Wish Upon a Star (20 page)

Gloria gave me a hug. "I'm proud of you. Let me know when
you head out of town. You're ready, aren't you?"

"Almost." We arrived at Gloria's truck. "I'll call you when I
get the flight booked. And thanks...for, well... You know."

With a smile and a little salute, Gloria climbed into her truck
and drove away. I used my phone to post a few pictures of us with
Evan's bike and headed home to get ready for Paul and Dave.

* * * *

The doorbell rang while I was catching up on pre-Tour de
France scuttlebutt. I opened the door and directed my friends to the
dining room table where the bottle of Jameson's stood.

Dave stopped halfway there and scratched his ear. "Dude,
you don't drink Jameson's. What gives?"

"Normally I don't, but Evan did. And so tonight, in his honor
and memory, we will too." I handed the note to him. Paul drifted over
and read it with him.

After a minute, Dave tapped the note with his knuckle and
nodded. He swallowed and took a deep breath before raising his
head. "Guess we better get to it."

Paul opened the bottle while I filled four glasses with ice. I
gave one glass to Paul, another to Dave, kept one for myself and
placed the fourth at the open seat for Evan.

"You get the first pour, dude." I filled Evan's glass to the top.
"Jameson's on the rocks. Just like you always liked it."

The guys and I mixed our whiskey with cola and raised our
glasses to Evan.

Paul started us off. "To a good, loyal, if a bit colorful,
customer. In all the years you ran Velo Messenger, you always sent
your guys to me when they needed things. Thanks for that. Peace."
We took a drink. I grimaced as the whiskey burned my throat. It was
a good burn.

"To the Blonde Bomber, the scariest and best alley cat racer
I ever saw. As you race up there, may your streets be pothole free
and may cats never stray into your path. Ride on." Another drink
followed Dave's salute.

I stood there, motionless, as the guys eyed me. Even though
I'd had a few days to think about what I'd say when the moment
came, my mind drew a blank.

"To Evan Gilbert. Bike racer, businessman, ladies' man, and
above all, one helluva great friend. Keep the rubber side down, man."
After a third drink, we clinked our glasses and sat.

For one final time, we did what Evan told us, and spent the
evening swapping stories about him and ourselves. To be honest, we
didn't make much of a dent in the bottle, but we did manage to polish
off a pizza and breadsticks while we regaled each other with tales
that always ended with a laugh. There were no tears. That's the way
Evan wanted it. It was simply a few guys reminiscing about good
times with a friend who couldn't be there.

We didn't question when Evan had written the note. We
didn't waste time wondering why he'd written it, either. We didn't
talk about those things, because on that night, it didn't matter. We'd
lost Evan and couldn't get him back. But we could have one last night
sharing a drink and a few laughs with him.

I shuffled out of the bedroom the next morning a little
groggy, but otherwise no worse for the wear. I'd learned the value of
discretion over the years, so I wasn't ashamed the bottle was still
half full when I put it away.

"Damn, Evan, I'm gonna miss you, man. Aidan's doing a
great job with the company, though. He's up to six full-time couriers.
He's even taking some business classes. You did good hiring him. If
you see Mom and Dad, tell them I said hi. Now, if you'll excuse me,
it's time to make things right with Annie."

It cost an arm and a leg, but I managed to book a flight into
Oakland for later that day. I packed light, thinking positive thoughts.
Assuming Annie would talk to me, I had plenty of clothes at her
place. If not, well...I'd figure something out.

I called G to let her know I was heading out of town. God
love her, she didn't press me for any information. She just told me
she loved me like the son she never had and looked forward to giving
Annie a hug when we returned.

While I was on layover in Chicago, I debated calling Annie.
She didn't like surprises and showing up on her door step without
warning would be quite the surprise. A phone call would be a good
way to test the waters. I dithered with my finger over the send
button for so long, I almost missed my connecting flight and had to
forget about the call. Once in the air, it was impossible to concentrate
on the book I'd brought. I was too worked up to nap, so I closed my
eyes and thought long and hard about what exactly I'd say to my
North Star when I saw her again.

Paying the extra cash for the GPS when I got my rental car
turned out to be a good move. As I keyed in Annie's address, it
occurred to me that as much as I'd been out here since we'd met, I'd
never driven outside the immediate Santa Rosa area. I only made one
wrong turn during the drive and the Garmin immediately corrected
me. I almost said thank you to its proper English-accented
voice.

When Annie's house came into view, I dropped way below
the speed limit. My palms got sweaty, but I fought against the unease.
I'd come this far. There was no turning back now.

My heart was pounding in my chest so hard I could hear it
when I pushed the button on the gate intercom. I waited, my fingers
tapping on the steering wheel. A minute passed with no answer. I
was about to push the button again when there was a click.

"Hello?"

My voice caught in my throat. I swallowed and ran my
fingers through my hair.

"Who's there?"

"Uh, hi Annie. It's E.J. How are you?"

"E.J.? Is that really you?"

"Yeah. Is it okay if I come in?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Because... I'm an insensitive jerk who doesn't deserve
you... And I'm really, really sorry for hurting you the way I did. And if
you'll see me, there's something I'd like to ask you."

Bird calls echoed in the air while I waited for Annie's
response.

I was about to ask if she was still there when the gate began
sliding back on its rollers. "I'm in my studio office. Give me a moment
to open the garage for you."

A minute later, I pulled into the garage and shut the engine
off. With a deep breath, I grabbed the bouquet of flowers and got out
of the car. Annie was at the front door of her studio, wearing a pink
T-shirt emblazoned with a pair of boxing gloves and the slogan,
"Fight Like a Girl."

She had more color than the last time I'd seen her. Evidently,
she'd been spending a fair amount of her time out of doors. A neutral
expression was on her face as I approached. With her hands behind
her back, I couldn't tell whether or not she was wearing the
Claddagh and engagement rings.

I stopped a couple of feet from her and offered her the
flowers.

She took them without comment and brought them to her
nose. A smile formed as she breathed in the floral aroma.

"Thank you. Somewhat clichéd, but thank you
nonetheless."

I scratched my arm. "Yeah, well you know me. Not the most
original guy on earth."

"But a kindhearted one." With another sniff of the flowers,
Annie opened the studio door. "Would you like to come in?"

I followed her upstairs to the lounge above the recording
studio. She went to the bar in the corner of the room and poured two
glasses of a local Riesling. She offered one to me.

"To what do I owe this visit? And please don't tell me it's
because you were in the neighborhood."

"My attempts at stalking Levi Leipheimer failed, so I thought
I'd see if I had any success with you."

Annie snorted. "Lord, you would so do that."

The tension in the room dropped easily by half. Not as far as
I wanted, but we were getting there.

"I came here for two reasons. First, I need to apologize. It
never occurred to me how important it would be to you to keep the
wedding date. Being a typical guy, I wasn't thinking about you when I
brought up delaying the wedding. I am so very, very sorry for doing
that to you."

Annie took a sip, her gorgeous brown eyes burrowing into
my soul. She swished her wine around in her glass while she blinked
a couple of times.

"You came all this way to tell me that?"

I ran my hand down my sleeve and gave her a quick
nod.

"You could have called."

I shook my head. "No Annie, I couldn't have. I owe it to you
to do this in person."

She put her glass down and took the flowers in her hands
again. Closing her eyes, she breathed in deeply again. The smile
returned. It wasn't ear-to-ear, but it still made my heart sing.

The fact that she was wearing the Claddagh and the
engagement rings helped, too.

"Thank you for the beautiful flowers and for the apology."
She rummaged around behind the bar until she found a vase. While
she hummed a tune, she ran some water and put the flowers in their
new home. "Of course, it's not like I could turn you down after
coming all this way, or ever, for that matter." She winked at me.

I sensed I was almost there. Maybe I'd never actually lost
Annie and all of this hadn't been necessary. I'd never know. But it
didn't matter. Annie was my North Star, the most important thing in
my universe. Even if it had been unintentional, I'd wronged her in
the most hurtful way imaginable and needed to make it up to her in
the most thoughtful way possible.

She took another drink and motioned me to the bar stool
beside her.

"You said you wanted to apologize and to ask me something.
Now that your apology's been accepted, what did you want to
ask?"

"I need your help with something." I told her about coming
to understand that when she left, I needed to let her go. Despite my
feelings for her, I needed to accept the fact she was her own person
and there would be times when I couldn't keep her close to me. That
wasn't fair to her.

"And in doing so, I came to understand that there were a few
people I'd never let go of despite my need to. Dad, Mom and
Evan."

Annie took in a little breath.

I told her about finally going through the boxes I'd stored
away while I'd carried around that needlessly placed guilt like a
badge of honor. Her eyes grew watery when I filled her in on my
conversation with Mom and Dad. A single tear ran down her cheek
when I told her about the ghost bike ceremony for Evan. We both
laughed when I told her the stories from my night with Paul and
Dave.

"And so Annie, I'd like to ask for your help with something. I
now understand that for too many years I've been living with one
foot pointed toward the future while the other's been stuck in the
past. I was a rubber band that was going to snap if I didn't take a
serious look at myself. I think, finally, I'm ready to move forward in
my life and say goodbye to the past. But having been unable to let go
of that past for so long, moving forward without looking back is
damn scary."

I stood and took her hand in mine and looked into her
bewitching eyes. "So I'd like to ask you to help keep me on that path
moving forward. And to keep my focus ahead of me when I'm
tempted to look back. Annie you're the person who makes my life
worth living. I can't do this without you. Will you help me?"

Annie wiped away a tear with her thumb and gave me her
heart-melting smile. "Oh E.J., I've missed you so much. Yes. Yes, yes,
yes. I don't want to go forward without you, either."

She put her glass down and threw her arms around me,
burying her face in my chest. I pulled her in as close as possible and
kissed her beautiful bald head again and again. She smelled like
wildflowers. The heat of her arms around my neck warmed my
soul.

"I was so scared. I know what I look like when I look in the
mirror and when you said you wanted to delay the wedding... My
mind immediately jumped to the conclusion you didn't want me
anymore. And I couldn't bear that thought. So I ran away. And then I
didn't have the guts to call you so I called Randi. She told me what
you were doing. I'm so sorry I put you through that. But I'm really,
really happy it helped."

"Thank you, Annie. I love you."

She cupped my face in her hands and brought our lips
together. At that moment, the bruises from all the hits my spirit had
taken in facing down those demons from my past were once and for
all healed. Annie, my Annie, had fixed me in a way no other being
possibly could.

As she ran her tongue over my teeth and nipped at my lower
lip, the demons faded away, like smoke on the breeze. In return for
the gift she'd given me, I vowed to do anything for this priceless
jewel, including lay down my life.

She pulled back and patted my arm, breathing a little
heavily. "Getting a little hot in here." In one gulp, she downed her
glass.

"Well now, let's see. If I'm going to lead you into the future, I
must set a good example, yes?"

I knew where this was likely headed—trouble—but I didn't
care. "Absolutely."

"I cannot let your injudiciousness go unpunished, can
I?"

I bowed my head. "I am at your mercy."

She gave me a light slap on the arm. "We knew that already.
No. Right now I must lead and dispense justice. I am a benevolent
queen, though. Thus, for starters, I will lead you to the kitchen,
where you will prepare us a dinner commensurate with your
apology. Get the bottle."

Annie picked up her flowers and led me into the kitchen. She
placed them in the center of the dining room table while I refilled our
wine glasses. I raised mine to hers.

"To our undiscovered country?" I said.

She put her hand on my cheek. "With no looking back, my
love."

We kept our eyes locked on each other while we drank. I
could have stayed like that forever, but Annie had more pressing
needs.

"It's time for my meds. Why don't you poke around in the
fridge to see what we have while I take care of business, yes?" She
gave me a peck on the cheek and practically danced away. "I'm glad
you're back," she hollered from the stairs.