Whatever It Takes (22 page)

I could see it in her eyes that Emma felt sorry for me.  I wasn’t doing this to gain her pity though.  I was trying to express what it had been like trying to live up to the expectations of someone and never know if you had met them, but then know you had completely let them down. 

“You haven’t ruined us, Gavin,” she told me.  “We’re damaged, not broken.  And I can’t speak for your father but if he were here he’d be proud of you, I know it.  He would have disapproved of what you did but he still would have loved you.  A parent loves their child unconditionally.”

“And I love you, Gavin,” she swore.  “I love you with all of my heart and with everything I have.  And despite what happened, just like your mother, I will never find another man to love as much as I love you.”

Her words filled me with hope.  I sat up and we embraced each other, the both of us crying now.  I cradled her face in my hands and kissed her everywhere; her lips, her cheeks, her eyes, her chin.  Between kisses I chanted that I loved her and that I was so sorry. 

She started to undress me first, unknotting my tie and slipping it from my neck before slowly unbuttoning my shirt and then pushing it off my shoulders.  When my chest was bare, she leaned down to cover it with kisses and I reached behind her to unzip her dress.  The strapless gown fell to her waist and then her bra followed after I unhooked it.  I gently pushed her onto her back so that she was lying in the soft grass with me on top of her.  I kissed down her breasts, stopping to tongue one nipple, and then moved lower to kiss down her belly. 

I tugged at her dress and she lifted her hips to help me remove it along with her panties.  My mouth continued over her hip and down her thigh, kissing and lightly sucking every spot in between.  I reached her calf and then lifted her leg to lick the back of my knee.  Despite the warm, humid air of the night, she shivered, goosebumps rising all over her flesh.  I was going to love her tonight the way I should have the first time after our troubles began.

I moved to her other leg and worked my way back up her body, taking the time to worship every inch of her.  When our lips finally met again I kissed her deeply and she moved her hands to my belt and got to work on removing my pants. 

I slid smoothly into her but stayed still, firmly seated between her legs, relishing the feeling of being inside of her, on top of her, and all around her.  My eyes studied her lovingly and she reached up a hand to cup my cheek.  I knew I missed the sex but I had also missed the feeling of intimacy it created.  I missed looking down into my wife’s eyes seeing the love I felt for her reflected back at me.  I kept my eyes directly on hers as I started to move, slowly in and out of her. 

The silence of the night air was interrupted only by our soft cries,  as we made love under a tree in the moonlight.

18

Emma

Five years ago

I stood in my Vera Wang wedding gown, nervously fidgeting with my grandmother’s diamonds around my neck as I waited for my cue to walk down the aisle.  The coordinator told me I had just under a few minutes and then it would be time.  I turned to look at my reflection in the glass door in front of me, the one that I would walk through any minute now and become Mrs. Emma Fitzgerald. 

My gown was lovely, the traditional white, with spaghetti straps and a sweetheart neckline.  It hugged my body tightly until it reached my knees where it flared out in a mixture of satin and chiffon that grazed the tops of my bare feet. 

My hair was pulled back in a loose knot, wisps that were purposefully messy framing my face.  Yvonne had really outdone herself this time.  If the girl ever wanted to give up teaching she could certainly make it as a hairstylist. 

My worrying over the weather had been for nothing.  The day was beautiful and sunny.  One more check to make sure I was perfect and the coordinator told me it was time.  I took a deep breath and walked through the door.

When I reached the aisle on the beach our friends and family stood.  A musician began playing “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes” from Cinderella on an acoustic guitar and I made my way towards Gavin. 

I had to tell myself not to run, but I made it down just fine, smiling at no one but my soon-to-be husband.  He beamed back at me, so handsome in his linen suit that was just a shade darker than the sand.  When I reached him he told me I had never looked more beautiful.  I was already trying not to cry.

Gavin and I decided not to have a bridal party, opting only for Diane and Mike to sign our marriage certificate as witnesses.  The only girls I would have wanted in my wedding were Diane, Yvonne, and my sister and Gavin couldn’t choose only three groomsmen between his five closest cousins and Mike.  Rather than have a lopsided posse at the altar, we chose for it to be just us. 

We exchanged traditional vows, exchanged rings, and then we were man and wife.  It was truly the happiest day of my life. 

We posed for pictures and then Gavin and I went to a small room in the hotel where we would wait until the reception was ready to start.  He poured us champagne and we shared a private toast.

“You have made me the happiest man in the world today,” Gavin told me.  “How did I ever get to be so lucky?”

We enjoyed an hour to ourselves and then I slipped into my new, silver Manolo Blahnik d’orsays, a wedding gift from Gavin, and joined our guests at the reception. 

It all went perfectly.  Our photographer was completely healthy, as were all of our guests after eating dinner, my mother had shown up, and my father didn’t.  I felt like our day was worthy of being written down in a book of fairytales. 

After the reception was over we stayed in a suite at the hotel and made love all night.  In the morning, we were swept away in a limo to the airport for our honeymoon.  After spending ten days in Ireland, Gavin and I would start the rest of our lives as husband and wife.

19

Present day

I woke up naked in bed, lying on top of Gavin, my head resting on his stomach.  The gentle rise and fall of his breaths kept me sleepy and sated and I wished we could stay like this all day.  After our rendezvous under the stars last night we dressed and returned to our room, only to undress again and have more sex into the wee hours of the morning.  We hadn’t done that since our wedding night and it was just as amazing as it had been then.

I raised my head checking on the time and Gavin stirred beneath me.  I stilled, not wanting to wake him just yet.  It was only nine and there was no rush today.  The ceremony wasn’t until the evening.  Kaitlyn and her fiance Jeremy were going to get married down by the lake at sunset so we had plenty of time to sleep in and then enjoy the day.

I squeezed Gavin around the middle and then placed a kiss on his chest.  He hummed appreciatively and took my hand, placed it to his lips and then rested it on his chest, holding it to his heart.  After a few more breaths he was sleeping deeply again.

I relaxed against him again and closed my eyes, savoring the peacefulness that had set in last night.  We seemed to hit a turning point, one that would steer us towards complete reconciliation and I felt content.  We were going to get through this.  I was sure of it now.  Even though his ex was still trying to contact him, I wasn’t going to allow her to ruin what we worked to regain.  Come Monday, we’d do whatever was needed to get her out of our lives and then move forward.

I gave Gavin another half hour to sleep and then decided to wake him by planting wet kisses up and down his torso.  He woke slowly, keeping his eyes closed but humming once again and flexing beneath me.  I could feel his morning arousal growing under my thigh and I moved down to give him the most pleasant good morning greeting.

I took him in my mouth and a deep, sexy moan escaped his lips.  He brought his hand to run his fingers through my hair and smooth his thumb across my cheek.  I wrapped my hand around him at the base and worked him over with my mouth and fist.  Before I could finish, he pulled me with both arms to sit astride him and I slid onto his cock easily.  He opened his eyes then and pulled me down for a kiss. 

I sat back again and rolled my hips, throwing my head back in elation, while my husband reached up and rolled my nipples between his fingers.  My orgasm came quickly and I let it take over me, calling out a successions of yeses, until I fell forward onto his chest.  Gavin gripped my hips and moved me up and down on top of him until he tensed and came with a guttural, “Fuck!”

We lay, still joined together, while our breathing slowed and he grew soft inside me.  Finally, he pulled my head up for a kiss.  “Good morning, baby,” he smiled.

I smiled back and stared into his eyes.  They were calm and brown.  “Good morning.”

“Want some breakfast?” he asked just as my stomach growled in protest of not having much supper the night before.  He laughed.  “I’ll take that as a yes.”

We showered and dressed quickly, casual both in shorts and tops, and made our way downstairs.  We entered the dining hall and saw that there were still several people eating despite it being close to eleven-thirty. 

We found his cousins at a table near a window and joined them.

“Where the hell did you guys go last night?” Nicholas asked earning him an elbow in the gut from Gina.  “Ow!” he cried.  “What?”

I smiled and fibbed that I hadn’t been feeling well and that Gavin had come to take care of me.

“Are you guys okay, now?” Gina asked, her question loaded in double meaning.  She knew something had been up last night.

“We’re fine,” Gavin assured her, kissing the back of my hand to drive the point home.

“Hey, you aren’t pregnant, Emma, are you?” Nicholas asked and Gina practically spit out the orange juice she had just taken a sip of.

“Honestly!” she scolded, “Where’s that filter we talked about, babe?”

Gavin looked nervous about my reaction for a second but I laughed and assured Nick that I was not pregnant.

“Well, get busy knocking your woman up, man,” he said to Gavin, reaching over to lift Chloe who had been toddling around the table.  He tossed her in the air and then blew raspberries into her belly, eliciting a high pitched squeal.  “You two need one of these.  They’re sticky but fun as hell.”

We all laughed and Gina looked adoringly at her husband and their child.  I suddenly longed to see Gavin like that, completely wrapped around the finger of our little boy or girl. 

“Soon,” I said, and was rewarded with smiles from everyone, especially Gavin who pulled me to him and kissed me under my ear. 

“I love you,” he whispered.

After breakfast we made plans to meet at one of the pools.  I sat at the shallow end steps with Gina and Chloe, and Mattie’s wife Joanna while the boys set up a net to play water volleyball.  That was interesting to watch.  Every one of the Fitzgerald boys was extremely competitive and   

the girls and I were subjected to an hour of threats, accusations, and profanity.  It was a good laugh. 

After grabbing lunch most of the group wanted to rest up in preparation for the night but I was eager to check out more of the estate, having not done it the day before.  So Gavin and I took off on golf cart and we drove around admiring the property.  We ended up at the lake, where chairs were being set up for the ceremony later and sat at the dock, leaning on each other with our feet dangling in the sparkling water.

“Did you mean what you said, earlier?” Gavin asked me.

“When?”

“At breakfast.  When you said we’d have kids soon.”

“Did you want me to mean what I said?” I smirked.

Gavin laughed and said, “Do you want me to want you to mean what you said?” 

I laughed with him and gave him a playful shove in his shoulder.  When my giggling subsided I told him, “Yes, I meant it.  I would like to have a baby soon.”

“Like, soon, soon?” he pressed.

I shrugged.  “Why not?”

“Well,” he said, taking my hand and speaking gently.  “We’re still healing.  I thought maybe you’d want to wait until we were well past this.”

“Gavin, last night I decided that no matter what happens, no matter how hard it was, I was going to forgive you,” I explained.  “And I wasn’t lying when I said I’d never find someone else to love the way I love you.  It’s either we stay together or I live the rest of my life lonely and alone.  I’m going to chose the first option because it’s the only way I’ll be happy.”

“You are amazing,” he declared, looking into my eyes fiercely.  “Just when I think I’ve seen the extent of your generosity and heart, you do something like this and I’m floored.  There is no way I will ever be completely worthy of you, Emma.”

“But you’ll work damn hard to try to be,” I said, taking his face between my hands.  “And I love you for that.”

“I love you, too,” he told me and then turned his head to place a kiss in my palm.

“So,” he said when we were back to facing the water and leaning into each other sides.  “Are we officially trying to get you knocked up?”

“Now that’s romantic, baby,” I teased.  “But, sure.  As a matter of fact,” I added, reaching for my purse and removing the little plastic package of birth control.  I popped the ten remaining pills I had for the month from the foil blister and tossed them into the water.  My husband smiled and hugged me.