Wishes on the Wind (40 page)

    But he was determined, and he knew Meg. He knew she had loved her mother deeply and that they had exchanged succor freely and with love. In her present dilemma, with a brother past reasoning, an aunt and uncle not in her confidence, and a priest who appeared to have lost her confidence of late, she would come to visit her Ma sooner or later. His only fear was that he might have missed her.

      Another chilling gust stirred the dried leaves at his feet, and David shivered again, his gaze returning to the rain clouds overhead. They'd soon release their deluge, eliminating any chance of seeing Meg today, but he'd be damned if he'd leave a minute sooner than he had to. It made little difference to him that he had arrived here, tethered his horse out of sight, and taken up his watch hours earlier. Time and discomfort meant very little with so much at stake.

    A sudden flicker of movement on the path caught David's attention, pulling him upright. All thought of physical discomfort fled from his mind as Meg moved into clear sight, her slight figure bowed against the increasing turbulence of the approaching storm. The branches above his head waved wildly as miniature whirlwinds of loose dirt and leaves danced with increasing frenzy between the sagging grave markers, but David was unconscious of all but Meg's steady approach.

    Realizing the impending storm aided his purpose by distracting Meg, he watched as she pulled her shawl over her head, hunching against the chill, her direction unfaltering. She came to a halt a short distance away, beside the marker that bore her mother's name.

    Allowing her a few moments with her thoughts, David watched with growing impatience as Meg remained motionless beside the mounded ground. Long agitated minutes passed, and unable to wait any longer, he started forward. The chill wind whipped his face and hair wildly, blowing his jacket wide and flattening the fine linen of his shirt against his chest as he advanced to within a few feet of her. Engrossed in her thoughts, the noise of the impending storm muting the sound of his approach, Meg remained unaware of his presence.

    "Meg."

    Whirling around to face him, her eyes wide, Meg gasped. She swayed and he grasped her arms supportingly, startled by her sudden lapse of color.

    Blinking, Meg shook her head. "I thought" She paused, then closed her eyes briefly with a mumbled, "I don't know what I thought."

    But Meg knew what she had thought. For a brief moment she had imagined that the intensity of her contemplation and the silent pleas for aid she made to the woman buried beneath the earth at her feet had conjured David up behind her. Childish fantasy, when she must consider only cold reality.    

    "I frightened you. I'm sorry, Meg."

    Frowning, Meg hardened her heart against David's tormented expression. "Why are you here, David?"

    "Because I knew you'd come here, and I had to see you alone."

    Another fierce gust of wind, and Meg turned her back to the blast, shivering. But she was well aware that the violent shuddering suddenly assailing her was only partially due to the assault of the elements. Unprepared as David gripped her shoulders, turning her against his chest to shield her with his broad frame, she struggled to free herself. Holding her fast against him, David scanned the area, his gaze halting on an overgrown arbor at the rear of the yard before dropping to meet hers.

    "Meg, please, I have to talk to you. Let's get out of this wind over there."

    Panic touched Meg's mind. She didn't want to talk to David. Watchful eyes were everywhere, and every moment she spent with him endangered his life.

    "We have nothing to talk about, David."

    "Meg…"

    Meg's throat tightened. She saw determination beginning to edge the misery in David's gaze, and she knew what that meant. He would not give up while he thought he still had a chance to change her mind, the stubborn, spoiled fellow that he was. The dear, stubborn, spoiled fellow…

    Sean's image appeared before her mind in silent threat, his eyes as frighteningly frigid as she had seen them the previous evening, and Meg's throat closed with an almost debilitating fear. She had seen death in Sean's clear eyes last night, and the chill was with her still. More powerful than the physical cold presently assaulting her, it had settled into her heart, eliminating the last remnants of hope during the long, sleepless night.

    She remembered lying abed, the promise she had made Sean to stay away from the Lang house, to forget all about David echoing over and again in her mind. She was still awake when he finally slipped into their room an hour after midnight. She did not need to ask where he had been. She had felt it in her bones and read it in the brief glimpse of his grim expression before he dropped into his bed. She was somehow certain that her dear brother had joined the ranks of those who surrendered their souls for vengeance. At that moment it became clear that to break her promise to Sean would be to force him to take the firs step on the path to damnation.

    Ma's voice had echoed faintly in her ears, reminding her of the promise she had made when they spoke that last time. She had known then, as she knew now, what she must do.

    Realizing salvation for them all depended on David's leaving the valley, Meg abruptly surrendered her protests and turned at his urging. Encircled by his protective arm, she ran toward the arbor tucked in the rear of the graveyard as the first oversized drops of rain began pelting the ground around them.

    Breathless, Meg followed David as he plunged under the structure made thick and impenetrable by the tight latticework of aging gnarled vines and stubborn leaves that covered every inch of its sagging framework. The pungent odors of dampness and mildew accosted her nostrils as she realized their temporary haven from the storm was open only on one end, creating an intimate atmosphere where the chill of the wind and rain was restrained.

    David turned her toward him, the anguish in his gaze clearly visible. His gentle touch excruciating, he slid the shawl from her head and brushed curling tendrils back from her forehead and cheek, but Meg recognized the service as an excuse to touch her, which she could not tolerate if she were to maintain her resolve. She drew back and the anguish in his gaze deepened.

    "Meg, we were both angry last night, and we both said a lot of things we shouldn't have said. I was awake most of the night, going over everything in my mind, and I realized the most important thing that happened was that you said you loved me. Those are the words I wanted most to hear, and they're the only words that are really important. We can resolve any other differences between us."

    "There's nothing to resolve, David." Meg forced all warmth from her tone, freezing the love that surged at the strain in David's voice. "Nothing has changed. You're still the privileged young man you always were, and I'm still the girl from the valley. Can't you see that? Your uncle does. He sent Harry to my house with my wages this morning."

    "I know. You expected that, didn't you?"

    "Yes. But Uncle Timothy"

    Hot color touched the tense lines of David's face. "He didn't hurt you, did he, Meg? If he did, I'll"

    "What would you do? What
could
you do that would change anything?"

    "You know the answer to that as well as I do. I could take you to Philadelphia with me. I
will
take you, Meg."

        Her face draining of color, Meg shook her head. "How many times must I tell you that I can't go to Philadelphia with you? I can't go anywhere with you. Open your eyes and accept reality, David."

    David's handsome face softened. "My eyes
are
open when I look at you, Meg. What I see is a small, beautiful girl with skin that's velvet under my fingertips, and a body that fits so perfectly against mine that I"

    "Listen to what you're saying, David. You're talking about physical attraction you could feel for any woman."

    "I'm not a child, Meg. You can't convince me that what I feel for you is pure lust. I've lusted after and been with many women, but I never loved any one of them."

    Startled by the sharp pang of jealousy David's admission evoked, Meg gave a short laugh. "Then shall I tell you what your uncle and everyone else see when they look at me? They see a small, common young woman as compared to the handsome appealing man that you are. They see my poor dress and speech in comparison with your sophisticated tastes and educated ways. They see the simple future that lies ahead of me, and the exciting, fulfilling life that awaits you."

    Pausing, Meg then continued. "And if they saw us together, they'd say you carried gratitude and affection too far, and that I allowed it to happen out of sheer shallowness and greed. They'd begin to suspect that you're less than they thought you to be because you were taken in by the likes of me, and they'd turn away from you. Finally, they would pity you, and they would despise me, and in the end we'd fit in nowhere. Are you prepared for that, David? Do you think your love would survive that reality?"

    David appeared injured. "Do you really think as poorly of me as that, Meg? Didn't it ever occur to you that those questions are as shallow as you claim others would find you to be? Do you think I would care if everyone else in the world turned away from me because of you, if they pitied me or despised you, or if we were ostracized from any society that would turn its back on us for such superficial reasons? Do you think the most brilliant future in the world would be worthwhile to me if it meant losing you? Oh, Meg, none of those things mean anything to me."

    The sincerity in David's handsome face tore at Meg's heart, but she steeled herself against the weakness assailing her. She had little experience with the kind of love she felt for David, the love that was now rending her in two, but the love that had caused her to give her dying Ma a promise was familiar. That love was a whisper of sanity when the heart was overwhelmed. It sacrificed personal gratification and accepted shortcomings, no matter how severe. It was understanding and forgiving, and it gave without expecting return. It was far different from the shattering emotion she felt for David, but it was equally strong.

    David was unaware of the threat he incurred in loving her, but Meg was not. He was a stranger to this other face of love, but she saw it clearly. And she knew what she must do, even though David would never truly understand.

    The pain she concealed almost more than she could bear, Meg allowed a moment to freeze all trace of emotion from her gaze before she replied.

    "You don't care about all those things, David, but did you never think that I might that I might not be as satisfied as you to give up all I know to be shunned in return? Did it never touch your mind that my pride might mean more to me than you think, that I'd not tolerate having it trampled into the dust? Did it never occur to you that you might be willing to forsake everything because you don't know what it is to do without, while I've had enough uncertainty to last a lifetime?"

    David stiffened with incredulity, and the pain in Meg's heart stabbed anew. But the fury that replaced his incredulity, tightening his hands on her shoulders to the point of pain, was unexpected.

    "You're lying, Meg! Damn it, you're lying! I know you too well to believe any of the nonsense you just spoke. You don't have a selfish bone in your body. And you're too damned innocent to be so calculating."

    Meghan refused to react to the torment in David's voice. Instead, she paused, summoning the strength to speak the words she knew she must say. A gentle smile touched her lips in an attempt to temper her deliberate cruelty.

    "Perhaps you're right, David, but the only remaining possibility is that there's another truth as well that the real barrier between us is that I don't
want
to go to Philadelphia with you."

    Waiting a few seconds for her statement to register fully, Meg continued. "Aye, I love you, David. There's no denying it, but in the end the simple truth behind it all is that I don't love you
enough
."

    The color drained from David's face and he shook her hard.

    "Liar! You love me enough. I know you do, even if you don't.

    And you want me as much as I want you. I felt your response, even if you won't admit to it."

    David was suddenly pleading. "You're so young, Meg. That's the real problem. You don't have enough experience to realize what you're throwing away. Let me show you how beautiful it can be between us, Meg. Let me love you."

    Quaking with emotion, David did not wait for her response as he drew her roughly into his arms. The hunger and yearning she fought so valiantly to suppress rose anew as he kissed her demandingly, his hands moving in bold caress. Her arms ached to move around his neck; her lips burned with the need to separate under his. Her body craved his and the loving that would be unleashed with her simplest encouragement. It took all her strength to remain stiff and unyielding as David tore his mouth from hers.

    Meg realized with a start that the hatred that flared in David's eyes as he drew back from her was self-directed. When he spoke, David's shaken question shattered her with its depth of despair.

    "What did I do, Meg? What did I do to make you turn against me?"

    The last of her reserve tottering as David's eyes suddenly filled, she shared the anguish of his final, fervent plea.