Who We Are (20 page)

              “Tobias, you keep Constance here and call for her parents. She has some explaining to do.” Johnny sat her down in a chair in the entrance of the church. He pulled out a clean cloth from his front pocket and a little bottle of water from his back pocket. He poured some water onto the cloth and cleaned up what she guessed was a cut on her face. “I know this hurts but we have to make sure there isn’t any dirt in your cut. Do you hurt anywhere else?”

              “I am a little sore, but I think I am okay. What happened?”

              “Constance pushed you down the stairs. She could’ve broken your neck or busted your head open. That stupid, stupid bitch.” He looked very mad and worried all at the same time.

              She looked up at him and smiled. She still felt a little fuzzy in the head. He leaned over to her and whispered in her ear. “Desire, please listen to me. You must be extra careful. You have hit your head hard and you must focus on not giving away any of our secrets. I need you to act like you are okay. I will take care of you, but we can’t risk you going to the Clinic. If you go there, I can’t watch over you and who knows what they will do.”

              She nodded. Her thoughts were a little jumbled right now but she felt pretty sure she could fake being normal….or abnormal, whatever it was that she usually was around here.

              As Johnny finished cleaning up her head wound, her mother rushed through the doors. She ran over to Desire and hugged her and then inspected her. She looked horrified when she looked at the cut on her head. Little tears formed in her eyes. “Oh dear, what happened? Are you alright? Oh my goodness can you speak?”

              Desire mustered up her strength, “Hi Mama, I am not sure what happened. Somehow I fell down the stairs and woke up to a commotion. My head is just a little sore, but it’s starting to feel better already. Johnny cleaned all the dirt out of it. I am sure it looks worse than it feels. Please don’t cry Mama, I am fine.”

              Her mother smiled at her and sighed with relief. “Perhaps we should take you to the Clinic to be sure?”

              “No Mama, I am perfectly fine. I have had worse cuts chopping up vegetables. I did ruin one of my new skirts though. I am sorry.”

              Her mother laughed a little. “Oh darling, a skirt is nothing compared to your safety. Come now, let’s go home. We will have some soothing tea and I will warm up some soup.”

              She extended her hand to Desire, and although Desire was nervous she would topple over, Johnny took her other hand. His strength helped her to stand up and remain balanced. She knew if she toppled over, she would be heading straight to the Clinic.

              “Desire,” Johnny said, looking at her, “Take a few deep breaths before you start walking. I will help you ladies home just in case you start to feel unwell.”

              The three of them walked together, Desire in the middle. She felt a little wobbly at first, but by the time they got home, she started to feel better much better.

              “Johnny, can you stay and have lunch with us?” Mama asked him.

              He didn’t hesitate before replying, “Of course I can. Thank you, Ma’am.”

              They went into the house and guided Desire to a chair at the kitchen table. Johnny sat beside her. . She took a few deep breaths, wanting desperately to crawl into bed with the curtains drawn until her head felt better, but she knew that if she let her mother know how badly her head hurt, Mama would surely insist taking her daughter to the Clinic. Johnny had warned her not to go there and she now knew that this is where all the funny business happened. If They thought she had a head injury, there was no telling what They might do to her.

              Johnny didn’t say much as Mama busied herself at the kitchen counter, but he did look worried. Even more so when Desire’s mother handed Desire a glass of water and four little white ‘vitamins’. “Here you go darling. The doctor always told us that when we hurt ourselves, especially our heads, taking extra vitamins should take care of everything. Don’t worry darling, these are different vitamins than your normal ones. Frankly, these ones make me sleepy, but usually when I wake up, I feel right back to normal and can barely remember how I got hurt in the first place.” She put them in Desire’s hand. “No you take these, not all at once but one at a time. I am sure you will feel better soon.”

              Her mother left her sitting there with the task and went about once again preparing lunch.

              “I think I will go in the sitting room on a soft chair and I will take my vitamins in there. Johnny, can you sit with me?”

              “Sure if it’s okay with your Mama.”

              Mama smiled. “Of course it is, Johnny but you make sure she takes her vitamins for me will you?”

              “No problem.”

              Desire got up and Johnny led her into the living room, holding her arm. They each sat in a cushioned chair out of view of the doorway. As Desire sat down, she handed Johnny her ‘vitamins’. He slipped them deep in his denim side pocket and he motioned for her to drink up her water. Just then, Mama went in to check on her and she faked popping a pill in her mouth and swallowed some water. Mama nodded at her and went back into the kitchen.

              They sat in silence for a moment and she closed her eyes. Her head did hurt quite a bit, but she was trying not to let it show. With her eyes closed she imagined herself curled up on Johnny’s lap with her head resting on his chest. He would hug her close and plant little kisses on her head. Just thinking about this warmed her heart and helped ease the pain in her head.

              She did start to doze off a little when she felt a gentle tap on her shoulder. “Desire try stay awake, please.” She opened her eyes. Johnny spoke very softly.

              Just then her mother walked into the room. “Desire, are you feeling well enough to come and eat?”

              “Of course I do, in fact I am famished.” She wasn’t really, but was trying to put on a good show. She stood up and walked slowly into the kitchen, Johnny right behind her. They all sat at the table and quietly ate.

              “Mrs. Winthrop, if you have to go out this afternoon, I would be happy to stay and watch Desire for you. I am sure my father wouldn’t mind. Business is a little slow at the shop right now.”

              Desire’s mother looked a little anxious. She knew the rules: No unsupervised visits in the house alone. But before she had a chance to respond, Papa walked through the front door. He looked upset and walked right over to Desire.

              “Stand up darling, and let me see what happened to you.” Desire stood up and her father looked her up and down. “I was notified about your incident after Bible study.” He frowned when he saw the cut on her forehead. “Good gracious, did that other girl really push you down the stairs? Why on earth would she do something like that? Are you in pain?”

              “Not really, Papa. I feel a little sore and my head aches just a wee bit, but otherwise I feel fine. I think it was really just an accident. There were so many of us all leaving at the same time I don’t think she meant to push me Papa.”

              “That is not quite what I heard said.” He turned and looked at Johnny.

              “Johnny, were you able to see what happened? If so, tell the truth please. It is unforgivable to think that some impetuous girl would think they have the right to put my daughter in danger.”

              Desire felt a little surprised by his reaction. She had never really seen him react to something with such emotion, except for when he was angry with her, of course.

              “Sir, I was heading to the church to escort Desire home and from my perspective it did not look like an accident.”

              “Well then, I am heading back to the church and we will have a town meeting tonight. Desire, I also heard about the naughty words you used this morning. Did Tobias explain well enough why those words are not appropriate for young ladies to use?” Desire nodded. “I apologize for them. Sometimes the men folk around here forget that there may be young ladies who can hear what they are saying.”

              “Yes Papa. Tobias shared the lesson with the whole Bible study class. I am sorry Papa, if I had known they were bad words I never would have said them.”

              She put the cloth up to her wound and winced a little and then looked up at him earnestly.

              “My dear. I know that you have been such a good girl lately.” If he only knew the truth! Although she didn’t exactly know what those words meant, of course she knew they were bad words when she spoke them. And if he had any idea what had gone on over the past four days, he may feel very differently!

              “I am going to ask the Minister to call a church meeting tonight to clear this up once and for all. Darling, do you want to go see a doctor at the Clinic?”

              Desire shook her head. “Well, if I don’t feel all better by tomorrow maybe, but today I think I would just like to stay home.”

              “Good, then it is settled. Mama can give you some special vitamins in the meantime. Now, do you have some lunch for Papa?” He looked at Mama, but she was already bringing him a bowl of soup and some fresh slices of bread. He smiled at her and sat down to eat.

Chapter Seventeen

Papa went to the Church after lunch and Johnny went home. Mama decided it was best for her to stay home. She had Desire rest on the couch in the sunroom so that she could keep a close eye on her. If Desire fell asleep, Mama would wake her up frequently to make sure she was okay.

Between naps, Desire recalled all of the bizarre events that occurred over the last few days. She tried to make sense of it all. She tried to force herself to try to remember things from her other life, but nothing sprung to mind. She really couldn’t remember anything much except for the past two years. When she tried to recall memories of her early childhood, the stories were there in her mind but she had no colourful visions of them. It was strange. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that what Johnny told her made sense. If They were working to alter her memory, could They actually recreate the experience or just the story of the experience?

When she recalled making love to Johnny, she could visualize it. That visual seemingly evoked a physical reaction she could feel, but when she thought about childhood memories, it was like reciting text in a book with no feelings attached to them.

Desire began to feel melancholy. She realized that she was like a non-person right now. Who was she? The full impact of the situation seemed to bear down on her and she felt an impulse to bolt out of the house and run. She knew she couldn’t do this and had to talk herself down. She had so many questions.
What do my real parents think happened to me? Do they think I am dead? If they think I’m dead, they probably aren’t even looking for me. Gosh, are they even still alive? Do I have any siblings? What was I like before I was brought here? Is Johnny real or part of the experiment? What if he too is a pawn and is just pretending to not be part of it all to trick her even more?

Tears welled up in her eyes as she thought of the different confusing scenarios. If They were messing with her head, how would she really know what was real and what wasn’t? How could she rationalize anything when she wasn’t sure what pieces of her mind were actually her own? She closed her eyes and tried to absorb the magnitude of it all. Part of her wished she would fall asleep and never wake up. As tears rolled down her cheeks she let herself fall into a deep slumber.

She woke up on a living room couch and looked around. The Christmas tree overflowed with presents and the stockings on the mantel were stuffed with goodies. The air was filled with a mixture of aromas: Cinnamon, pine and pumpkin. She knew she was at home.

No one else was awake. She got up and crept over to the table. The glass of milk was empty and the cookies were all gone. Darn it! She had missed him again. She wandered over to the tree and started to inspect the packages gently. There were so many and they were all for her and Patrick. Just then, she heard Patrick calling for her. It was funny how he always called for her when he woke up and not Mammy or Daddy. He figured out quickly that she would rush to get him.

She ran up the wide wooden stairs and into his bedroom. He was only two and half and he called her “Bee Bee” because he couldn’t pronounce her whole name. When he saw her, he started to clap his hands “Bee Bee, Bee Bee, pick me up”. He put his chubby arms out. She picked him up and gave him a great big hug. “Merry Christmas, little buddy! Santa Claus came and brought us lots of presents.”

She was nine years old when Patrick was born and she felt thrilled to finally have a baby brother. She hugged him tight and told him that Santa had come. He wasn’t quite sure who Santa was, but as she carried him down the stairs she saw his eyes widen with delight as he saw all the presents under the tree. He started to laugh and tried to wiggle out of her arms.

When they got to the bottom step, she set him down and watched him toddle over to the tree. He screamed with delight. He ran back over and hugged her. “Thank you, Bee Bee. Love you, Bee Bee”.