Whispers from the Past (38 page)

C
OMMENCEMENT

I had been home for a month. Every morning, I’d awakened looking for Susanna. Each night, I’d looked again. I would walk down the greenway as far as the rutted track leading to Whisper Falls, but never further. Even that became too much. I finally had to stop.

All of my critical projects had been turned in before I visited the past. Besides AP exams, there weren’t any big grades due the rest of the semester. That was fortunate, because I would’ve flunked out if I’d had anything important left to do. It wasn’t like I’d stopped functioning. I could. It was more about my attitude. Everything that used to matter seemed so intensely useless now.

I gave up waiting for Susanna on Memorial Day—the first anniversary of when we met.

And so, here it was. June first. The day I graduated from high school. What should have been the biggest achievement of my life was now just an event to survive.

In the lineup for graduation, I stood in front of Carlton, who stood in front of Alexis. It would’ve been awkward if I’d cared.

There were speeches to start out the commencement ceremony. The show choir sang surprisingly well without any seniors. A VIP that I’d never heard of recited an inspirational poem. And then…Benita. Damn. She played a gorgeous cello solo, something famous by Bach. Everybody else on stage should’ve stayed home.

My name was called. I crossed the stage, shook hands with the headmaster, accepted the empty blue folder pretending to be my diploma, smiled for the cameras, and headed for the exit stairs. Pausing at the top, I scanned the crowd. My family sat near the back, all wearing red so I could spot them. They waved. I nodded in acknowledgement.

And that’s when I saw her. A girl with a thick dark braid, standing near the auditorium doors. I froze, hardly daring to breathe. Looking at that waist-length hair with laser focus.

Then she turned—and it wasn’t Susanna.

I charged down the stairs, mentally kicking my own ass. What an idiot. For a tiny moment, I’d felt stupid for giving up hope. For the length of a shiver, I’d pulsed with joy that her indenture had ended and she’d rushed home to see me graduate.

Time to shake this off. Done.

Neuse Academy held a reception after graduation in the cafeteria. Our dining staff catered the food and members of the student council “waited” on us.

Benita was hovering near the door and pounced on me the minute I walked in with my family.

“Hey.” She had a big smile.

“You were amazing,” I said. “Where’s Jesse?”

“With his family.” Her lips twisted. “His grandmother’s here, and she doesn’t want me around.”

“Wow.” There wasn’t any way to make that better. “So, hang out with us.”

“Thanks.”

It didn’t take Benita long to get into a complicated discussion with Marissa. Dad and Granddad were frowning grumpily at the trays of dainty appetizers, and Mom and Gran were monitoring me.

Just to prove to them how okay I was, I looked around with casual interest, feeling detached, taking mental snapshots of my former classmates. Five were planning to take gap years. The rest were heading to college this summer or in the fall. There was already a rumor that a committee had been formed to plan a five-year reunion.

Not something I’d be interested in attending.

Gabrielle caught my eye. She smiled and then spoke to the guy standing next to her. He turned around and…Isaac?

He walked toward me, creating a trail through the wall of fans hanging conspicuously near our most famous graduate. Gabrielle followed in his wake.

“Hi,” he said, offering his hand. We shook.

“Mark,” she said with a smile, and kissed my cheek.

I gave her a hint of a smile, surprised and trying to control it. They stood in each other’s personal space but did not touch. I didn’t know what to think. Didn’t want to ask. And I’d be willing to bet Benita didn’t know, either—because no way would she have kept this quiet.

We were all just staring. I might as well cave first. “How much longer before you leave for your movie?”

“Next weekend. I’ll stop in Hollywood for a couple of weeks before heading to Canada.” She exchanged a glance with Isaac.

“Will you visit the set?” I asked him.

“Probably not.” He gestured toward Gabrielle. “This isn’t a thing. We’re just friends.”

She blushed. “Isaac starts grad school in August.”

“Ah.” It sounded like a “thing” to me. She seemed to rebound quickly. Must be a nice skill to have.

“Heard from Susanna?” he asked.

I shifted my gaze toward Isaac. We stared at each other for a long moment. Did he hold me responsible for her disappearance? If he did, then he hadn’t known her very well. Ultimately, Susanna had done exactly what she wanted. My opinion hadn’t mattered. “Not in the past month.”

“Sorry.”

I nodded and looked away.

Gabrielle closed the gap between us and gave me a quick hug. “You have my private number. Keep in touch.”

“Sure.” I wouldn’t.

They walked away, almost but not quite touching.

“What was that all about?” my mother asked as she stepped to my side.

“Saying good-bye.”

She nodded. “There’s been too much of that lately.”

Wow. I frowned at her, but she wouldn’t meet my gaze. “Mom?”

She slipped her arms around me, hugging me tightly. “This is your special day, Mark. We should be enjoying it.”

I hugged her back. Twelve years of school plus kindergarten had all led to this day. She was right. It should be special. We needed to
make
it special.

It was time to commence, in more ways than one. “Yeah, Mom. I’ll get the others, and then we’ll go and find some real food.”

C
HAPTER
F
ORTY
-S
EVEN

T
HE
P
URITY OF
M
Y
F
EELINGS

I rose early on October fifteenth, washed my face and hands, and then dressed in my best gown. On quiet feet, I walked into Dorcas’s bedchamber only to find her propped against the pillows in bed, smiling.

“It is my wedding day, Susanna,” she said, nearly singing the words.

“Indeed.” I crossed to where her breakfast tray waited, poured a cup of tea, and buttered a slice of toast. After serving her, I went to stand by the window, watching the lane outside as Raleigh awakened.

“Will it be beautiful?”

“Yes, quite lovely,” I said. The weather promised to be fine. The trees were still awash in the colors of red, orange, and gold—a fitting canopy for the wedding procession.

Her tea cup rattled against its plate. “I enjoyed seeing Deborah and Drusilla last night. I shall miss my sisters once I have moved away.”

I nodded but said nothing. She had not mentioned her father, even though he had been at the small party hosted by William’s parents. I had not attended, of course. As I was Dorcas’s lady’s maid, it wasn’t expected of me, but truly, I had no wish to spend much time in Mr. Pratt’s presence. Today’s festivities would be enough.

It had been easy to avoid him this summer, as he’d remained in a dazed stupor since the storm. Besides losing his wife and son, he’d lost his livelihood. Most of his prized horses had died along with the two slaves who had such a magic touch with them. The deaths of Theophilus and Frederick had been a terrible blow. It was likely that even Mr. Pratt would agree with me, although not for the same reasons.

Elijah and Sukey were missing, their bodies never found. No one could say for sure what had happened to them. Were they blown away by the tempest? Swept away in the creek? Or had they, perhaps, escaped in the storm’s aftermath? We would likely never know.

The only things of value remaining in Mr. Pratt’s life were his home and eight-year-old Drusilla, and even she spent most of her time with Deborah.

His distraction had been fortunate for Dorcas, for he’d raised no obstacles to her wedding. It had only been recently that his true nature had returned, too late to alter her plans.

“Susanna, you are quiet.”

I turned to face her and then reached for her outstretched hand. “It will soon be time to help you into your finery. I am humbled to know that it is the last time I shall ever dress you.”

Her smile trembled. “For all of the delight that this day will bring, I mourn that you and I will say our good-byes.” She slipped from the bed and then pressed herself into my arms.

We clung together for a long while. I would miss her dreadfully, yet I knew how happy she would be. I had watched for four months as she’d mourned the separation from William. His return to Raleigh ten days ago had created a remarkable change in her. I had always known Dorcas to be a joyful girl, but to see her with William was a rare treat. During his absence, they’d exchanged copious letters, but it did not compare to the pleasure that came with seeing and touching her beloved.

There was a light rap at the door. A maid walked in and hesitated, her surprised gaze taking in the pair of us. I extricated myself from the embrace and nodded at the young girl hovering in the door. “You may take the tray.”

Once we were alone again, I gave Dorcas a wide smile. “Are you ready for your bath?”

She smiled in return. “Oh, yes. Let us begin.”

Dorcas sat patiently at her vanity while I finished her hair. Outside, the unmistakable sounds of a horse and carriage rattled down the lane, stopping before Mrs. Whitcomb’s home.

“That must be Mrs. Eton,” I said. “It is nearly time to leave.”

The wedding was to be held in the State House at ten in the morning. Afterwards, there would be a breakfast at the home of the Etons for the bride, the groom, and their families. I had been invited to attend. Mrs. Eton assured me that Mr. Pratt would be seated as far from me as possible.

I patted the last golden curl atop Dorcas’s head and pinned it securely in place. “You are as lovely a bride as I have ever seen.”

She met my gaze in the mirror. “Do you not think that William is the most handsome man?”

“He is indeed.” Her joy had become my own. “But his beauty cannot compare to yours.”

“Susanna.” She swung around and clasped my hands with hers, struggling to rise from the low chair. “I never thought I could be so happy. Had it not been for you—”

“Hush. Do not stand yet.” My smile took the sting from the command. “I must do my final chore for Dorcas
Pratt
.” While she waited, I picked up a locket—a wedding gift from the groom—and fastened it around her neck. “There you are.”

This time, I did help her to stand. We both admired her gown in the mirror. White silk skimmed her slight figure from shoulder to toe. Delicate silver lace trimmed the sleeves, low neckline, and high waist. The hem had been heavily embroidered in white with vines and bees.

I beamed with delight. “All will sigh with astonishment at the sight of you.”

She kissed my cheek and then crossed to the window, a light smile on her lips. “It truly is a glorious morning, is it not?”

“It is.”

“Have you heard from Mr. Lewis?”

The unexpected mention of his name shuddered through me, as it had been weeks since she’d asked. “I have received no letters of late.”

“You miss him. I see it in your face.” She turned away from the view beyond the window. “Will he ever come back for you?”

“Dorcas, what a question.” The pain of it staggered me. Our separation had been my decision, not his. Yet no one in this century could understand the ways of our relationship. Unfair as it was, I could not relieve Mark of this blame.

“Indeed, Susanna. It
is
a good question—and one that you evade.” She came to me, taking my hands with hers. “Why do you not go to that magical place by the falls? Would you find him if you went there?”

“Yes, but if I go to him, I shall never return.”

She gave my hands a little shake. “I love you, Susanna, but I would never choose you over William.”

Nor would I choose a friend over Mark—if that were the only consideration. “What if William’s future was less because you were in it?”

“That is an impossible circumstance. Is it this thought that troubles you? Do you believe that you will be too much of an encumbrance for Mr. Lewis?” She cocked her head to the side, her brow creased with surprise. “You do. I see it in your eyes. You must relinquish such thoughts, Susanna, and I shall tell you why. Here is a truth that I know too well. I am
lame
. William’s life will be made more difficult for my sake. He will carry me in so many ways. Suppose that I cannot care for his children. Suppose that the people of Edenton are not kind. They will doubtless whisper about me and pity him.”