Where Love Grows (42 page)

Sobbing, she walked over to the dresser drawer and pulled out the driver's license. Holding the piece of plastic up to the light, her photo stared back at her. A memory of all she'd accomplished and what she'd been through. But there was too much to lose here. Even the painful trip to Deacon Ray's was worth choosing to stay. Had not
Mamm
and
Daett
gone through much worse?

With the lamp in hand, Susan returned to the kitchen.
Mamm
took the license, opened the stove lid, and dropped the piece of plastic inside. It curled on the edges and shriveled until it was a small mound of goo. The flames leaped up, and it disappeared.

“There!”
Mamm
said. “That's done. Now for the trip to see Deacon Ray.”

“I'm going to ask Steve to go with me,” Susan decided as the tears stung her eyes.

“I think I'd better go with you,”
Mamm
said. “Deacon Ray might listen to an older voice of reason.”

“First, we will eat breakfast and pray,”
Daett
said. “After that I think it's Susan's choice. She will know what is best.”

“But, Menno,”
Mamm
protested.

Daett
laid his hand on
Mamm
's shoulder. “We have already interfered enough for one morning. Susan will find the right road.”

A sob shook Susan as
Mamm
hung her head. “I'm sure you know best, Menno. I'll fix breakfast then.”

“Thanks,
Daett
,” Susan said as she wrapped her arms around her father's neck.

“Now, now,” he said. “Your
mamm
loves you too. She's just worried and wants to help.”

Susan went to
Mamm
's side. “I'm so sorry.”

Mamm
turned toward her with a weary smile and opened her arms. They embraced. “You don't have to help with breakfast,” she whispered. “You've been through a lot.”

Susan said nothing, but she helped with the bacon and eggs anyway.
Mamm
worked beside her, glancing up once in a while, the hint of a smile on her face. “You've turned into quite a fine woman, Susan. I know you'll do the right thing.”

Susan nodded, not trusting her voice. They finished the meal preparations and called
Daett
in from the living room. He sat down and began praying, “O dear
Da Hah
, all-knowing God, help us this morning to praise Your name even in the midst of our troubles. We give You thanks for the breath of life You have placed within us, for the love we feel from our families, and for the joy we receive from being in Your presence. Help Susan this morning, and all of us, to face our lives with courage, with humility of heart, and with thankfulness for all You have given. Bless this food now. Bless Anna and Susan for preparing it. We receive it with thanksgiving. Amen.”

“Amen,”
Mamm
echoed. She looked up and handed the plate of eggs to
Daett
. He slid off what he wanted and passed the plate to Susan.

They ate in silence, and
Daett
prayed again when they were finished.

Susan stood to help
Mamm
clear the table.

“I'll get the horse ready,”
Daett
said as he left for the barn.

Mamm
and Susan worked side by side in silence. Over their heads the lantern hummed. “Go now,”
Mamm
said when she caught sight of
Daett
coming out of the barn with the horse.

Susan kissed
Mamm
on the cheek and then grabbed her winter coat in the mudroom. She put it on and slowly walked outside.

Daett
had Toby under the shafts when she arrived. After fastening the tugs on her side, Susan climbed in.
Daett
threw her the lines and slapped the horse on the rump. Susan looked back as she turned south toward Ada's place.
Daett
was walking across the lawn, his back bent, but he waved. Susan pressed back the tears. At Ada's place, she stopped by the hitching post and waited. Now what? Would Steve even go with her? Had he eaten breakfast yet? Would he risk getting into trouble himself? Gathering her courage, she left the lines hanging over the dashboard and walked up to the front door. She knocked, the sound loud in the still morning air.

Ada opened the door, a questioning look on her face.

“May I speak with Steve?” Susan asked. “Out here?”

“Can he at least finish his breakfast?” Ada asked. “We're almost done.”

Footsteps came across the hardwood floor, and Steve appeared in the doorway, slipping on his coat.

“I'm done,” Steve said with a smile. He stepped outside.

Ada shut the door behind him, still looking puzzled.

Ada will have to figure this out later, Susan decided. Right now explaining to Steve would be hard enough.

“Is something wrong?” Steve wasn't smiling anymore.

“My driver's license was discovered yesterday,” Susan blurted out. “Deacon Ray knows, and I have to go talk to him about it. Will you come with me?”

“Whoa!” Steve said, holding up his hand. “Where is the driver's license now?”

“
Mamm
burned it this morning after we all talked about it.”

Steve looked at her but said nothing.

“So will you go with me? I plan to ask his forgiveness and see what I can do about patching things up.”

“Let me tell Ada I'll be gone for a while.”

He disappeared into the house. The moments seemed long before he reappeared with his hat on his head.

“Did you tell Ada and Reuben what is going on?”

“No. You'll have to tell them later.”

“Thank you.” She climbed into the buggy. Steve followed, taking the lines without asking. It felt
gut
, Susan realized, to have him take charge. But it might take more than that to persuade Deacon Ray to go easy on her. Yet what could Deacon Ray do? They had already destroyed the license. She might have to do a public confession, but that was bearable...providing Steve stuck with her.

Steve drove for a mile or so before taking a turn down a side road.

“Where are you going?” Susan asked.

He said nothing, driving on and bouncing to a stop under some trees overlooking a pasture. Beyond the field, a small stream ran, the cold waters tinkling over rocks. The edges of the banks showed small feathers of ice streaking outward.

“I'm having this out right here,” Steve said.

“Having what out?”

“Will you marry me, Susan?”

“Steve!” she gasped. “On a morning like this?”

“Just answer the question.”

“Do you think this will make things better? Must I prove my loyalty before you support me in front of Deacon Ray? Don't you know I can always get another driver's license? The
Englisha
people keep those records.”

“
Yah
, I know that. But that's also where you're wrong. I want your heart, Susan. Any of us can break the rules, run off to wherever afterward. The question is where our hearts lie. Do they lie here in this land of the people, among those who love us, among others who fear
Da Hah
as we do? Where is your heart, Susan? Does it lie with us? Does it lie with
me
?”

Tears stung Susan's eyes as she studied Steve's serious face. She reached up to brush his cheeks with her fingers, “My heart has been with you for a long time, Steve. It's just been slow in knowing it.”

“Then you're saying
yah
?
Yah
to us? To our life together?”

She nodded.

Where had the love for this man come from? she wondered. Had
Mamm
been right? Did it spring up from things unknown?

He touched her face, his lips coming toward her. She lifted her face to meet his, clinging to him with both hands. He lingered in the kiss a long time.

“Now we are ready to meet Deacon Ray,” he said, taking a deep breath. He turned the horse and gently slapped the lines against Toby's back.

Susan nestled against Steve's shoulder, tears running down her cheeks. Why was she crying? There was nothing but happiness bubbling up in her heart. More happiness than she had ever known in her whole life.

T
he early morning sun warmed the inside of the buggy as Steve pulled into Deacon Ray's driveway. Susan sat up straight, taking her head away from the comfortable position on his shoulder. Her heart was still beating hard, and her head felt dizzy. How strange her life was turning out, with so many unexpected twists and turns. Who would have thought all those years ago, when she dreamed of Thomas with her head between her hands and elbows propped up on the school desktop, that a hired hand would be the one to win her heart?

Now here they were at Deacon Ray's on an unpleasant errand. She had arrived for her first church confession, and she wasn't even a member yet. It figured. This was how her life had always gone. Taking the road others stayed away from. It might as well keep on this way. With Steve standing with her, surely she would survive this too.

Susan caught her breath as Deacon Ray walked out of the barn. He had his wool hat pulled down low over his forehead and his heavy winter coat wrapped around him tightly. Pushing his hat up, he squinted in the bright morning sunshine, surprised to see them.

Susan waited while Steve tied up, and then she climbed down to stand beside him. Deacon Ray was coming toward them at a slow walk.

“
Gut
morning,” Steve greeted him.

Deacon Ray nodded. “
Gut
morning. What can I do for you two?”

Steve cleared his throat. “Susan has a matter that needs taken care of.”

Deacon Ray didn't waste time. “I suppose this is about the driver's license.”

Steve glanced at Susan.

Susan found her voice. “
Yah
, it is.”

“Is the finding of the license the problem or the fact that you had one?”

“Having one, of course,” Susan said at once. “I need to confess the matter. I know I do. It was my doing. No one else is to blame. I was keeping it as a memory of what had happened to me in the
Englisha
world.”

“I see. Did Steve know about the license before this morning?”

Susan opened her mouth to speak, but Steve answered first. “I did, Deacon Ray. I tried to talk Susan into getting rid of it, but she needed more time. I felt it was better to exercise patience in this situation.”

“You are a young man,” Deacon Ray said, squinting at Steve. “Do you profess to know what needs doing? Especially when such a thing concerns your girlfriend? It might have been better to tell the ministry. The flesh of man is very weak.”

“I take care of those I love.” Steve's voice was firm. “I made the best choice I knew how, with her best interest in mind. And I will continue to do so when she becomes my
frau.
”

“I see.” A hint of a smile crossed Deacon Ray's face. “Where is the license now?” he asked Susan.

“
Mamm
burned it after we talked this morning,” Susan said.

“That's
gut
,” Deacon Ray said, nodding.

“I'm sorry for the trouble and worry this has caused,” Susan said. “I really am.”

“Are you willing to say this in front of the church?”

Susan opened her mouth to agree, but again Steve spoke first. “I don't believe that is an appropriate measure to take in this instance.”

“You don't?” Deacon Ray was looking at him.

Steve didn't hesitate. “Susan isn't a church member. She hasn't been using the driver's license nor has she tried to influence anyone else into getting one. Don't some of the sins of
rumspringa
get forgiven without a public confession?”