Wish Upon a Star (21 page)

"Not nearly as much as me," I said.

It was as if we'd never been apart during dinner. Annie
reported with clear delight she was feeling a little better every day.
She freely admitted she wasn't looking forward to the mastectomy
and reconstruction, but had embraced her respite from the "cancer
scene."

She also told me that she'd been busy during our separation.
"After a few days of moping in the hot tub and feeling sorry for
myself, I got in touch with Josh and got busy with the live album. I've
been working on it virtually non-stop. I have to admit it helped that
my loyal assistant continued to handle his duties flawlessly after I
left."

My cheeks grew hot. "Seemed like the right thing to
do."

"I'd wager a lot of men would have ditched a job like that if
their woman walked out on them like I did."

I leaned forward and looked into her eyes. The gold flecks
were captivating. "I'm not most men, now am I?"

Annie leaned back and laughed. It was light and airy and full
of joy and made me laugh right along with her.

"So is my restitution complete?"

Annie snorted. "Ha! You wish." She got to her feet. "Here's
what we're going to do. While I change into my bathing suit, you're
going to clean up in the kitchen. You may join me in the hot tub when
you're finished in here. After that, you're going to give me one of
your famous full-body massages. Lastly, I've found I get cold sleeping
by myself. When it's time for bed, it's up to you to get me warm
enough to last the night." She winked at me.

I got to my feet and kissed her cheek. "See you at the hot tub
then."

We were lounging in the hot tub, lost in our own thoughts,
when Annie swam over to me. She flicked a few water droplets in my
face and kissed me on the nose. "I missed you and I must admit, it
was hard not hearing from you, despite what Randi told me."

I flicked some water back at her. "Yeah, it was hard not
contacting you. But it was suggested that part of my process needed
to include letting you go and giving you your freedom."

"Really?" She fiddled with the engagement ring. "Will you
tell me how that figured into the process?"

I took her hands in mine. "I love you Annie, more than
anything. But I also know that you've got your own career. There'll
be times, as hard as it may be for me, that I'll have to give you space,
personally and professionally. Like I've learned to let go of Mom and
Dad and Evan, while still cherishing their memories, I don't need to
be a helicopter partner."

"Thank you. I appreciate it. Please don't doubt for a second
that I need you though, all right?"

When I nodded, she went on. "Do you want to know what
I've learned?"

She wrapped her arms around me. "It's a continual process,
overcoming my distrustful nature. But I'm learning you always have
my best interests at heart, and if you say or do something I may not
like, I need to give you a chance to explain. I owe it to you to keep
communication lines open. So I'm incredibly sorry for running away
without giving you a chance to explain. I promise not to do it
again."

I gazed into the eyes of such an amazingly strong, yet
extremely vulnerable piece of work and couldn't find any words. It
hadn't been necessary for Annie to apologize since I'd been the one
who had caused her so much heartache. The fact she'd done it
anyway meant more to me than a hundred love songs ever
could.

"Unless you do something so utterly boneheaded that I need
to run away to keep from strangling you, that is." She splashed me
again.

"Got it. Ready for that massage?"

"Totally. I've been waiting all night."

The Northern California weather was perfect, so I gave
Annie her massage on a lounger next to the hot tub. After I finished,
she asked for a second round on her shoulders and lower neck.
Those muscles weren't knotted up as much as when I'd given her
that first massage in Kansas City, but it was close. She grunted a
couple of times, but gave no indication she wanted me to stop. After
ninety minutes of pushing, prodding and kneading every muscle
from her neck to her toes, I kissed her cheek and collapsed back into
the water.

She wrapped a pink
Hello Kitty
towel around herself
and sat at the tub's edge, letting her legs dangle in the hundred
degree water.

"Can I ask you something?" she said.

"You can ask me anything. Whether or not I choose to
answer is another matter of course."

"Hey." She kicked some water my way. "No fair. That's my
line."

"I know. Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting to
steal it?"

"How long has it been since we met? I'd say that long.
Anyway, my question. Were you keeping tabs on me at all, say
through Randi?"

"No. Not that it didn't cross my mind. I made a promise to
myself though."

"How did you know I'd be here?"

"I didn't. Just keeping hope alive. Been relying on it a lot
lately, so I figured it couldn't hurt."

"And if I wouldn't have been here?"

"Since you sold the place in Malibu, I wasn't concerned
you'd gone there. Honestly, I just told myself I wouldn't worry about
it, that you'd be here."

"And you booked your flight when?"

I chuckled. "Um, this morning. Didn't finish with my letting
go until last night."

Annie looked at the stars while she counted on her fingers.
"E.J honey, I'm so glad you came, but that flight must have
cost—"

"I don't care. It was time. It needed to be now and it needed
to be in person."

She tossed the towel aside and slipped back in the water.
"To make sure there's no misunderstanding, we're still on for
October Thirteenth?"

"Absolutely. You're the most amazing, talented and beautiful
woman in the world. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
We can even move the wedding up if you want."

She stood there for a second facing me before breaking into
an ear to ear smile. "The thirteenth still works for me." She threw her
arms me and planted her lips on mine. I returned the kiss as we fell
back into the water. The hundred degree temperature of the hot tub
was no match for the fire Annie had re-ignited in my heart and in my
soul.

When we came up for air, I wiped water away from her
brow and kissed her on the forehead. "Thank you for not leaving me
forever."

She grinned. "I may have stepped away from you by coming
out here, but I never left you."

"That sounds vaguely familiar," I said with a laugh.

"Yes, well, it's true. Our friend Randi is incredibly discrete,
so thanks to her, I wasn't completely in the dark with what you were
up to." Her forehead moved up where her eyebrows would have
been. "Now, if you want my help moving forward in your life, it's
time we get started. Please escort me upstairs."

Once we were in Annie's room, the tension that had been
building during our separation burst forth in a tidal wave of passion.
Annie dug into my back with her nails as I nibbled on an earlobe and
then moved to her neck. She shuddered when I moved to one breast.
I wanted to be gentle, but she would have none of that.

She flipped me over and straddled me. She must have
recognized the surprise in my face because she laughed. "I'm feeling
much better now."

I awoke the next morning without a headache for the first
time in days. I ran my fingers along Annie's arm and chuckled. She
stirred, but didn't turn over to face me.

"What's so funny?"

"Not funny. Unbelievable. Yesterday, I woke up back in Indy,
not certain what was going to happen between us. Now I'm here,
right next to my angel from Heaven."

"Mm, yes, you are one lucky man. And I'm one lucky girl.
Now go away and let your angel sleep."

After kissing her on the head, I rolled out of bed and went
for a ride. I didn't go far, only about twenty miles, so Annie was still
asleep when I got back. I showered and was in the middle of
scrambling some eggs when she joined me.

"Between the coffee and the breakfast, smells wonderful in
here." She hugged me and laid her head on my chest. "This is nice. I
missed this much more than you'll ever know."

While we ate, Annie brought me up to speed on the status of
the tour DVD. The footage had been culled down to about two and a
half hours, the majority of which was my handiwork. There was still
some editing to be done, but Annie was happy with it. Unless
something unexpected came up, both the DVD and album were still
on target for a late August release.

A little later, I was sipping an iced tea on the veranda when
she joined me.

"How long can you stay?"

"Depends on you. My flight was a one-way. I was just hoping
when I headed back, you'd be coming with me."

She shrank back into her chair. The reason for her return to
Indy didn't need to be spoken. Finishing chemotherapy had been a
great accomplishment, but that meant she'd only completed the first
part of this race to beat cancer.

"Yes, avoidance won't do, will it?"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."

Sitting up straight, she waved my apology away. "No, it's all
right. I need to—we need to—face this. Rather pointless to go through
the chemo if I quit now. How about we do this? I have a few things I'd
like to finish on the album before I leave. I can do that by the
weekend and we'll fly back to Indy then, yes?"

The next few days were like Christmas, my birthday and
Saint Patrick's Day all rolled into one. The bike rides were shorter
and slower than before, but it didn't matter. I was back with my
North Star and that was what mattered. My phone call with Gloria to
let her know when Annie and I were returning was one of the most
joyous I'd made in a long time.

Naturally, I was reminded of my place in the pecking order
during our call to Miranda. Once Annie referred to me in passing as
her assistant, Miranda totally ran with the joke. By the time the
conversation ended, I was no longer E.J., I was Assistant
McCarty.

We boarded the flight to Indy with mixed emotions. She had
let me know that she was looking forward to completing the next
step of her treatment, but was dreading the procedure. I couldn't
imagine the difficulties, both emotional and physical, she was facing.
Just the thought of what she was going to be subjected to scared me.
But as I gave her a hand a little squeeze during takeoff, I knew in my
heart, Annie would be the victor in the end.

If there had ever been any doubt about my place in life
before, there was none now. By Annie's side was where I
belonged.

As Annie's surgery date grew closer, her tension level made
a steady climb. She was a little impatient with her
CassandraLawrence.net webmistress when they were discussing a
design change to accommodate the new album. She'd jump a fraction
every time my phone buzzed.

The anxiety-induced pressure cooker blew its lid the night
before her surgery. She'd spent some time crafting a lighthearted,
silly poem called "The Night Before" that she uploaded to the web
site. The moment she finished the post, she took a gulping breath
and ran to the patio.

When the clock struck eleven, I slipped the patio door
open.

"Hey babe, need to be at the hospital at six. Ought to be
getting to bed."

She nodded and rose. As I stepped aside to let her enter, she
took me in a rub-crushing embrace. "I'm scared, E.J."

I closed my eyes and held her, wishing that for once I had
some words to truly comfort her. After a few minutes, she looked up
into my eyes.

I kissed her. "I know."

Once we were in bed, I took her in my arms. The shudders
came almost immediately and she began sobbing. She cried and
cried. Helpless to do anything more, I simply held her.

"The chemo was hard, but the hair'll come back. After
tomorrow, I'll never be the same. I'm afraid...I won't..." The sobs
returned.

"I'm here. And I always will be. Please don't forget I love you
for you. For your heart and for your mind. I'm not going anywhere,
ever. I'll do anything for you."

She didn't say anything, but she patted my chest and
nodded. Her breathing slowed, and then evened out. The rhythmic
rise and fall of her chest a few minutes later confirmed she'd fallen
asleep.

Before I drifted off, I asked Mom and Dad and Evan to grant
Annie a restful night's sleep. She deserved it.

We didn't talk much on the way to the hospital or during
registration. Annie perked up a bit after the nurses had hooked her
up to an IV and Doctor Furman made her pre-op visit. The doctor's
easygoing demeanor and kind professionalism calmed my on-edge
nerves a touch and seemed to help Annie relax. Her fists, which had
been balled tight all morning, loosened as the visit progressed. All
too soon, the doctor gave Annie's hand a little squeeze and said she
had to go.

A little while later, a nurse came in to walk Annie to the
surgery area. All thoughts about how odd that seemed went out the
door when Annie leaned into me and let out a long, ragged
breath.

At the nurse's touch to Annie's wrist, she turned away from
me. My heart broke into a thousand jagged pieces as I stood and
helplessly watched Annie shuffle down the tile-floored hall, leaning
on the nurse and wiping away a new round of tears with a
tissue.

Doctor Furman had said it would be about a five hour
procedure, by the time Doctor Henderson finished her portion, so I
got breakfast in the cafeteria and took my time getting back to the
waiting area. Unable to concentrate on a book I'd brought, I was
flipping through the newspaper when someone cleared her
throat.

It was Staci. The poor girl look emaciated. Even though it
was June, she was in jeans and a sweater. A bandanna covered what I
assumed to be a bald head. She had dark circles under her eyes, but
she was smiling from ear to ear. She gave me a little wave.