Whatever It Takes (13 page)

“Nate? Are you all right?” Alex peered into the darkness toward him.

“Not really. Maybe you better come and get me.”

“Be serious.” She laughed softly but a nervous vein ran through her words.

“I
am
serious. Believe me, it will be much better for you if you come to me than if I have to hunt you down.” He started moving toward the dock.

Her hands flew to her hips. “Don’t be a poor sport. You started it!”

“You’re wet—­I’m wet—­harmless fun.” He was within five feet now and could see her face clearly.

A perplexed frown drew her brows together. “What’s the problem then?”

Nate reached the pier and pulled himself out of the water. He stalked toward her, and she had the wisdom to back away until, water at her back, she ran out of pier. Pushing her right to the edge, he watched her balance there, not leaving her any room to duck around him. If she tried to get away from him, she was going in again.

“You made me think you were drowning, Alex. Then I couldn’t find you. I was scared shitless . . . and you knew exactly what you were doing, didn’t you?” He watched her expression go from defensive to guilty and then horrified.

She covered her face with trembling hands, then crossed her arms over her stomach and fixed her gaze on the boards at their feet. “Dr. Grayson, my shrink, says I make bad choices because I never had to make any for so many years. I tend not to think the problem through. If a solution exists, I’ll go with it and not consider how it affects anyone else.” Her voice broke and she swiped angrily at tears that welled over and rolled down her face. “God, I am so fucking tired of living like this.” She swiveled sideways and stared out at the placid water. “Find Hu Sun and then it’ll be over.”

Her words were whispered mechanically on the night air. Nate wasn’t positive he’d heard her right, but a band of fear tightened around his neck and made it nearly impossible to breathe. Alex couldn’t have meant she would end her own life. It had to be her frustration talking.

She slowly raised her head to meet his gaze, and the moisture from her silent tears still lay on her cheeks. “I told you I wasn’t right. Now do you believe me?”

His anger and three minutes of anguish forgotten, he pulled her into his arms and kissed away the tear tracks even as a chill settled in his stomach. “It’s no big deal. You scared me—­that’s all. No harm done. This will all get easier, Alex.”

“Walker and Rayna explained the danger of crying wolf, but I didn’t recognize it here. What’s wrong with me? Why am I so self-­centered.” Fresh tears rimmed her eyes.

“There’s nothing wrong with you. How did you learn to use that dagger as well as you do?”

“Practice, I guess.” She shrugged.

“Well, there you go. I bet, with a little practice, choices will get less difficult too.”

“How many ­people will I hurt before that happens? How many times will I hurt you?” She leaned her forehead against his chest.

“I learned something while I was out in that frigid water looking for you. I don’t want to lose you, Alex. I realize we’re just getting to know each other, and I’m not trying to rush things, but I want you to remember something—­I’m on your side—­and you’re going to have to push a hell of a lot harder than this to make me change my mind.” Nate kissed her forehead.

She continued to shake. Whether it was the cold from being soaked or the emotions that still ravaged her, Nate wanted to get her to the RV and into yet another set of dry clothes. He released his hold long enough to grab his gun, his boots, and her shoes. Then he slipped his arm around her shoulders and started toward their temporary home.

“Why don’t you take a shower while I work on dinner?” As soon as they got inside, Nate gave her a little push toward the back of the motor home. “Hot dogs still sound okay? After dinner I’ll show you how to make s’mores.”

“Okay.” She’d remained quiet on the walk back and apparently wasn’t ready to talk yet. She grabbed her bag and disappeared into the tiny bathroom.

Nate threw off his wet clothes, dug another pair of dry jeans and a polo shirt from his duffel, and dressed quickly. Alarmed by her whispered words at the lake’s edge, he barely resisted the impulse to take her dagger while she was in the shower. But the fight that was sure to ensue might cause more damage than letting her keep it.

He went outside and started a fire in their cooking pit, then climbed back inside and rummaged through the kitchen cupboards. Under the sink, he found a ­couple of long metal skewers and grabbed some oven mitts to go with them. He formed a small pile on the counter with the hot dogs, buns, mustard, and the ingredients for s’mores, and was about to balance it all and head outside when he heard the bathroom door open.

She smiled his way. Dressed in a long-­sleeved black top with khaki shorts, hiking boots, and socks, with her wet hair framing her exotic face and curling on her shoulders, she seemed to have put the incident behind her, recouping some of her confidence and natural enthusiasm.

He eyed her figure, curvy in all the right places, and tensed when she shoved the ever-­present dagger into the sheath at her waist. Apparently, she felt undressed without it. There’d be no way he’d get her to give it up.

“Want to give me a hand with this stuff?” He indicated the pile as she approached.

“Sure.” She grabbed the hot dogs and buns. “Beer? Or wine?”

“Ah . . . my kind of question. Hot dogs? Probably more of a beer night. What do you think?”

“Beer it is.” She moved to the refrigerator and pulled out two bottles.

“After you.” Nate indicated the door with a nod of his head, and watched her hips sway provocatively as she descended the steps.

They laid their burdens on the picnic table closest to the fire pit, and he opened both of the beer bottles, handing one to her. “The fire needs to burn down a little more. Hot dogs and marshmallows cook better over coals.”

She took the beer and sat on the bench of the picnic table, facing the fire. He sat beside her and sipped from his bottle.

“Joe was right about you.” She stared into the fire.

“How’s that?”

“You’re a good man.” Alex turned her head until she looked at him. “Sometimes when I’m with you, I almost feel like a normal person. You’re the only one. Thanks for that.”

“Aw, hell.
Normal
is overrated. Who the hell wants to be normal?” He grinned as he shoved her hair behind her shoulder. “I like you the way you are.”

She smiled sadly for a moment before it faded. “I’m glad, but I’m afraid you haven’t seen me at my worst yet.”

Nate hadn’t thought of that. How much worse would it get? “It doesn’t matter. We’re in this together, and you’re not getting rid of me.”

A genuine smile grew until it shone from her eyes. She leaned toward him, grabbed his collar, and pulled him closer. Her lips met his, tasting like honey and sweet promise, and it was all he could do to stop himself.

“Fire’s ready.” He chuckled. That could easily mean more than one thing.

Her grin told him she’d thought of that too. “Let’s cook then.”

“Have you ever roasted hot dogs over a campfire?”

“Nope. Tell me what to do.” Her eyes sparkled.

He’d never seen anyone, not even a young child, enjoy themselves so much cooking hot dogs on a skewer. She only quit because she couldn’t stuff any more down. He had to remind her they still had dessert, in the form of s’mores, to go. She had a little trouble roasting her marshmallows at first, sending two up in smoke before she finally got the hang of it.

Oohing and aahing over the sweet, sticky treat, she managed to get chocolate and marshmallow all over her mouth and chin. He then convinced her it was standard procedure in these kinds of situations for someone else, namely him, to lick it off. She was probably only humoring him, but it was worth it.

With the fire almost out, Nate picked up the food that was left and carried it into the motor home. It was getting late, and they had a big day tomorrow. He probably wouldn’t be able to sleep. Should he sack out on the sofa? Or would Alex be less likely to have nightmares if he was close by?

She climbed the steps into the RV with the skewers, oven mitts, and two empty beer bottles in her hands, which she deposited on the counter by the sink. Then she turned and slid her arms around his waist.

Her brown eyes were dark as she met his gaze. “I told myself I wouldn’t beg, but I don’t want to be alone tonight. Would you mind terribly making love to me?”

He wrapped his arms around her and took her lips in a hard, passionate merger that should have answered her question, but just in case, he raised his head enough to whisper against her mouth.

“Anytime . . . anywhere, darlin’.”

Chapter 11

N
ATE LIFTED HER,
and Alex wound her arms around his neck, gazing into his eyes, not noticing he’d moved until he set her on her feet beside the bed. Steady arms encircled her waist, drew her in, and held her close. His confident strength, and the faint leather and spice scent that was always a part of him, wrapped her in a safe and familiar cloak of contentment. Yet it probably wasn’t a good idea to get too comfortable with this man. Already it would be hard to say good-­bye.

He fisted his hand in her hair and angled her face toward him. His lips met hers with impossible tenderness, while seeming to demand that she give him her trust. His intense gaze bored through her as he stepped back, knelt, and removed her boots and socks. With an impish grin, he nudged her off balance until the backs of her knees hit the edge of the bed, and she dropped onto her butt and elbows.

Nate advanced until he knelt between her legs, his hands gliding possessively over her sensitive inner thighs, forcing them farther apart with his wide shoulders. His lips seared a path along first one bare leg and then the other, the heat of his breath sending a shiver racing to her toes. The two-­day stubble on his face scraped her skin, igniting a fire in her belly, and she couldn’t keep from squirming beneath his touch.

She exhaled an impatient breath, twisted her hands in the fabric of his shirt, and tugged. He should be in her arms and buried deep inside her, but the harder she pulled, the more time he lavished on each leg.

A deep laugh vibrated in his throat. “Impatient? That’s flattering, but didn’t anyone ever tell you that slow and easy wins the race sometimes?
This
is one of those times. You’ve got me for the whole night, you know.” One of his eyebrows shot upward. A devilish grin slid over his face, and he leaned between her legs, stretching to kiss her lips.

Suddenly, his arms closed around her, lifting her against him and heaving her farther onto the bed. A squeak of surprise escaped her before she grabbed onto his broad shoulders and hung on for the ride. He moved with amazing speed for a man of his build and left no doubt in her mind he would have her exactly where he wanted her. She gave only a moment’s consideration as to why that didn’t scare the crap out of her, filing it away for later evaluation.

He went still, his rugged face even with hers, and his gorgeous blue eyes mesmerized her. His teasing gaze caressed her face with a gentle, caring expression, the likes of which she’d never seen before. Unfamiliar and far too raw, powerful emotions broke over her, hammering at the barriers supposedly protecting her heart. In a matter of hours, Nate had managed to calm her fears and become too damn important. She could easily get used to having him around more often, and as soon as he stopped undressing her with his eyes, she’d remember why that was such a bad idea.

“Well, here I am. What did you have in mind?” Nate sprawled on top of her, holding her in place, a pleased smile giving the appearance of smugness. He caressed the skin of her stomach, pressing upward beneath her shirt until his fingers grazed her breast. “You know what? We’ve both got too many clothes on.” He interspersed the words with kisses along the hollow of her neck.

“What shall we do about that?” Alex spoke softly, afraid this moment might somehow end before she was ready. If all they had left was one night, she wanted it to be unforgettable.

“I’ve got a few ideas.” A grin spread and, an instant later, he tugged her shirt over her head. Rolling her sideways, he unhooked her bra and tossed it away. “There. That’s a start.” He kissed her, and then settled onto his back. “Your turn.” He crooked his finger. “Come here.”

Alex regarded him skeptically, then leaned away and shook her head. “Excuse me? That sounded a little too much like an order, Detective Sanders.”

Mischief crinkled the skin around his eyes, and he lunged, catching her wrist as she squealed and tried to roll away. “That was no order. More like a strong suggestion.” He grinned and pulled her toward him until her face was only inches from his. Gently, he kissed her eyes and the corner of her lips.

Alex fought to crush the momentary disquiet that gripped her. She’d already made peace with the fact Nate wasn’t trying to control her. She trusted him that much. Instinctively, she sensed he wanted her to know she was safe with him. Longing fluttered in her stomach, and her breath escaped on a soft sigh.

She snuggled closer, tracing his strong jaw with her index finger. “Why would I do anything you . . .
suggest
?” Nervous laughter took the seriousness from her words. Gripping the bottom edge of his shirt, she pulled it up until he took over, stripped it off, and gave it a toss.

Her hands in his, he held her gaze. “Simple. I’ll always have your best interest at heart.”

She searched his eyes. For a few seconds she was completely defenseless against his charm. Happiness swelled to overflowing and seemed to reflect back at her. The desire for more burned in her chest. Why shouldn’t they give this a try? There was always a chance they could make it work.

Right. For a brief moment, she’d almost forgotten she was friggin’ nutso. One prick of her poison arrow and she’d destroy him.

Her gaze dropped to his heavily muscled chest and lower to his sculpted abs. He was so masculine and attractive, and for the hundredth time she tried to figure out why he bothered with her. Screw it. It didn’t matter. This was only one night—­a few hours in Nate’s arms. Surely it would be okay to forget everything else for a little while and simply enjoy the night.

She reached toward him, stroking his chest with the palms of her hands, memorizing every contour, every scar—­and there were an abundance of scars. Later she’d ask him about them. Her hand followed the ribbon of hair that disappeared under the waistband of his jeans, and his breath caught. With sure fingers, she popped the buttons of his fly until his arousal strained at the fabric of his briefs. His eyes half closed, and his face settled into an expression of heavenly bliss. She inched beneath the stretchy band and grasped his erection.

His eyelids fell closed, a sinful smile evidence of his pleasure. She slid down his body, watching a panorama of emotions play across his face, until she flicked her tongue the length of his shaft, swirling slowly around the head, and then sucked him into her mouth as deep as he could go. He groaned her name and fisted his hands in the sleeping bag. Satisfaction filled her. She continued to explore the hard thickness of him with her mouth and tongue until he caught her arms, flipped her onto her back, and slid on top of her.

“You’ve definitely got my attention, darlin’. Inside . . . you . . . now.”

She traced the edges of his mouth with her tongue. He cupped her head, and possessive lips branded her as though he staked his claim.

Shifting his weight, he made short work of his jeans and briefs, then unzipped her shorts and worked them, together with her black lace panties, down her legs. Lying on their sides, he pulled her leg over his hip, and his arousal jutted between her legs, thick and rigid.

Alex was unbelievably wet and ready. She wanted Nate with an urgency she’d never experienced. Why it was so important, she couldn’t afford to think about right now, but, without a doubt, she’d sooner stop breathing than leave Nate’s arms.

A sudden memory jostled her. “Condoms? Nate, you used the last one this morning.”

“No worries. I picked up a good supply at the marina. Who would have guessed that old man would have a rack of them?” He sucked her bottom lip into his mouth, sliding his hand over her bottom and between her legs.

Alex groaned. “I can’t tell you how disturbing it would be if Special Agent Benjamin Greeley knew what we’re doing right now.”

Nate’s growl rumbled through his chest. “Hope the bastard’s jealous.”

Laughter broke free, turning to a moan when his mouth covered hers. He slipped first one, then two fingers inside her and swirled his thumb over her sensitive nub until every fiber quivered, and she focused only on the man lying next to her. Her climax came with the roar of a forest fire in her ears from the blood pulsing through her heart.

She clutched him until her spasms died away. He reached for a condom, and she helped him smooth it on. Rolling on top of her, he entered her with one thrust, pinning her to the bed, while his lips kissed her momentary unease into nonexistence. She arched upward and pulled him deeper, smiling when he started to move, building to a sensual rhythm that joined them in one purpose.

“God, Alex. You fit perfectly. Do you have any idea how good you feel?” He kissed her throat, her ear, her lips, and thrust into her with each kiss. Harder and faster, he drove deep until she was on the verge of orgasm again.

She splayed her hands across his back and met each thrust. He plunged into her twice more, pressing into the deepest part of her while every muscle in his body strained with his release. Then she followed him, holding him tightly as they rode out the storm until he collapsed on top of her, both breathless and sweaty.

After a while, Nate moved off her and tucked her against his side. Alex laid her head on his chest, the steady, strong beat of his heart reassuring her she wasn’t alone. She wanted so badly to believe they could somehow make it work. They were good together, and Alex felt safe when she was with him. She pulled his arm tighter around her, and he kissed the back of her neck, then burrowed into the pillow. Soon, his breathing evened out and Alex smiled. Even in sleep, she could feel the power of his protectiveness.

T
HE IMAGE OF
a masked face, surrounded by blackness, stared at her through her bedroom window. A voice, somehow familiar, whispered—­
Alexandria. It
’s time to go, Alexandria.

She jerked awake, her heart pounding a furious tempo until a dull ache spread throughout her chest.

Her dream again—­except the bedroom in her dream wasn’t hers. She didn’t recognize the room or the furnishings. It was cold and impersonal, though she couldn’t shake the feeling she’d been there before. Children’s drawings hung on the walls—­disturbing images of innocence lost. It terrified her—­her dream world colliding with reality.

Fully awake now, she snuggled closer into the protective warmth of Nate’s arms, and almost immediately, her fear dissipated.

Groggy and half asleep, he reacted to her movement by cinching his arms around her and whispering in her ear. “Easy, darlin’. I’m right here. I love you.”

Alex stiffened, slapping a hand over her mouth to stifle her surprised gasp. Surely he didn’t know what he’d said. Talking in his sleep—­that’s all it was.
Please God . . . let that be all it was.
Her life was too screwed up to include love. She knew nothing about the subject. With zero memories of her early years, she’d had no one to learn such things from, and it was a little late in the game to start now. She would only hurt him, and she liked him too much to let that happen. Then there was the matter of her mental lapses, although she’d been getting better since Nate came along. It wouldn’t be fair to saddle him with her skewed interpretation of reality. He didn’t deserve that. No one did.

Maybe she could pretend she hadn’t heard him. There was always the possibility she was overreacting. He’d been barely awake. Perhaps he wouldn’t remember . . . but if he did, those three little words would no doubt destroy the friendship that had become so important to her. He’d be embarrassed. The rest of their time together would be awkward, and, at the end, he wouldn’t be able to get away from her fast enough.

Somehow she had to get their relationship back to square one. Deny the fragile new emotions growing within her. Pretend she didn’t care for the sexy detective way too much. They were teammates, and they had a job to do. That’s all that mattered.
Yeah, right.

Oh, Nate, I didn’t mean for this to happen, and I’m sorry for both of us.
This was going to hurt, and she deserved whatever she got, but not Nate. He was good, and honest, and noble. For a few minutes, while in his arms, she’d convinced herself she might be able to change who she was. It wasn’t possible, but that didn’t keep her from wishing that it might be.

He stirred, probably in response to her tension, so she tried her best to relax. She’d brought this on herself, playing her little game, enjoying his companionship, sleeping with him, for God’s sake. Just like usual, she hadn’t looked down the road far enough to see what the likely outcome would be or the cost to either of them.

What would he do if she simply asked him about what he’d said? She cringed at the thought of how embarrassed he would be, and how he’d stumble over the words to tell her he, of course, didn’t mean a word of it. Or worse yet—­what if he lied and said he meant it just to keep her from being hurt? The third and worst scenario—­he really did love her . . . and then everything would get ugly really fast.
Nope!
No way would she ever tell him what words had slipped from his mouth.

Today would be their last day together. They’d find and free Marco. If she survived, she’d go home to Montana, and Nate would return to his life. It was the right thing to do—­backing off, shoring up the walls around her heart. They could remain friends. She needed that. Sadness hung in the room, a tangible force, ridiculing her plan. Tears threatened, and she blinked them away impatiently. Loneliness invaded her as she envisioned her life without Nate after he’d touched her so profoundly in such a short time. She would always have these few days to remember. That would have to be enough.

Dawn was breaking outside the windows when she squirmed to extricate herself from his grasp. He groaned and rolled onto his back, pulling her on top of him.

She kissed his open lips gently. “Nate, I have to get up.”

He eased one eye open and the corners of his mouth hitched upward. “All right, but come right back. Okay?”

She smiled. The answer they both wanted would have been a lie. When he unfolded his thick arms from around her, she shoved to the side of the bed and swung her feet to the floor.