leave.

Olivia bit her lip. “But will they mind?”

Patty furrowed her eyebrows. “Mind about what?”

“Well, that I’m … you know.”

“That you’re what? A teenager? No, they love using the youth for service things.”

“That’s not really what I meant.” Olivia swallowed. “I mean, will they mind that I’m a Diamond girl? Don’t they think I’m kind of … um … troubled?”

“Oh.” Patty waved a dismissive hand. “Olivia, everyone starts off troubled when they don’t have Jesus. The day you decided to get help, you weren’t
troubled
any longer; you were
seeking
. You’re on your path.” Patty nodded. “Trust me, it’ll be fine. You might even get something out of it. Now, I have to go round everyone up. We’re pulling out in five minutes.” She jogged out of the room.

Appetite replaced by nerves, Olivia dumped the remains of her breakfast into the garbage can on her way to her room and picked up her pace. If she had to stand up in front of everyone, she’d better look herself over once more.

Olivia pirouetted in the full-length mirror attached to the back of the bathroom door in her room. Her black pants fit fine—nice, actually. The violet sweater was the perfect color for her dark features. It went great with her dark hair and her streak.
Oops
. Maybe it would be wise to hide the streak when she’d be standing up in front of the whole church so no one would judge her a rebel.

Olivia rummaged for a pin in her box of hair supplies. She gathered the clump of purple hairs and twisted them under a layer of black then secured the knot with the bobby pin. There. That seemed more appropriate—for this occasion anyway. Her roots had grown out enough that the purple was completely hidden.

After the drive down the mountain and the trek across the huge parking lot, it was almost an hour later when Olivia padded into the church in the middle of the pack of twenty-four teens. She felt on display for a different reason this time. Could they see her nerves? She clenched her trembling hands into fists as they made their way up the center aisle and over to their seats on the right.

This time Olivia didn’t crawl into a seat, stepping over her roommates’ feet as she usually did. Instead she sat in the very front row, looking at her sweaty hands, waiting for the service to begin. It would have been a great time to pray—if she did that sort of thing. Why was it so difficult for her to call out to God? Even in church. She’d obviously done it before, but now, every time she seemed to get closer to grasping Him, He slipped away. Or she did.

The musicians took their places and began an instrumental segment as people filed in—her cue to take her place. She rose from her seat and made her way to the stage.

As the worship band started to sing, Olivia started to sign. Her body took over for her head, and she forgot her nerves. Her hands and arms moved, communicating words that had grown unfamiliar to her. Praising God? Hallelujah? What did it all mean?

From her vantage point on the stage, it was amazing to see the people as they worshipped—Pastor had said to worship God in spirit and truth. That had to be what she saw before her. Eyes closed, some with a hand in the air, swaying their bodies to the music as they focused on God. It was a beautiful sight. Even the hearing-impaired folks in the first few rows seemed to feed off of her emotion. She began to sway her own body so they could get the feel of the music. With her movements, the bass even she could feel through the floor, and the words that seemed to be familiar to them, some of them even closed their eyes while they sang along by memory. By then, it seemed like everyone in the place had their eyes closed.