What's Done In the Dark (26 page)

“You think I don’t know that? Neither one of us really loved each other at first. We just tried to do the right thing in the beginning and make it work. And I thought we had. But
the two of you convinced me that that you were just friends. Yet you were sleeping with him all along.”

“Mom?”

I turned to see my daughter in the doorway, her eyes filled with tears. “Oh, my God, Tahiry.” I raced to her side. We’d never told her that I was pregnant when we got married.

But if that fazed her, she didn’t let on. She stepped around me and toward Felise.

“Is it true?” she said. “What you told my mom? That it was only one time?”

“Tahiry, no,” I said, grabbing her arm.

“No!” She snatched her arm away and stepped toward Felise. “I know you think I’m too young to know the truth, but I know you used to love my dad. That’s what Liz said. Is that why you did it?”

Her words tore at my heart, and I hated Felise even more for what she was putting my baby through.

“Tahiry, I’m so sorry,” Felise cried. “It was a horrible one-time mistake I will regret the rest of my life. Please don’t hate me.”

Tahiry stood shaking for a moment—before she bolted into Felise’s arms. “I don’t hate you, Nana. I don’t! I know you’re sorry.”

My mouth dropped open in horror as Felise wrapped my daughter in the tightest of embraces as both of them released
a river of tears.

55

Felise

I SET DOWN THE GROCERIES
, dropped my purse on the floor, and made my way into the kitchen. Today had been the most draining day of my life. I wanted to slip into my tub, take a nice, long, hot bubble bath, and pretend that these last six weeks had never happened.

I glanced at my shoes and purse in the middle of the floor, and I found myself longing for my husband to chide me for leaving them. Never in a million years did I think I’d miss his quirky ways. I knew he was staying at the Hilton, but he wouldn’t talk to me. The last thing he’d said was that his attorney would be in touch. I guess that meant he’d be filing for divorce, although I prayed it was just his anger talking.

I headed into the living room and flipped the light switch on. Liz was curled up on the couch, her cell phone in her hand.

“Hey, honey.”

I could see her eyes were puffy and red.

“What’s wrong?”

“That was Dad. He wants me to come live with him.”

My heart sank. I’d lost Greg. I couldn’t lose my daughter, too.

“Liz . . .” My voice trailed off. I wanted to ask her why she’d told Tahiry—at least I assumed that she had because I couldn’t imagine Paula sharing that with her daughter. I decided against asking, though. It’s not like any of it mattered at this point anyway.

“Tahiry told me what happened at the party,” Liz said. “Did Dad really bust you out like that?”

I hesitated but then nodded.

“In front of all those people?” she asked, horrified.

“Honey, your dad is very upset with me—understandably so,” I managed to add.

“Oh, my God. I’m so glad I didn’t go. I would’ve died of embarrassment.”

I patted her hand. “If you were there, I’m sure your dad wouldn’t have done that. You know he loves you.”

She hesitated. “I’m sorry I told Tahiry. But she kept asking me what was wrong. I was gonna lie, but I couldn’t think of one.”

My heart broke at the position I’d put my daughter in. Her whole life, I’d preached against lying and here she was trying to come up with a lie to cover for me.

“Liz, I’m so sorry for what I’ve done to this family,” I told her. “I hope you know that I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you or your father.”

She nodded, though she didn’t seem so sure. Finally, she said, “Mom, you really messed up.”

I slid next to her. “I know, honey. I wish I could do things differently. I swear I do. But I can’t take that night back. All I
can do is hope that the people I hurt can one day forgive me.”

“Dad says he doesn’t want me to be poisoned by your lack of morals.”

I inhaled a sharp breath. “That’s going too far. I’m not a bad person. I did a bad thing. But I’m not a bad person.”

She studied me, trying to puzzle out what to think, before saying, “I know.” She stood. “I’m gonna go to my room.”

I wanted her to stay and talk some more so I could make sure she was okay, but I knew that I needed to give her space to deal with this on her own.

I went ahead and started cooking dinner. I was putting the finishing touches on my zuppa toscana soup when the doorbell rang. I didn’t know if Liz was going to come downstairs and eat, as she hadn’t been out her room since she’d gone up the stairs an hour and a half ago.

I set my bowl on the table, then made my way to the front door. I glanced through the peephole and didn’t know whether to smile or cry.

I swung the door open. “Greg.” I would’ve given anything for him to take me into his arms. As furious as I was about that stunt he pulled, I wanted everything to return to normal. The fact that he would so publicly humiliate me, and himself, told me just how deep this pain had run.

“Hi,” I said, opening the door.

Greg barged past me. “Where’s Liz?”

“Upstairs.”

He spun around to face me. His tone was formal, his anger still frosty. “Did she tell you that I think she should come stay with me?”

Now, Greg was about to make me mad. It was one thing to have hatred for me. It was another to try and turn my
daughter against me, especially when I’d been the primary caregiver all of these years.

“Don’t do this, Greg. Our drama is between you and me. Don’t drag our daughter into this.”

He laughed. “Are you kidding me? You dragged our daughter in this when you decided to sleep with Steven.”

I sighed and walked back into the kitchen. “Greg, I’m not going to fight with you.”

“She’s coming to stay with me,” Greg said with finality as he followed me.

“You’re at a hotel.”

He drew himself up, like he was making an announcement. “Actually, only until the end of the week. My apartment will be ready then.”

I slumped against the nearby wall. “Apartment? You can’t be serious.”

“What did you expect, Felise?” Greg said. “Did you expect to screw your best friend’s husband, betray me and our marriage, try to cover it up, then think we would just go about life as usual?”

“I–I didn’t think.”

“You never do.”

A wave of tears welled up. I don’t know why. Why would I ever expect Greg to forgive me after what he’d done?

“But you said you forgave me,” I found myself saying anyway.

“I lied,” he said bitterly.

“So, this was all some elaborate revenge ploy?”

He shrugged. “Part of me wished that I could forget that you were a liar and a cheat. But
I can’t. And I wanted you to hurt like I was hurt. Should I have handled it a different way? I probably should have. But oh, well.”

That birthday party speech was cold, calculated, and carefully planned out. My husband had turned into an assassin. But I knew that telling him that would ignite another outburst, so I lowered my head.

“Please, Greg?” I tried to grab his arm. “Don’t leave me. Give me another chance.”

I don’t know why I was begging. I think I couldn’t bear the thought that I had destroyed our family.

Greg pulled out of reach. “Even if I could forgive your betrayal, I could never forgive the elaborate lie you carried afterward. On top of your betrayal, you stole from your child’s college fund to cover it up. I can never trust you again.” He took a deep breath. “Can you go get Liz?”

“You’re not taking my child,” I firmly told him. He could leave the family, but it would be a cold day in hell before he took my child with him.

He stopped and glared at me. “The last thing you want to do is try to fight me over custody of our child. I promise you, you will lose.”

“Dad?” We both turned to see Liz standing in the kitchen doorway. “I want to stay here,” she announced.

He raced over to her and took her hands. “Liz, you’re too young to know what you want.”

“No, I’m not,” she calmly replied. “Mom messed up, yes. But you don’t turn your back on people you love just because they make a mistake.”

Her words made me want to cry.

“You guys didn’t turn your back on me when I broke your
iPad.” She paused and looked him dead in the eye. “She didn’t turn her back on you when you left her here crying alone all those nights.”

“I didn’t turn my back on you when you had an affair,” I wanted to add, but I kept my mouth closed.

“This is different,” Greg said, shaking his head. “You don’t understand this.”

“I understand that if you love someone, you give them a second chance. I understand that.”

Thwarted in his plan, Greg glared at her for the longest time, then snapped, “Fine. You want to stay, stay.” He headed toward the door before spinning around to face me. “Liz might be able to forgive your betrayal, but I never will.”

I wanted to break into pieces, but my daughter moved in next to me and slowly intertwined her hand with mine.

“It’s okay, Mom,” she whispered as he stormed out. “Dad’s just mad. He’ll calm down and come around.”

I knew that would never happen, but I was grateful that Liz had stood up for me. She had forgiven me.
I still had my daughter by my side.

56

Paula

IN THE PAST, NO MATTER
how down I was feeling, no matter how disgusted with my life I was, looking at my wedding pictures brought me joy. Despite the big wedding, despite the baby inside me, despite the mixed emotions, on that day I was in heaven. The day itself had been beautiful, and in the past the pictures had always reminded me of how happy I’d been.

Now they made me sick to my stomach.

Especially when I looked at the picture of Felise as my bridesmaid, standing up for me. I had asked her, over and over and over, whether she had feelings for Steven, and over and over she had told me no. She’d tried to act like they were strictly platonic but all along she’d had feelings for him. Now I felt like a fool.

“Ugh,” I said, taking the picture out of the photo album and ripping it to shreds.

The next picture made me just as mad. It showed Steven, my sister, and Felise. Charlene was grinning from ear to
ear. Both Steven and Felise looked uncomfortable. My mind started churning. Had they snuck off somewhere and got in a quickie? Had they cried because they could no longer be together? Is that when their affair began? Felise could say what she wanted. Even if I believed that her sleeping with Steven was a one-time thing, the fact that she would risk everything for that night of passion meant only one thing: she was in love with my husband.

Just the thought felt like a knife being plunged into my heart. I replayed the last six weeks and how she hadn’t been my side. My mind churned as I tried to recall every word she’d said to me in the past six weeks, how she’d tried to get me to move on. How she’d tried to convince me how much Steven had loved me. The memories sent me on a screaming rampage. I cried. I cursed. I yelled as I snatched each photo out of the book and ripped them up.

When I finished, almost every picture in my wedding album was shredded and scattered all over my floor.

“Mom, what did you do?”

My daughter was standing in the doorway to my room, examining the wreckage.

I fought back tears as I fell back against my headboard.

“It’s okay. Sometimes tearing stuff up makes me feel better, too,” she said, coming into the room and sitting down next to me. She leaned over and picked up one of the torn photos. “And a lot of times I end up regretting destroying it.” She gently set the mangled photo down on the coffee table.

I stared at my daughter. She was really becoming a beautiful young woman. “How did you get to be so smart?”

“I come from good stock.” She smiled, and I took her hand as we sat in silence for long moments.

“Mama told me you said you didn’t think I loved your dad,” I finally said. My heart had plummeted when my mother told me that this morning. She was trying to get me to let my anger go and focus on my family. She said my kids needed me, but sitting here looking at my oldest, I was starting to think I needed them. “Is it true? Did you say that?”

She slowly nodded. “It is.”

“I loved your father,” I said firmly.

She hunched her shoulders. “Sometimes he—
we
—couldn’t tell. You always seemed so mad at everybody. Like you wanted to be anywhere but here with us.”

That made me cry. Yes, I vented and complained a lot, but I loved my family. I really did.

“That’s not true,” I said. “I just . . . I . . .” I had no excuse, so I said, “Is that why you were able to forgive Felise, because you think I didn’t love your father anyway?”

She pursed her lips, thinking. “No. I forgave Nana because it was the right thing to do. You know Nana isn’t a monster. Yes, what she did was wrong. What Dad did was wrong. But they aren’t bad people. You just told me this the other day about Chelsea. We made up, and it was thanks to you.”

“Sweetie, this is way different from you and Chelsea,” I said defensively.

“Not really. Yes, it’s a lot more painful, but it’s still the same. You and Nana were best friends. Like you told me about Chelsea, friendships like that are worth forgiving.”

I never thought my lectures to my daughter would come back to haunt me.

Tahiry continued, “Besides, you’ve taught me all my life that God wants us to be loving, forgiving people.”

I gave her a half smile. “
Now
you want to start listening to me.”

She smiled back. “I know this is harder on you than anybody. But you gotta know Nana isn’t somewhere gloating. Uncle Greg moved out. Everybody knows.”

I raised my eyebrow in an I-don’t-care gesture, but Tahiry kept talking.

“And while Liz forgave her mother, it’s still hard on her. And that means it’s hard on Nana.”

“Liz forgave her?” I asked.

“That’s her mom. Wouldn’t you want me to forgive you no matter what you did?”