Whispering Wishes (5 page)

With a sigh, I shut off my computer, reluctantly put the uneaten ice cream in
to the freezer, and go sit on the couch. I turn on an old “Friends” rerun, hunker down secure and warmly in an afghan, and settle in for a while.

The next morning, I jerk awake realizing I fell asleep on the couch, and immediately look at the clock sitting on the coffee table.
“Shit!” It’s already 6:30 AM and I need to catch the bus in a half hour. I run into the bathroom and take the fastest shower of my life. When the water hits my chin, it stings a bit. I finger comb my hair as I run into my closet and throw on some clothes.

I turn on the blow dryer to run the warm air through my hair
so it isn’t sopping wet, and just pull it up into a bun. I slap on some makeup, grab my purse and an umbrella, because fool me once and all that, then head out the door and down the street to the bus stop. I’m pissed I don’t have time for coffee. This is not a good start to the day.

I arrive just as the bus is starting to pull away, but flail my arms and the driver waits and opens the doors, thank goodness.
The bus is jam packed, and I find the best seat I can. Unfortunately, it’s next to a woman that reeks of cigarettes so badly I’m pretty sure I’m inhaling second hand smoke from her pores.

“Morning,” she rasps.

“Hi, morning.”

The bus ride begins and it isn’t long before the bus is stopping and going, stopping and going.
It seems like we’ve stopped more than we’ve gone anywhere. I wonder how many miles we’ve traveled so far. I pull my phone out of my purse to see what time it is and realize it’s still dead. I can’t believe I forgot to take it out of my purse and charge it. Great.

“Excuse me, do you have the time?” I ask the
ashtray-smelling lady next to me.

“Sure
.” She looks at the watch on her wrist, “it’s 8:00.”

“What?
Already? Oh hell! I only need to go to the Page Avenue stop. How the hell can we not be there already?”

“Oh honey, didn’t you see on the news?
The public transportation company cut funds and took away a bunch of the buses that used to run. All the buses that are left have to pick up the slack so it’s doubled their stops. They each have much more than before and so rides are taking twice as long.”

I mumble a curse under my breath, but her chuckle indicates she heard me anyway. “I’m going to be late to work and my phone is dead.
Do you have a phone I can use?”

“No, I don’t.
I’m sorry. But I’m sure your work will understand.”

“I hope so.”
Sure they will. What else should I say to convince myself?

My half hour bus ride ends up taking an hour and a half, and I don’t get to work until 9:00 AM, an hour after I’m supposed to arrive.
My travel time tripled! This is likely not going to be pretty. Bowing my head slightly and attempting to sneak peeks throughout the office, I walk through the front door and toward my desk with a horrible feeling in my stomach. Dave has a client at his desk and just as I am feeling good about having escaped undue attention and am placing my purse in its drawer and turning on my computer, he is immediately at my side.

“Aspen!
Are you okay? What happened? We’ve been trying to call you all morning and Lisa actually left a bit ago to drive to your house. We were so worried about you.”

“My house?
Are you kidding me?”

“No!
What happened?”

As I’m explaining sucky life events of the last evening and what occurred this morning, Dave can’t help but laugh.
His laugh turns into a choke when we both see Lisa fly through the door and come to a dead stop when she sees me.

She stalks over to my desk
. “Where have you been, Aspen? You are very late and you didn’t even call.”

“I know, I’m sorry.
What happened was—“

“Sorry?
We are a financial institution and it’s our policy that we have to have three people on the floor at all times for security purposes. If you were going to be late, then it is your responsibility to call and let us know so proper coverage can be obtained.”

“I know, Lisa, I’m sorry, but-”

“No. Sorry isn’t going to cut it. There is no excuse for your behavior. I know you’re upset over what happened yesterday, but I thought you were much more professional than this morning indicates.”

Her comment makes fire rise in my chest
. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.
You may be disappointed that Brandi got a job that you applied for, but leaving your fellow staff to have to deal with your absence without warning is unacceptable.”

“
Lisa, you are jumping to concl—”

“I think maybe it might be best if you take a leave of absence for the rest of the day today.”

“Wh—”

“Figure out what you want to do as far as your employment here is concerned.
Get your head on straight, and then we can talk tomorrow. Frankly, right now, I’m not interested in what you have to say.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No, Aspen. I’ve never been more serious.”

“Lisa-,” Dave tries to help, but Lisa holds up her hand in a gesture indicating to stop talking and won’t listen to either one of us.

“Look, I already called Karen and asked her to come in earlier than she was scheduled.
She should be here any time. Once she arrives, close up your drawer, close down, and head home.

“But that still leaves you short for lunch hour coverage.”

“We’ll manage. We will talk tomorrow in my office at 8:00 AM sharp, Aspen.”

I nod my head and do as she says.
What choice do I have? Fucking awesome.

I’m on the
bus again, this time seated next to someone that smells suspiciously like a combination of strong perfume and vomit. This day just keeps getting better and better. I’ve already been riding for an hour so far, and my head, while aching, is also spinning with everything that happened this morning. I can’t believe Lisa wouldn’t even let me explain. What the hell? She wouldn’t even let me speak! And she made horrible assumptions that are so unfounded. That encounter was all kinds of wrong. Part of me is sad and confused, but a larger part of me is angry. Really angry. The fire in my chest hasn’t dissipated.

Poor Dave.
He tried to help, but there was no way she was going to let him say anything either and he looked like he had something to say to me when it was all over, but didn’t dare with Lisa around.

Lisa made me feel like shit.
Part of me felt embarrassed, degraded, and mortally wounded and I could easily have walked out of the office with head hanging low and tears streaming down my face. Luckily, that was only a part of what I was feeling, the other part was feeling righteously indignant! How dare she! So instead, I walked out of there with an emotionless mask covering my face with my shoulders back and head held high. I didn’t do anything wrong, and I’m certainly not going to act like it.

The range of emotions and issues this has catalyzed are immense. They are things I’ve been ignoring for quite some time.
Like…I don’t really want to stay at the bank any longer. And it’s not about not getting the promotion. While I do think I deserved it, I was looking forward to it to grow, be challenged, get me out of the humdrum I’ve been experiencing. Truth be told, this is far from my dream job. I have no passion for it. Oh, I enjoy helping clients – especially the seniors who seem so needy and even lonely at times. But can I see myself doing this or another banking job for another ten or twenty years? Only if I like unpleasant visions - the kind that makes one want to puke.

No, it’s time to face this honestly.
Perhaps there is a reason I got passed up on this promotion…it’s a sign - a sign that I’m supposed to move on; find something else. I think that is exactly what I will do. I’ll start looking for something else. Something new. The question is what? I’ve got a business degree which I’m sure will help. Plus, banking experience goes a long way; there are many things I’ve learned while working there.

All of this self-talk has helped me survive the bus journey home.
And home feels pretty good right now.

Upon arrival, I finally remember to plug in my cell phone and charge it.
Then, I check my home voicemail knowing it’s the number I left for the mechanic. Sure enough, there is a message from him to give him a call. He has specifics and an estimate. More joy! 

“Hi, this is Aspen Edwards, owner of the Honda Civic returning the call of Al.”

“Sure, Ms. Edwards, just a second.”

I’m placed on hold for a few seconds and then, “Al, here.”

“Hi Al, this is Aspen returning your call about my car.”

“Hello there, let me grab your paperwork
.” I can hear rustling and shuffling papers around. I think they do that to allow the owner to brace themselves for the news. Al proceeds to tell me the problems with my car, the vast number and descriptions making me see nothing but dollar signs. Huge dollar signs. The kind with too many numbers before the decimal.

“Okay.
Can you tell me how much this is going to cost to fix?”

“Yeah, with the parts and labor
, you’re looking at around twenty-five hundred dollars.”

“
Seriously? That is probably more than my car is even worth at this point.”

“Probably pretty close, yeah.
I don’t know what you want to do here, but assuming you aren’t in a major accident, after we fix this, your car is in pretty good shape. It’s obvious you’ve taken really good care of your vehicle. In my opinion, you should get another year or two out of it yet.”

Well that settles that.
It makes more sense right now to get it fixed than to take on another car payment, but I’m hesitant to dig into my savings. I don’t have a ton saved, but what I do have, I’m hoping to use as a down payment for the house when the landlord is ready to sell it to me. She told me when I rented it she would eventually turn it into a rent to own. Which is exciting since my rent payments will not all have been in vain. We never worked out the details, but I know she will be fair. I’m nervous to get into that stash, but putting a down payment on a new car so that the monthly payment is affordable would be just too much most likely. I hate these kinds of decisions. Being a grown up bites. But I take a deep breath, aware that Al has been waiting for a decision all of this time.

“Okay, well please go ahead and proceed.
How long will it take to get fixed?” 

“It’s been a crazy week and we have a few cars we are working on ahead of you, but it shouldn’t be more than a few days or so.
I’ll give you a call when it’s ready.”

“Okay, thanks Al.”

After we hang up, I pull up my bank accounts online, grimace that the amount has not magically increased somehow, and make the needed transfer from savings to checking, anticipating having the dollars available to pay for my car when it is ready. Then I just sit and stare at the screen for a while unsure of how to proceed. I have the rest of the day off, even if against my will, so I may as well take advantage of the time and start working on my resume.

I pull up the latest word iteration
, realizing it’s already a couple of years old and start the process of editing. While editing, my thoughts move to what kind of job may be interesting. Several ideas run through my mind; though I am not qualified at all for most. I really have no clue what I want to do. 

I can hear my cell phone ringing in the next room.
I run out to see who’s calling and see Mischa’s face on my screen. “Hey!”

“Hey yourself!
How’s your day going? I wanted to see if you were doing better today than yesterday?”

I laugh.
I can’t help it. My laugh becomes a bit hysterical though. “That bad?” Mischa asks, but I can hear the underlying concern in her voice.

“Yep, pretty bad.
I was pretty much kicked out of work today when I showed up an hour and a half late.”

“Whoa
, why were you so late?”

“Well, the bus took forever to get to the stop near my work.”

“The bus? What? Why did you take the bus?”

“Well I had to when my car broke down last night.”

“What? Aspen! Your car broke down?”

“Yep and it is going to cost over two thousand dollars to fix it.”

“Oh no.”

“Yeah,
 I was actually going to call you later and ask for a favor.”

“Like you even need to ask?”

“Well first of all, if you have any of that oil or crystals or something that help with remaining calm, I could probably use the whole lot of whatever you have.”

“Oookay…..”

“And also, when you get off work do you think you could come by and give me a ride to the rental car place? My car is going to take a few days to fix, and I’m going to need something in the interim. I really don’t want to get on the bus again.”

“Yeah of course.
No problem.”

“Okay, thanks
, Mischa. I will see you later.”

“See you.”

We hang up and I head to the kitchen to make a simple salad for my lunch. Finished eating, I sit and stare at the wall, not sure what to do with myself. Perhaps a nap is in order. 

I wake up
to pounding on my door, and I’m so disoriented. It takes me a moment to realize I’m in bed and I can tell by the light streaming in the window that it’s still daytime. Then I remember I’m home because Lisa suspended me for the rest of the day, and I’m once again livid. So much for a soothing nap. The pounding on the door continues and I stumble out of bed and open the door expecting to see Mischa. It’s not her.

“Wes?”

“Hey. Sorry to bother you at home. I was driving by and thought I would take a chance to see if you were here.”

“Well normally I wouldn’t be
, but circumstances changed today and I’m home. What’s up?”

He runs his hands over his head in what appears to be a nervous manner, perhaps?
“Oh. Well. I just wanted to make sure you were okay after last night and the car thing. I wanted to see if you need a reference for a mechanic or if there’s anything I can do to help”

“Wow.
That’s really nice of you.” It occurs to me that we are awkwardly standing in the door of my house and I should invite him in, but I’m nervous. I really don’t know him all that well. And he could be a serial rapist or murderer. I’ve seen those movies, read those books, and seen the news. I push the door closed a bit more as those thoughts permeate. Peering out through a now slit in the door, I reply, “I think I’ve got everything covered, but thank you for stopping by to ask.” He stands there a bit awkwardly, and we stare at each other for a minute. I’m at a loss for what else to say, but am saved as Mischa pulls into my driveway. This could have been one of those close calls you hear about.

She gets out of her car with a smile and wave.
As she walks towards the door, I open the door a bit wider and she gives me a strange look I can’t really interpret. “Hey sweets. How are you doing? Any better?”

I give Mischa a hug
, a big hug, a bear hug, and an “I-may-never-let-you-go-away” hug. I know I just saw her yesterday, but it’s what I need to do. She returns my hug, albeit a bit less aggressively. And then I let go and say, “Hi, I’m okay.”

“Oh, well, I guess I should be going.
Like I said, I just wanted to offer my help. I have a buddy that’s a mechanic if you need any help with that. And I wanted to say I’m glad I was able to help you last night.”

“Me
, too. Thanks again for that.” I don’t miss the sideways look Mischa is giving me. “I had the car towed today to a mechanic and it’s being taken care of as we speak. I should get it back in a few days.”

“Okay.
Well, if you ever need a ride at all while it’s being fixed, I’m happy to help if I can. I can give you my number…”

“Oh, thanks… again… but Mischa is going to take me to get a rental car right now.”

“Okay. Cool. Well. I guess I will see you around then. I’m glad it all worked out.”

“Thank you for stopping by.”

“Of course. I wasn’t sure if you had family or anyone to help you. I was thinking if you were my sister or something, I would hope someone would help her so anyway, just thought I would offer.” He’s talking so quickly I can barely catch everything he’s saying.

“That was really thoughtful.”

He nods his head. “Okay, bye then. I guess I will see you around.”

I give Wes an awkward wave and as soon as Mischa comes in and we close the door
, she pounces. “Wow! How does he know where you live?”

“He gave me a ride home last night.”

“What do you mean? How did that happen? Explain yourself!”

“I will on the way to get the rental car.”
I turn to grab my purse so we can head out.