What's Life Without the Sprinkles? (11 page)

He thumped his head against the back of his seat and wondered what the living hell was wrong with him. It would mess up everything they had between them for his long-ago crush to flare up now and ruin the way things were. He groaned in frustration, trying to ignore the fact that his pants were still way too tight.

And it was a crush—he was almost sure. He’d thought about her over the years and wondered what it would be like for them to be together. He was a man, after all. He always shut down that kind of thinking as soon as it started, though, since it was pointless and frustrating. It would never happen, and most of the time he didn’t even want it to happen, since it would change their friendship from comfortable, and always there, to possibly volatile and probably unmanageable. Not to mention completely over if it didn’t work out.

The knocking of the engine stopped. Complete silence enveloped him, and he realized he was getting cramped just sitting in the car, not moving, with his head pressed back and his pants straining at the seams.

He got out of the car and slammed the door behind him. Jamming the key into the lock on the door leading into the kitchen, he barely resisted twisting the metal hard enough to break it off in the unoffending lock. All he wanted was to live a simple life and hang out with Claudia, hang out with her kid, who was funny and a kick to be around. Do his construction work and come home every day to eat and sleep, and get up to do it all again the next day.

Sure, it might not seem like the most exciting life, but he was fine with that. In fact, he preferred it to the way things used to be before he moved out of his parents’ house and got his own, with its peace and quiet. He liked being able to go out and do things and still be able to come home to silence if that was what he wanted.

He entered the kitchen, and that silence seemed to sit on his chest like a two-by-four. It pressed in on him from all sides and breathed down his neck with huffing gasps. The house was dark and would stay that way until he turned on lights. It would stay quiet until he turned on the stereo or flicked on the TV or rattled pots and pans in a kitchen that wasn’t nearly as warm or welcoming as the one in Claudia’s apartment two miles away. It lacked the life and vitality of said apartment that was half the size of his place.

“Dammit!” He threw his keys onto the counter and reached for the light switch. But with his hand hovering over the switch plate, he hesitated. He stood there frozen.

Had he already thrown something away by not responding to Claudia? Did she think he didn’t want her because he’d run like a coward? What exactly did she want from that kiss?

He had tried to put it down to hormones, or possibly Peter being back, as he drove home. Why else would she have kissed him when she never had before? But then he thought about the fluttering eyelashes from the other day and her getting so close to him over the last few days. Was there a message there that he had totally been deliberately missing? And if there was, what on earth was he going to do about it?

****

The dreaded Sunday had come. It had occurred to Claudia that morning that she should probably prepare Justin for meeting his biological father for the first time. She had avoided the thought for the last several days, hoping she wouldn’t actually have to do anything. But now that the day had arrived, she was going to have to address the subject. Damn.

Because she tried to learn her lesson after Justin’s whining from Friday about her not respecting his privacy in his room, Claudia knocked on his bedroom door. He’d better answer it quick, or his whole bid for privacy was going to go out the window, along with about twenty of his favorite games.

“Coming!” he yelled. Why the child had to do everything at maximum volume was beyond her.

He opened the door without having to yank it through a ton of trash on his floor. This made her absurdly pleased, but most likely today was going to be one of those days where you took what you could get and cherished it like gold, even if it was only a lump of coal.

“Hey, Mom! What’s up?” He was still in his pajamas but looked cheery. Another thing she would gladly take.

“It’s going to be time to get ready soon. Remember, we have that lunch at Aunt May’s house today. I want you in your good clothes, not a holey T-shirt.” Leaning against the doorjamb, she tried to be inconspicuous about her roaming eyes as she took in his relatively clean room. Well, that might be a little too optimistic. How about his not-as-messy room? “Wear the button-down shirt and a clean pair of jeans, at least.”

“Can I wear my Converses?”

Ugh. She really wanted to say no, since the things should have stayed in the trash where she’d put them last week, but was it worth the fight? Probably not. “Fine, but make sure the shirt is tucked in.”

“Okay,” he said as he began closing the door in her face.

She put her palm against the wood, keeping it open. “I think we should talk for a few minutes.”

His smile drooped a little around the corners. “Why?”

“Because I think we should. Now, do you want to do this in your room?” She suppressed a shudder. “Or can you come out into the living room for a sec?”

“I guess I’ll come out to the living room,” he said, grudgingly.

There was nothing like a grudging consent to get a difficult conversation off on the right foot.

Zoe must have been lurking in the kitchen, because she emerged with three cups of hot chocolate and a plate of toast. “I thought we’d get the day started right, since it might not continue to go that way.”

“Not helping,” Claudia said under her breath so only Zoe could hear her.

“But I’m trying. Doesn’t that get me brownie points? Plus, I promised to be on my best behavior today, and hot chocolate with dunking toast will go a long way toward that goal.”

Claudia sighed. Truthfully, she had been hoping to do this without Zoe’s interference. Of course, she could ask her sister to leave, but it wouldn’t accomplish anything. And she’d known there would be more than just herself in charge when she decided to move into this home with her sister instead of striking out on her own with Justin. “Fine, but try to keep your mouth shut.”

“Mum’s the word, dear sister.”

“Yeah, right.”

Justin plunked himself down on the sofa. Claudia chose the chair, and Zoe plopped down on the floor. They all dipped buttered bread into hot chocolate for a few moments before Claudia got the conversation rolling. Perhaps the chocolate would mellow out the conversation. She could always hope.

“So, Justin, Peter is most likely going to be there at Aunt May’s house.”

“Yep.” He popped another soggy piece of bread in his mouth.

“And I just wanted to know if you had any questions or concerns that you wanted me to address before we got there.”

“Nope.” Another piece of bread went in.

“Nothing?” She tried to keep the incredulousness out of her voice, but the glare Zoe shot at her told her she had been wrong.

“No, nothing. Can I go now?” No more toast popping this time, but his mouth was set in a line she knew was seconds away from quivering with near tears.

“I’d really like to talk about this with you, Justin. I can’t imagine that it’s all just as peachy-keen fine as you’re trying to make it out to be. Talk to me and we’ll sort things out before we get there.” Zoe pinched Claudia’s calf through her pajama pants, but Claudia ignored her.

“There’s nothing to sort out, Mom. I’ll be just fine. The guy didn’t want me all those years ago, and I don’t want him now. So I’m just going to go and see all my real family, and hope Grandpa will give me something cool, and then come home and play some video games.” He got up this time without waiting for her to let him go. He didn’t precisely stomp back to his room, but it was a close thing.

She was so tempted to go after him, to explain that Peter’s desertion had never had anything to do with Justin, but she didn’t have any new words to give him, and obviously the ones she’d been saying for years had never penetrated.

Resting her head back against the top of the couch, Claudia released the breath she’d been holding, while letting just one single tear leak from her eye. “Well, I guess that didn’t go nearly as bad as it could have gone. Right?” She rolled her head to look at Zoe still sitting on the floor, eating the rest of the toast.

“Sure, Claudia. He could have actually stomped down the hall instead of merely shuffling loudly.”

“You’re not helping.” Closing her eyes, Claudia took a deep breath. “Should I go follow him?”

“Honestly?”

“Yes, honestly. I’m not going to ask you to lie to me.”

“Then, no. I think you should let him go. He’s probably anxious and nervous right now. You gave him the opportunity to open up to you if he needed to, and he knows you’re here for him. I think that’s all you can do at this point without making him angry and defensive. If you keep going at him about it, then he’s going to think his response is wrong or his feelings are wrong, and that will just make things worse.” Zoe rose from the floor, taking the empty toast plate with her.

Claudia took a sip of her rapidly cooling hot chocolate. Perhaps there was only so much she could do, but that didn’t stop her from feeling helpless—and hopeless that today was going to pass by without a serious hiccup in her stride and Justin’s.

****

A lazy Sunday morning ranked right up there with some of the finer things in life, as far as Nate was concerned. The buzz of lawnmowers run by more energetic people than himself created a dull hum to punctuate how little Nate planned on doing today. He’d told Claudia he might show at the lunch at May’s today, but he was still debating whether that would be a good idea.

Rolling across his big king-sized bed, he grabbed the remote control from the nightstand and flipped on the flat screen he’d hung on the wall opposite the bed. Stacking his hands behind his head, he let the sheet ride low on his hips. This was the life. Quiet mornings with no one else to take care of, no plans but those he made, and no demands on his time that he didn’t want.

The news played low across the room. He watched with half his attention because the other half was gnawing on the thought of Claudia and how she had kissed him last night. He had told himself it was a fluke, but he was hard pressed to believe that in the light of day.

What if she did want more? What if his lazy Sunday morning involved lying in bed with a half-dressed Claudia, her hair spread out against his navy-blue pillowcase? Morning snuggling and her giggle under the covers. A knock on the door as they covered up for Justin to come busting through the bedroom door and jump on the bed, demanding Nate come out to play baseball with him in the backyard…

He could almost see it, and that frightened him. He and Claudia enjoyed a comfortable friendship, a way of having each other’s backs without smothering. Sharing the little things and the big things. If they did get together, they’d still have all that plus the giggles under the covers, but the potential for disaster was bigger, since it could all be gone in the time it took to utter one or two words that couldn’t be taken back in an argument.

Restless now with his thoughts and doubts, Nate climbed out of bed, heading for the shower. The phone rang before he could get there. He thought about leaving it to the answering machine, but since today was the big lunch day, he picked it up. It could be Claudia in need of some last-minute support. He wasn’t planning on going to the lunch at May’s until it was nearly over, simply because he didn’t know how much Peter he could stand in a day. Being available for Claudia was important, though.

As soon as Nate picked up the receiver, Justin started talking in a low voice. “Can you talk, Nate? I have a problem, and I think I need a man-to-man talk.”

It was the equivalent of the emergency girl meetings held by Claudia, Zoe, and May, and Nate knew enough to take the call seriously. “What’s up, buddy? Are you getting ready for the lunch over at your Aunt May’s house?” Glancing at the clock on the nightstand, he realized it was only eight-thirty in the morning, too early for Claudia to start everyone dressing for a lunch.

“Not yet. Even my mom isn’t that fanatical about stuff.”

Nate laughed at the way Justin almost mirrored Nate’s thoughts. “Good word, guy. I guess you are learning some stuff in school.”

Normally Justin would have laughed, too, but he didn’t this time. It made Nate pull up his joking immediately.

“What’s up, guy? Do you need me to come get you for an hour or so? Talk to your mom?” Nate tried to never come between Justin and Claudia, and he certainly did everything he could not to step on her parental toes, but this might be the one time he overrode that unspoken rule.

“Nah, Mom wouldn’t take too well to me leaving right now. My grandparents are coming to get me in about thirty minutes to go to church, but I have to talk to you. I’m in my closet with the cordless. Can you talk?”

“Of course, Justin. What do you need?” Nate’s shower could definitely wait for this.

There was a long pause on the other end on the line, but Nate waited. Justin was one of those kids who could not be prodded to open up. He had to come out with it in his own time.

“My mom just tried to talk to me about Peter being my biological father.”

“How’d that go?” This was a touchy subject no matter how you looked at it or when you tried to address it.

“Not so good. I left the room when she tried to get me to tell her how I felt. I hate all that sappy crappy talk.”

Nate didn’t call him on the crappy thing since he himself would have said much worse. “Okay. And now you’re hiding out in your closet?”

“Well, kind of. I don’t want her to say anything else, because she always gets this really sad look in her eyes when she talks about me not having a father. And it bugs the crap out of me because I don’t think I missed out on anything, especially because I have you. But I can’t tell her that, because then she gets all teary-eyed and says things like ‘I’m sorry he left you,’ and then it gets worse. I just avoid it altogether, usually, but now that this bozo is here, I can’t anymore. And I really,
really
do not want to see him today, but Mom’s going to make me. It’s going to be a really screwed-up day. You know?”