Where Yesterday Lives (44 page)
Read Where Yesterday Lives Online
Authors: Karen Kingsbury
Casseroles and sliced meat, breads and salads, desserts and a dozen different dishes were spread out along the Barrett family dining room table when Ellen returned.
As she entered the house she realized that something had changed. The somber gloom that had hung over them at the funeral and later at the cemetery had disappeared. Instead there was laughter and conversation as people swapped fun-filled stories about John Barrett, remembering the good times.
Ellen realized then that there would always be sadness over her father’s death, but there would also be times of celebration in remembering his life.
She smiled and joined in the conversation. This was one of those times.
Ellen and her family were about to share a final breakfast together before everyone went their separate ways. Conversation was pleasant among them and the tension that had plagued them all week had disappeared. Ellen guessed she had five minutes before it was time to eat and she disappeared to her parents’ bedroom.
Thumbing through her purse she found what she was looking for and dialed the long-distance number.
“Hello?”
“Leslie, it’s me, Ellen.”
“Ellen, how are you? I’ve been thinking about you constantly. How was the funeral?”
“Amazing. I’ll call you when I get home and tell you all
about it. Listen, I only have a minute, but I wanted to tell you about Jake. Everything worked out okay, Leslie.” She paused as a lump formed in her throat at the thought of her long-lost friend praying for her on the phone earlier that week. “Thanks for praying.”
“I’m not surprised,” Leslie said, a smile in her tone. “God wasn’t going to let you go, no matter how confused you felt. What about Mike?”
“He came. It was…amazing. We talked and prayed together and worked things out. Or we started to. We need the Lord in our marriage, Leslie, just like you said. We’re going to start going to church again as soon as I get home.”
“Oh, Ellen, I’m so glad. Hey, let’s not let so much time pass before we talk again. Okay?”
“Okay. And thanks again. For praying, I mean. I think I know what would have happened otherwise. Remember that Scripture in 1 Corinthians, you know, the one about temptation?”
“‘God will not let you be tempted beyond what you can stand, but when tempted he will also provide a way out.’”
“That’s the one. It was sure true this week. You prayed and God showed me a way out.”
“It’s a battle, Ellen. Prayer is our most powerful weapon. Don’t forget that.”
“Never again. Listen, I gotta go. I’ll call you next week.”
The conversation ended and Ellen returned to the table to join the others for breakfast.
“I’m stuffed,” Ellen said thirty minutes later. She wiped her mouth with a napkin, glanced at her watch, and turned to Jane. “I think we’d better get going. Our planes leave in six
hours and well need time to check in.”
Their bags were already packed, lined up near the door, and Troy began loading them into the rental car. When he finished he buckled the children into the backseat and stood by the car waiting for Jane and Ellen.
Megan approached her sisters and smiled, her eyes brimming with tears. “I told myself I wasn’t going to cry today and I’m not.” She hugged each of her sisters. “I love you guys. Write, okay?”
Ellen and Jane nodded, their eyes damp.
“And you come out and visit sometime,” Jane told her. “The kids would love to spend a week with their Aunt Megan.”
“Hey, Megan, it was too crazy yesterday to tell you, but thanks for that song,” Ellen said. “Dad would have loved it.”
Amy left Frank at the table and moved to join her sisters. “I feel like we should have another week together now that everyone’s getting along.” She smiled sadly, hugging Ellen and Jane.
“Now, let’s not push our luck,” Jane said. The others realized she was joking and they formed a circle then, laughing because it was easier than giving in to the flood of tears they each held back.
“Remember how we used to be when we’d leave some city and move across the country?” Ellen asked. They remained in a tight cluster, thinking back. “The four of us girls. I thought we’d be like that forever.”
“Me, too,” Megan added.
“Inside here—” Jane spread her fingers over her heart—“we’re still those little girls.” She looked at each of her sisters. “Let’s stay in touch, huh?”
“We have to,” Amy said. “It’s too much work to be strangers.”
They all laughed again and gently pulled away. Aaron
approached them and hugged Jane first, then Ellen. “I can say it now.” His voice was gentle and warm and it seemed that the dense layer of ice that once covered his heart had finally melted. “I love you guys. Take care.”
They hugged him and repeated his sentiment.
“I was proud of what you did at the funeral, Aaron,” Ellen said.
He nodded. “I should have done it sooner.”
“Well, take care of yourself.”
His eyes grew watery. “I’ll miss you. Really.”
“Hey, none of that now. Well be together again sometime,” Ellen’s voice was thick with emotion. She looked at the faces around her. “We’ll have to have a reunion or something, right?”
Everyone nodded and moved about uncomfortably, not wanting the moment to end. Finally their mother cleared her throat and stepped forward.
“You girls have a safe flight. And call me tonight so I know you got in safely.”
Ellen and Jane looked at each other and laughed.
“You thinking what I’m thinking?” Ellen asked.
“Some things never change, right?”
“Right.”
“Now, girls, I’m only concerned for your safety,” Mom defended herself, grinning at them.
“I know.” Ellen smiled at their mother and hugged her. “I’ll call.”
They pulled Jane into the embrace then, and Jane’s voice was raspy. “Me too.”
“Love you,” Mom said, holding on to them a bit longer.
“Love you, too,” they replied.
Then waving once more at their brother and sisters, Ellen and Jane turned and walked toward the car. As they had done
so many times when their father was alive, the remaining Barrett siblings filed onto the sidewalk and waved good-bye until the car bearing their older sisters had disappeared from sight.
T
he airport was busy and by the time they arrived inside the terminal, Ellen and Jane were running late. Ellen’s gate was five minutes away from the one where Jane and her family were flying out, and the two sisters suddenly found themselves forced into a hurried good-bye. Troy and the children stood several feet away giving them a few moments of privacy as a constant stream of travelers flowed around them.
Jane looked at her sister, her face filled with regret. “Ellen, I wanted to say something to you yesterday but there were always so many people around that I—”
Ellen held up a finger. “Don’t,” she said gently. “You’ve already said it. Besides, you were right. I should have asked you what was wrong a long time ago.”
“But I treated you so badly How can you forgive me?”
“Jane, do you really think I could ever hate you?”
Jane looked down, staring at the bag in her hands. “I could understand if you did.”
“I don’t. I never have hated you.”
“Well, now, there were a few times there…” Jane’s voice trailed off and she grinned.
Ellen smiled, glad to see her sister’s sense of humor again. She’d really missed it. “I don’t know when we’ll see each other again.”
Jane nodded and tears glittered in her eyes. “You and Mike’ll have to come spend some time with us.”
“Or vice versa. There’s always room for your family at our
house if you need some time at the beach.”
“You know, Ellen, despite all the mean things I said…you’d make a great mom.” Jane took Ellen’s hand in hers. “I’ll pray for you…that next time there won’t be a miscarriage.”
Ellen nodded, too choked up to speak.
There was an awkward silence then, and Jane looked at her watch. “Well, I’d better get going. The plane leaves in twenty minutes.”
Ellen nodded, blinking away her tears so she could see clearly.
“Jane, remember when we were little, what we used to say to each other every night?”
“Sure,” Jane smiled, her eyes distant. “I remember. Why?”
“I don’t know. I just wondered if you remembered.”
Jane’s smile faded then and she rushed into her sister’s arms. She held her for several moments, unaware of the people around her. Her voice cracked when she was finally able to speak.
“Good-bye, Ellen, I love you. See you around.”
It wasn’t exactly what they had said to each other all those years ago but it was as close as they would come. Ellen smiled, her tears falling onto Jane’s shoulder.
“Good-bye, Jane,” she mumbled. “I love you, too. See you around.”
They pulled away then and studied each other one last time before turning, and without looking back, going their separate ways.
The plane took off smoothly over the Detroit area, circling gently around lower Lake Michigan and heading back across land toward the Atlantic coast. Ellen sat next to the window watching Detroit disappear behind them. She wore her sunglasses
again, her back turned slightly to the passengers beside her. She wanted the next three hours to herself so she could remember all that had happened that week, to try to make sense of it.
She had made peace with everyone, it seemed. Her father, her sisters, her brother, Mike. Even her Savior. But she hadn’t really made peace with Jake. There were things she would have told him if she’d had a chance at the funeral.
She stared at the tree-covered land below, thinking. Suddenly, she knew what she had to do.
She opened her bag and found the pad of lined paper and a black ink pen. Gazing into the endless blue sky, she pictured him sitting beside her in his truck, splashing in the waves with her at the beach, letting go of her on his redwood deck. Perhaps things would have been different if she’d met Jake later in life. Or if she had never married and run into him again. But that wasn’t the way it had been…and everything about Jake Sadler was borrowed from a place where yesterday lived.
She began to write.
“Dear
Jake…”
The pen moved effortlessly across the page and Ellen paused, drifting back. With a sigh, she continued.
I wanted so badly to talk to you at the funeral but you left before I could say good-bye. I think I understand. Mike was there and you wanted the two of us to be alone together. Like we should be.
I’m in the air as I write this, suspended between your world and my world with Mike, and I feel compelled to talk to you one last time.
I
cannot put into words what seeing you this week meant to me. It was as if all the years between us disappeared in an instant And yes, it made me wonder.
I think of your question on the beach, when you asked me if I
still had feelings for you, and I can tell you honestly that I do. You were my first love and my heart has not forgotten. It never will. I needed you this week and I will always be glad I called.
But you were right to let me go, to send me back to Mike. Because what you and I shared has come and gone, and I believe you understand that even better than I. As you said, if we had stayed together it would never have worked. Right now we’d still be fighting over some different girl in a different bathrobe standing on your grand front porch. And Yd still have a broken heart.
I guess I’m trying to thank you for loving me enough to leave what we shared in the past You have grown into quite a kind man, Jake Sadler.
You should know I’m doing all right about my dad. The sadness has faded somewhat, and when I think of him now I see him where I will always see him: sitting with us five kids at a Michigan football game, his cheeks red from the cold, his fist raised in the air and that smile stretched across his face.
I keep finding myself thinking about what you said that night when we were on the way to your house. “Choices. Passages. Moments that make a difference for a lifetime.” Seeing my dad that way is one of those moments.
So were you, Jake. You must know that a part of me will always love you, always remember what we shared. And every once in a while I will think of you, as I know you will think of me.
By the way, about that omelette shop, I really think it’d be a winner. And I’m never wrong, you know. Except once when I was a kid and I thought Yd grow up to marry my best friend. I was wrong about that.
You have changed so much since then. You’ve made a wonderful life for yourself, and I know one day you’ll find the
right person to share it with. When you do, I pray you’ll place God at the center of your home. He alone can make the difference when troubled times come. That much I know from experience. I never told you, but I gave my life to Christ after we broke up. And even though I’m still growing, Jesus has never
given
up on me. His peace and love truly do surpass all understanding. It might sound like a cliché, but my life really would be nothing without the Lord.
Anyway, I wish only the best for you, Jake. I guess that’s all. I don’t expect you to write back or call me when you receive this. It wouldn’t be right. Just know that I enjoyed this past week, being with you again, remembering a thousand memories of the way we were. The way everything was. It was a passage of sorts, another moment. But most of all this past week gave me a few precious days in the place where yesterday lives.
Thanks, Jake. I won’t forget you.
Love always, Ellen
That same moment, in a small country kitchen in Maplewood, Pennsylvania, Imogene Spencer placed a telephone call to Erma Brockmeier.
“Erma, I’ve just got word from the church office. That young woman we were praying for? You know, Ellen Barrett?”
“Yes, how is she?”
“Everything worked out just fine, dear. You can take her off the prayer line.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful. Praise the Lord. I’ll be sure to tell the other ladies.”
“Yes. Now about that other couple, the one in Ohio whose son is in the hospital? Here’s what I think we need to pray…”
