When Time Fails (Silverman Saga Book 2) (2 page)

This wasn’t the way Annamari ever thought it would be. She should be happy. She was happy. She was marrying Thys. She wanted to marry him. She’d always wanted to marry him. For as long as she could remember. They were made for each other. She’d be crazy not to be happy.

They had been ‘unofficially engaged’ for years, she and Thys. Since they’d walked together through the gates of Driespruitfontein Laerskool for the last time, and he’d proposed. At twelve years old, she’d been almost as tall as him, and he’d looked into her eyes and told her that he was going to marry her. One day. Today.

Ma was looking a little frazzled. No wonder after arranging her only daughter’s wedding in just two weeks, in Bloemfontein, in Thys
’
oum
a
’s church, away from prying eyes and curious stares. As if everyone in Driespruitfontein was so bloody stupid they wouldn’t realise.

‘You ready?’ Pa said.

She took his proffered right arm, tight in an unfamiliar new tan jacket with a matching waistcoat. Pa’s dark blue suit, the one he’d worn to church and funerals and weddings – other people’s weddings for as long as she could remember – was probably still hanging in his cupboard at Steynspruit.

Ma brushed at the new panel they’d had to sew in to her puffy skirt to hide the stain where Oom Jan had spilled his red wine on Sunette last year. It was kind of Sunette to let her borrow her wedding gown, even if it made her look like a marshmallow. It would have been impossible to have a pretty dress like this made in time. Or to buy one. Not in Driespruitfontein or Bethlehem. Not even in Bloemfontein. The new panel was a slightly different shade of white but you had to look closely to notice. She didn’t really care. She shouldn’t really be wearing white anyway but Ma said that was stupid and of course she should. She was marrying Thys and she and Thys were always going to get married. Just not so soon, Ma’s eyes said, but her lips curled into a cheerful smile.

‘Be happy,’ Ma murmured in her ear, a prayer followed by a kiss before turning to Pa, straightening his blue tie. Then Ma tugged down her floral chiffon skirt and tottered through the door, unsteady in her new high heels. ‘If I don’t wear heels to my only daughter’s wedding,’ she’d said, ‘when will I ever get the chance?’

The organ was playing the tune it always played for brides at their weddings. It sounded so familiar, and so strange. Annamari stepped through the door at the back of the church and paused as dozens of curious eyes riveted themselves to her waistline. She lifted her chin, repaired her smile and squeezed her bouquet, a frothy confection of pink carnations, white roses and – deep irony that no one else seemed to notice – baby breath. Out the corner of her eye, if she glanced up, she could see Pa’s Adam’s apple wobble.

‘C’mon, Pa. Let’s do it,’ she said, and together, they made their way slowly down the aisle, the organ music soaring around them. There was Christo, all stiff and self-important in his role as best man, dwarfed by Thys. Poor Thys, so tall and straight and solid; his pink scalp shining through his freshly cropped white-blond hair; proud in his pale blue Driespruitfontein Hoërskool full-colours blazer. He turned his head and smiled at her, his velvet eyes crinkled at the corners, radiating love and trust. She caught her breath, stumbled. She couldn’t do this. Pa tightened his grip.

Thys’ fist closed over her nerveless fingers. Pa kissed her cheek and faded away. Together, she and Thys turned to face th
e
domine
e
. Not Thys’ father, thankfully. He’d refused to conduct the service, Thys had said. Thys wasn’t even sure his father would come to the wedding. But he had. Annamari could feel Dominee van Zyl’s eyes boring into her back. She lifted her chin once again and straightened her shoulders.

And then it was over. The organ soared once more as she marched back up the aisle with her new husband and through the church doors to face them all. Thys held her hand gently.

‘Ach Annamari, you loo
k
pragti
g
, so pretty.’ That was Santie gracious in defeat. She’d had her eye on Thys too. All the girls at school had. Who wouldn’t? Th
e
dominee’
s
son, the first team’s star player destined to be a Springbok, good-looking, kind, gentle, always polite. She smiled up at him. Her best friend. Her brand new husband. Her lover. He’d get better with more practice. He’d only done it that once. And it would be better, much better next time because he loved her and she loved him and he was her husband and she was his wife and it would be right, not a sin and so wrong, wrong, wrong. And she’d never compare, she wouldn’t.

Mariska, Esme, Marietjie, Janike, Karli, Lize... how had they got here? The hypocrites. She could feel their suppressed snickers and she smiled brightly back at them. It wasn’t as if they had never done it. She was sure they had. Down at the dam or under the stage in the school hall in winter or when it was raining.

You could taste their relief that they weren’t her. Especially stupid Mina, who everyone said had slept with every boy in the school. Except Thys. Thys said he’d only ever done it once, with her, and she told him she’d only done it once with him too. Which wasn’t really a lie. Yet here was Mina, looking smug and holier-than-thou.

And Thys’ friends – Wynand and Albert and Jaco and Eben and Schalk and Eben Two and Hugo – there they were, teasing him, pretending they were so proud of him when they were all just bloody thankful it wasn’t them. Even Mr Joubert had come today, despite the fact that he’d expelled her from school and taken away Thys’ prefect badge. Mr Joubert shook her hand and wished her all the best. The fat old fraud.

She scanned the faces beaming up at them as they posed for photographs in the church gardens, but she couldn’t see him. She’d thought he might come because of Thys. But she knew that he knew he wouldn’t be welcome at the church. Or at the reception afterwards. Still, she’d hoped he would show up, so she could show him she had Thys and Thys loved her and they’d be married happily ever after.

Even so, she’d never forget the scorn in his blue, blue eyes and the disgust in his voice when he spat those hateful words at her: ‘I’m not going to marry you.’

She was proud of how she’d held it together. ‘Are you crazy?’ she’d said. ‘I wouldn’t marry a Jewboy! Anyway I’m going to marry Thys. It’s all arranged.’

It was too. It was working out exactly as she’d planned after she realised why her breasts were feeling a little more uncomfortable than usual. And that she was late. Sheer terror had paralysed her. She knew what happened to girls like her. They were sent away and when they came back, everyone pretended not to know. But they did. It may as well have been tattooed on their foreheads: whore, sinner, slut. And it would be even worse for her, because she had done the unthinkable. She had slept with a Jewboy.

So she’d asked Thys to take her to se
e
Lied in my Har
t
at the Odion that Friday. They sat in the back row of th
e
bioscop
e
, necking and sipping the beers she’d smuggled in her kitbag, wrapped in her crocheted blanket to stop the bottles clinking and for afterwards. She let him feel her breast, and then moved slightly so he could slip his hand into her shirt and touch her nipple. She suppressed her smile at his involuntary gasp. After th
e
flic
k
, Gé Korsten’s soaring tenor still pulsing through their veins, they drifted, arms entwined, down to the dam where they sat on her blanket and kissed and watched the moon rise in the starry sky. Another beer, and then Thys seduced her.

Afterwards, mortified and apologetic, he held her as tears of relief streamed down her face. He said he’d always intended to wait until they were married. He said he still respected her. He said that one day, when they’d both finished high school and varsity, and he’d done his National Service, and he had a job so he could take care of her properly, he’d be so proud to make her Mrs Thys van Zyl. Until then, he reassured her, they wouldn’t sin again, and he kissed away her fresh tears of remorse that flowed and flowed.

A few weeks later, when she told him her period was late, he wiped away her tears and kissed her gently on the lips. ‘I’m sorry, Annamari. I’m so sorry. But I love you. I’ll take care of you, always. Don’t cry, it will be okay, you’ll see.’

Now, in front of all their friends and his father, he bent his head and whispered in her ear: ‘I love you, Mrs van Zyl. I’ll always love you – and our baby.’

They made love again that night, quietly, awkwardly, in their new room in hi
s
oum
a
’s house in Bloemfontein. This time, with the thin gold band reassuringly on her finger, she could have compared, but she didn’t, she really didn’t. She didn’t even think of him for very long when the storm woke her. And she didn’t think of him when Thys went home to Driespruitfontein to prepare for his final matric exams. She was too busy, with Ouma, preparing for motherhood.

‘I’m pregnant.’

She hadn’t meant to tell him like that. Thys deserved better, this time. She’d had it all planned. He’d come home and play with Arno for a while. Then she’d read Arno a short bedtime story and put him to bed. Then they’d sit at the beautifully set table with candles burning and everything, and she’d serve his favourite curry with yellow rice and raisins, and she’d give him another cold Castle lager and afterwards they’d snuggle on the couch to watch Dallas. And then she’d tell him.

But it hadn’t worked out like that. She’d always been grateful that the raging storm the afternoon Arno was conceived hadn’t affected her son’s sweet nature. But today, the nursery school had exchanged her placid, gentle, co-operative little boy for a five-year-old monster with the same blond curls and enormous blue eyes. He wouldn’t eat his lunch. He wanted pizza, not fish fingers. He’d charged in to her just as she was taking the rice off the stove and she’d dropped the pot. A teeny, tiny splash of hot water just caught his flailing arm as he dashed past. He screamed and screamed as she ran cold water over the imagined scald and apologised for hurting him. He calmed down after she kissed the
“
ein
a
” better again; and he splashed happily through the spreading lake of turmeric water on the kitchen tiles, tracking soggy rice grains and squashed raisins into the lounge carpet. Then Ouma had walked in, her arms filled with yellow Checkers bags and she had to give Ouma a nice mug of hot coffee and some buttermilk rusks. She only remembered to pack away the groceries Ouma had brought when she spotted the ice-cream dripping down the kitchen cabinet to join the yellow puddle on the floor.

Then the curry had boiled over while she was trying to persuade Arno to come inside for his bath; and he insisted on demonstrating again how he’d won the tadpole trophy at swimming yesterday. Then he’d knocked his Nesquik chocolate drink all over his favourite Superman pyjamas, just as Thys walked in all cool, calm and collected in his neat army browns and she couldn’t help it. She cried. She never cried. Well, not often. Arno stopped squirming and stared at her. Thys folded her into his arms and she snivelled and dribbled onto his stiff brown shirt while Arno watched, fascinated.

‘What’s the matter?’ Thys asked after he’d dressed Arno in his newly favourite Springbokkie pyjamas and put him to bed and wiped up the bathroom flood while she attended to the kitchen floor.

‘I’m pregnant,’ she said, and burst into tears again. She’d cried when she told him she was pregnant with Arno too, but this time it was different. This time she was happy, especially for him. He deserved a child – another child. He adored Arno. Thys was such a good, good man and a wonderful husband. He’d be a great father. He was a great father. He really was.

***

They said grace and snuggled down on the couch, munching the Kentucky Fried Chicken that Thys had run out to buy while she had a nice soothing bath and washed her hair.

‘We’re going to have to get a place of our own. This place will be far too small for all of us when the baby comes,’ he said, licking his fingers.

‘No. We’ll manage here.’

They’d have to. It had been a relief to move into the converted garage a couple of weeks before Arno was born. They’d been living in the room right next to Ouma’s for so long.

‘Ssh,’ Thys had said whenever she reached out for him in the first months of their marriage. ‘Ouma will hear.’ As her bump transformed into a mountain, it hadn’t mattered so much.

After Arno was born, they’d put his little camp cot at the foot of their bed. Thys closed his books in the spare room, checked that the baby was breathing, and climbed in to bed. She reached out for him.

‘Shh,’ he said. ‘The baby.’

The night that Thys graduated, Annamari moved Arno’s little bed into the study.

‘Shh,’ Thys said. ‘I don’t think he’s properly asleep. He’ll hear us.’

A place of their own, a bigger place would be a dream come true, once Thys had finished his National Service. Ouma was a darling. She helped out with Arno,she helped with the shopping, especially now that Thys couldn’t always get home in the evenings. She was kind and generous. She never said one word about Arno being premature. Not like her daughter and son-in-law, th
e
domine
e
, who always made some snide comment, every time he summonsed Thys to visit and Ma van Zyl would purse her immaculately pinked lips and shake her stiffly coiffured head and Thys would say, ‘Stop it, Pa.’

But the fact was that their little flat was just two metres from Ouma’s back door and she’d walk over for a chat when the dishes were piled in the sink and the beds weren’t made and unironed washing was strewn over the couch. Not that Ouma ever criticised. She even offered to let her cleaning girl come in and help occasionally.

‘Listen,’ Thys said. ‘I’ll take that job next year. At the prep school. It comes with a cottage in the grounds and Arno will get reduced fees...’

‘But I thought you wanted to teach and coach at a high school?’

‘I do. I did. But it doesn’t matter. You and ou
r
laaitie
s
are more important. Listen, it will only be for a few years. We can save and when we can afford our own place I’ll try for another job. Anyway, at least it’ll be convenient for training. The doc said I’d be fine again.’

‘Maybe I should get a job too?’

‘Doing what? It’ll cost us more for someone to take care of the children than you’ll ever earn. Oh, Annamari, I’m so sorry,’ he said as tears spilled down her face again.

Of course he was sorry, but it was true. She knew it and he knew it. The best job she could hope for was as a cashier at Checkers... unless...

‘Thys,’ she said, as if she had just thought of it. ‘Don’t you think it would be a good idea if I finished matric?’

‘Go back to school? That would be wonderful ... but you’re too old for that. And you’re pregnant again, that’s why you didn’t finish...’

‘I’m not even twenty-three yet.’

Thys flushed. ‘You know what I mean.’

‘I’m not talking about going back to school in a school uniform and everything. But surely I could do a correspondence course? I was more than halfway through when... you know.’

Thys nodded and reached for her hand. She pulled away, impatiently. ‘I should have written my finals. I’m sure I could have. I heard they let pregnant girls write at the police station. Oh well, it’s too late for that now but it shouldn’t be too difficult to pick it up again.’

Except for maths.
H
e
had helped her with maths. Thys had asked him to. Poor Thys.

‘It’s a wonderful idea,’ Thys said. ‘If you’re sure.It won’t be easy, you know. With matric you should be able to get a nice job in an office or something – but hopefully you won’t have to. I will take care of you and th
e
laaitie
s
, I promise.’

‘I know you will. It’s not that. It’s just that I feel so useless and stupid sitting around at home all day.’

‘You’re not stupid! You always got fantastic marks at school. You were right at the top with Alan, with Jaco. You could have got distinctions and everything. Except in maths. You were as useless as me in maths. I would never have passed if Alan hadn’t...’

Her heart thumped. She wished Thys would stop talking about him when she just wanted to forget
.

She changed the subject. ‘I bumped into Mina at Checkers the other day. She’s in her final year of nursing. She looked at me all superior and pitying.’

‘Mina? A nurse?But she was s
o
do
f
.’

‘Ja well. She at least got matric. And she got into nursing college.’

Annamari had wanted to be a nurse. That was why she’d had to improve her maths mark – so she’d be accepted for a BSc nursing degree at the University of the Orange Free State. Well, that was never going to happen. But if she got matric, then... then she’d see. Perhaps a teaching diploma, like Thys. She was sure Pa would help pay the fees.

***

It was still dark but she got up and ironed Thys’ uniform as he cleaned his boots and prepared to go back to Thaba ’Nchu.

‘Do you enjoy it? Teaching, I mean.’

She’d never asked him before but now that she was considering teaching...

‘Ja. Yes I do,’ Thys said. ‘You can’t believe how much those kids love to learn. They’re like little sponges. I just wish I didn’t have to wear army uniform in the classroom. It’s not ... it makes them uncomfortable.’

‘Why? They should be grateful to have a white teacher – and one who’s qualified.’

‘Well, I’d be on the border fighting terrorists and not in a classroom if I wasn’t qualified.’

‘Rubbish. They’d never send you to the border. Free State rugby needs you.’

‘Ja. For sure. And if I wasn’t injured, we’d have been the ones playing Province in the final, not the Bulls. And we’d have beaten them too. I’m going to make sure we bring the Currie Cup home next year.’

She raised her eyebrows and they both laughed quietly.

‘Seriously, Annamari, eve
n
kaffi
r
kids shouldn’t have to be taught by a soldier in uniform. I can see it in their eyes. They don’t trust me and if kids can’t trust their teacher... Some of them are really bright, you know. There’s this one littl
e
laaiti
e
, he’s sharp, hey. He asks lots of questions – sometimes I don’t know how to answer him.’

‘Like what?’

‘Like... like... Yesterday, he asked me why, if God created all people in His image, wh
y
kaffi
r
kids couldn’t go to the same school as white kids.’

Annamari gasped. ‘Because they can’t. Because it’s the law.’

‘But why is it the law?’

‘Because it is. Because, well because everyone knows that… that they’d fail in our schools.’

‘I’m not so sure about that. Like I said, some of those kids are really clever.’

‘But they are not like us. I mean, look at them.’

‘I don’t know. I mean, I’ve been thinking about it. A lot.And I have to ask myself, why did John say “Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment”, and there i
n
Galatian
s
, Paul said: “There is neither Jew nor Greek, neither slave nor free... for you are all one in Christ Jesus
”
and als
o
John 7:2
4
says...’

‘Thys!Are you turning into
a
commi
e
, or something?’

‘Of course not.It’s just I’ve ... since... I’ve never been wit
h
kaffir
s
like this... like ... like .... oh help - look at the time!’

He kissed her gently on the lips, put on his beret and quietly closed the front door behind him. Arno didn’t stir. She still had an hour before she’d have to wake him for school. She made herself another cup of coffee and worried about what Thys had been saying. She hoped he wasn’t saying those things to anyone else. He’d get into trouble. But he’d always been like that – always protecting the smaller kids from the bullies at school, being best friends with Alan Silverman – the Jewboy – and then look what had happened...

She forced herself to think of something else. Teaching. That’s what she would do. She’d become a teacher. She wondered whether she would have to have matric maths to do a teaching diploma – and if she’d pass without extra lessons.