What to Expect the Toddler Years (283 page)

Disadvantages
. These, too, vary with the program, but can include for your child: more exposure to illness, and thus more illness (though this can be reduced when sound health policies are followed); possibly, less individualized care than other child-care choices, especially if there is a high ratio of children to teachers. For you, less flexibility in scheduling (a set schedule may not take parental needs into account); fairly high cost (usually lower than in-home care and higher than family day care, though costs vary).

What it’s like.
One or more classes of children spend half or full days under the care of one or more teachers in a formal program designed to enhance readiness for school. Some preschools accept children from the age of two years, others not until three; others have acceptance policies based on toileting and other skills.

Advantages
. Again, these vary with the caliber of the school, but can include for your child: a better chance of quality care from trained and experienced care-givers; a formal program geared to his or her age and development; opportunities for play with lots of other children of the same age; a wide variety of toys and equipment; usually, some state or local regulations, under which health and safety (and sometimes even curriculum) may be monitored. For you, reliability (if a teacher is sick, a substitute is provided).

Disadvantages
. Again, these vary with the program, but can include for your child: more exposure to illness, and thus more illness (though this can be reduced when sound health policies are followed); toddler burnout, if a preschool program is overly demanding or academically rigorous. For you, less flexibility in scheduling; fairly high cost. Most preschools follow the public school calendar, closing on certain holidays and during school breaks, posing a logistical nightmare for working parents. Many preschools also offer only half a day for young toddlers, mornings or afternoons, which means that parents who work a full day must employ another child-care provider to cover the balance.

Cooperative babysitting.
Cooperative babysitting can involve just two families (you sit for my child on Friday night and I sit for yours on Sunday) or a dozen (parents earn vouchers for each hour spent sitting for other co-op members’ children, which they redeem when they need a sitter). It’s free (except for the reciprocal obligation of caring for other members’ children) and—because you’re dealing with other parents, usually parents you know—you can generally trust the care your child will receive. You can set up an informal co-op with friends who have children around the same age, or advertise for members in a doctor’s office, house of worship, community center, day-care center, or preschool. Get to know potential parent members before you agree to have them participate and insist they become familiar with child-safety recommendations, such as those in Chapter Twenty-one, and complete a first-aid/CPR course before taking on babysitting chores.

For a group cooperative, put together a directory that includes vital information about each child: name, birthdate, address, home phone number, emergency phone
numbers (including doctor), nap schedule, allergies, favorite foods and hated foods, likes and dislikes, as well as the availability of the parent or parents for sitting. It’s a good idea if all members of the co-op have liability coverage so any injuries in the home are covered.

In a large co-op, regular meetings (with kids invited so they can play together) should be held so problems can be worked out and any new parents can be introduced.

A family-member babysitter.
Having a grandparent or another relative who loves your child serve as caregiver can be ideal—but
only
if this family member really wants to take on the job and is really good with kids. Even then, it can sometimes be a decidedly mixed blessing that can lead to family discord. You may, for example, be reluctant to tell the family member when you’re unhappy with some aspect of the care, because you don’t want to ruffle feelings. You may be particularly hesitant if you aren’t paying for the help. To minimize discomfort and prevent resentment, set up house rules in advance (for example, no junk food, no buying gifts on every outing, and so on) and work out a daily schedule (so much TV and no more, so much time at the playground, naps and snacks as specified). Also encourage open communication between babysitter and parents.

Corporate or on-the-job day care
. Though it’s unfortunately still rare in the United States (inexplicably, since parents tend to be much more productive on the job when their children are being cared for nearby), corporate on-site day care or preschool facilities can be a boon to working parents. They offer flexibility (you can usually drop off early and pick up late), security (you know your child is nearby and in good hands), and more time together for parents and children (parent and child commute together, and often even take breaks and lunch together). Some corporate day-care programs offer facilities for children whose parents work the night shift, and a few even offer separate care for children when they’re sick (see page 825). Hopefully, more companies will start offering day care to their workers with children, either independently or in consortium with other companies.

Locating candidates.
Often the best way to get the name of a nanny or other in-home caregiver is by tapping into your community’s local parents network: ask around at the playground, ask friends with children, ask at the pediatrician’s office, or post your needs in appropriate places, such as the doctor’s office, your house of worship, a nearby preschool, or a local hospital. You can also contact an agency that provides babysitters or nannies. If you do use an agency, choose one that has been around for years (fly-by-night operations abound, and most states don’t license such agencies) or that comes highly recommended (if you don’t have an acquaintance who’s used the agency, ask for several references). Look for an agency that has a reputation for supplying well-trained and well-screened applicants, but
never
take the agency’s word on any particular applicant. Always follow up yourself with your own screening process (see below). You can also try the jobs-wanted ads in the local newspaper or online message board, or run an ad of your own, but you’ll have to be particularly scrupulous about checking references when you go that route.

What you need to know about an in-home caregiver.
The screening process usually begins with reading résumés, if the candidates have supplied them. It then moves on to an interview process, beginning on the telephone to screen out clearly inappropriate choices and ending with two or three in-person interviews with each of the best finalists. (It’s rare that a candidate loosens up enough on the first interview for you to get a good idea of what she’s really like.) In your interviews, try to learn the following:

Why she wants the job
. (Since the vast majority of in-home caregivers are women, we use the feminine pronoun here.) Is she desperate for work—any kind of work—or does she really love working with children? Does she consider child care an interim position, and only means it to last until another “better” career opportunity comes along?

Her qualifications
. A caregiver doesn’t necessarily have to have a degree in child development (although that would certainly be a nice extra), but she should be: well spoken (even if English is not her native language, she should be fluent in it); bright enough to encourage your child verbally and challenge him or her intellectually; knowledgeable about children and experienced in their care (you’ll be able to discern this to some extent from the interview and from observing her interaction with your child or children, but be sure you also carefully check her references); trained in or willing to take a course in first aid, including CPR and the Heimlich maneuver, and concerned with good hygiene (in other words, a hand-washer). Most important, though, are the things that
don’t
show up on a résumé, the ones you’ll have to trust your instincts and observations, backed up by references, in assessing: energy level, enthusiasm, sensitivity, kindness, and love of children.

Her age
. Age is less significant on its own than other considerations, but a relatively young babysitter may lack maturity and experience (of course, some not-so-young adults may, too) and a much older babysitter may lack the vitality necessary to keep up with a toddler—but then again, some older candidates may have more energy than some younger ones.

Previous experience
. Obtain a thorough employment history, especially considering the following: When did she leave her last job, and why? Has she kept jobs for long periods, or tended to flit from job to job? Has there been a lengthy break since the last job, with no good explanation (such as additional education or a new baby)? When there has been a break or when you have another reason to wonder about the candidate’s past, you may want to ask for personal references, such as a clergyperson. In some cases, you may even want to check with the state police to be certain the candidate doesn’t have a criminal record.

References
. Narrow your choices down to a few finalists through interviews, then check their references; be thorough and cautious. Insist on talking to previous employers yourself rather than accepting letters of recommendation, which can be faked. If there are no previous employers, ask for references from teachers, clergy, or other objective sources. Do not accept references from family or friends.

Availability
. Though you won’t be able to hold her to a verbal agreement (or, in some cases, even a written one), having a caregiver who is willing to stay with the family for as long as you need her (assuming the situation works out for everyone) offers a certain measure of assurance that there will be continuity of care in your child’s life—and that you won’t have to hunt for a nanny again in six months.

Also try to determine if there are any factors in her life (such as young children of her own) that might make her less than regularly available on a day-today basis, or that could make it difficult for her to work overtime (if that’s important to you). See box, facing page for a possible solution to this problem.

Child-care philosophy
. In general, look for someone who shares as many of your child-rearing philosophies as possible. Discuss with each candidate the issues you consider significant, such as nutrition, discipline, toilet learning, weaning. Ask open-ended questions that require more than “yes” or “no” answers: What do you think is the most important thing a toddler needs? How would you spend a typical day with my toddler? What would you do if you found my toddler climbing on the windowsill? How would you handle a tantrum? What would you do if my toddler had a toileting accident?

Physical health history
. Make sure that there’s nothing about the candidate’s health that might interfere with her doing the job. Ask: Has she been tested for tuberculosis? Immunized against hepatitis? Is there anything in her background or present life that could endanger your child?

Personal habits
. Does the candidate smoke? Since secondhand smoke is linked to so many health problems in children (not to mention safety problems around the home), it’s likely that you won’t want your toddler cared for by a smoker—or, at least, not by someone who will smoke on the job. A prospective sitter is not liable to admit readily to alcohol or other drug abuse (nor are you liable to feel comfortable asking about it), but if you know what to look for, the signs of such abuse can often be detected; see page 812.

Transportation to work
. Does she have a way of getting to work each day on time? Does she have a driver’s license, if you need her to drive on the job?

Having asked questions of your candidate, also ask some of yourself:

Did the applicant arrive on time for the interview? If she didn’t, you can infer that she may sometimes be late for work, too.

Was her appearance neat and clean? If she came to the interview with unwashed hair or dirty fingernails, you may rightly suspect she will take even less care once she has the job. And a
laissez-faire
attitude about her personal hygiene might well foretell a
laissez-faire
attitude about cleanliness and other important matters when caring for your toddler.