Wild Hyacinthe (Crimson Romance) (14 page)

Asher took my wrist again, but his touch was less commanding, more pleading, as he tugged me into his arms. “Don’t cry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

I swept the goddamn stupid tears away but new ones followed. “It doesn’t matter. Maybe I should be the one to walk away so I don’t keep making such a fool out of myself.”

“No, no,” Asher protested, scooting down from the breakfast bar and standing between my legs, holding me by the waist. “Hey, that’s not what I meant. Not at all.”

“Well what the
hell
did you mean?” More tears cascaded down my cheeks as I snapped at him, embarrassed and furious and helpless to stop my hands as I once again reached for him, stroking his body . . . goddammit! “I can’t tell if you want me, or if you’re just being nice. You are so fucked up!”

He laughed, and the boyish sound melted through some of my fury. “I know, I know. But I need you to be patient with me. I’m gonna fuck you up, too, if I’m not careful.”

“What, do you have the clap or something?”

He stammered. “Uh . . . no, I don’t have the clap. Really? That’s what you think?”

Me and my stupid lack of filter! I shook my head. “What
am
I supposed to think?”

“Something other than that. If Gypsy sees a rumor circulating in the tabloids that I have a sexually transmitted infection, she’ll probably kill me to save us the embarrassment.”

“You think I’m going to go to the tabloids?” That would explain a lot.

“No, I trust you more than that. It’s
me
I don’t trust.”

I huffed and crossed my arms like a petulant teenager. “Fine, then. I’m going to draw the conclusion that you’re only letting me stay here out of pity, and I happen to have great tits that spike a boner in your pants, but you’re not actually interested in me. I must be one hell of a charity case for you.”

His hot breath rushed over me as he blew out harshly. He grabbed my chin, his expression somewhere between angry and sorry. “There is no pity here. None. I’m happy I have the means to help you, but I want to support you in other ways, too. Why is it so wrong that I want to get to know you without just stripping you down and doing you?”

New tears washed the old ones away. “Because you’re lying to me about
why
you won’t strip me down and do me.” I tugged my chin away.

Asher brushed my tears from my cheeks and forced me to look at him. “Yes. Okay? I’m lying to you about why. It’s really personal, Aria, and I want to tell you, but not until I’m sure you’re in this for the long haul. There’s no point in burdening you down with my bullshit otherwise.”

The long haul? “What the hell, Asher? You want a commitment from me?”

“I want time together. More than I’ve ever wanted anything else, I want to give you more than I have to give. That won’t happen if we move too fast. Can you stop crying, please? It’s fucking killing me.”

He needed me, but he couldn’t touch me the way I wanted him to. He admitted he was lying to me, but wouldn’t tell me the truth. Yet he wanted more from me. The long haul. What the hell?

He stroked my hair and enveloped me in his arms with a regretful groan. I breathed against his chest, and though I knew I shouldn’t do it and tried to stop myself, my hand wandered over to his erection. I squeezed.

Asher lost his breath as I stroked him, squeezing as my tears dwindled away. He stilled around me, clutching me with tension but unwilling—or maybe unable, like me—to move away. I dragged his waistband down and he sprang free of his shorts.

He groaned and leaned forward, so I took the opportunity to duck my head and lick the glistening bead from the tip of his cock. He grasped the skin of my back, panting, and I knew I should stop, but I just couldn’t. The fire was too hot inside me, taking over my limbs, as though I not only wanted this, but truly
needed
it, as though I’d run on empty for far too long and nourishment was finally within my reach.

I parted my lips and took him into my mouth, sucking once, long and slow, his groan encouraging me deeper. I worked my mouth around him and sucked further, dragging his thickness with my tongue closer to my throat.
In me. Inside me.
I needed it any way I could get it, and I squirmed as he groaned again, the vibration of his voice surging through my core.

I sucked harder, his hands grabbing and releasing me all over, and then I swallowed further and took the tip of his cock into my throat. Yes!
Inside me.
Holy hell, how I needed it, how I couldn’t take another moment without it. I ignored a gag and let him push deeper, and then he growled out loud and scooped me up into his arms.

“Okay,” he whispered, the roughness of need in his voice mirroring my own. “I can’t take it anymore.” He spun me around and carried me up the single stair into the bedroom.

Aria squealed as I tossed her onto the bed and climbed atop her, my restraint dwindling to nonexistence, her bare skin warm and tasty in my arms.
Shit. I can’t do this. But I need this.
My mind battled my heart, and both fought against my body, which moved without conscious thought.

I crushed her mouth and groaned as her tongue stroked the underside of mine, a combination of arousal and tickle resonating through my jaw. I pressed my hips against hers and she rose to meet me, and then I buried my face between her breasts and inhaled.

Oh, God, I didn’t want to kill her. But I needed her life. I needed to charge off her delicious soul. Her spark would satisfy every ounce of need I had. And when she was gone, my life would be fucking meaningless. I tried to pull away but couldn’t, and something dark cackled inside me. I was losing control.

My hands wandered up her body and I grasped her breasts. I found the bud of her nipple and needed to taste it, so I rolled it between my fingertips. I bent and took the tip of it between my lips, sucking once, the warmth of her breast comforting and forbidden. She shuddered at the tenderness of my licks, and I sucked again, needing any sensitive, aching part of her in my mouth that I could get, as she had taken me inside hers. She wound a leg around my waist and I slid my hand down to cup her ass.

“Wait, wait,” she whispered, and I could barely bring myself to restrain my incubus’s urge and stop.

Aria peeled off her panties and tossed them to the floor. “Expensive.”

I couldn’t answer her. I didn’t command my voice anymore. My cock throbbed as she tugged on the elastic of my half-peeled shorts, my cock leaping free of the fabric as she yanked them down. I kicked them to the floor beside her little scrap of pink.

But I didn’t mean to. It wasn’t me, doing all of this . . . it was the incubus. My control over my actions, and I kept going even though I didn’t fucking want to.

With all clothing shed, I slowed and felt her heat, the most intimate part of her, the place I needed to penetrate yet was terrified to touch. If I touched her, I would take her. If I took her, she’d be dead.

Fuck, no, no, no.

But I couldn’t resist her wanting body, couldn’t force myself to stop. She sighed as I pressed myself against her once more, no barrier between my cock and her hot, hot center. I positioned myself cautiously and then stopped.

Damn it, no!
I scorned the monster within me along, dread and self-loathing filling my pumped, carnally charged body.

My hands trailed over Aria’s neck and down her center, her chest heaving with gasps of pleasure at my touch. I traced her body to her hips and slid my fingertip back and forth across her hips from one to the other, tickling below her belly button. She giggled and kicked at me a little bit, inspiring the animalistic side of my personality to act. The incubus pushed forth within me, taking a stronger hold over my will, demanding release.

My hand slipped lower still and I felt the heat of her lips against my palm. She was freshly bathed and shaved. I parted her lips with my middle finger and groaned as I slid the tip of it inside of her body.

My God, she’s tight.
I tried to pull away, but my hand didn’t budge as the incubus strengthened in my limbs. This was not normal. I always executed the kills myself, but this time, it was
him.
The monster in my soul. He felt like fire in my muscles, heat pushing my control further into the backseat.

I wiggled my finger a little bit deeper and felt the slick of her arousal along my skin.
She will squeeze so tight . . .
I wanted to slam my head against the wall to shut the monster up. But he goaded me onward, filling my head with thoughts.
I’ll come inside her harder than I’ve ever come before, and the release will charge me as thoroughly as the absorption of her life.
So delicious was she.

Such a fucking helpless bastard was I.

I wanted to die rather than take her, but she just kept moaning as I touched her, and I needed more. The incubus needed Aria. But I wanted to bury myself in her and live there forever, and be a part of this creature who rattled my coldest certainty, the confidence in my lack of compassion, down to the bones.

My finger pressed deeper, and a hint of hesitation slowed the incubus in my body, shocked at the difficulty I encountered.

“Careful!” She winced.

“Aria, I’m a hell of a lot thicker than this in other areas, as I’m sure you noticed.” I heard the words, but I didn’t mean to say them.

Her breath quickened and she flushed unbelievably red as I stilled my hand, surprised by her reaction. She didn’t speak for a moment.

What?

“I know. I’m sorry.” She tossed her arm over her face and hid. “I’m just nervous. I know it’s going to hurt. It’ll be fine.”

I blinked at her words.
What?
Oh, shit. Aria was a virgin? And she didn’t want me to know. The incubus paused as I processed this, and we waited together, the rules of the game changed.

“You’ve never done this before.”

She shifted uncomfortably beneath me and bit her lip. She shook her head and wouldn’t meet my questioning eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” My voice. I was able to speak through his control again.

She hesitated. “Does it matter? I didn’t think you’d mind. Or notice. Or something. God, Asher, quit interrogating me and get it over with!”

Get it over with. Like ripping off a Band-Aid, Gypsy said.

My world slowed. The urge to consume her soul demanded immediate control of my body, the incubus surging forth as she leaked more arousal along my palm. Charging off the slaughter of an innocent was the ultimate satisfaction for the monster inside me. We had done it once before, the monster and I: my first time, my girlfriend, a girl I loved.
Loved and murdered.

The moment was so familiar and sickening, I couldn’t move for what felt like an eternity, my finger frozen inside her. I didn’t want to get it over with. She was too special, and if I was going to touch her, I only wanted her to feel joy.

Aria was an innocent. Her first time would be her last, if she did it with me.

I knew I was stronger than my urges. And I remembered my first time so vividly, thanks to Gypsy’s harsh reminder earlier. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t kill another virgin, especially not Aria—not like this—so vulnerable and trusting of the monster I knew I was.

“No!” I snapped and drew up every speck of mental strength that I could summon from within myself. Slipping my finger out from between Aria’s thighs, I launched myself off the bed and wrapped my hands around my skull, shaking my head back and forth, battling my need to kill. The hunger, thirst, and asphyxiation of denying myself this basic need shook my limbs. I held my breath and forced the monster down, out of my arms and legs, out of my fingers and toes, as my back hit the wall. I pressed my urgency back into my subconscious, the fight between wrong and worse won, for now. Aria would live another day.

She gathered the blanket around herself and covered her body, squeezing those delicious, forbidden thighs together. “What the hell, Asher?”

I slid down the wall to the floor and dropped my head from my hands, breathing heavily. My veins bulged along the muscles of my arms, and my balls hurt, and my heart pounded.
I did it. I resisted.

“I’m sorry,” she said, shaking her head with embarrassment. “I should have told you, I guess.”

I heard a sorry groan escape my lips. My cock, for the first time in days, softened just a bit and let me have complete control over my thoughts again. “You did nothing wrong, nothing. This is me. This just . . . isn’t going to work.”

“Did you seriously just say ‘It’s not you, it’s me?’”

I let my head hit the wall with a crack and closed my eyes. When I opened them, I knew my expression gave her the answer she sought.
Yes, Aria, it’s not you, it’s me.
I wished I could tell her why.

Her eyebrows creased and her blue eyes teared. “You’re dumping me because I’m a virgin?”

I sighed and couldn’t look at her.

“What the
fuck
, Asher?” Her furious voice beat on my heart. “You’ve got some fucked up sexual issues, you know that?”

I scoffed at that truth. “Oh, Aria, you have no idea.” My mind was hateful as I considered the depth of my depravity.

She stood and wrapped the blanket tighter around herself, stomping from the room.

I took a deep breath and followed her. “Aria . . . ”

“No. Fuck all of this. Mrs. Libby hasn’t returned with my clean clothes yet, so I’ll wear some of the new ones out of here and we can exchange them at the Teacup.”

“Come on, let me explain,” I pleaded.

“Explain what?” She whirled, her eyes bright and angry and glistening with pissed-off tears.

I opened my mouth but then frowned. What could I say? I’d never been so screwed in my life. Gypsy would be laughing her ass off at me right now, while the girl I cared about was turning her back on me for good. I deserved it, too, and had nothing to offer in my defense.

“That’s what I thought.” Aria said at my silence. She dropped the blanket to bare herself as she began to dress. I watched her, frozen, stunned at my own actions, my vehemence to save Aria’s life and my utter helplessness to stop her from leaving.