Winds of Heaven (35 page)

After Meredith and the boys visited, Liz was exhausted. Meredith took Skye home with her, which left Casey and Liz alone at last. Casey sat on the edge of the bed and held Liz’s hand.

“Well, that went well.”

“A little confusing for the poor kid, but yeah, I think I handled that very well,” Casey said, pleased with her first contribution to motherhood.

“You did, I’m proud of you, Mommy,” she said, grinning.

The nurse came back in with Tara. “Time for another feeding.”

Liz took Tara and held her against her breast. Casey was still amazed. “I’m speechless. I love you and I admire you so much for having this baby,” Casey said. She reached down and smoothed the little tuft of hair on Tara’s head. “You had me worried, Liz.”

Liz looked up from nursing Tara. “We’re okay.”

“I know. I just don’t know what I’d do without you now.”

“Casey,” Liz said. Tara let out a squeak, and Liz pulled her away from her breast and laid her on her chest. “We’re going to have a long life ahead of us, honey. You and me and Skye and Tara.”

Casey grinned and nodded. Liz gave her a challenging look. “Want to hold her?”

Casey’s back stiffened and her eyes were as big as saucers. The color drained from her face. “She’s so small.”

“It’s okay. Just don’t drop her.” Liz lifted Tara, who was sound asleep.

“Oh, God.” Casey ran her fingers through her hair, then wiped them on her jeans. “Palms are sweaty.”

She tentatively took the tiny bundle and held her in the crook of her arm.

“Just watch her head.”

Casey nodded and laughed. “I can’t believe I’m holding your baby.”

“Our baby,” Liz corrected her.

“Yes, our baby.” Casey kissed Tara’s forehead. “Maybe she’ll play the piano.”

Liz grinned as she watched them. “Maybe she will. She’ll be whatever she wants to be.”

Casey looked up with a tear and nodded. “I love you, Liz.”

“I love you, too, Casey.”

Tara started to wake and squeak again. “Maybe she’s hungry.” She gently handed the infant back to Liz, who once again held the baby to her breast.

Casey gave her a curiously seductive look. “Now this nursing thing...” she said as she inched closer and Liz let out a hearty laugh.

Chapter 22

They stood at the crib watching the sleeping infant. It had been almost three weeks and Tara was getting used to the schedule and so was Liz. They moved the crib into their room since the baby woke in the middle of the night. Casey would pick up the bundle and hand her to Liz for the feeding.

“That’s my girl,” Liz whispered and kissed the little head as she nursed hungrily.

Casey lay on her side watching. “You’re such a good woman, Liz. I do love you so,” she whispered and kissed her forehead, her lips lingering longer.
 

“God, Casey,” Liz whispered. “It’s been a long three weeks.”

“I know,” Casey said. She reached over and gently stroked Liz’s shoulder, then caressed Tara’s head, her fingers playing with the tuft of dark hair on the top of her head. “I love playing with her hair.”

Liz laughed along as she nursed. She glanced at Casey but said nothing.

“What?” Casey asked.

“I-I was just wondering. We haven’t talked much about you and me,” Liz said.

“No, we haven’t. What’s troubling you, sweetie?”

“My body has been on the mend from the delivery and I feel as though I’m getting back…” She stopped as Tara fell asleep. Casey gently took the baby and placed her in the crib. She watched her for a moment before returning to bed.

“Now about your body,” Casey said in a low voice.

Liz laughed nervously and pulled the blanket up to her chin. Casey raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

“I need a little time. I want you to find me attractive.”

“I think you’re beautiful.”

Liz’s bottom lip started to quiver, so she hid her face in her hands. “I don’t feel attractive,” she mumbled. “And I’m afraid that this is going to be our relationship. Just sleeping together and nothing else.”

Casey smiled slightly and pulled her hands away. Liz’s blue eyes sparkled through her tears. Casey gently ran her thumb under each eye. “Now you listen to me,” Casey whispered. “We will make love when you’re ready. I know these things.”

Liz raised an eyebrow. “You do, huh?”

Casey leaned in and kissed her neck. Liz moaned. “Yep. There’s a whole chapter devoted to the sex life after giving birth. There are no hard and fast rules and no set time limits.” She nibbled at the soft flesh beneath her lips. “The author urged partners to give the mother plenty of time and space and do what we can to reassure the mother that she is desired,” Casey whispered against her neck. “I’ll be true to my word. I’ll wait for however long it takes.” She looked up. “How am I
doin
’?”

Liz let out a nervous laugh. “You’re doing just fine. Keep reading.”

As Christmas neared, Skye was beside herself with glee waiting for Santa. Meredith laughed as she listened to what was on Skye’s Christmas list. When she had finished, Skye ran to play in her room. Meredith watched Liz as she picked up the toys. “Skye, come out here, baby, and clean up your toys.”

Skye came running once again and tried to carry all the stuffed animals at once.

“What do you want for Christmas, Liz?” Meredith asked as she watched Skye make several trips to the toy chest.

Liz shrugged. “I’m hard pressed to think of anything I need or want. Look at my life now, Meredith. I have a family and a woman who loves me.”

Meredith watched as Liz sat in the rocker, which was now by the fireplace. Since moving in with Casey, Meredith liked the changes Liz made. “This place looks like a home now. That’s because of you.”

Liz rocked and looked around the apartment. “Thanks. I think Casey likes it, as well. She said it reminds her of the cabin.”

“You have that faraway look. What’s wrong?”

“God, Meredith. Nothing. I’m very happy and content. Well, except for the two a.m. feedings.”

Meredith laughed along but would not let this go. “And what else?”

Liz shook her head. “It’s not important. I think I have postpartum depression.” She laughed. “Casey should be here. She could tell me what chapter it is.”

“Where is that wayward granddaughter of mine?”

“At the studio. She’s been there off and on for two weeks. Says she needs to get some composition in order.” Meredith noticed she was rocking a little faster. “She has a very good piano right here that she hasn’t touched.”

Meredith raised an eyebrow. “And you’re wondering why she has to go to the studio? And you’re worried that Suzette is the reason.”

Liz stopped rocking. “Yes, and I hate myself for it.”

“Have you talked to Casey about this? And if not, why not? You must know by now that Casey needs a keg of dynamite to talk about anything. She can be quite oblivious.” She stopped and grinned. “I mean that in the most affectionate way possible.”

Liz laughed then and agreed. “I really don’t think Casey is doing anything. I trust her completely. It’s just that we, I mean, Casey and I haven’t…”

“Had sex?”

Liz cringed. “Why does that sound so bad coming from you?”

“I don’t know. Look, my dear. Has Casey talked to you about this?”

“Yes, she’s been good to her word.”

“Which was?”

“She would wait until I was ready and not pressure me.”

“And what’s wrong with that?”

“I don’t know,” Liz said in a small voice. “Nothing, I suppose.”

Meredith narrowed her eyes. “I see. You want to be swept off your feet.”

Liz shrugged. “Is there anything wrong with that?”

“Not a damn thing. In fact, it’s mandatory. But, Liz,” Meredith said and leaned forward. “How is she to know? She told you she’d wait until you’re ready. You have to give her some sign. Good heavens, you’re a woman and you’re very attractive. You’ve bounced back very nicely since you’ve had my other great-granddaughter.” She stopped and grinned. “I love saying that.”

Liz stood and placed her hands on her stomach. “I’ve been pregnant so long I don’t know how to act otherwise. Look at me, Meredith, I still look so bloated.”

“That will dissipate. You know that.” Meredith gave Liz a curious look. “There’s something else here. Something other than sex.”

Liz turned away from her and shook her head. “You’ll think I’m a prude.”

“Try me. This I gotta hear.”

Liz turned back to her and Meredith was shocked to see the red blotches on her neck and face. “I don’t think Casey is the marrying kind.”

“Ah, I see. And you need her to be?”

Liz shrugged. “I don’t know. There’s just so much that has happened. Between Julie dying, Tara being born, Casey and I falling in love against all that’s logical. Then she says she would only become a parent if she was married, and she hasn’t said one damned word to me about it. How do you think that makes me feel? ”

Meredith opened her mouth.

“Well, I’ll tell you. I feel like a mistress, and I’m not even getting any sex!” she said loudly. She closed her eyes to calm down. “I know I’m being unreasonable. I thought once I had the baby, my hormones would get back on track.” She sat on the rocker once again. “I guess not.”

“It’s still very soon after Tara was born. Don’t be so hard on yourself or Casey.”

“I know. You’re right.” Liz laughed and looked at Meredith. “You look like you could use a drink.”

“Now you’re cooking,” Meredith said. “What are the plans for Christmas?”

“We haven’t talked about it. I would love to have you and maybe the boys here.”

“Talk to Casey about it. It sounds fine to me. Now,” she said and stood. “About that drink.”

Casey sat at the piano with the pencil behind her ear as she played. Niles walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder. “You’ve been at that for two hours. Go home.”

Casey looked at her watch. “Oh, man.” She gathered the sheet music and put it in the piano bench. “Do not touch that.”

Niles looked offended. “Well, all right. Good grief.”

“I’m sorry,” she said. “But I’m serious.”

Niles rolled his eyes and shooed her away.

She put the key in the door and heard her grandmother’s laughter. Looking to the heavens, she opened the door. Liz was in the kitchen and Meredith was holding Tara. She looked up when Casey closed the front door.

“Well, where have you been?”

“At the studio. I’m working on a composition. Where’s Liz?”

“I’m in the kitchen, Case.”

Casey kissed her grandmother’s cheek and kissed Tara on the forehead. “Now go kiss your wife. Oh, wait. She’s not your wife.”