When in Rome... (4 page)

“Look Georgie, I’m sorry, okay? You’re right. I was a total prick. Can’t we be friends again?”

Put like that I can’t really say no, can I? I mean, he’s admitted that he’s wrong and he’s even apologized. I pick up my glass, and as I take a sip Mike winks at me.

“You seem really happy. Life with an accountant obviously agrees with you. Do you think David will mind us being friends?”

“Of course David won’t mind,” I say, maybe a bit too quickly. Mike drains his glass.

“Well, I think we’ll be needing some more champagne then!”

I consider pointing out that I’ve barely started my first glass, but I don’t want to appear churlish. And anyway, if Mike wants to spend money on champagne, who am I to stop him?

I empty my glass as quickly as I can and Mike pours me a second glass. By the time the main course arrives with another bottle of bubbly I’m pretty drunk, and am happy to sit and listen to Mike tell me about his grand plans for world domination. Or London domination at any rate.

“I’m going to have my bands playing at every venue. Record shops are going to be full of their albums. I’m going to be on the cover ofMixmag ,Mojo ,NME . . .”

It’s impressive, it really is. I mean, he is so enthusiastic about what he’s doing. I’m just about to tell him how pleased I am that he’s doing so well when his hand swoops down and grabs mine.

“Georgie, I’ve missed talking to you, y’know?”

I look at his hand. I wish someone was here to witness this. Like his bitch girlfriend or someone who will tell her. I’m not a horrible person, but having Mike put his hand on mine like that in public is quite satisfying. I notice the girl a few tables away looking at us and I shoot her a triumphant look.

“Really? Don’t you talk to your girlfriend?”

Mike pauses. “I don’t have a girlfriend,” he says, looking at me intensely. “No one else has ever been like you.”

Not like me how, I want to ask. Not like me because they are all stupid and ugly and crap in bed, or not like me because they aren’t total suckers who need two glasses of champagne to forget just how callous you can be?

“I’d like to see you more.” He’s stroking my hand now. I shouldn’t have got drunk. I’m enjoying this and I came here to remind Mike just what he’s missing out on, not to let him think he can get it back whenever he wants. Think of David, I tell myself. Think of the note Mike left on the table. Think how he never even called.

“Well, I’m sure that can be arranged.” I didn’t mean to say that.

I look down at his hand. His tanned, soft hand. I’m just about to start stroking it when I notice his watch. Oh my God, it’s already two-thirty! I meant to be back at work half an hour ago!

“Look, I’ve got to go.” I stand up hurriedly.

“Really? You don’t have to go right away, do you?”

“Yes, yes,” I say irritably, pulling on my coat. Nigel is going to completely freak.

I leave. But not before giving Mike my mobile number. Just in case.

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I get back to the office, aware that I’m just a teeny-weeny bit drunk. I gear myself up for a huge confrontation with Nigel—“You know what hospitals are like . . . I was waiting for two whole hours . . .”—but to my huge relief he isn’t at his desk. According to Denise he’s in a meeting with Guy.

I flick on my computer and go straight to e-mail. I have five new messages.

DAVID BRADLEY: Hi darling. Fancy an Italian tonight? Failing that, what about an Englishman?! See you later? David x

ANDREW KNIGHT: TO ALL AT LEARY: Can the person who keeps using my mugs and not washing them up please refrain from doing so? I believe I am the only Southampton supporter in the company and have two mugs in club colors. One is in the sink, dirty, and the other has disappeared. Please, GET YOUR OWN MUG!

I gaze across my desk and alight upon a red mug hidden under a pile of papers. I guiltily realize that it is indeed a Southampton mug. Next to it is a white mug with what appears to be a picture of a fluffy giraffe on it, under which is a message. I can only pick out the wordsfluffles andlove , but I’m realizing it is probably the prize possession of someone else in the office. Not that I want to know that someone I work with is known as “fluffles” at home, but still. I resolve to be a better person in the future.

CANDIDA CRANLEY-JONES: Georgie, Mike said he bumped into you and you were looking great—I realized we haven’t seen each other for months and months, let’s catch up soon? I’m having the flat redecorated next week and am going to be at a loose end, so do you fancy doing something nice? I hate all my clothes at the moment, so maybe we could go shopping? Call me!

What is it with blasts from the past? First I see Mike, and now Candy, who I haven’t seen for . . . well, it must be around two years if not more. I’m not sure why we lost touch really, although I think it has something to do with the fact that Candy was always telling me that I should dump Mike and I never did. I would continually cry on her shoulder when he failed to come back from some party or left me in a club while he went on somewhere, and I think she just got frustrated with me. I suppose Mike leaving me was just the final straw. I didn’t know she was still in touch with him, but I guess he was her friend first, so it isn’t that surprising. More to the point, this means that Mike’s been talking to her about me. He’s obviously been thinking about me loads. Maybe I’m looking better than I realize at the moment. I take out my compact to check myself out. One spot, deftly covered with a blob of Touch Eclat. Some faint crow’s-feet appearing under my eyes, but only visible when I smile. No, I’m in okay shape. I’ll need to be if I’m seeing Candy next week—Candy works on a smart fashion magazine and believes very strongly in grooming. She thinks nothing of going to the gym for an hour a day and dedicating Sunday afternoons to polishing her shoes. I’m sure she means well, it’s just that after half an hour with her, I usually feel like Waynetta the Slob. I put a note in my diary to get a manicure early next week.

GUY JACKSON: Georgie, have you finished the questionnaire for Pensions Bulletin? Nigel and I are discussing our strategic plans for this business unit and he tells me that your report will be ready by 3pm. We have an exciting new project I want to discuss with you, so look forward to seeing the questionnaire.

Regards.

Shit. Shit and double shit. I haven’t even started the questionnaire, unless you count my ramblings this morning, which I’ve deleted anyway, and I’ve got exactly ten minutes before Guy’s going to be expecting an amazing in-depth report. I dig out the newsletter for inspiration.

Ping!Another e-mail.

MIKE MARSHALL: Hi gorgeous. Thinking about me?

I hit Reply, type “No,” and send it back. After all, I’m not thinking about him. I may have been thinking about his hand resting on mine and his come-to-bed eyes on my way back to the office, and I may even have planned what I will wear next time I see him (heels, definitely; something quite fitted), but right now I’m thinking about pensions. Honest.

I open up a new document, and purposefully write “Pensions Bulletin—your views” along the top, then center and bold the words for good measure.

Ping!

MIKE MARSHALL: What do you mean “no”? You left just as things were getting interesting. I’ve certainly been thinking about you . . .

He’s been thinking about me? Mike has been thinking about me? I flush with excitement. It’s worked! My “make him realize what he’s been missing” strategy has worked! He’s obviously realized that success is all very well, but it’s nothing compared with the love of a good woman.

I’m about to type back a flirtatious e-mail when I remember the note Mike left me: “Sorry gorgeous. You’re too good for me. I need some time to get myself sorted out. Please don’t hate me.” If he thinks he’s going to get back into my good books (let alone anything else) with one lunch, he’s got another think coming. Plus, I simply don’t have time for this now. I am a busy executive, and Mike will simply have to deal with that.

GEORGIE BEAUCHAMP: I mean that I am too busy to think about people who should be doing some work and not pestering me.

I turn back to my report:

Your views are of the utmost importance to Leary. Please take a few moments to fill in this questionnaire to ensure that your needs, now and in the future, are met by us.

Ping!

MIKE MARSHALL: So you would be thinking about me if you weren’t so busy?

GEORGIE BEAUCHAMP: Too busy to know. Now leave me alone.

1. How regularly do you refer to Pensions Bulletin? (please tick appropriate box—monthly; weekly; daily)
   

2. Does Pensions Bulletin cover the subjects on which you need to be informed (always; sometimes; rarely)
   

Ping!

MIKE MARSHALL: I buy you lunch and this is all the gratitude I get. Anyway, if you’re so busy, why are you e-mailing me back?

He’s got me there. I start on question three, but feel guilty about the lunch. It couldn’t have been cheap.

GEORGIE BEAUCHAMP: Thank you for the lunch. Do not read anything into the returning of e-mails. I’ve just been brought up to be polite, that’s all. Now GO AWAY!

1. Would you prefer to receive Pensions Bulletin more or less frequently?
   

2. Do you consider Pensions Bulletin to be good value for money?
   

Ping!

MIKE MARSHALL: Well that’s hardly polite, is it? I’ve got a good mind to talk to your mother about you. How is she, by the way?

Mike and my mother got along famously. He had flirted with her madly on the three occasions they had met and she had flirted right back. As I recall, I got in a bit of a huff.

GEORGIE BEAUCHAMP: She’s busy, too.

Okay, four questions done. I need another sixteen before it will be anywhere near a proper questionnaire.

1. Do you intend to renew your subscription to Pensions Bulletin? Yes/No
   

2. Please circle your main area of expertise: pensions; finance; HR
   

7.

My inspiration has gone. I reach for the phone.

“Good afternoon, David Bradley’s office.” I love that. One day I want someone to answer the phone “Georgie Beauchamp’s office.” That would be so cool.

“Hi, it’s Georgie. Is David around?”

“Hello, dear, how are you?” It’s Jane, David’s PA. “I’m afraid David is in a meeting—would you wait for one moment, please?” I hear muffled voices as she tells him I’m on the phone.

“Hi, darling. Look, I’m a bit tied up here at the moment. Is there a chance I can give you a call back a bit later?”

“Yeah, that’s fine. I just need some information on pensions, that’s all.”

“Pensions?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll figure it out myself.”

“Are you okay for tonight?”

Tonight? I can’t remember making any plans for tonight, and quite honestly after all that champagne, all I can think about is slipping into a nice hot bath.

I remember the e-mail. “Oh, what, going out? Yeah, maybe. I’ve got a lot of work on, so it depends what time I get home. I’ll give you a call later.”

I can just hear people talking in hushed voices—presumably they are in David’s office.

“Okay, I’ll talk to you then,” he says. “Bye.”

I look at my watch—it’s five to three. Unless Nigel is very late out of his meeting, I’m in big trouble.

I rack my brains for a good excuse. My computer could have crashed and lost the report, except I used that excuse last week. Maybe I could pretend that something is really badly wrong with me and everyone will be so sympathetic that Nigel won’t dare shout at me. No, can’t do that. I never lie about my health ever since I told a boy I didn’t want to go out with that I had the flu and then came down with the flu the following week. I was only sixteen at the time, but it taught me a valuable lesson: don’t tempt fate. Shit. Nigel’s going to be furious.

Suddenly I have a brain wave.

“Denise,” I hiss.

“What? Why are you whispering?”

“In case Nigel comes back. You knowInvestment Analysis ?”

Denise looks at me blankly.

“That magazine they produce upstairs. We did some research on it last year.”

Denise nods. Obviously the magazine has made no lasting impression on her.

“Nigel has the research file on his computer, hasn’t he?”

“ ’Spect so,” says Denise, uncertainly.

“And you’ve got his passwords . . .”

Nigel’s paranoia that no one can be trusted extends to us. He is convinced that everyone at Leary would like nothing better than to break into his computer and read all his stupid strategy alignment reports or whatever he has on there, and he is constantly securing his computer with streams of passwords and booby traps. Like anyone would want to break into it and read his stupid files! Apart from now, that is. Luckily our IT department got mad at him one time when they needed to access his database and couldn’t get in. So now he has to tell Denise all his passwords. But he still changes them every week.

“Oh no. Nuh-uh.” Denise turns away. “I am not nosing around Nigel’s computer when he’s due back any minute. You’re going to have to think of something else, I’m afraid.”

“Please . . .”

It’s three minutes to three. “Come on, Denise, you know I’d do the same for you.”

“Like I’d ever need you to.”

“You’d be saving my life . . .” I plead.

It works. Looking as if she would rather be fed to piranhas, Denise makes her way over to Nigel’s desk.

She takes out her notepad and starts typing in all his passwords. “You know I’m not allowed to do this.”

“I know, I know, but this is a real emergency.”

“And what is it I’m looking for exactly?”

“Look under research. Do a search for ‘Investment Analysis.’ ” Denise carefully types the words as I spell outanalysis .

“Nope, can’t find it.”

“It must be there,” I beg. “Look again. Look under . . . I dunno, try ‘magazines’ or something.”

Still nothing.

Suddenly I have a brainwave. “Try ‘strategy,’ ” I suggest.

“Okay, what about ‘Management Strategy Review Documents’?”