Wild Embrace (18 page)

Felix's eyes opened to reveal pupils dilated in pleasure from her petting. “You wouldn't mind being with someone who's a
homebody?” His heart thudded under her hand as he asked that question, as he let her see that he was thinking beyond this moment, beyond skin privileges.

“I'd love it,” Desiree whispered, her own heart thudding as hard. “I'm a homebody, too.” She could feel her smile deepening as all the hopeful joy inside her fought to escape. “I'm also a really good cook. Bet you didn't expect that.”

•   •   •

Felix
was forced to admit he hadn't; she was so much the soldier that he'd never linked her to anything domestic. “Did you make the picnic?”

“Yes.” Sitting up, she reached for the basket. “I even made dessert.”

Rising to a seated position beside her, Felix tried to hold on to his heart when it wanted to burst out of his chest and lay itself at her feet. It was all happening too fast, too hard, but she was destroying him. More than one woman had tried to seduce him over the course of his lifetime. In the modeling world, would-be lovers had attempted to do it with fancy dinners and dressed in sexy clothes. Within the pack, it was flirtation and sensual play.

No one, however, had ever done something so painfully romantic, spent so much time and effort to create a night that would make him feel special, with no expectation of a return. Desiree knew full well his wolf wouldn't permit total skin privileges tonight, that they might
never
get to that point, and she'd
still
given him romance.

How was he supposed to hold on, keep himself from falling?

Swallowing the raw emotion in his throat, he said, “What's that?” as she set out pieces of French bread, then spread them with something fresh and herb-scented she had in a small jar. She topped the bread with chopped onions, tomatoes, and green peppers.

“My take on bruschetta.” She lifted a piece to his lips.

Taking a bite, he groaned. “More.”

Smile bright, she fed him the rest. He picked up the second slice before she could and held it out to her. She bit at it, threatened to nibble on his fingers. He decided he wouldn't mind, his wolf charmed into lowering its guard by this dangerous, beautiful cat who treated him as a man. Not a submissive, not a pretty plaything. A man.

It only got better from there.

The night was intimate and magical.

Picnic eaten, they lay on the blanket again, talking and occasionally kissing. Felix's heart slammed against his ribs each time his lips touched Desiree's, her long and limber body rubbing against his. She was so small in comparison to him, her weight far less. It made him feel intensely protective though he knew it was a foolish thought, given her lethal nature and skills.

That didn't change how he felt. When they pressed up against each other for a kiss, he turned and took her with him, ensuring she was on top so her back wouldn't be against the hard ground. Afterward, their breaths short, he dared stroke her throat with his hand.

She shivered, some of her braids falling over one shoulder to kiss his chest. “Why does that feel so good?”

Felix's wolf nudged at him, guilt twisting in his abdomen. “I shouldn't be doing this,” he admitted, unable to steal the gift.

“Why not?” Desiree closed her fingers over his wrist but her grip was light, more caressing than caging.

“It's intimate,” he admitted. “Between wolves. To touch the throat, it means a lot.”

Desiree's eyelids lowered, leopard-green eyes glinting at him from between her lashes. “Sneaky.”

He drew in a deep breath, released it. “Yes.”

“I'm a cat,” she said, leaning forward to flick the tip of her tongue across the seam of his lips in a quick, playful caress. “I
like
sneaky.” Then she took the hand he'd dropped off to the side and brought it back to her throat. “Pet me.”

The husky demand made his already hard cock throb.

Arousal a fist
around his throat, his respiration shallow, and his wolf astonished at her trust, Felix stroked lightly with his fingertips. They were rough because of his work but Desiree purred at the sensation, her eyes fully closed as she arched her neck. The move pressed her pelvis against his and it took every ounce of control he had not to grind against her.

She hadn't given him the go-ahead for such intimate skin privileges and, in spite of his need, Felix wasn't sure either one of them was ready to push that hard and that fast. His wolf found her incredibly sexy, but it remained painfully aware that she could rip out his throat before he realized she'd moved.

When her claws pricked him, he froze in his stroking.

Her eyes opened a little. “Don't stop.” Flexing her claws against him again, she suddenly dropped her head to meet his gaze. “Oh, sorry.”

Felix was the one who grabbed her wrist this time, doing it without thinking. “No,” he said. “I don't mind.” He was a wolf; being a little rough in bed was all part of the fun as far as he was concerned. “I just wasn't sure if you were telling me to stop.”

Lips curving, she did that flexing thing with her claws again. “I'm kneading at you. It's a very bad kitty habit.”

His cock pulsed at her purring tone. “I like it,” he said in an echo of what she'd said to him earlier and, breath tight, tugged on her wrist.

She came toward him with a lazy, feline smile, her hair sliding around him as they kissed. The taste of her was dark, intense, luscious. Growling low in his throat, he moved his hands to her lower back, his fingers on the taut curve of her ass. He really wanted to pet that ass, was just about to do it when Desiree kissed her way across his jaw to nip at his throat.

His wolf took over.

•   •   •

Desiree
knew she'd messed up the instant Felix went motionless around her. He'd been all sexy, delicious male an instant before, his mouth and his hands doing hot, beautiful things to her. “Damn,” she whispered, raising her head from his throat at once. “And right after you told me how important the throat is to a wolf.”

Felix didn't immediately answer, his eyes the rich, dark amber of his wolf. “Fuck,” he said when he did speak, the single word harsh and low.

A second after that, his cheekbones flushed a deep red. It wasn't shyness this time, she realized. His jaw was set with brutal hardness, his beautifully shaped lips pressed into a thin white line. Desiree frowned, about to ask him what was wrong, when he shifted slightly beneath her and she realized the answer. Her act in nipping at his throat had seriously shifted the balance of power, and in so doing, had put paid to his erection.

His very nice erection.

Not sure how to handle this—dominant or submissive, he was a guy, and guys tended to conflate masculinity with sexual prowess—she rolled off him to lie on the blanket on her back, her face turned
toward his. “I'm really sorry I forgot.” She didn't mind taking the blame for what had been her mistake. “Forgive me?”

His hand was fisted bone white against his thigh, and it sounded like his jawbones were grinding against one another. When he spoke, the words were gritted out. “That's not the problem and you know it.”

Scowling, she rose up on her elbow to look down at him. “So we hit a hiccup.” It wasn't the first time, probably wouldn't be the last. “Don't tell me you weren't enjoying it till then.”

Felix braced one arm below his head again, that hand fisted as tightly as the one by his thigh. “When I'm in bed with a woman, I want to feel like a goddamn man, not like I've had my balls cut off.”

Desiree flinched at the soul-deep stab. Sitting up fully, her arms around her raised knees, she sucked in deep drafts of the cold night air, but it did nothing to stop the burning in her gut, in her eyes. The second she heard Felix move behind her, she got to her feet and, striding to the nearest tree, climbed easily up into the branches.

“I should get these lights down,” she said, though she didn't really have to; the lights were solar powered and gave off so little illumination that they weren't a threat to either pack's security. She'd intended to leave them here, figuring someone else would eventually stumble across the glade. It had delighted her cat to think of that person's surprised wonder.

Now all she felt when she saw them was pain and humiliation.

“Dezi.” Felix's deep voice ruffled her fur the wrong way, made her want to snarl. And because she was hurting and close to crying, she gave in to the urge, saw him jerk where he stood below the tree.

That didn't make her feel good.

Ashamed of herself, she returned to tugging on the string of lights, not doing much of anything to actually unravel them.

“Desiree.”

Surprised he hadn't backed off after her harsh response, she glared down at him. “What?” It came out another snarl.

Again, he didn't back off. Hands on his hips, he looked up. “Come down here. You know I can't climb like you.”

She made a face at him, not feeling particularly charitable right now. “I didn't ask you to stay.”

A growl rippled on the air.

It made her claws release. With a dominant, she'd have jumped to the ground and gone claw to claw with him. Doing that with Felix wouldn't release the anger and tension. It would just make it worse.

“I didn't mean you!” he yelled up at her. “I was talking about
me
! I'm the one who couldn't fucking keep it up!”

“Because of me!” Desiree yelled back, jumping to the ground. “It's the truth so stop dancing around it.”

“You know I didn't mean it that way.” Felix held her gaze for a single, powerful second, his eyes blazing. “You're the sexiest woman I've ever met. The problem is with me.”

Desiree's anger spilled out and away from her, leaving her empty, her emotions a bleak gray. “No,” she whispered. “You aren't a problem.”

Felix was a man at home in his skin, part of the reason she'd been attracted to him from the start. The idea that she'd made him see himself as damaged or not enough? It hurt worse than any words he'd spoken in the heat of the moment. “I'm not the problem, either.” Sadness clenched its fingers around her heart, squeezed so hard the pain was blinding. “We're exactly who we're meant to be.”

“And maybe,” he finished, his voice echoing her bleak realization, “we're just not meant to be who we are together.”

•   •   •

Felix
buried himself in work the next day, but even as he dug his hands into the earth, he couldn't help looking out for his cat with
the green eyes, though he knew that seeing her would only twist the knife deeper. After their disaster of a date, it was impossible to avoid the harsh reality that he and Desiree weren't compatible on the level of the hierarchy.

Felix had never thought he was a proud man, but it turned out he had a mile-wide streak when it came to Desiree. Every time he remembered his body's icy and demoralizing response to her little nip, he felt his gut twist. That wasn't how it was meant to be. He might be a submissive, but he was built to care for those who were his own. Yet he couldn't even give Desiree the skin-to-skin contact she needed without—

“Hey, Felix.”

Hunkered down next to a seedling in the final row, beside the tall firs still standing, he shifted his center of gravity to absorb Drew's slap on the shoulder. The other man came down beside him. “It's getting dark, man. You intending to plant at night?”

Felix patted down the soil and, stripping off his gloves, shifted to rest his back against one of the nearby firs without meeting Drew's gaze. When he looked around, he saw that he and the SnowDancer tracker were the only ones here. “Where are the rest of the security people?”

“If you could see them, they wouldn't be doing their job.” Drew sounded like he was grinning. “Here. I grabbed you this.”

Accepting the bottle of water with a nod of thanks, Felix twisted off the lid and took a drink. Still not looking at Drew, he said, “How do you do it with Indigo?”

“That's a very personal question, Felix.”

Felix frowned, then realized what he'd said. Lips twitching as an unexpected laugh built in him, he shook his head. “I didn't mean that.”

Drew's blue eyes were laughing when Felix glanced at where the
other man was still hunkered down, their gazes catching for an instant. “Good, because otherwise, I'd have to beat you up.”

Finishing off the water, he ran a hand through his sweat-dampened hair. “I meant the fact that she's more dominant.” Drew was very, very strong, but Indigo was a lieutenant.

“I love her.” A simple, powerful statement. “I don't need to go all caveman to do that, to give my mate what she needs.”

“No,” Felix said quietly. “Because you're a dominant, too.” The power balance between Indigo and Drew was far different to that between Felix and Desiree. The dominant default was to fight, even against a stronger predator.

Coming to sit beside him, Drew bumped Felix's shoulder with his own. “I bet Riley fifty bucks that you and Dezi had a fight.”

Well aware Drew's older brother was far too mature to take the bet, Felix didn't rise to the bait. But he did need to talk, and this dangerous, playful tracker was a friend he trusted deeply. “It was worse than a fight, Drew.” Blowing out a breath, he thought about how much to admit, his pride having taken a severe beating. “I—” He shook his head, banging the back of it against the tree trunk in a staccato rhythm. “She touched my throat with her teeth.”

“Well,” Drew said quietly, “that can be extremely hot, or extremely bad if the trust isn't there first.”

“I should've been able to handle it.”

“Bullshit.” Drew snorted. “If Hawke went for my throat, I'd freeze the fucking hell where I was and start thinking of ways to convince him that whatever he thought I did, I didn't do it.”

Felix knew Drew, knew how the other man used humor to get through to people, but he couldn't laugh this time. “Hawke isn't your lover.”

“That's true. He's not really my type. I mean, with that hair and everything.” Tapping his own empty water bottle against his thigh,
Drew said, “Look, Felix, you two tried to rush things and it looks like you got burned. You have to figure out if you want it enough to risk the burn again, or if it's time to move on.”

Felix couldn't stop thinking about Desiree, but she hadn't turned up tonight. So maybe she'd already made that decision for both of them. “When you were going after Indigo, doing all that stuff to court her”—some of it pretty outrageous—“where'd you get the confidence?”

“Desperation.” Drew's lips tugged up in a lopsided smile. “I was crazy for her and not about to give up just because she wanted to treat me like a teenager.”

A feminine growl sounded from behind them. “I treated you like the menace you are,” Indigo said, striding over to look down at Drew.

Unabashed, the other male grinned and curved one hand around his mate's calf. “I scented you, Lieutenant.”

“Smart-ass.” Indigo held out a hand, and when Drew took it, tugged her mate up to his feet.

Felix watched the easy movement, watched as Drew stole a kiss then whispered something in Indigo's ear, and he felt the hunger inside him spread and grow. Deep and rooted and directed very much toward a certain cat.

“You on watch with me, Indy?”

Drew's voice as he spoke to Indigo broke into Felix's thoughts, reminded him he needed to get up and moving. By the time he put away his gloves and other tools, then checked the seedlings one last time, Indigo and Drew had continued on to their watch positions—having made sure to say good-bye before they left.

Drew had mouthed,
Worth the burn?
to him before disappearing into the trees.

Dezi was definitely worth the burn, Felix thought, suddenly angry that she'd so easily walk away. Scowling, he pulled open the door to the truck, then slammed it shut without getting in. He was
in no mood to get into a vehicle. Stripping, he threw his clothes in the open back, and shifted. His wolf flowed out of him in a shower of light, the shift an exquisite agony and a piercing pleasure. When it was over, he shook himself to settle the white-streaked light brown of his fur. And then he went tracking.

•   •   •

Desiree
wasn't used to walking away. From anything. She was the kind of person who got the bit between her teeth and didn't let go. It was part of what made her such a good senior soldier for the pack. So keeping her distance from Felix was taking one hell of an effort. Smashing fist after fist into the punching bag that hung in one of the trees not far from her aerie—thanks to the area's use as a training ground—she tried to punch out her fury and her need.

It had all seemed so simple the previous night. She was bad for Felix's self-confidence and he was bad for hers; they'd be better off apart. “It was just a bloody erection,” she muttered now, pummeling the bag in a rapid-fire burst, the ponytail in which she'd scraped back her braids hitting her back with each movement. “And I might've overreacted to his comment, but I'm over it.”

A good night's sleep had helped her shrug off her hurt. He truly hadn't meant for his words to wound her—he'd been talking from his dick. And guys and their dicks were a whole other ball of wax. Scowling, she punched some more. If she could get over it, why couldn't he? This wasn't a dominant/submissive thing. This was the two of them reacting too quickly without stopping to think ab—

She swiveled on her heel at the scent on the breeze, rich earth and autumn warmth.

Felix.