When No Doesn't Cut It (5 page)

Chapter Seven

Damien was a wreck.  He knew it
, and people around him were starting to notice as well.  He couldn’t eat, he couldn’t sleep, and he had the most interminable case of blue balls he had ever had in his life. But it was the pain in his heart that was the hardest to handle.  He just ached inside, all the time. It had only been a week since he had gotten back to Texas, but it felt like forever.

Whenever he closed his eyes he could see Scott as he lay there naked on the ground and cheeky as anything on the day Damien had claimed him.  Other times
, he saw nothing but the rigid structure of the man’s back, as he had walked away from him that last time.

He remembered how Scott had offered him comfort when he had
wanted it, strength when it was needed.  The man obviously had a sense of humor, and all in all, he would be the perfect mate for Damien.  But Damien couldn’t give the man the one thing he wanted, and Scott had had the strength to walk away.

Damien had delayed his departure from the Cloverleah pack house for as long as possible
the day Scott sent him away.  As soon as Shawn had released him from the energy field he had been caught in, his brain had been assailed with intense sorrow and grief from his mate.  Every part of him wanted to dash up the stairs, pull Scott from his room and take him with him, but he knew he couldn’t do that.  Shawn had threatened him with permanent paralysis if he made one step towards his mate without accepting Scott’s one little condition.

That grief was so tangible, so permeating, that when it suddenly stopped, while Damien and the others were driving back to Texas, Damien was worried enough to put in a call to Shawn to ask if Scott was all right.  Shawn told him shortly that it was none of his business anymore
, but that he had taught Scott how to shield his mind.  Apparently his mate didn’t want to cause him any distress, so had blocked him.

Now all Damien could feel was emptiness.
A deep, gut wrenchingly hollow emptiness. He knew the Alpha challenge day was coming up the following week and for the first time ever it looked like he would lose.  He just couldn’t summon any energy to do anything.  Without his mate he just didn’t care.

“You look like shit,” Malacai said, stepping into Damien’s private office above the club.

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Damien replied, shuffling papers on his desk trying to look busy and hoping that Malacai would just leave again. Malacai had been Damien’s second in command for more than fifty years and knew just about everything there was to know about Damien.  But he didn’t know about Scott, because no matter how much Damien wanted to share what happened to him with someone, he just couldn’t, and he had sworn Lucius and Vincent to secrecy before the men had gotten back to Texas.

“Look Damien,” Malacai said bluntly, “You have an Alpha challenge day
at the end of next week and quite frankly you are going to lose if you can’t get your shit together.  Now tell me what is going on so we can fix this, or I am going to have to resign myself to a new Alpha, and quite honestly, I am getting too old to train another one.”

Leaning back in his chair Damien looked at Malacai.  Like most of the men in Damien’s inner circle Malacai was gay and surprisingly
fine looking given how big he was.  Pushing 100 years of age himself, Malacai held the wisdom that comes from age, and Damien had often turned to him for advice that no-one else had been able to give him.  The problem was that Damien knew, as soon as he told Malacai what the problem was, Malacai would give him the advice that anyone else would give him - go and make things right with his mate. It’s what he kept telling himself for goodness sake.

“I found and claimed my mate,” he blurted out.

Malacai’s mouth dropped open in shock for a moment, and then quickly closing his mouth again, he took a long look around Damien’s office.

“Well the chap
’s obviously not here, so how did you fuck it up?” He drawled.

Damien explained what had happened from the moment he arrived at the Cloverleah pack until the minute he left. He left nothing out
, including his despair at being without Scott now he was home, and how he couldn’t think of anything else.

Malacai sat silently for a moment and then said, “
You know you have got to go back and get him, don’t you.”

“Didn’t you hear what I said?
He refuses to come here unless I allow him to claim me?”

“And where’s the shame in that?” Malacai shot back.  “So what
, he’s a smaller wolf and beta status?  You told me yourself that he took out Levi and Drake and helped you beat a bear shifter.  And the other side of the coin is that you are Damien, fucking Almighty Damien.  If you want to let your mate claim you then that’s your business.”

“It’s not the status side of things and you know it,” Damien snapped.  “I just can’t let anyone do….that…to me.  You know what I went through the first time I tried that.  I won’t go through it again.”

“For fucks sake Damien, listen to you.  That was more than 130 years ago.  You were a pup.  You’re 160 years old and you have been alone all that time. This Scott wants to be your equal in just one way.  He is prepared to give up everything he has and asks for one thing in return.  Do you want to be alone for the rest of your hopefully long life?”

“Of course I don’t,” Damien muttered.

“And look at the state of you.  You haven’t been able to lead your pack.  There are a lot of rumors going around that you are sick, and this is making you look weak in the eyes of the pack.  The subs in the club all think you are impotent, because you haven’t been near any of them since you got back, and you can just imagine what that is doing to your reputation. You’re setting yourself up to be ousted and probably killed at the next Alpha challenge day.  All because you can’t get past your hang ups about being topped.”

“But what if he doesn’t know what he
’s doing?  What if…”

“Have you even talked to him about this?”

“I explained to you everything that happened while I was away,” Damien snarled.  “I don’t know this guy.  I haven’t slept with him.  We haven’t shared sexual history or anything, and you know it, so what are you getting at?”

“Well there’s your answer.  God
, Damien you are usually a lot more onto it than this.”

“WHAT?”  Damien roared.  He really didn’t need Malacai to be any more cryptic than he was being - he wanted an answer to his problem.

“It’s simple.  Get to know the man.  Tell him you will accept his terms and you will allow him to claim you within, say a month.  Do you have a problem with wearing his mating mark?”

“No, of course not,” Damien said.
A mating mark was a badge of honor and was always worn with pride.  While it was also a sign of being claimed in a sexual way, Damien didn’t have a problem with people thinking he had taken it up the ass.  He just didn’t want to actually do it.  Malacai was right in one respect.  He was Damien, damn it, and what he did in the privacy of his bedroom was his business.

“So there you are
.  Go and see him.  Tell him you will allow him to bite you like you did him, and that then you want him to come back here, so the two of you can get to know each other. The mating bond will ensure he will be underneath you soon enough, and if you feel you still can’t let him top you within the month, then hopefully he will be that attached to you he won’t push the issue.”

Malacai paused and then added,
“It would also help, after you do get to know this guy a bit better, if you actually explained to him what your concerns about being topped are.  It is the kind of thing mates share with each other,” Malacai concluded.

Damien sat thinking about what Malacai said.  He had heard that some mates died if they weren’t with each other
, and he couldn’t help but wonder if Scott was coping any better than he was with their separation.  Damien had tried phoning Shawn and Kane a couple of times to find out how Scott was doing, but both men told him politely and firmly it was no longer his concern.  The Cloverleah pack had rallied around their pack member and he had no way in. Or did he?

“Can you call Lucius and Vincent in here please, and yes I want you to stay,” Damien ordered. Moments later both men were standing in front of Damien’s desk and he waved at them to sit down.

“Have either of you heard from anyone in the Cloverleah pack since we’ve been back,” he asked bluntly.  Vincent was Kane’s brother and Lucius had been to the Cloverleah pack twice before; first for Kane and Shawn’s Alpha Mating Ritual, where he had met Vincent, and then for Griff and Diablo’s Mating challenge.

Lucius and Vincent looked at each other and then Lucius said, “Yes Alpha.”  But he didn’t say anything more.

“And what’s the news from the Cloverleah pack, Lucius?”

“Erm…” Lucius stuttered for a moment, then he sat up straighter and said, “Griff and Diablo’s wedding in New York is scheduled for two weeks time.  Vincent and I were hoping to get leave to attend.  Kane and Shawn are doing well now Bruce has been killed.  Troy is still waiting to hear news that his intended mate has come back from wherever he is and…the rest are fine.”

Damien roared, leaping up from his desk and grabbing Lucius by the throat, lifting him from his seat.  “Damn it Lucius, you know I want to hear about Scott.  How.  Is.  My.  Mate?”  He growled squeezing harder on Lucius’s neck.

“Let him go, Damien,” Malacai said quietly.  “He can’t answer you if you crush his windpipe.”

“Scott’s not good,” Vincent admitted quietly as Damien let go of Lucius, allowing the man to collapse back into his chair.  “But he doesn’t want you to know, so Kane asked us to not say anything to you.”

“Why hasn’t anyone told me this before now,” Damien growled.

“Look Alpha,” Vincent said nervously, throwing a look at Malacai as he spoke.  “The Cloverleah pack is different from other packs.  The two mated pairs are both double mated. They don’t have the same ideas about hierarchy and status like this pack.  They’re a family and so they are all intensely loyal to each other.  Kane is my brother, so they are my family as well.  If Scott didn’t want you to know that he’s sick then it wasn’t my business to tell you.”

“Scott didn’t want you going to him unless you were prepared to accept
his terms, no matter how sick he might get.  His pack believe in things like love, and caring for a mate, and those concepts totally supersede any ideas about pack status and things like that,” Lucius explained.  “That’s why we didn’t tell you. Firstly because Scott didn’t want you to know, and secondly because…well at the risk of getting my head ripped off, you are not the most loving or caring of people, Alpha.”

“Great,” said Damien.  “We
’re getting off track here. You are sitting there talking to me about love and shit, and all I want is my mate here with me.”

“Scott won’t back down from what he said,” Lucius said
. “Even though he’s dying, he won’t back down.”

“DYING!”

“Kane thinks the only reason Scott is still alive is because of Troy.  But Troy’s mate will be back in the country within a month, and all of the pack members think Scott will be dead by then.  Shawn even tried to break the mating bond, but he couldn’t find a way to do it, and Scott wouldn’t let him try anything.”

“But how can he be dying?  Shit we didn’t even have sex
.”  Damien couldn’t work it out. Surely they weren’t bonded enough to cause Scott to literally give up the ghost.

“You’re dying too, Damien,” Malacai said bluntly.  “You’re just too thick to see it.  When was the last time you ate a meal, or go
t some sleep?  You are a mess, and from what you tell me, you’re a lot bigger and stronger than your mate.  So why does it surprise you that he is suffering more than you are?”

Damien dropped his head to his desk and banged his forehead on it firmly. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!
  He was going to Cloverleah.  He would agree to whatever Scott wanted.  It wasn’t because Scott was sick. It was because he couldn’t live without the man.  It was that simple, and when Damien got that clear in his head then staying away from the man was just plain stupid.

Decision made, Damien hit the speaker phone button on his phone and dialed Kane.  When the man answered
, Damien said formally, “Damien here, Alpha of the San Antonio pack, requesting permission to visit Cloverleah lands and the pack house.”

“For what purpose?” Kane’s voice was equally formal and polite.

Swallowing hard, Damien said, “I am prepared to accept Scott’s terms for mating, and want permission to come and take him back to my pack lands with me.”

“Oh thank God.
” Formality gone, the relief in Kane’s voice evident.  “You’d better make it quick Damien. Scott’s not well and I am not sure how much longer he can last.  We’ve been worried sick about him.”

“I can be there in 24 hours,” Damien said.

“I can get you here in less than two minutes,” Kane responded.  “Shawn can zap you here, and then the pair of you back to Texas when you’re ready.  It would be best if you were prepared to spend one night here at the pack house with us, as it’s going to take a bit of time for Scott to recover enough to travel.  Can you do that?”

“For my mate I can do anything,” Damien responded quietly
, realizing as he said the words they were actually true.