Wide Open (32 page)

I couldn't help but sigh down to my core at that. I took her shawl off the bed and wrapped it around her shoulders. It was a shame to cover her bare shoulders and the black dress she was wearing. I took her arm and placed it in mine.

"All right, it's time."

As we walked, I grabbed the keys and my wallet on the way out the door. We borrowed Emma's mom's SUV so we all could ride together. Some of Maya's friends from her old job were coming, but mostly it was a small affair.

When Maya learned that Will had paid for the funeral, she started to wonder about how she had missed that amount of money. She knew the treatments cost a lot, so she called his doctors and the cancer center and finally, she got some answers. On one of the more middle visits, they told Will he was welcome to do treatments, but there was basically no chance of coming through. The cancer had spread too much, and it was best for him to spend the rest of his time living his life instead of being sick from the treatments.

He never told Maya that.

So, from the timeline of things we put together and what the cancer center told us, after that, instead of paying for the treatments, he paid for the funeral, and then when Maya thought he was going in for his treatments, because no one was allowed back with him, like the time I had taken him myself, he was actually going and hanging out with the older guys who were getting treatments or going and reading to the kids in the children's ward.

Maya had been hysterical. With good reason. It was the second time in our life together that I stood there, looked at her, and knew that there was nothing else in her mind or thoughts but getting a drink, but getting something in her system, but finding somebody with some pills and getting some from them, anything. It hurt so bad to watch, but this was what it was to be an addict. My strong, brave Maya once again came out on the other side victorious with her four-year coin intact.

She didn't even run away this time, and she didn't push me away, though I could tell she wanted to. That's what a relationship was. Push and pull, progress and moving forward together. The day would come again when I would want to run like I did on her that day at that meeting, and I knew in my soul that she'd be there for me.

That was the best feeling in the world—knowing that no matter what happened, no matter how hard or how far we fell, the one we love would be there to make sure we got back up.

So, there we were, Mason, Emma, baby Jackson, Mamma, and the nurse, all piled in the car to head to the section of the library that they were dedicating to Will. When they found out what he had done and why he was at the hospital all the time, not just to spend time there, but to give his sister hope to the very end, they said they wanted to do it.

At the dedication, they wanted some of the kids to read the last book Will was reading to them in turns at the dedication. Maya said she was going to lose it and bawl like a crazy person. That was probably true, but I told her people expected her to lose it, and it was going to be okay.

Maya played with Jackson almost the entire way there and I knew she was distracting herself. So I did my bubbles and made him giggle extra hard for her. She looked at me gratefully and mouthed, 'I love you.'

'I love you more,' I mouthed back.

"And then the llama jumped up and down and said, 'If you can do it, I can do it, too!' The end."

Maya wiped her eyes and clapped, but I couldn't take my hands from around her to do so. I stood behind her and held on to her so she'd know that she wasn't ever going to be alone again. I got to keep my promise to Will. And Will was here, too. He was everywhere. He was in the kids' smiles, the patients he came and cut the fool with, played cards with. You would think cancer patients would be sad or bitter, but no. Most of them seemed to be like Will—thankful to have had the life they had at all.

Nine kids got up and read nine chapters of the last book that Will went around to read to them on his last trip to the hospital. My and Will's trip. The fast food trip, my and Maya's first fight. I felt kind of like I cheated her out of that last trip, but she said she was glad I got to spend time with him.

That trip changed things in some ways.

Afterward the reading, she talked to some of the kids and a few of the older guys, but mostly spent her time trying not to cry.

When the time came for her to go up on stage for the dedication, I gripped her hand and lifted her chin. She was shaking so badly. "Sweetheart, look at me."

"Will didn't trust me not to stay clean. That's why he didn't tell me the treatments wouldn’t work," she whispered, her voice low, her eyes still cast down.

"Look at me," I said more forcefully. She did reluctantly. "He didn't tell you because he loved you." Her chest shook once. "He wanted you two to spend the last little bit of time you had together just being happy, being hopeful. He knew you, baby. He knew you loved him and he knew how sad you'd be. He just wanted to protect you from that for as long as he could."

"He could have told me."

"Big brothers protect their little sisters."

"Didn't he think it would be harder for me when the treatments didn't work?"

"Was it?" I asked honestly. "Was it better to have tried and for him to have lost than to have not tried at all? He did some of the treatments. The doctor told you he did do several rounds before they told him it wasn't working. He tried
for
you
. And instead of just giving up and being sad, he kept coming here and tried to give a little hope to others because he knew what it was like to hope." I moved my hands up to her cheeks that were now wet, but she didn't seem so sad now. "He knew you'd be okay."

"Because of you," she murmured.

"What?"

"He knew I'd be okay because of you." I squinted. "I heard you telling Mason what Will told you. That Will made you promise."

My lips parted. She heard that? She leaned up and kissed my cheek. "It's okay." She smiled. "If my brother approved of you, who am I to argue?"

She took a deep breath and wiped her face with the side of her hand. I pulled the white hanky I brought for this out of my inside pocket. She looked like she could swoon on the spot as she took it. "I came prepared," I told her.

"Thanks," she whispered and dabbed at her eyes at an attempt to keep her makeup intact. When she was satisfied, she gave me one final look before making her way up front. There were about forty people there total, but that was enough to make my girl nervous. The fact that her eyes kept drifting back to find me—as if I were her anchor in the world—was a privilege I didn't even know how to be grateful for. But God, thank you, I'd take it.

I'd even gotten Joey to come by threatening to de-friend her. I wasn't serious, but sometimes my shallow, self absorbed friend who went so out of her way to help me way back when, forgot how to be a friend to others.

She and her boss-slash-boyfriend who was way too old for her, stood next to me and we listened as Maya thanked everyone for coming, the kids for reading the story, the guys for telling us how much her brother helped them through their rough patches. There were parts she barely got through, but the point was she
got through them
.

And she would continue to get through things, and hopefully, she would want me around with her.

The two items were burning a hole in my pocket. Mason and Emma started the dancing off as Mamma held Jackson. Everybody thought it was some kind of little miracle that no matter what, Mamma never remembered Jackson—his name or why she was holding him or whose son he was—but always held him and kept right on playing with him like he was precious and asked questions later.

They had been worried about the baby and Mamma in the beginning, with good reason. With Mamma's memory loss, she might unintentionally hurt the baby if she became frightened, but when they saw how she was with him, Mason decided to test it out. After several of her memory lapses, the baby was still on her lap and she was still confused, but it actually made her confusion a sort of happy one instead of sad. She would ask the baby who he was and coo to him and play. She never cried when she was told about the accident as long as she was holding that baby.

Emma and Mason danced and basically kept everyone's attention on them for me like they promised, and I took Maya's hand and towed her away from everyone to our own little corner near Will's picture. I jingled the two items together in my pocket and gulped.

I prayed that this was the right place, the right time, the right everything. She was so overwhelmed that I was starting to second guess my decision.

She looked at Will's face and I waited, gauging her reaction. She smiled at him and shook her head.

"He sure did make an impression, huh?"

I nodded. "So you're happy?"

She squinted and turned her head. "What kind of question is that?" She leaned in and put her hands on the inside of my suit jacket on my shirt. "Of course I'm happy. I'm…a mix of wanting him here really badly and really happy at seeing all the awesome, sweet things he did. But mostly, happy. It was good to hear all those people talk about him." She grinned and bit the corner of her lip. "And it got you into a suit. I must say, bravo."

I chuckled. "Thanks, baby." I reached into my pocket to make sure I was grabbing the right one. "I got you something."

"You did?" I held it in my fist and kissed her cheek before opening my fingers and letting her see what was sitting in my palm. Her breathing pattern got funny pretty fast. "You remembered my sobriety anniversary?"

"Of course. I plan to remember every year from now on." Hint number one. I read the coin. "Five-year coin." I smiled. "One day I'm going to have one of those."

"Yes, you are," she promised me and reached up to kiss my bottom lip.

"And you're going to be there to make sure that happens, right?" Hint number two.

"Of course," she said, slightly offended. "Why wouldn’t I be?"

"You will be," I assured.

"Is there something going on?"

"Just trying to keep my promise to your brother is all." Hint number three.

"Gracious, he was such a butthead, wasn't he?" she scoffed. "Even now he has to have the last word."

I laughed, putting my back to the crowd of people, boxing her in to the wall. "Baby, I'm not sure where you're going with that, but—"

"Where are you going with it?"

I smiled. "I have something else for you. And honestly," I looked up, "no offense, Will, but this had nothing to do with you." I looked back at my girl. My beautiful, scarred, broken, brave, girl. "This has everything to do with you." I pulled the ring from my pocket and held it between my thumb and forefinger." She looked at it. Stared. "I wanted to do this tonight, which may seem strange to some people, but you—this is your bravest night. You faced a roomful of people who loved your brother, you faced five years of sobriety, and now I want you to face me." I leaned in and pressed my lips to her forehead, speaking my words of love right against her so she'd not only hear, but feel them for what they were. "I love you so much. I want to spend every day trying to make all of your cheesy little Chinese fortunes come true. I want to chase you for the rest of my life. Marry me, sweetheart."