Whisky Melody: Rock Star Romance, New Adult College Romance (Tennessee Romance Book 2) (13 page)

Ashley paced her room, confused and exhausted. She wanted to go back to the hospital, but Melinda had told her they would be moving Kaylee back home as soon as she was released by the doctor, so there was no need for her to visit again. They were coming over to pack her things, and while she knew it was necessary, part of her rebelled against it.

Poor Kaylee. She just couldn’t handle the sudden freedom,
she reasoned, knowing that might have been what it really all boiled down to. She was sure plenty of people who left home for the first time couldn’t handle it either. Kaylee had gone too far, but she didn’t have to nearly die just for being a little foolish. Well, maybe a lot foolish. She wished she could see her. If her aunt would just let her in for a moment… Maybe the doctor didn’t want Kaylee to have visitors. Maybe—

A knock on the door jolted her out of her thoughts, and she hurried to answer it.

Melinda and Pete stood on the other side, staring at her, their faces grim.

“Is she… She’s still okay, right?” Ashley asked nervously.

Pete nodded. “She’s improved a lot. I still don’t know how the doctors missed that heart murmur all those years. They say it’s not uncommon to miss it, but… Well, anyway, at least we know about it now. That’s the most important thing, so we can keep an eye on it. It’s not dangerous in and of itself, but they told us she’s going to have to be a lot more careful in the future.”

Melinda looked around, as if inspecting the dorm. Ashley was glad she’d taken the time to clean up, and the whole place was neat. What she was not glad about was that while she was cleaning, she happened across a stash of drugs in Kaylee’s room. She’d flushed it all, because she didn’t want Kaylee’s parents or the school staff finding it. Still, she was worried that even after spending hours combing through Kaylee’s stuff, she still might have missed something.

Melinda shook her head. “I just don’t understand why you didn’t call us sooner. Your parents should have taught you better.”

At that point, Ashley’s temper completely and utterly snapped. “Look, we all have some blame in this, okay? I know there were some things I could have and should have done. I talked to her about it after someone told me what she was doing, but—”

Melinda rounded on her. “Wait. After someone
told
you? You mean you didn’t see it?”

“I did, once. I wasn’t sure, though. When I brought it up, she swore she wouldn’t do it anymore. That was a lie, because she kept right on doing it till…well, what happened. Yes, I should’ve called you, but you know what? Look around you. This is a
college
campus, not a kindergarten. Kaylee has always been able to run to you whenever she’s in trouble, and you’ve always fixed everything for her, but she’s an adult now. Your idea of fixings things is to put a Band-Aid over it. Band-Aids don’t fix problems; they only cover them up.” She sighed. “I figured she’d straighten up after she started flunking. I had no idea this would happen.”

Melinda’s eyes bored into hers as if she hadn’t heard a word Ashley had said. “Were you doing it, too?”

Ashley’s upper lip curled upward against her teeth. “Hell no! I’m not going to risk my future on crap like that! I don’t have a free ride here, a mom and dad who can just blindly and mindlessly sign my tuition checks. I’m here on a scholarship, one I can’t afford to lose. Not only that, but my future depends on it. So no, I wasn’t doing drugs. I never would. I have too much to lose and no one to clean up my messes for me.”

Melinda stared at her harshly, entirely relentless. “You could have helped her more! You’re her cousin, for Pete’s sake!”

“I’m also a human being!” Her words tore from her throat. It was all happening again. She was being blamed for someone else’s actions, and the misery and unfairness of it left her raw and aching. “I told you, it’s college. We’re all grownups here—or at least we’re supposed to be. What were you thinking? You never even gave her a chance to grow up before you shipped her all the way down here. Not once did you consider that your spoiled little girl wasn’t ready for all this!”

Melinda held a hand up.

Ashley, so angry she could barely keep from lashing out, stepped closer, her eyes blazing and her hand waving in the air. “Dammit, Aunt Melinda, look around you! University campuses are plagued with sexual assaults and drugs. Most of them are nothing but parties. Sometimes people get hurt, or killed, because they drink too much or do too many drugs. Surely you knew what college is like. Haven’t you ever seen a news report or movie in your lives? Did you honestly think she could handle all this when you’ve never let her handle anything? Whenever she made any mistake, big or small, you two just bought her way out of it, covered it up, or ignored it. Band-Aid. Band-Aid. Band-Aid! She wasn’t ready to fly because you never let her use her own damn wings, but you kicked her out of the nest anyway!”

Melinda’s mouth fell open. Her eyes went to Pete, who looked stolidly at the floor and refused to be drawn into the drama and mess. “I beg your pardon?” she said, glaring at Ashley once again.

Ashley shook her head. “You heard me.”

“I can’t believe you have the audacity to say those things to me, your aunt. Do you even know how much this stupid dorm costs? Do you have any idea what we’ve forked out for
you
? How can you possibly—”

Ashley cut in. “See? That’s the trouble right there. You think it’s all about money and nothing else. You gave Kaylee all the material shit, everything she ever asked for, but you never taught her a damn thing.” Her hands flew into the air. “When she told me you said I’m jealous of her because my family’s so poor, I just chalked it up to her being high, but now I know the truth. You actually think that way about me, about us.”

Melinda sucked in air. “I beg your pardon?” she repeated.

Ashley stormed to the other side of the room, just to keep from slapping her aunt right across the face. “Here’s a newsflash for you. Your darling daughter came down here and almost immediately got caught up with the wrong crowd, doing a bunch of junk. Blaming me for it is so stupid and pointless. I know it’s easy to say I should have called you, that I should’ve done more. I feel bad I didn’t, because she’s my cousin, and I love her. But I didn’t know what to do! She didn’t want my help.” She let out a sharp breath, clenching to her hands to stop them from shaking. “I came here because Kaylee was here, and I wanted to be around her. I did my best to be her friend, but I’m here to work, and that’s what I was doing. It isn’t my fault she’s not equipped to do the same. For you to make it sound like I’m only here because of your handouts is ridiculous.”

“You’re just waiting for the pity handouts, aren’t you?” Melinda snapped.

Ashley glared at her. “I earned that scholarship, worked my ass off for it. You aren’t paying for my education, and it’s not free. I have to earn it, so just pardon the hell outta me for being too busy to babysit an adult who didn’t know how to handle not having Mommy and Daddy around to clean up after her! If you think I owed her that just because you let me stay here with her, forget that right now, because I could’ve stayed anywhere on campus, and now I’m going to have to. If you honestly thought my sole purpose in coming here was to take care of your kid, you were dead wrong. I’m not my damn cousin’s keeper. That job should belong to the two of you…and to
her
.”

It felt good to let all of that out, but she also felt husked out and hollow. Her head and her whole body ached. She was still tired from the long night before and the frenzy of cleaning up behind Kaylee. In that moment, she felt like a deflated balloon.
But at least I didn’t burst,
she thought.

“How dare you!” Melinda screeched out.

Pete cleared his throat. “Melinda, stop while you’re behind, all right? Ashley’s right. None of this is her fault, and Kaylee isn’t her responsibility. Our daughter could have focused on her studies and worked hard, just like Ashley’s been doing. We can blame everyone until the cows come home, but it won’t change the fact that our daughter decided to get high and almost killed herself in the process. It won’t change the fact that she just isn’t ready for this. It won’t change anything, and it sure as hell won’t help Kaylee. We need to stop showing her that it’s okay to blame others for her mistakes…and ours. We’ve let her get away with that her entire life, and look where that’s gotten us. She nearly died because we’ve failed her as parents up to this point. She needs to learn how to be a grownup, and we haven’t been very good examples of that.”

Melinda’s hand went to her chest. “How can you say those things?

Pete shook his head and mopped his face with one big swipe of his own hand. “I can say it because it’s true…and because it needs to be said. When that girl gets out of rehab, she’s getting a job. If she can’t manage to stay in school, then she’s at least gonna learn to earn her own keep.”

Without another word to Ashley, they gathered Kaylee’s things. Ashley went to her own bedroom to start packing as well. She came out when she heard her aunt and uncle getting ready to leave.

They didn’t bother to say good-bye. Not that Ashley could blame them. Everything had become such a big mess and she had no idea how it had all happened.

The sound of Melinda crying and protesting all the way down the hall, carrying Kaylee’s things, only drove the point home more.

Ashley stood in the room alone, staring at the walls. She tried very hard to think, to sort out all the thoughts swarming through her tired brain, but it was all so jumbled and confused that she had no idea what to do. It was like an off-key symphony raging loudly in her psyche, and for the life of her she couldn’t tumble the notes back into any harmonious order.

The next morning, as soon as Ashley awoke she checked her phone. She was unpleasantly surprised that she did not see a single text or message from Logan.
That’s it then. He only came to the hospital out of duty, not love
, she decided. Her heart ached, and her stomach hurt as she realized that she was suddenly, truly, on her own, without Kaylee or Logan or anyone.

She stepped into a steaming-hot shower and stood under the spray for a very long time. She wanted to clear her head, but her heart was broken, and she could not seem to think past that break. She couldn’t manage to stifle the pain long enough to force anything else to make sense.

Somewhat robotically, she gathered up her cello and lugged it to class. The composition she had been working on had been unfolding slowly, but that day, much to her surprise, her fingers found the strings, and her heart found the rest.

Ashley was too intent on playing, intent on feeding the sorrow and trying to assuage it, to notice that a crowd had gathered around her as she played, her laptop recording every single note for her.

It all came out: her grief, her fear, all the confusion and pain. The hard work and overwhelming emotions that came from being new to the adult world and still struggling to shed her childhood was evident in her strumming. She closed her eyes and just let that song play out, for it was really the only thing she had left, the only thing that still made sense, the only thing she had to help her through it all. Her music was her pulse, her very essence, and she never hit a wrong note. Her always-analytical mind sorted through rhythms and notes long before her fingers found them.

The long piece ended, and applause rang out.

Ashley’s eyes flew open, and she stared at the impromptu audience. “What the…?”

“That was amazing,” said a violinist, holding her own instrument tightly as she just stared at Ashley in utter admiration. “Actually, that was beyond amazing. Man, you’re going to be the best composer on the planet! Maybe I should ask for your autograph now.”

My autograph?
Ashley laughed. The irony was too much, since all she really wanted at the moment was to be a member of a band that didn’t need her.

***

After classes were over, she headed back to the dorms. Logan was standing out front when she got there, and she slowed a bit when she saw him, her hands tightly gripping her case. It all came rushing back to her: meeting him that first day, when Charlie knocked her cello to the ground while playing football with some other guys; the stupid cab driver nearly destroying her instrument when he dropped it on the ground. On that very difficult first day, Logan had been a bright and shining star. She even still remembered their first meal together, and she would never forget him bursting in like the proverbial rocker in shining armor to save her from his very handsy stepbrother. She recalled the first time she had seen him onstage and that night at The Cave, when she became a full-fledged member of Whisky Lullaby. Her mind filled with sweet reminiscences of riding behind him on that motorcycle, making love with him, kissing him, and laughing and writing songs with him.

There was so very much she wanted to say to Logan, but she had no idea how to say any of it. The piece she had played for those onlookers without even realizing anyone was listening had taken the edge off her heartbreak and numbed it, but the sight of Logan flooded it all back into her again, in a very painful way—so painful it almost took her breath away.

She swallowed hard. “Hi.”

Hi.” He reached out and took her cello. “You look tired. Let me carry this for you.”

“Logan, I—” she tried to protest, but he took the case from her anyway.

“Can we talk, Ash?”

She sighed. “I guess. You wanna come up?”

“Um… Well…”

She sighed again. “Kaylee’s gone. She was discharged from the hospital, and her parents took her home.”

“The doctors let her fly like that?”

“Nope,” Ashley said. “They rented a car, so they drove back, with all her stuff.”

“Well, that’s good. I guess she’s been flying enough as it is,” he said, and the look on his face showed that he instantly regretted it.

The joke was tasteless, but she got it, and she offered a weak half-smile before her weariness set in again. “Yeah. She’s gonna be okay, though.”’

He followed her upstairs and into her room. He was gentle with her cello, something that was not lost on her. He straightened his posture, cleared his throat, looked at her, and asked, “How are
you
doing? I mean, I know everyone is asking about Kaylee, but has anyone asked how
you
are?”

“My mom did,” she said, as tears flooded her eyes. “You know, when Kaylee and I got in that fight, she said some really nasty things. She told me some horrible stuff that her parents said about my family. I didn’t believe her, until they came here to get her junk. Her mom, my Aunt Melinda, has always been heinous. She grew up in Newark or something, and she and my uncle have done really well for themselves. I’m happy for them, but it’s like they show off and are always talking about how great they have it. I’ve always known they’re wealthy. I just… Well, I didn’t realize they think we’re below them.” She wiped her eyes with the back of one hand. “That kinda hurt, finding that out.”

Logan walked over and pulled her close.

She leaned into the strength of his body, even as her brain whirled into confusion.
Wait. What’s happening? Are we together again? Are we a couple or not?
She was afraid to ask if he still wanted her in the band or his life. She was terrified the answer would be no, that he would say he was only there because he was just a friend. He really was a great guy, and she knew he would never just leave her hanging when she really needed somebody. She did need him just then, but she wanted him as more than just a friend, and she was scared he no longer wanted her that way.

“Yeah, I know some snobby people like that,” Logan said. “I always want to just slap them.”

She chuckled weakly. “I came this close to slapping my aunt. That would’ve made Thanksgiving really uncomfortable. Speaking of the holidays, now I don’t even know…” She paused to wipe her eyes again. “Dammit, Logan. How did it all go so far off the rails…and so fast?”

He shook his head. “I have no idea. “

She gulped. “They think some sort of fake molly hurt Kaylee. There are these frat guys making meth and selling it. Who knows how they’re making it or what they’re making it with. Kaylee wasn’t the first to get sick, but she was the first to get so close to dying. I have an appointment with the dean today. I think they think I’ve been using, too, or maybe they think I’ll rat out her dealer or something. I’m really scared I’m gonna get kicked out of school, when I didn’t do anything wrong. Now I understand why Charlie had to break up with her, but I just couldn’t do that when she’s my cousin and roommate.”

He tucked her against his body and rested his chin on top of her head. “No, and I know a whole lot of folks who will be happy to go to bat for you if anyone tries to say you did anything wrong.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Feeling infinitely better and a bit emboldened, she backed away from him. “So what about us, Logan? What about the band and us as a couple? If it’s not gonna happen, I understand, but I need to know now, before I get any deeper into this thing.”

His eyes met hers. “I want you in my life, Ashley. I just don’t want to screw up your chances.”

Her forehead puckered. “What do you mean?”

He spread his hands out and waved them around the room. “I mean I want this, all of it. I want a band that goes on the road. I want fame and money, all that fortune and glory. The trouble is, I don’t know what you really want. I mean, I know what you need. You need music. The question is… Is the band really going to be enough for you?”

She was perplexed by that question and wondered what he was really getting at. She shoved her hands in her pockets and contemplated the expression on his face. “It is…at least for now. Why?”

“For now? Not for always?”

Oh
. She tried to consider that. “I don’t know, Logan. I mean, come on! We’re still… Look, there’s no way I can tell you what I want forever. I can’t possibly know. I have to try things and figure it out, I guess.”

“But I need you to be in all the way. I need commitment from you when it comes to the band, if nothing else. I mean, you being in the band has nothing to do with us being together. I didn’t mean to make you think or feel that.”

“I see.” She really didn’t, but she was glad to know he felt that way.

Logan rested his hands on her upper arms. “Look, I need you to commit to the band or stay out of it. It’s not something half-ass. You gotta be all in or all out. I’ve got big plans for Whisky Lullaby, and I need to know what’s gonna happen next, that’s all.”

Concern flooded her.
How can he expect me to give him a permanent answer right now? Can I really say I want to be a member of that band forever?
She didn’t even know what she wanted to do when she graduated. She used to think she did, but things had changed in the blink of an eye, and there were so many possibilities to consider. Everything was going in so many different directions all at once, so she could only answer with the truth. “Logan,” she said, “I can’t honestly say what will happen with me, music-wise. I know I want to be in the band, but I can’t promise forever. I mean, I’m doing my own thing, too, and it’s important to me. I finally wrote my piece today, sort of accidentally, and it’s really good. I even got a standing ovation! Composing is what I want to do. I love the band, and I love everything about being in it, especially with you, but what if something happens and I choose to go in a different direction? Will you be mad at me?”

He let his hands linger on her arms, and his face hovered close to hers. “I don’t know.”

She appreciated his honesty, but it also stung. That was not the answer she had hoped to hear. She wanted to hear him say he’d understand, that he cared about her dreams as much as she cared about his, that what she wanted or needed to do was valuable and valid.

“Well, I don’t know either,” Ashley finally said. “I don’t know how to separate us from the band either. I don’t know how to sort out what we have together as a couple from what we have as a band. It’s all just so complicated, and I really don’t know what to do.”

His eyes still stayed on hers; that was one of the things she loved most about him, that he always looked her in the eye, no matter what. “I know it’s complicated, and I don’t like it any more than you do, Ash. It’s just… Well, it’s time, and I’m really trying to make something happen for Whisky. No matter how this thing goes tonight, it’s time. I need to start really reaching for that dream or just let it go. I refuse to be just another lame wannabe who plays a bunch of gigs in college, then fades out. I don’t want to be a weekend warrior guy with a real job who only plays on the side. I want music to be my whole life, and I wanna spend my life doing it.”

“I get that, Logan. I do. I get it because it’s what I want, too. I just don’t know if what we do as musicians is something we’ll always do together. I mean, realistically, we just don’t like the same things, at least not all the time. You aren’t interested in music theory or classical training or any of the hundred other things I find so fascinating.”

He shifted. His body pressed against hers for just a moment before he moved away. “Are you saying you’ll just…get bored?””

She bit her bottom lip and looked at him sincerely. “I’m saying I don’t know. Maybe I will. I mean, I don’t find you boring at all, and I love what Whisky Lullaby does, but… Well, as much as I love the music that we play, even the genre, I don’t think it really challenges me enough. I sorta need that, to keep me motivated.”

“Hmm,” he said, scratching his chin. “I guess I get what you’re saying. It takes a lot of talent and training to do what you do, and I know you’ve poured your heart and soul into those things, not to mention that math-nerdy brain of yours,” he teased.

“Logan, we’re both talented. My talent is just not the same.”

He laughed. “Yeah, we’re as different night and day. I think that’s why we work, though. You shave off the rough edges, and I give you some street cred.”

She swatted his arm. “Oh really? I have lots of street cred already, thank you very much. I grew up in the big city, you know.”

“Not the biggest in the world,” he argued, then ducked to avoid another playful swat.

“That’s true, but still… Look, I know you’re right about all this. It’s also smart to start working on actually making your dream a reality, but we have to consider the fact that I might go in a different direction at some point. I have to know that if I need to, it’ll be okay—that it won’t cause us to break up or resent or hate each other. I’ll never try to hold you back, Logan, but I need to know for sure that you won’t try to hold me back either.”

His smile was rueful. “The only way to know for sure is to try.”

“True.”

It was very true, in fact, but Ashley knew the truth of the matter really solved nothing. “I don’t know what to do here.”