Authors: Carlene Love Flores
Dani stepped closer to him but he
brushed her off and mouthed, “Don’t worry.”
He waited while Dani and Will wandered
inside the gift shop, out of ear shot.
What did he say? Where did he start? He
had such little practice communicating with her lately. “Mom, I’m glad you’re
feeling better. I was worried the past couple of days.”
She reached over and patted his arm. He
guessed maybe she had the same problem with him. That was his fault too, he
knew it. Something inside him needed that to change.
To be
better.
He loved his mother so much. Had missed her, no matter what had
happened in their past. He needed not just to hear her tell him she was proud
and loved him. He craved the feeling of those things. But then she spoke up. “Dani
takes good care of me, son. You don’t need to worry.”
He could sense there was more, something
else she wasn’t saying. Maybe because of the way she held her chin up but let
her eyes blink closed more than usual. He didn’t know what to say so he let a
truth slip. “She has impressed me. I trust her to take good care of you. I’m
glad you have her, Mom.”
“Me too.
Son,” his mom
breathed in and out. “There is something I need to know.” She paused and he
stayed silent, stealing a glance toward the gift shop where Dani watched him
like a hawk.
Back to his mom.
He felt like that sixteen year old again
and this was the same conversation they’d had the day Amanda’s mother had
called and told Mom what he’d done. Seeing Amanda’s older sister a few booths
over during breakfast—one of those who hadn’t changed in twenty years, not even
her hair do—apparently married now and with kids, had given him instant
anxiety.
At sixteen, Stefan hadn’t known how to
answer for himself, except to beg his mom to believe him when he promised he
would take care of the baby. That he’d never told Amanda he wouldn’t. She must
have gotten scared and made it up. That’s when Mom had told him what Amanda’s
mother had said.
That there would be no baby.
That Mom
should be ashamed of her son for getting a fourteen year old girl pregnant and
then causing her so much stress that she’d miscarried. Stefan’s eyes felt raw
but he was incapable of moving a finger right now. Mom’s silence was hanging
over him and whatever question she had kept him still. He didn’t
so
much as blink.
“Can you tell me why Sherri from the
Women’s Clinic called for Dani yesterday?”
Oh shit, he hadn’t planned on her
throwing that out there. He couldn’t tell her. That was Dani’s decision to
make. Even if he could talk about that, the thought of shaming his mom again
crippled his brain. Even if it had nothing to do with him, he knew she’d most
likely be disappointed in Dani.
His mom kept on. “You wouldn’t remember
this, but Sherri has been an obstetrical nurse at that clinic for going on
forty years now. She’s one of the very best Moonlight has ever seen. Sandra
said she’d never have gotten through Dani’s birth had it not been for Sherri’s
expertise. I saw her after Sandra passed and she still had that calming air
about her. Her voice is so striking, so deep for a woman, but I suppose that’s
part of the soothing she brings to her patients.
Which is why
if Dani is being seen by her, she’s in good hands.
” His mom’s thin lips
drew out in an air tight line and she patted her blouse with small but stern
hands Stefan remembered from his youth. His mom had never spanked him. She
hadn’t needed to. Something about disappointing her had always been enough for
him. It was the main reason he’d left home. To avoid shaming her again at all
cost.
Stefan wished he could shoot back
something clever like the fact that he was sure women went to clinics like that
for all kinds of female issues, not just pregnancy. But his mom wasn’t an
idiot. No, she knew what was up.
And, he wasn’t about to lie.
If he lied right now, that would prove
all the horrible things he’d felt from neighbors, the Coopers, teachers, his
own parents, were true. He was here to be different. Spending time with Mom and
Dani had convinced him that he did want to be better, too. More importantly, it
was possible.
Without a clue as to where to start, his
only thought took him back to the very beginning. “Mom, I ran into Dani before
I got to your house the first day of my visit. At the time I had no idea who
she was but—“
He felt a soft hand lace with his
fingers.
“I needed his help, Gina,” said Dani,
squeezing his hand. “I had a really bad day and we just happened to run into
each other getting gas, right when I needed a friend.” Dani looked up at him
and he felt them fall down some invisible deep pit together. No, this wasn’t
part of his plan. He was supposed to tell his mom he wanted to take her to
Nashville and that Dani supported the move because
she
was getting her ass back in school to finish her degree. And he
was doing the right thing by leaving her alone to do that.
“Actually Mom,
no need to rehash all that.
All I need to know is if you’re willing
to move to Nashville with me? Since Dani intends on—”
Dani shot out, “No, what I have to say
is important. I should have told you but things are complicated and I have had
so much on my mind lately.”
Mom looked at him and Dani like she was
stuck between who she needed to address first.
Stefan felt the need to save Dani from
going any further. She’d said plenty and had to know how much it meant to him.
She didn’t need to throw herself into the fire just to make things easier for
him with his mom. And she wasn’t wiggling out of what she’d promised him. “Mom,
I’m the one who should have said something. It’s my fault,” he said, trying to
win back the conversation from his little heart thief pain in the ass.
His mom stopped him. “Kids, I think I
know what’s going on. Son, Dani has a boyfriend. Okay, I know that. He is a
soldier who is deployed right now. He’s a good man. Thomas treats her well. Dani,
you need and deserve that. With all you do for me, dear. And in turn, all she
does for you, son.” Mom’s brow worried itself into a crinkle as she gave them
her take on things. Her hand patted his forearm and then left him to squeeze
Dani’s fingers like Mom was asking him to fade away and hoped he hadn’t already
messed things up.
What could he say? He heard the warning
in her voice and felt it in her hand. That Stefan should honor what Dani and
the soldier had. But Mom didn’t know the truth and it wasn’t his place to share
what had happened. Stefan was going to come off as a selfish prick, no matter
what he said. He kept it short and simple. “I know, Mom.” Not at all what they
were supposed to be talking about, this detour had his head pounding.
What else was there to say? Stefan let
out a breath and cleared his throat at the same time.
Apparently, there was more to say. He
just never expected Dani to step up the way she did.
“Mrs. C … Gina, Thomas and I aren’t
together anymore.” Dani’s eyelashes fell and flashed back open. Stefan wanted
to tell her she didn’t have to do this. “He emailed to let me know he fell in
love with someone else. Stefan isn’t ruining anything for me. He’s been the one
person I’ve felt comfortable talking to about this. I don’t know what I would
have done without him.”
Stefan barely had time to soak that all
in because Mom’s hands unclasped and she covered her eyes with one. To anyone
else, it would look like she was shading herself from the sun but Stefan knew
better. She probably couldn’t stand the sight of him right now.
“Dani,” Mom paused. “Is there anything
else you need to tell me?”
That look would drag anyone’s most
well-kept secret out into the light. Stefan had joked about mom vision with his
friends and their kids but this was no laughing matter.
Dani started clenching her fingers and
Stefan took her closest hand into his. Mom saw it and breathed in so deep that
the flowers of her silk blouse moved up and down like there was a machine under
there pumping might through her small, thin frame. “I’m pregnant,” said Dani.
“Son, what have you done?”
Holy fuck.
His mom thought
he was the reason for Dani’s visit to the clinic.
The funny
thing about that, aside from it being impossible?
He wished he was.
Dani started to explain but Stefan
stopped her.
“No, Mom’s right.”
So much hurt welled up inside him that
he didn’t know what to do with it.
Rage told him he was a
pussy if he didn’t stay there and fight
for who he was, the real him,
the one who cared about his mom, even though she’d just torn him down to
nothing and hadn’t even addressed him asking her to move to Nashville. Reality
told him it wouldn’t matter. That fucking emotion he hated to even admit he’d
let drive him this week reminded him that he had to think of Dani and what was
best for her.
“Dani, please go back inside with Will.
Mom and I aren’t done talking.”
He could tell she didn’t want to, but
Dani complied as he knew she would.
“Mom, just so we’re clear, I did not get
Dani pregnant.”
“I know that, son.”
“Then why did you ask what I’d done?”
Mom took a moment to search his face. He
couldn’t tell, but was sure he saw some of that old pain come to the surface
again. “Stefan, I can see you like Dani, and she clearly feels the same. But
she just said so herself. She’s having a child with Thomas.”
“Thom, who dumped her in an email,” he
said curtly.
“I understand, son. But what do you
think Thomas will do when she tells him? I assume she hasn’t done that yet. I
could be wrong I suppose.”
“You are wrong, mom. Dani told him.”
“He’s a good man, Stefan. He’ll do the
right thing.”
“The right
thing?
What is that, Mom?”
“I love Dani like a daughter. And you,
you are my son, Stefan.
My one and only child.
Listen
to me, please. I only say these things because I want to protect both you and Dani.
I don’t want either of your hearts to be broken.”
His mom, better than anyone, knew what
that felt like. But she didn’t know everything Stefan’s heart bled with when it
came to Dani and how he wasn’t even here to win Dani. In fact it was the
opposite. He was trying to let her go. Like that stupid saying people in love
always said about letting shit go so it could come back to you if it was meant
to be. Fuck all those people. He breathed in to calm his ass down.
“What exactly are you saying, Mom?”
“Promise me you won’t interfere until
Dani has a chance to speak with Thomas in person. Let them settle whatever
needs to be figured out when he comes home. Don’t you see? If you don’t allow
them to do that, you risk leaving Dani and Thomas with too many uncertainties.
Things she’ll always wonder about between them. I say this because I love you,
Stefan. I pray you never know that kind of heartache.”
Stefan wiped at his mouth and cleared
his throat, swallowed down a couple tears too. “I just want to take care of you
both, Mom.”
“I understand. You have to trust me on
this. Give her the space and time she needs to come to terms with it all.
Promise me, son.”
“I shouldn’t have come back. I promise
,
I won’t be a problem.”
“Stefan,” Mom began.
“About
going to Nashville with you.”
But with that, he waved Will over who
stood outside of the gift shop with a plastic souvenir bag and Dani. Stefan
needed out
of
there. Thank God Will was with him.
“
It’s
okay, Mom.
I’m a big boy. No need to say it.” He left his mom’s side after giving her a
goodbye kiss on the cheek, effectively cutting off the part where she again told
him no thanks.
“Hey, I’ll ride home with them. Go cool
off,” said Will.
Stefan just nodded at his friend. He
didn’t let himself look at Dani.
Chapter Twenty-One
A little while later, Stefan pulled into
his driveway. It had been years since he’d last been to this house. It used to
make him
smile,
knowing he’d bought it for his mom.
Even though she hadn’t wanted it, he still felt good that it was here if she
ever needed it.
The vision he’d had of ever walking
inside, hand in hand with Dani, kicked his foolish ass good and hard.
He was standing at the front door, fishing
for the key, when his phone rang. It was Trista. Stefan nearly let it go to
voicemail but he couldn’t do that to her. They didn’t do that to each other.
Too much bad scary shit they’d saved each other from over the years meant
answering even when you felt like crap. He wouldn’t let her worry and took her
call.
“Hey
Tris
, can
I call you back?”
“Sure. Five minutes?”
No, he’d meant like in a week or so but
she wouldn’t let him off so easily. He knew why. He’d mentioned needing her
help in the message he’d left her and probably sounded like a whipped little
desperate pussy when he’d done it. She wouldn’t let that go.