Why do Clocks run clockwise? (30 page)

But being a good reporter, Viets wasn’t satisfied with her own conclusions. She turned to her readers, who responded with 236

their own guesses at the causes of what some called SSS (Single Shoe Syndrome):

• Discarded newlywed shoes (you
do
see single cans on the highway, come to think of it).

• A variation on the “fighting kids theory”—they are specifically thrown out of school buses, during fights or as practical jokes.

This is the best we’ve been able to come up with. Anybody else have a better explanation?

FRUSTRABLE 2:
Why Are Buttons on Men’s Shirts

and Jackets Arranged Differently From Those on

Women’s Shirts?

The party line on this Imponderable is that it stems back to the days when ladies of means were dressed by their maids. Because most people are right-handed, it is easiest for right-handers to button their clothes from left to right, the way men’s buttons are now arranged.

The button arrangement for women was presumably changed to make it easier for the female (ostensibly right-handed) maid to button her mistress’s clothes.

A few other theories are advanced less often. One is that women usually support babies with their left arm when breast-feeding, so it was more convenient for women to breast-feed in public from the left breast. In order to shelter the baby from the cold, the theory goes, the mothers covered the baby with the right side of the dress or coat; it behooved the clothesmakers, then, to make garments for women that buttoned up from right to left.

The last theory stems from the days when men carried swords. A man needed to be ready to lunge at a moment’s notice, so he kept his right hand in his coat to make sure it was warm. He could only do this if his coat opened from left to right. But why couldn’t women’s coats conform to the men’s styles?

Frankly, these stories seem a tad lame to us. Obviously, all such explanations are obsolete. Now that so many clothes are WHY DO CLOCKS RUN CLOCKWISE? / 237

unisex, many garment manufacturers would prefer one button styling, yet inertia guarantees the status quo will linger on.

Can anyone offer any evidence about the true origins of the button Imponderable?

FRUSTRABLE 3:
Why Do the English Drive on the

Left and Just About Everybody Else on the Right?

The explanations we have encountered trace the disparity back to everything from English versus Italian railroads to Conestoga wagons. But no proof, anywhere.

FRUSTRABLE 4:
Why Is Yawning Contagious?

The most asked Imponderable, and we have no good answer, only a few lame theories. Who studies yawning?

FRUSTRABLE 5:
Why Do We Give Apples to

Teachers?

We haven’t gotten to first base with this Imponderable.

FRUSTRABLE 6:
Why Does Looking Up at the Sun

Cause Us to Sneeze?

Is this nature’s way of stopping us from staring at the sun? Does looking up expose the nostrils to floating allergens?

FRUSTRABLE 7:
Why Does the First Puff of a

Cigarette Smell Better Than Subsequent Ones?

Even the cigarette companies’ research departments can’t answer this one.

238 / DAVID FELDMAN

FRUSTRABLE 8:
Why Do Women in the United States

Shave Their Armpits?

This phenomenon makes Gillette and Schick happy, but they can’t explain it.

FRUSTRABLE 9:
Why Don’t You Ever See Really Tall

Old People?

Yes, we know that most people lose a few inches over their life-span, and that our population has gotten much taller since today’s septua-genarians were young. But we should see a few elderly people of above-average height. Do very tall people have higher mortality rates than average-sized folks? The big insurance companies, who don’t keep separate figures on death rates by height, don’t seem to know.

Does anyone?

FRUSTRABLE 10:
Why Do Only Older Men Seem to

Have Hairy Ears?

Endocrinologists we spoke to couldn’t explain this phenomenon.

Help!

WHY DO CLOCKS RUN CLOCKWISE? / 239

240 / DAVID FELDMAN

Acknowledgments

This second volume of
Imponderables
was made possible by the enthusiasm and participation of the readers who bought its prede-cessor. In less than one year, more than five hundred people wrote with their own Imponderables, their praise, their criticisms, and their corrections. All were greatly appreciated.

Their kindness, generosity, weirdness, curiosity, enthusiasm, and sense of humor energized me. What did I do to deserve a reader like Joanna Parker, who peppered me with charming letters, and then offered to track down the answer to a knotty Imponderable herself? It is thrilling for a writer, who labors alone, to find out that he is, indeed, reaching the audience he was hoping for. I promise to read every letter that is sent to me, and to answer all that have a self-addressed stamped envelope (and, I must admit, many that do not). To all the readers of the first
Imponderables
, thank you for making this book possible.

Rick Kot was doing me favors even before I worked with him.

He did me his greatest favor by becoming my editor. Rick actively pursues good food, cares about popular music, and occasionally even laughs at my jokes. Who could ask for anything more? My agent, Jim Trupin, laughs less often at my jokes, but is otherwise an invaluable friend and partner. Kas Schwan continues to produce brilliant cartoons on demand. The Atlantic Ocean is likely to dry up before Kas runs out of creative ideas. To all of my new friends at Harper & Row, who have welcomed me with enthusiasm and good humor, thank you for the support.

When I get lost in the wonderful world of Imponderability, it puts a strain on my innocent friends and family. They want to talk about the meaning of life. I want to talk about why meatloaf tastes the same in every institutional cafeteria. They want to talk about why suffering exists. I want to talk about why you forget that a hat is on your head but it still feels as if it’s on after you’ve taken it off. The following people helped me maintain my sanity over the last year while I’ve wrestled with these unfathomable problems: Lori Ames; Judith Ashe; Michael Barson; Ruth Basu; Jeff Bayone; Jean Behrend; Eric Berg; Brenda Berkman; Cathy Berkman; Kent Beyer; Josephine Bishop; Sharon Bishop; Jon Blees; Bowling Green State University’s 241

Popular Culture Department; Annette Brown; Herman Brown; Alvin Cooperman; Marilyn Cooperman; Paul Dahlman; Shelly de Satnick; Linda Diamond; Diana Faust; Steve Feinberg; Fred Feldman; Gilda Feldman; Michael Feldman; Phil Feldman; Ray Feldman; Kris Fister; Linda Frank; Seth Freeman; Elizabeth Frenchman; Michele Gallery; Chris Geist; Jean Geist; Bonnie Gellas; Bea Gordon; Dan Gordon; Ken Gordon; Christal Henner; Sheila Hennes; Sophie Hennes; Uday Ivatury; Carol Jewett; Terry Johnson; Sarah Jones; Mitch Kahn; Dimi Karras; Mary Katinos; Peter Keepnews; Mark Kohut; Marvin Kurtz; Claire Labine; Randy Ladenheim; all of my friends at the Manhattan Bridge Club; Jeff McQuain; Carol Miller; Julie Mears; Phil Mears; Steve Nellisen; Debbie Nye; Tom O’Brien; Pat O’Conner; Jeanne Perkins; Merrill Perlman; Larry Prussin; Lela Rolontz; Brian Rose; Paul Rosenbaum; Tim Rostad; Leslie Rugg; Tom Rugg; Kas Schwan; Patricia Sheinwold; Susan Sherman; Carri Sorenson; Karen Stoddard; Kat Stranger; Anne Swanson; Ed Swanson; Carol Vellucci; Dan Vellucci; Julie Waxman; Roy Welland; Dennis Whelan; Devin Whelan; Heide Whelan; Lara Whelan; Jon White; Ann Whitney; Carol Williams; Maggie Wittenberg; Charlotte Zdrok; Vladimir Zdrok; and Debbie Zuckerberg.

The word about
Imponderables
got spread by radio and television talk show hosts (and their producers) and by newspaper and magazine writers. To them, my thanks, not only for help promoting the book, but for providing me with a forum for communicating directly with potential readers. Special thanks for service and gra-ciousness beyond the call of duty to: Sally Carpenter; Rick Dees; John Gambling; Alan Handelman; Carol Hemingway; Marilu Henner; Emily Laisey; Dave Larsen; Jann Mitchell; Beth Morrison; and Tom Snyder.

Most of my time while working on this book is devoted to research, digging for answers. In a few cases, books provided vital information, but most Imponderables could be solved only with the assistance of experts. Undoubtedly, executives at Armour and Hygrade and Wonder bread and Pepperidge Farm have better things to do than to talk to me about why there are ten hot dogs in a package and eight hot-dog buns in a package, but God bless them, they did. The following people generously provided help that led directly to the solutions to the Imponderables in this book: Dennis Albert, Westwood Products; Richard B. Allen, Atlantic Offshore Fishermen’s Association; Frances Altman, National Hot Dog and Sausage Council; American Council of Otolaryngology; Dr. Harold E. Amstutz, American Association of Bovine Practitioners; Gerald Andersen, Neckwear Association of America; Beth Anderson, 242 / DAVID FELDMAN

American Institute of Baking; Valerie Antoine, U.S. Metric Association; Jan Armstrong, International Tennis Hall of Fame; Darrell Arnold,
Western Horseman
.

Glen Bacheller, Dunkin’ Donuts; Bob Baker, United Lightning Protection Association; Michele Ball, National Audubon Society; Jim Baker, WABC-TV; Richard C. Banks, American Ornithologist’s Union; Dr. Pat. A. Barelli, American Rhinologic Society; Roz Bar-row, Harper & Row; Rajat Basu, Citibank; H. R. Baumgardner, American Retreaders Association; Professor Don Beaty, College of San Mateo; Ira Becker, Gleason’s Gym; Linda E. Belisle, General Mills; Peter Berle, National Audubon Society; E. J. Blasko, Eastman Kodak; Bob Bledsoe, Texas Instruments; Ralph Bombadiere, New York Association of Service Stations; Peter Boyce, American Astronomical Society; Dan Brigham, Visa; John J. Brill, Northeastern Retail Lumbermen’s Association; Larry Brown, Volkswagen; James E. Bures, Fanny Farmer Candies; Walter F. Burghardt, Jr., American Veterinary Society of Animal Behavior; Lieutenant Colonel James A. Burkholder, U.S. Air Force Academy; Thomas F. Burns, American Spice Trade Association; Kenneth H. Burrell, American Dental Association.

George F. Cahill, National Flag Foundation; Inge Calderon, American Supply Association; Dr. Bruce Calnek, Cornell University; Doug Campbell, Northern Nut Growers Association; K. L. Campbell, Firestone Tire and Rubber Company; Joan Walsh Cassedy, Transportation Research Forum; Molly Chillinsky, Coin Laundry Association; Richard W. Church, Plumbing Manufacturers Institute; Gary M. Clayton, Professional Lawn Care Association of America; Conference on the Safe Transportation of Hazardous Articles; Charlotte H. Connelly, Whitman’s Chocolates; Tom Consella, John Morrell; Dr. John Cook, Georgia Dermatology and Skin Cancer Clinic; Rhoda Cook, Montana Outfitters and Guides Association; B. F. Cooling, American Military Institute; John Corbett, Clairol Corporation; B.

W. Crosby, Pepperidge Farm; Fred A. Curry, Stanley-Proto Industrial Tools.

Neill Darmstadter, American Trucking Associations; Curtiss O.

Davis, Jet Propulsion Laboratory; Jack D. DeMent, Dole Fresh Fruit Company; Mrs. David Doane, Dalmation Club of America, Inc.; Joseph M. Doherty, D.D.S., American Association of Public Health Dentistry; R. H. Dowhan, GTE Products Corporation; Dr. G. H.

Drumheller, International Rhinologic Society.

Ralph E. Eary, Scripps Howard; James E. Eisener, Suburban Newspapers of America; Dick Elgin, Department of Agriculture; Dr.

WHY DO CLOCKS RUN CLOCKWISE? / 243

Elliot, American Dermatological Association; Kay Englehardt, American Egg Board.

Joseph D. Fabin, Department of Transportation; Dr. John Falk; Michael Falkowitz, Nabisco Brands; Fred F. Feldman, M.D.; Debbie Feldstein, National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences; Robert J. Fink, Huffy Corporation; Lynn Flame, London Fog; Howard R.

Fletcher, Muscatine Memorial Park; Bob Ford, AT&T Bell Laboratories; Edward S. Ford, D.V.M., Grayson Foundation; Lynda Frank; Dudley Frazier, New American Library; William H. Freeborn, Assistant Secretary of State, Delaware; Don French, Radio Shack; David F. Friedman, Adult Film Association of America; Marvin M. Fryden-lund, Lightning Protection Institute; Frye Boots.

Scoop Gallello, International Veteran Boxers Association; Dr. M.

M. Galloway, Canada Biting Fly Centre; Dr. James Gant, Jr., International Lunar Society; J. Byron Gathright, American Society of Colon and Rectal Surgeons; Mary S. Gilbert, L’eggs Products; Glutamate Association; S. Gordon, Pavey Envelope and Tag Corporation; Amey Grubbs, Dude Ranchers Association.

Gerard Hageney, American Sugar Division, Amstar; E. E. Halmes, Jr., Construction Writers Association; Darryl Hansen, Entomological Society of America; Carl E. Hass, Winchell’s; Waldo Haythorne; Jim Heffernen, National Football League; C. F. Helvie, Mobil Oil Corporation; Bob Henderson, Kansas State Department of Wildlife; Tom Higham, International Association of Plumbing and Mechanical Officials; Shari Hiller, Sherwin-Williams Company; Hal Hochvert, Bantam Books; Frank Holman; Sarah K. Hood, International Banana Association; Ellen Hornbeck; Dr. Andrew Horne, Federal Aviation Authority Office of Aviation Medicine; Harry Horrocks, National Lumber and Building Materials Association; Susan R. Hubler, House Ear Institute; Michael Hubsmith, London Fog; Donald Hull, International Amateur Boxing Association; Rob Hummel, Technicolor; George Hundt, Ekco.

Patrick C. Jackman, Bureau of Labor Statistics; Beverly Jakaitis, American Dental Association; John Jay, Intercoiffure America-Canada; James H. Jensen, General Electric Lighting Group; Bob Joseph, Red Lobster.

Stanley Kalkus, Naval Historical Center; Shirlee Kalstone; Jeff Kanipe,
Astronomy Magazine
; Dr. Morley Kare, Monnell Institute; Blaine Keib, Hanna Refrigeration; Bill Keogh, American Bakeries; Michael R. Kershow, Bicycle Manufacturers of America; Wayne Kester, D.V.M., American Association of Equine Practitioners; Felix Kestenberg, Misty Harbor; Robert C. Knipe, Textile Care Allied Trades Association; John A. Kolberg, Spreckels Sugar Division, 244 / DAVID FELDMAN