When Our Worlds Collide (27 page)

Chapter Forty-One

-Kennedy-

The three of them watch me intently refusing to take their
eyes away as if something will change if they let their eyes wander elsewhere.
I don’t know what they’re waiting for. Maybe a few tears. Maybe a few curse
words. Perhaps an explanation, but Graham covered that for me. The fight in me
is unexpected. Graham’s and mine relationship is mine to protect. Having
someone I don’t know from Adam tell me what she believes our relationship to be
is the one thing to tip me over the edge.

When Veronica approached our table to take our drink orders
I knew instantly that Graham “knew” her and I use that word loosely. It was
evident that he had slept with her before she even got to Graham’s drink order.
She leaned into him closer than most waitresses would dare batting her
eyelashes in a seductive attempt to get his attention. Before me, I’m sure he
would have jumped at the opportunity. I’m not blind. She’s beautiful just as
I’m sure all the others are. She has dark auburn hair, a lean body, and
piercing brown eyes. There isn’t much not to like about her.

It’s a losing battle. I can’t stop my mind from wondering
how many more times this will happen. How many others are there exactly? I’m
sure the number would make my skin crawl. There will never come the day when I
ask him for that number. It’s meant to be kept a secret, buried deep down for
me not to ever find out.

The conversation quickly changes from my little spark of
confidence to Graham’s baseball career. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous
of him. This is a revolving disagreement with Graham and me. My options are on
a constant replay in my head. Graham’s going off to play baseball and I’m stuck
after graduation. Just as Graham’s meant to play ball I know in my heart that
I’m meant to dance. Now that might not be an option. With a broken leg it’s
kind of hard to dance. As Graham’s dreams are coming true mine are getting
further away from me.

I don’t resent him in the slightest. Don’t twist my words
around. He’s earned the privilege to do what he loves. He works his ass off
every day to play the game, but there’s a devil sitting on my shoulder
reminding me that the only reason why he’s going to get his chance is because I
made a decision that night. It’s a decision that freed him of being responsible
for his actions. I know I wouldn’t change anything that has happened. That
doesn’t stop me from wondering if he ever thinks about how that night affects
me.

Somewhere along the way in spite of everything that’s
happened I started falling for Graham. When he’s near I can feel it all the way
down to my bones. It’s in the way he looks at me. He’s the one and he came
along, so why is it that when I think about never dancing again I find myself
placing the blame on the only boy I’ve ever loved?

The honest to God truth is I can live without dancing if
Graham’s in my life.

There, I said it and now it’s out there. Well technically
it’s not out there because I’ve only said it to myself. Somehow I don’t think
that will matter. As much as I’d love to believe that this boy that’s sitting
next to me will see a future with me after we graduate, that might not be my
reality. Hell, I’d be happy if he can guarantee me we’ll still be together by
prom.

I keep telling myself that Graham’s the guy he keeps showing
me he is---the one that despite his reputation makes grand announcements in the
cafeteria and kisses me on the forehead before running off to practice. He
holds my hand when he knows I’m uneasy. I pray that he will still be the guy
that I’ve fallen for when we hit the impasse of what could be the failure of
our relationship.

I look across the table towards my best friend. We are in
tune with each other. Like always she can tell that I’m inside my own head.
Violet’s always been good at that. That’s why our friendship has worked so
well. She’s the crazy, spunky, fly by the seat of her pants type and I’m the
exact opposite. I’m high strung and predictable.

“Dan, move. I need to go to the bathroom,” Violet pushes on
his arm to get by him while giving me a half-hearted smile. I know exactly what
she’s up to. I untie my fingers from Graham’s picking up my purse.

“I’ll go with you,” my voice even to me sounds off. This
doesn’t go unnoticed by Graham. He always has an advantage of knowing when
something is bothering me. Usually I find his perceptiveness an endearing perk
to our relationship. Right now it’s a pain.

“You okay?” Graham asks as he stands reaching for me with
his hand to help me out of the booth.

“Of course,” I reply with a shaky voice kissing him on the
cheek.

 Violet grabs my hand dragging me to the back hallway.
There’s a missing light bulb making the hallway unnaturally dark. I’m a few
steps behind Violet when she slams the bathroom door open. The space is empty
thankfully. I step in behind her and lean up against the door. My eyes are
shut, but I can tell she is keeping a watchful eye fixed on me.

“Spit it out,” Violet’s voice rings with understanding. I
open my eyes to see her sitting on the countertop with a soft sympathetic
smile.

“You know there are more germs on that countertop than
what’s in that toilet,” I avoid her question pointing at the open stall.

“Nice try and you know I’m a little dirty anyways.” Violet
winks. I can’t stop myself from rolling my eyes at her remark.

All I have to do is spit it out, like she said. Get it off
my chest and there’s no one better to do that with than my best friend. She’ll
act understanding and nod when it’s appropriate because that’s what friends do.

“I’m…I’m afraid…” my voice trails off before I can bunch the
thought together into an actual sentence.

“Jesus Kennedy, get it out already. The boys are going to
think we fell in. What are you afraid of?” Her voice rose, but I know she
wasn’t trying to be forceful. She just knows me well enough to know that
sometimes I need an aggressive push.

“That at some point Graham’s going to go off and play
baseball in some far off school and I’m going to be stuck picking up the pieces
of our doomed relationship. You saw how beautiful that girl was out there.
Those are the types of girls guys like him end up with. Not the plain Jane type
like me,” I pause to collect my scattered thoughts because by now I am rambling
barely taking a breath in between words. “He’ll have a million girls chasing
after him in college and then not to mention the trillions that will try to
screw him when he makes it pro because I know he’s going to and when he does
I’m just going to be a memory to him. Something he tells his buddies about when
they are all reminiscing about the girls they fucked in high school. I’m going
to be a story and that’s all I’ll ever be to him.”

OH GOOD GOD! That felt good to say out loud.

Violet jumps down from the counter top taking the few steps
she needs to be directly in front of me. She doesn’t saying anything, but I can
tell she’s processing all the information that I just gave her. It’s when she
opened her mouth that I’m taken by surprise.

“You’re a fucking idiot Kennedy Lucille Conrad,” she says
poking me in the middle of my forehead. My eyes grow wider as she looks at me
with disdain and what would appear to only be describes as annoyance. That’s
not the reaction I’m looking for or even expect from her.

“I’m an idiot?” my voice echoes off the tiled walls of the
bathroom.

“That boy out there adores you. Of course he can’t promise
you what’s going to happen down the road. Don’t you dare shut down because
you’re afraid that he’s going to leave you behind. You don’t know what will
happen tomorrow or the next day but I know one thing to be true,” Violet shakes
her head back and forth as she explains. “You are falling in love with him and
it’s scary. I get that, I really do.”

“I’m terrified that at some point his reputation is going to
catch up to us. He’s human and he’s already proved that to be true when he
slept with Amanda. I can defend him until I’m blue in the face because I’d like
to believe that I’m not just another notch on his bed post, but what if I am?
What if he just…crushes me?”

“You won’t know unless you dive in head first, Kennedy,”
Violet smiles at me sympathetically. “I know it’s not something you’re used to
doing, but you really need to let you and Graham happen and see where it goes.”

“You’re right,” I confess.

“Excuse me? Did you just say I was right for once?” We both
laugh at her reaction to my revelation. Violet jumps down from the counter
engulfing me in a hug then smacking me on the butt.

“Ow, that hurt,” I say rubbing the sore skin trying to alleviate
the sting. “For being so little, you sure do pack some heat behind a smack.”

“I’m sure if Graham was the one doing the spanking you
wouldn’t be bitching about it.”

“Funny.” Not funny, but now all I can think about it Graham
spanking me. Thanks a lot Violet.

“Now let’s go back out there to those two hot pieces of ass
and be young and crazy,” Violet pulls the bathroom door open waiting on me to
step out. She leans in to whisper in my ear. “If you ever call yourself plain
Jane again I’ll punch you in the tit, got it?” 

My laughter only increased as we made our way back to the
table. Graham and Dan already paid the bill. I offer to leave the tip but
Graham waves me off. He smiles at me and I feel my heart skip a beat. Violet’s
right which is hard to admit to myself. I’d like to believe that I’m the
insightful one. She’s right that Graham and I can’t even begin to predict what
will happen in the future. I need to come to terms with that. I need to put
trust into our relationship or else I’ll drive myself crazy.

 The four of us walk out into the parking lot in silence.
Violet breaks the awkwardness by jumping on Dan’s back pretending to ride him
like a Clydesdale. She’s smacking him on the butt hollering at the top of her
lungs for him to “giddy up”. Being carefree like Violet seems impossible.

Graham reaches down grabbing my hand interlocking our
fingers. He knows my head is foggy. He’s only trying to draw me out of the
darkness.

“What do you want to do now?” he asks eagerly not wanting
our night to end.

Violet jumps off of Dan’s back to fall in stride with the
two of us. She’s bouncing up and down with a cunning smirk across her face.

“I have an idea at what we could do,” Violet states as she
climbs into the passenger side of Dan’s truck. The three of us look to each
other with fascination and fear. Violet’s head pops up over the roof of the
truck. “Come on, assholes. We’ve got shit to do.”

Chapter Forty-Two

-Graham-

“What are we doing at the old high school?” Kennedy asks.
Her attempt to look the three of us directly in the eyes is adorable, but not
working. At least if I don’t look her directly in the eyes she won’t be able to
see how I’m feeling being back in this parking lot. This place is one secret
I’d like to keep.

The old high school has been vacant since the new one was
built nearly a year ago. My grandfather donated the money for the new building
making him more powerful in this town than he was before. I didn’t know that
was possible. Money always makes others nervous and has the capability to hide
secrets.

Grandfather is known for his donations and charitable
contributions to the most important foundations in town. It balances out the
fear in others. As good as a man my grandfather is, unannounced to him he
raised a neglectful abusive son while he was too busy treating this town with
his generosity.

Even with all of my family issues and bullshit, I like to
think that I’ve become a decent guy. I haven’t always been on that side of the
spectrum though. I have a past…a past that haunts me throughout Kennedy’s and
mine relationship. Look what happened at the restaurant tonight with Veronica
and then the accident with Kennedy. My choices haunt me every day. Trying my
hardest to be the guy that she wants me to be is hard. Every mistake I’ve made
that’s popped up makes it impossible to believe that he’s even in there.

“Is anyone going to answer me?” Kennedy asks again with
nervousness. The silence is uncomfortable making it clear that there’s
something that we are hiding.

Violet’s kicking at the dirt beneath her sandals while Dan’s
playing with the buttons on his shirt feeling awkward. I’m biting the inside of
my cheek with frustration and feeling eerily nervous leaning on the hood of my
car. Kennedy saddles up next to me playfully elbowing me in the ribs. I wince
at the contact. My reaction is a small part of a big story---one that I don’t
want Kennedy to open the cover to. She already knows the words that are written
on the inside. My story isn’t pretty---at least it wasn’t until Kennedy came along. 

“What’s going on?” Kennedy asks me directly now not
bothering on the other two. “Why are you guys acting so weird?”

“We haven’t been back here since…” Dan begins to explain.
Violet shoots daggers from her eyes making him halt the words that threaten to
come out.

“Since what?” Kennedy questions with curiosity. This time
she takes her time to look at each of us individually. The wheels are turning
in her head waiting for an explanation.

“Dan, take a walk with me,” Violet whispers pulling on his
arm to drag him away from us. Kennedy and I stay silent until they are near the
old track. I watch them under the flood lights. Violet jumps onto one of the
old high jump mats that were left behind. Dan follows quickly after. That guy
would follow her over a cliff if she asked him to. Pussy whipped is what he is.

Kennedy moves to stand in front of me snuggling closely
between my legs. She runs her hands up and down my chest distracting me from
the conversation I know is coming. I look down to her blue eyes that are always
full of love. I need to be honest with her.

Violet wasn’t thinking straight dragging us out here. There
are too many memories here, too many nights that I wish I could take back, one
in particular. This place only reminds me of who I used to be, the guy before
Kennedy came along and fixed me.

“Will you please look at me?” Kennedy whispers. When I do I
see her eyes full of fear of the unknown. “What’s going on in that head of
yours, Graham Black?”

“Violet wasn’t thinking when she brought you here, Ken. We
should just leave,” I say in a panic trying to skirt around her to get to the
driver side door. She pushes her hand against the metal making it slam shut. I
turn towards her seeing her hands sharply on her hips.

“What is this place to you guys? To me, it’s just the old
high schools parking lot but by the jumpy eyes and small comments I think I’m
smart enough to assume that there’s more to it than that,” Kennedy says trying
to act brave but I can see the apprehension on her face.

I grab her hand bringing it up to my mouth. I don’t kiss
her. I just let her hand lay limply against my lips. Being near Kennedy only
reminds me of how unworthy I am of her. There’s always this sickening feeling
in the pit of my stomach that at some point the other shoe will drop.

Kennedy couldn’t possibly look at me like she is right now
forever. There will be a time where the light fades from her eyes when they
flicker over me. That perfect smile of hers will fall when she realizes how out
of my league she is. I’m not ready for that day to come.

I look down at her and the sparkles still in those beautiful
eyes of hers.
God, I love this girl.
I’m going to destroy her. My
choices will destroy her more than she knows. The problem is that I’m selfish
enough to keep her until she comes to her senses and turns her back on me.

“Do you know the real reason why the old high school was
shut down? Why my grandfather donated the money to build the new one? It was to
cover up my mistakes. My choices that affected not only my life, but someone
else who deserved better than what I gave them,” I explain rubbing my hand over
my face and down my neck. My frustration is boiling over. I don’t want to have
to tell her, but keeping it from her isn’t an option at this point.

Kennedy shakes her head no.

“Tell me,” she whispers into the dark.

My mind wanders back to that day as I stare off into the
darkness of the night. I can even remember the smell in the air. You could
smell the gasoline from the auto body shop from where I was standing and the
distinctness of freshly cut grass. The night came flooded back to me all at
once.

“Is she actually going to come out here?” Craig asked.

He’s talking about Shelly Sanders. I had been working on
her for a few weeks in between my regular hook-ups. She’d been a hard nut to
crack, but I was working her over quicker than I thought. She didn’t exactly
run in our group. I could admit she was cute in those too baggy clothes, nerdy
kind of way. Not my type for the most part. Good thing I only had one night
planned with her in mind.

“Trust me, she’ll be here,” I responded with a slyness. I
had invited her during our study date the other night. She seemed eager to come
out with me tonight. When she had said yes, she jumped onto her feet laying a
kiss on my cheek. There’s no way she wouldn’t show up tonight. 

A few days back Craig and I had devised a plan---a stupid
plan.

“Hey baby,” Amanda slid a hand around my waist pulling
herself up on her toes to kiss me.

“Hey,” I rolled my eyes at her. We just started hooking
up a few weeks back. She’s the hottest girl in our grade. She’s got a nice rack
and loose legs. What more can a guy ask for?

“I can’t believe you assholes are actually going to go
through with this. I’m a raging bitch, but even I know this is mean,” Amanda
gave her opinion just as I unraveled her grasp from my waist.

“If you got such a fucking problem with it then you can
get gone, sweetheart,” Craig chimed in. I laughed at his bluntness.

Amanda punched him in the arm then looked to me for what,
I’m not sure. “You heard him. Get gone,” I demanded taking a few steps away
from her towards the keg in the bed of Dan’s truck.

I filled my red cup to the top taking a long pull of
beer. It’s refreshing and managed to calm my nerves. Deep down, I knew that
Amanda was right---on both counts. She’s a bitch, but what we were planning was
all kinds of wrong. Even I, someone who had zero conscious, knew that. It was
too late. Shelly was making her way towards me with an innocent smile on her
lips.

“Hey baby,” I shouted to get her attention gaining the
watchful eyes of everyone else loitering around. I knew no one understood why
Shelly was hanging around with us tonight, but soon enough they would.

“Hi,” she said shyly standing close enough to make it
obvious that my hard work had paid off. She’s into me and all it took was a few
brushes of my fingers across her hand and throwing a few sidelong smirks to her
in the hallway to get her right where I needed her.

This all started when Shelly and I happened to be paired up
in chemistry class to work on our labs together. She was smart and naïve and
easy to rile up. All I had to do was make a small sexual innuendo and she would
be blushing like a school girl. After explaining to her I needed some extra
help in class, she offered her help and I offered to give her an orgasm
(Jokingly…because she was as pure as silk). I don’t think she was too opposed
to the idea though. Even the innocent types have daydreams of getting off every
now and then. 

After everyone found out Shelly and I started working
together on our homework every week the guys, mainly Craig, got this funny idea
in their heads. Craig thought it would be funny to lead her on. Well more like
have me lead her on and then when she’s good and infatuated drop the news that
she was nothing but entertainment for me and my friends.

“You didn’t? Graham?” Kennedy stuttered breaking my train of
thought in the middle of the story.

“I did and I’m not proud of myself, Ken. You have to know
that,” I beg hoping with every fiber of my being that she will believe me.

“What happened next?” she asks needing to know more.

I continue on with my story hating myself more today than I
did the day that it all happened.

The night continued like most of them do behind the high
school. We got drunk listening to music. The girls huddled in the corner
gossiping about whatever the hell girls talk about. The guys talked a bunch of
bullshit and I took Shelly’s virginity in the back of my truck.

“Wanna go for a ride with me?” I remember asking Shelly.
Craig was grinning like the Cheshire Cat behind her. He knew what was going to
happen. He was in on the whole thing.

“Sure,” Shelly offered as I took her hand in mine guiding
her to my truck. I opened the door. Apparently all of my gentlemanly manors
weren’t completely gone. They liked to pop up whenever they deemed necessary,
just never at the right time.

There’s a football practice field just down a small dirt
path that leads to a wooded secluded area. It’s been used for hooking up for
years. I’ve brought quite a few girls down here. Shelly was different. The
other girls got a repeat performance, she wasn’t going to. This was a onetime
thing strictly for entertainment.

I jumped out of the cab of the truck. Shelly followed
after me sitting down on the blanket that I had spread out in the back for us.
I grabbed her hand entwining our fingers together. She looked forward giddy
with anticipation as her cheeks blushed. I’ve kissed her a few times, just
small contrived kisses here and there. Nothing too hot and heavy, but they all
served their purpose.

“I like you and I know that you probably don’t believe
me, but I do,” I lied tucking a strand of hair behind Shelly’s ear. She
contemplated what I had said for a few seconds. I could see the tenderness
running through her eyes.

Hook, line, and sinker.

“I believe you, Graham,” she sighed with joy under my
touch.

I took her reaction as the go ahead to kiss her. I knew
that she would be responsive to me, so I pushed the envelope farther than I had
with Shelly. As I kissed along her neck making my way to her lips I laid her
down in the bed of my truck. Making my way over the top of her, I nestled my
way in between her legs. Thank fuck it was warm outside. She was wearing a
cotton knee length skirt making easier access for me.

“Please spare me the gory details, Graham. I can already
assume what happened. You took her virginity, didn’t you? You took it without
even thinking about what it would mean to her,” Kennedy snaps throwing her
hands in the air then frantically running them through her long brown hair. She
begins pacing around my car muttering things beneath her breath.

“I know I’m a horrible person, Kennedy. The look in your
eyes says enough,” I whisper trying to grab her hand as she stalks by me. She
quickly jerks it away throwing a death glare capable of taking me to my knees
at me. I can see the tears in her eyes beginning to build up.

“That’s not even the worst part.” I continue on to explain
what happened after I took her virginity.

Right after I pulled out of Shelly, she had enough time
to pull up her skirt before I jumped in the driver’s side of my truck leaving
her a quarter of a mile away from her only means of escape. I pulled into a
parking space jumping out to find Craig leaning against Amanda’s Volvo.

“Is it done?” Craig questions me with a conniving smile.

“Yeah it’s done,” I offered feeling a mixture of things.
Shame was on the top of the list. Forcing anything on my face that resembled a
smile was impossible. I slapped hands with Craig as he offered his up to me in
celebration.

“Nice.” Craig’s eyes fell behind me.

 It was all I needed to know that Shelly was making her
way towards me. I honestly believed she would get in her car without
approaching me. I turned on my heels to see her standing just a few steps away.
There were tears running down her cheeks with her eyes bloodshot from crying.

“A big part of me wanted to run up to her and apologize and
make it right even though I knew there was nothing to do. I wasn’t a good
person back then. Maybe I’m still not. You make me believe that the Graham back
then isn’t in here anymore,” I plead to Kennedy pointing at my heart.