White Lines (25 page)

Born admired the honest way she had revealed all the parts of her troubled past. Her truthfulness made him want to open up to her about his own past. He began to share with her parts of himself that he hadn’t shared with anyone else. He explained his father’s addiction to crack, his love for his mother, and the history of his life in the streets. He talked all about Leo’s crack use, his fall from grace, and Born’s subsequent entry into the game. But for the first time he talked about how watching his father fall apart had made him
feel.
He had never told anyone how hurt he was that his father—his hero—had quit being his idol and become a crackhead. He told her that even after all this time, he still missed his father.

He had never shared so much of himself with any chick. Or with anyone at all, for that matter. Born knew a lot of interesting people from all walks of life. But he had never met anyone who stimulated his mind the way that Jada did. Their conversations were some of the best he’d
ever had. And it wasn’t until he found her that he realized how profound the absence of stimulating conversation had been in his life. He felt that Jada made him a better man. She gave him good advice, listened to his dreams, and kept his secrets. He felt an unmistakable connection with her. For once in his life, he opened up completely to someone, and he told Jada what was in his heart.

Their conversations always flowed well. They began to grow closer, and to trust one another. Then, on a blustery night in February 1996, their relationship changed. The physical tension between them had become so intense that it couldn’t be ignored. Jada was looking scrumptious in a tight black sweater and tight black pants. They were in his car driving to his place on their way from a card game at his boy Smitty’s new place. He looked at the shape of her body, and he wanted to know what she looked like underneath those clothes. He couldn’t help but want to take things a step further.

At a red light, Born leaned closer to Jada. She looked happily surprised by this gesture, and she smiled as Born moved closer and kissed her. Jada kissed him back, and she didn’t protest as his hands wandered slowly over her body. The car behind them honked to let them know that the light was now green, and Born drove on, hungry for her like he couldn’t explain.

When they reached his apartment, they went at each other in the dark like neither had anticipated. He walked in after her, tall and stocky, with heavy footsteps in his Timberland boots. She loved the sight of him walking through the door like that. It made her pulse race, and she got a rush watching him move. They clung together, kissing and touching, all the while whispering, “Damn!” and “Come here.”

Soon they were in the stillness of his bedroom. Born led her to the comfort of his king-size Sealy, covered in crisp white bedding. She began to take off her sweater, when to her surprise, Born stood and flipped on the lamp at his bedside. Jada frowned, and immediately stopped undressing. “Turn off the lights,” she asked, softly.

Born shook his head. “Nah. I wanna see you, baby girl.”

Born sat, waiting for her to take off her clothes. Jack’s eyes pleaded. “Born, I don’t feel comfortable—”

“You should,” he said. “You’re a beautiful girl. You have a beautiful body. Why you so scared to let it be seen? Let me see you.”

Jada didn’t budge. Born stood and took off his T-shirt. He stripped out of his jeans and took off his boxers. And there he stood, naked except for a do-rag and a pair of sweat socks. He stood, fully exposed, with his chubby eight-inch penis standing at half mast. Jada was understandably distracted as Born walked toward her. He walked over to her calmly, wearing a grin that seemed simultaneously sexy and arrogant, and began to undress her. He took off her top. A large scar was visible in the middle of her breasts, where her bra was unable to camouflage it. Born traced his finger across the upraised two-inch scar.

The reality of the situation came raining down around him. This woman for whom he cared so much was a former crackhead. This scar, this damage, had been done to her as a result of selling her body. Born looked into her eyes and saw her fear of rejection. He continued to undress her. Jada stood there nervously, feeling more vulnerable than ever before.

Born unhooked her bra. He stared at her and he saw all of her—all the damage that living as a crack whore had done to her physically. Jada felt like the last of her secrets had been exposed, and she stepped out of her pants and pulled off her panties. Now she stood completely naked in the presence of the one person whose opinion mattered more than anything else. Born was seeing her naked for the first time, and he recoiled somewhat, as she had known he would. The scars from her knife fight with Kelly were visible, and the damage clearly evident. Jada was mortified, but at the same time somehow relieved. At least now Born would see her for who she really was. The moment was silently awkward. Then Born reached for her, and suddenly stopped. To Jada, it seemed almost as if she could read his mind. She figured he was thinking that he had made a mistake, that he didn’t want her after all. But to her surprise, he pulled her toward him and cradled her in his arms.

He held her close to him in silence, and she tried not to cry. She shook her head again, more for the purpose of fighting back tears now. She felt so vulnerable. Born could feel her discomfort, and he held her to him. He hugged her close, and kissed her lips, his arms wrapped tightly around her small frame. His silent embrace spoke so clearly to her, and Jada clung to him. She felt so safe in that moment, so protected. He led her to the bed and laid her down. When she closed her eyes, he told her, “Look at me.”

Jada opened her eyes, and looked into his. There she saw acceptance and understanding. She saw someone who didn’t judge her, and it made her want to cry. Born touched her so firmly, and so intensely, that she couldn’t help moaning. He kissed her body, even the scar that she hated so much. Then he put on a condom and made love to her as no man ever had. He told her again and again that she was his pretty girl, that she felt so good. She watched him touch her like she had never been touched, and kiss her in places that made her insides scream. For Jada, even though she’d had sex with many men, with Born she experienced intimacy for the very first time. It felt like redemption. Born connected with something deep inside of her. As they lay rocking to a rhythm all their own, it seemed as if theirs was an unmatched synchronicity. Jada responded to him, felt beautiful with him. And they filled each other’s voids after all.

Afterward, Born reached over and grabbed a small bottle of Hennessy that was still sitting on the nights tand from the night before. Taking a swig, he exhaled deeply and looked at Jada lying beneath his snowy white sheets, and puffing silently on a cigarette. Her silhouette was perfect under the thin material, and all of her curves were amazing. But beneath that sheet, Born had seen the truth.

Jada looked into his beautiful eyes. She looked at his thick, sexy lips, and recalled what those lips had done to her battered body only moments before. She relaxed.

Born playfully nudged her chin with his fist. “No matter what happens,” he said. “Promise me we’ll always be friends.”

Jada wasn’t sure how to react to that. Was “friends” all that he wanted
to be? Was he already regretting having sex with her? “I promise, I’ll always be your friend.”

Born smiled at her. “I’ll always be yours, too,” he said. “Friends till the end.” He lay there, trying to keep things in perspective. Sex didn’t necessarily have to change anything, he reasoned. They could still be best friends. But despite his efforts to convince himself that friendship was enough, he couldn’t help but feel for the tarnished young woman he lay beside.

She slept in his arms that night, in his bed, with their legs laced together. Born watched her sleep, wondering how she had managed to soften his hardened heart when it came to drug addiction. He thought about his father. He thought about how disappointed he had been in Leo when he was alive and getting high. Born wondered why he was now considering a relationship with someone going through the same struggle. But there was something different about Jada. She had sworn to him that she was finished with drugs. She only smoked cigarettes now, and drank only socially. The truth was, he loved her company, and he loved
her
—period. He didn’t know how he’d let it happen. He never wanted to love her. She wasn’t the type of woman he wanted to give his heart to. But he couldn’t help it. She completed him. They made love again when the sun came up.

Her fingertips had lightly brushed the skin on Born’s face on that cold February morning as he woke her up. His mustache and goatee had been stubbly to the touch, and she loved it—she thought he was the closest thing to perfect. Born’s eyes searched hers with an intensity that made her heartbeat quicken. It seemed like he was looking beyond her dark brown eyes and peering right into her soul. She felt vulnerable with him staring into her eyes that way. She was afraid of what he might see there. But she felt silly for feeling like that. The night before she had made love to Born for the first time. She had exposed herself to him, body and soul, and there was nothing to hide anymore. Jada wondered if she should break the silence that had fallen between them. Searching her mind for something to say, she continued to caress his face. But it would be Born
who broke the silence, though not as romantically as she may have hoped.

“Don’t ever hurt me, Jada.” He said it without a smile on his face, just a serious look, and an even tone in his voice. “I let you in. Don’t make me regret that.”

Jada looked away, unsure how to respond. She shook her head, her eyes locked on Born’s bare chest. “I won’t hurt you,” she said, firmly. “I would never do that.”

He kept staring at her, though she no longer met his gaze. He was wondering how she had managed to penetrate his emotional fortress. The tainted creature before him had managed to melt his heart. “You can’t look me in my eyes,” he said.

Jada frowned and looked directly at Born, determined now to show him that she could. “That’s not true. I look you in your eyes all the time.”

“But not for long,” he said. “You always turn away, like it makes you uncomfortable.”

Jada shrugged her shoulders, and stared back at Born. “Maybe it does a little bit. Because I’m afraid you won’t like what you see.”

Born smiled, ever so slightly, and kissed her softly. “I love you,” he said.

Silence fell between them for several profound moments. A broad smile spread across Jada’s face, and she battled the urge to pinch herself. What he’d said to her was like a dream come true, and it felt to her, at that moment, like those words coming from that man were exactly what she’d been waiting for her whole life. “I love you, too.” She felt like the happiest woman alive.

Jada was by his side and in his bed from that day on. She was his baby girl, his weakness. And she adored the ground he walked on.

She moved into his place, and they were official. Jada became Born’s other half. She traveled in and out of state with him. She rode shotgun when he went to make deliveries. When they went out to parties or concerts, Jada held his gun for him, since bouncers rarely searched the women. She even watched him bag up his drugs on occasion, and he
watched her like a hawk. He was waiting for her to slip up, putting her face-to-face with the drug that had had her twisted not so long ago. He was testing her to see what her reaction would be when she saw it. And Jada passed the test. She was committed to staying clean, and he was so proud. He had almost
expected her
to slip up, but she never did, and that impressed him. Born wasn’t one to trust easily. His trust came in layers. He had trusted his father, his friend Jamari, and trusted Simone. More often than not, he had been let down. So he didn’t trust Jada easily. Women had burned him before, and he was slow to let his guard down fully at first. But little by little he began to let Jada chip away at his doubts. He put all his faith in her, and she was determined he never regret it.

Jada was by his side step by step. She was earning Born’s trust and stealing his heart as she helped him put together an empire that niggas would try to duplicate for a long time to come. Born introduced Jada to his mother, and Ingrid prepared dinner for them when they came over to her house. Jada felt special when Ingrid told her that she was the first young lady Born had brought home to meet her since he’d moved out years ago. Knowing that Miss Ingrid was the most important woman in Born’s life, Jada knew it was a big deal that he had introduced them. She knew that she was officially “in.”

On the way home that night, Jada looked over at Born as he drove. When he met her gaze, she smiled at him. “Thank you for trusting me, Born. I know that’s not easy for you. But you trust me, and you love me. That means so much to me, baby. It really does.”

Born smiled at her. “I do love you and trust you,” he said. “And I believe that you won’t make me regret that. I really feel that you won’t let me down. I’ll bet the house on that.”

Jada was so happy to hear him say those words. She was fiercely determined not to ever make him regret the confidence that he had in her. Night after night they made crazy love, and plotted how together they would take over the world one block at a time. It was the sweetest thing, the love they shared, the dreams they had. And for once they found contentment in each other’s arms.

Bitches hated on Jada hard for being with Born. They would look at her all greasy, and roll their eyes at her when she and Born walked into a room together. He was that nigga around the way, so all the broads wanted him for themselves. Even Shante. She would tell Jada things, and warn her not to trust Born. She made Jada think that he was lying to her, that he had other girls. Shante kept telling her, “Don’t think that you’re his one and only. Remember, Jada, trust no one.” And at first, Jada doubted him. She brought a lot of what Shante told her back to Born. And he made Jada see her friend for what she was. Shante was still smoking crack, still boosting, and she was hating. She had a man, but he was hustling backward. The nigga sold weed, but he smoked blunts like they were cigarettes. So seeing Jada with Born—who was taking her on shopping sprees and trips, and keeping her looking fabulous—made Shante sick. After a while, Born didn’t want Jada hanging with Shante anymore. He didn’t want her around someone that jealous and that was still smoking. In fact, she was the person Jada had
started
smoking crack with. Born convinced Jada that Shante wasn’t a real friend. So she let go of that friendship. She stopped calling Shante, and Shante stopped calling her.