What We Find (16 page)

“Are you glad he came home?” Sully asked.

Maggie laughed softy. “This isn’t home for him, Dad. But yes, I’m glad he came back.”

“You were missing him,” Sully said.

“I was just about over him. I was building a new life in my head and it had nothing to do with him!” That brilliant Australian doctor, however, bore an uncanny resemblance to Cal. “I was a little worried sometimes,” she went on. “People can get lost, sick, hurt, have conflicts with unfriendly wildlife, have problems with unfriendly
people
! He was gone a long time. I assumed he had moved on. He admitted he’s been a wanderer.”

“Nah, I don’t think so. I think he’s looking for something, that’s all. He’s respectful. He won’t just take off without an explanation.”

“He did once,” she said.

“So far,” Sully said. “He said from the start he was planning a long hike once the weather warmed. You like him a lot, don’t you?”

“I think you know,” she said. “I might’ve been a little obvious when I saw him come down the road.”

“That’s okay, you know. You can like him. I admit, I got a little attached to him,” Sully said. “But we gotta talk. I don’t want him working like he did, for free and all.”

“Maybe he’s just visiting, Dad. Maybe he’s here for a few days and then will be on his way again.”

“You get that impression?” Sully asked.

Maggie was afraid to answer. No, she hadn’t thought, by anything he said or did, that he was dropping in to get laid and then would be moving on. “He wasn’t very specific about his plans, Dad.” However, he had said he was coming back to
her
.

“Well, I get the impression he could be hanging around,” Sully said. “That be okay by you?” he asked.

“Well, I guess. I’m hanging around. But my way isn’t as clear as when I got here. I was taking a break, yet I’m still here. I’ve been trying to figure out what I’m going to do next. More specifically, I’d better figure out who I am and where I belong.”

“Walter gave you some things to think about,” Sully said. “Good.”

“What did you and Walter talk about while I was walking down by the lake?”

“Oh, you know, the usual. Weather. Broncos. How you’re a work in progress.”

“Is that so?” she asked somewhat indignantly.

“And pretty much on schedule. We used to call it a midlife crisis,” he said. “What do we call it now?”

“What are you talking about, Sully?”

“You know—the day you wake up and see that even though you been busy every second there’s a whole lot missing outta your life. I was about your age when I decided it was time to get married.” He shook his head. “I don’t regret it but I should’a thought that one through a little better.”

“Well, then there was me...”

“That’s why I have no regrets. Isn’t that just about what happened, Maggie? You wake up one morning and say to yourself, something’s gotta change here?”

“I don’t think it was quite that abrupt...”

“Everybody’s got a different bottom,” he said. “But a midlife crisis used to have a lot to do with seeing forty staring you in the eye and asking yourself some important questions about whether it’s time to get that old.”

Oh yeah. And for a woman it has a lot to do with her eggs
.

It had seemed to Maggie that it had been more like a boulder rolling down a steep hill, picking up speed as it went, rather than a sudden explosion. But it must have seemed abrupt to everyone around her—the rush of emails, the call to her neighbor to keep an eye on her house, she never did call Sully, and calling Phoebe when she was on her way out of town, headed south, her car full of luggage. She heard her mother saying, “Have you lost your mind? What do you mean you’re taking an indefinite leave? You don’t study for twenty-five straight years and then just walk away!”

Her bottom? She’d been building to it. She loved her work, but she wanted more. She wanted a family. She wanted a permanent partner, not some convenient boyfriend. She remembered that night with Walter in the hospital, suddenly thinking she wanted to be that doctor, that single person everyone depended on. And she’d been right—it was as if she was made for it. And then, when the pressure and frustration became overwhelming and she needed relief, she was alone. Even the short-lived joy and excitement of having a baby grow inside her was suddenly gone.

“It was both,” she told her father. “It was a slow, steady build and then it was all of a sudden. I was having irrational thoughts, feeling so lonely, wondering if I’d be alone my entire life. You ever feel like that, Sully?”

He laughed softly. “Well, I got married all of a sudden, to a woman I’d known for three weeks and couldn’t hardly get along with. I don’t know much about all those deep feelings—I never bothered to check what I was feeling. But I know I did some things that I can’t explain and they were way out of character for me. I married Phoebe and brought her to a country store to live in an old house with my elderly father. What do you think?”

“God, I hope panic attacks don’t run in the family,” she said. “If it’s any comfort, I haven’t felt that lonely since I got here.”

“Well, we each have one short, crappy marriage to our credit. I’d like to think I’d have somehow got you, anyway, even if I’d accidentally married the right woman, but, Maggie, everything has a higher purpose. Walter’s right—you just slow down a spell and try to remember why you decided to spend a hundred years getting ready to do brain surgery.”

“I’ll think about that,” she said. “Let’s walk over to the house.”

When they got to the house, Cal was stretched out on the couch, dead to the world, the TV still on. Beau, lying on the floor beside him, perked up in greeting.

Maggie sighed and went to wake him. She jostled him, then pulled on his arm. “Come on,” she said. “I’m putting you to bed.” She led him to her room and he flopped on the bed, facedown.

She went back to the living room. “It’s okay,” she told her father. “I can take the couch. And he owes me.”

“There’s that bed in the loft,” Sully said.

“That is the worst bed ever built. I think you pulled it off a trash heap. There’s a spring sticking out of the mattress. Just go to bed. I’ll turn the volume down on the TV,” she said. “Sweet dreams.”

* * *

Cal was having a lovely dream and in a half-conscious state he decided it was brought on by sleeping in Maggie’s fragrant sheets. He felt her naked flesh under his hand, sliding down her flat belly, headed for the promised land. Then he felt her lips on his neck and came awake to the delicious sensation of her soft skin against his. He moved just enough so that her lips found his and he pulled her against him. He’d awakened sometime in the night and shed his T-shirt and he was glad. Her breasts were pressed against his bare chest, her nipples branding him. He moaned in appreciation.

“When did you decide you had to have me?” he whispered.

“I don’t know. An hour ago, maybe.”

“You’re completely naked. Thank you.”

“It didn’t seem to disturb your sleep much,” she said.

“I’m not sure what woke me up, your flagrant groping or this raging hard-on.” He ran a hand through her hair. “I don’t have a single condom. Not much need for them on a hike...”

“I have a couple,” she said. “I stole them from the store while you were showering.”

That had the effect of making him harder, if possible. He covered her mouth in a searing kiss and brought her over him, grabbing her butt with his hands and pressing her against him. “I must have balls of cast iron,” he whispered. “I’m going to do a girl in her daddy’s house...”

“If you’re shy...”

“Don’t even think about it,” he said. “There’s no stopping this now. Do you know how long I’ve waited for this?”

“Almost to the minute. Assuming you’ve been faithful...”

“You spoiled me, Maggie. I couldn’t think about anything but you all the way back. I can’t wait for you to wrap those long legs around me...”

“We should get you out of these sweats, then...”

She lifted just a bit and he slid them over his hips and off.

“Oh boy,” Maggie said, giving him a stroke. “We better take care of this.” She rolled away to get a condom and while she was fussing with the package, his hands were exploring. His fingers were stroking her, sliding into her.

“Beautiful,” he said, feeling her deeply. “I’m not the only one in a bad way. You need me to take care of you, too. Gimme that thing,” he said taking the condom from her and rolling it on. “God, I hope Sully is a sound sleeper.”

“Shhhh,” she said, and then she laughed.

“I had to get a giggler...” He rolled her onto her back, spread her knees and found the way home. “God, that’s sweet.”

“And it’s going to be fast,” she said. “Think you can keep up?”

He gave a couple of deep thrusts and felt her instantly tighten around him. He buried his face in her neck, ground his teeth and held on, letting her come. When he felt her begin to relax beneath him he found her nipple with his mouth and teased it with his tongue. Then he drew it into his mouth to suck. His fingers inched down to work her a little bit and he knew exactly what to do. He stroked, sucked, pumped and she froze, clenching again. He let it go, pulsing until his brain was empty. The orgasm washed over him in a warm haze and he glazed over. A moment later he lifted his head and looked into her glassy eyes, saw her slight smile.

“That was easy,” he said with a smile. “Feel better?”

“For now,” she said.

“Have I mentioned how much I enjoy that little trick you have there?” he asked. “Two for the price of one. Do you have any idea how good that feels?”

She smiled. “I believe I do. Could the princess do that?”

“Don’t talk about my previous exploits while we’re naked and satisfied. Let me just say, she gets an A for effort, but that was predictable. We didn’t really mean anything to each other. The difference is always obvious.”

“That sounds suspiciously like you’re saying you care about me,” she ventured.

“Maggie, it is not a secret. Not in the least. And you care about me.”

“Oh yes, and damn, it’s scary. I want to ask you a question right now, while you’re compromised, while I have you captive, because I know you can’t lie to me. Are you going to be leaving me a lot? Coming back sometimes to get laid?”

He ran his fingers through her hair. He shook his head. “I don’t think that’ll be enough for me. I kind of like your idea of keeping me captive.”

Hard times arouse an instinctive desire for authenticity.

—Coco Chanel

Chapter 10

It was interesting to Cal that after all he’d been through in life he should
face Sully with a case of nerves and a boyish blush. He should be well beyond such self-consciousness. Life was a little short for that.

“Relax,” Sully said after taking one look at him. “This might come as a shock but you’re not her first boyfriend.”

His blush deepened.

“I have to get you on the payroll,” Sully said. “How long are you staying?”

“How cold does it get here in winter?”

“Son, the average elevation in this county is over 5,000 feet. Leadville sits at over nine thousand with the highest airport in the world. Or at least the US. That mountain behind us there is 14,500. The best skiing in the country surrounds us. It’s cold. And in case you haven’t ever been here in winter, it’s beautiful. The lake freezes and folks go ice sailing—it’s so fast, your head’ll spin. And things aren’t too busy—no tents at all, just full cabins, campers, maybe a couple of RV’s. Cross-country skiing, mainly.”

“I hate being cold,” Cal said. He cleared his throat. “I care about Maggie.”

“And, if I heard correctly, you’d like to help out around here. Stay busy?”

“Sully, how about a cabin? So I can have some...privacy?” And again, his neck felt warm. He ducked his head and muttered, “Jesus...” He was a man who had defended hardened criminals at trial and he never broke a sweat. He felt ridiculous.

“I guess you think I was never your age? My cabins are pretty much booked with just a day here and there we have an empty one. No chance for you to settle in one this summer. But, I got a little behind around here, stuff I usually get done in March before it all starts still needs doing. There’s things that Tom and his kids don’t have the time for or can’t handle and I’m just getting back in my swing. Stuff I’m talking about takes a little muscle.”

“We’ll get it all done, Sully. But, if there’s no cabin...”

“Don’t worry about it. I never even heard you last night, starting around three...” He grinned. “You’re a nice guy. Maggie’s a grown woman. I make no judgment. Besides, after what I saw her do with that shotgun, she doesn’t need me to run interference for her.”

“All right, look...” Cal rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. “I’m not taking your money. I’ll earn my keep.”

“And then some,” Sully said. He smiled slyly.

Cal supposed he’d adjust. The problem wasn’t having sex with Maggie in her father’s house while her father slept in the room across the hall; it was doing that in her father’s house without being married to her, with no plans to marry her. It was a great dichotomy, considering the way Cal grew up. The weird things his parents were into, not the least of which was his father’s dope, and everything from nudism to Wicca, did not foster this conservative thinking. Of course none of their
interests
were as challenging as those long stretches of time Jed thought the government was monitoring his thoughts or, more fun yet, thinking he had been personally chosen by Jesus to be the next savior of the world. But conservative worries about whether or not a person was married? It never came up.

How I ever got out of that nuthouse with a working brain is a miracle
, he thought.

“There’s one thing,” Sully said. “Sit tight.” He went into the back room and came back with an envelope. “This came for you.”

Cal looked at the return address of the Colorado Supreme Court. He smiled. “Thanks, Sully. I’ve had an eye out for this. It was nice to know if it came while I was on the trail you’d hold it for me.”

“You in some kind of trouble?”

“Trouble?” He laughed. “Oh no, Sully. Just a little legal business. Never mind the Supreme Court envelope, this came from a clerk. Sully, when you’re in trouble they send the police and handcuffs, not a letter. This is a license.”

“For the truck?” he asked.

“No,” Cal said. “No, I’ve worked in the court system. Been a while now, but if I need a job in Colorado it can’t happen without registering and getting permission. The courts don’t readily trust out-of-towners.”

“You mean like a court reporter or paralegal or something like that?”

“Something like that. I told you, I’ve had a lot of jobs, from stocking shelves and picking vegetables to putting on a tie and shuffling paperwork.”

“But you’re hanging around here?”

“That okay by you?” Cal asked. “I like the pace. And I like Maggie.”

“You gonna give a better explanation about that license to her?”

“Absolutely. But it’s not urgent. I’m planning to work for you now.”

“Listen, she doesn’t need anyone to protect her, but I’m her father. I’d hate to have to ask Tom to beat you up.” He rubbed his chest with his knuckles. “If I have to do it, I’ll just shoot you.”

Cal laughed, folded the unopened letter and stuffed it in his back pocket. “Sully, I don’t want her feelings hurt any more than you do. You know she’s going to go back to work, right?”

“She talking about that?”

“Not yet,” he said. “But it’s early. She just needs a little time to get her perspective. Her business was kicking her ass. She needs a breather. This seems like a great place for that. Maybe you should worry about my feelings getting hurt.”

“Who’s going to hurt your feelings?” Maggie said as she came through the back door.

“Hopefully no one. Want to take me to get my truck? Sully’s got a long honey-do list for me.”

“Sure. You ready to go?”

“How about a couple of coffees for the road?” Cal asked Sully. “Oh, and thanks for the pants and shirt.”

Cal thought about explaining more of his history to Maggie on the ride to Leadville. It was complicated. Being a lawyer was certainly nothing to be ashamed of. At least in most circles. The fact was, he hadn’t had any intention of petitioning for a Colorado license, at least not until Maggie said she had legal troubles. A lawyer in his position, licensed in Michigan, couldn’t even give advice or answer questions in Colorado without being liable for practicing law without a license. Sully could tell his daughter she ought to get a better lawyer and it was perfectly all right. Cal could tell her the same thing and be fined, or worse. In fact, he couldn’t even say, “I might be able to help you with this problem.” His only reason for extending his license to Colorado was so she could discuss her case with him if she chose to.

And of course there was other stuff that went hand in hand with being a lawyer. His marriage, his wife’s illness and death, his
role
in her death... He was an officer of the court. He would not be caught in a lie. No one had ever asked him for the details of Lynne’s death and he didn’t volunteer any information. Before he confided to anyone, there would have to be a vital reason and a lot more trust. He wouldn’t, for example, marry again without full disclosure. And although he was crazy about Maggie, he wasn’t seeing a second marriage.

He’d get around to telling her more about his recent past. But not just yet. Not until there was a compelling reason.

“What were you and Sully talking about? It sounded like two men talking about feelings,” Maggie asked.

“He warned me, very nicely, not to hurt you. I said I was as serious about your feelings as he was. He threatened to shoot me. But I assume Sully is mostly talk.”

“Mostly,” she said, flashing him a grin.

* * *

Cal retrieved his truck and pop-up camper, put the camper behind the storage shed and parked the truck next to Maggie’s car. He started working through Sully’s list. He hadn’t been kidding about getting a little behind. Cal scraped out old grout in the public showers, bathroom and laundry room, regrouted, painted the building inside and out, scoured the whole thing until it was like new. He painted and covered the porches and stairs on both the store and house with rain repellant. He graded the driveway and parking areas, cleaned out grills, collected trash, raked campsites, cleaned cabins, changed and washed the linens, tended the garden and helped in the store.

It crossed his mind Sully was trying to wear him out so he’d be too damned tired to have sex with Maggie.
Ha! No such luck, Sully!

Maggie was irresistible and he felt like a teenager again, always ready. Maggie was also always ready.

“You’re killing me,” he whispered to her deep in the night.

“You’ll be fine,” she whispered back.

“Sully gives me shit about my nights in his house,” Cal said. “Subtle innuendo. He thinks he’s very clever. But the miracle is that I can still get it up after a day of doing chores for him and letting him needle me.”

“And you do so very adequately. I know about these things. I’m a doctor.”

When Cal had been back at Sullivan’s Crossing for about a week, Maggie took off for the day to meet with her lawyers in Denver. It was a long day so she planned to stay overnight. She met Jaycee for sushi, something they used to do regularly. Then she had a nostalgic visit with her house.

It was a great single woman’s house, large enough to give her plenty of room, small enough to hug her when she was there. Even though her schedule hadn’t allowed her a great deal of time at home, she had gone to great trouble and considerable expense in decorating. Her furniture was contemporary and comfortable, dark walnut tables and accents, her sectional cozy and deep velour.

She had a wonderful mattress that she had missed, but she missed Cal more. Sometime in the middle of the night she went to the guest room bed and found it slept just as well.

When Maggie returned to Sullivan’s Crossing she was driving a rental truck that she could return in Leadville and she was towing her car. In the truck was a thick area rug and the furniture from her guest bedroom. She brought a bookcase and reading lamp. Sully already had an old leather chair and ottoman that had been his father’s—it was a beautiful, comfortable relic.

“What’s this?” Cal asked.

“We’re moving downstairs. Into Sully’s rumpus room.”

“Will he know everything we’re doing if we’re down there?” Cal asked.

“Only if he has a nanny-cam.”

Cal’s eyes lit up with pleasure. “Oh boy. We’re going to rumpus our brains out!”

Cal was quickly absorbed into summer at the crossing. Guests and campers greeted him by name. He asked kids if they were having fun, checked to see if there was anything he could do for their parents. He worked with Tom on the care of the grounds and did any heavy lifting that had to be done if he caught it before Sully did. He also got better acquainted with the neighbors and friends who stopped by. People who worked at other campgrounds on the lake liked to grab a beer or drink at Sully’s store; first responders dropped by now and then to see how things were going, get the latest gossip, grab a beer if they were off duty.

“Tom’s got a lot on his plate. I can take on his Wednesday jobs,” he suggested to Sully. “I can keep up with the grounds.”

“I couldn’t do that to Tom,” Sully said. “He supports four kids on his own. He does every job he can manage and he’s a search-and-rescue volunteer besides. He depends on his paychecks. And now he’s helping Jackson with college.”

Cal was impressed—this responsibility to each other people around the crossing shared. His own family was barely capable of that. They checked on each other and one would think, given the unbalanced lifestyle in which they’d grown up, they would cling to each other for survival, but it seemed to go the other way. Once they broke free, their contact was steady but minimal. It was every man for himself. He liked his brother-in-law, Sedona’s husband, and his niece and nephew were great, but they didn’t see each other often. Dakota, being a military man, wasn’t easy to keep up with; he had deployed three times in the past ten years. If they didn’t all have cell phones, they would hardly be in touch at all. They didn’t exactly have family reunions.

“Family reunion?” Sedona had once said. “Doesn’t that sound like a day in hell?”

“Nah,” Cal had replied. “Just a day at the loony bin.”

Summer brought Sullivan’s Crossing to life—vacationers abounded. The camps across the lake were full; there were fishing boats and Jet Skis all over the water. The occasional Boy Scout or teen camp counselor escaped to Sully’s to get away from their kids.

Hikers passed through in a steady stream—some who had made the trek south from Boulder, some who had been out for a short time, some who had come all the way from the Mexican border and had already logged close to a thousand miles. They usually straggled in at the end of the day. They had a variety of reasons for taking to the trail—a cancer survivor who had a lot of living to do, a professor who was documenting his hike, a divorcée getting her confidence back, a couple of ministers who wanted to experience the CDT for the spiritual messages, married teachers doing as much of the hike as they could over summer and hoping to get across three states. They sometimes recognized each other from the trail or from names in trail logs they’d read along the way. They gathered around picnic tables, on the porch or the dock. Remembering all too well coming off the trail, Cal began grilling burgers for hikers. He kept ground beef and buns on hand just for that purpose—burgers and chips. No charge.

“You’re gonna go broke that way,” Sully groused.