What to Expect the Toddler Years (16 page)

Whatever the reason for your separation anxiety, conquering it is important not only for you but for your toddler. Anxiety is more contagious than the common cold; if you’re anxious about leaving your child, your child will be anxious about being left. What’s more, your discomfort could signal to her that forming attachments or having fun with other people (baby-sitters, nannies, teachers) is wrong or unsafe—a notion that could hamper her social development.

To make the first separations easier, you may prefer to leave your child with someone you know well and trust implicitly (a grandparent, an aunt, your best friend) before leaving her with a baby-sitter. Discussing your feelings in a parenting group may also help you adapt to separation—you’ll find that most parents initially feel uncomfortable leaving their children but that they eventually find ways to adjust.

If your anxieties are so intense that they keep you from ever leaving your toddler with another person, talk to her doctor. Some counseling may be in order.

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to wean my daughter from the bottle when she won’t take a cup.”

Sooner or later, all children learn to drink from a cup. The trick is getting them to do it sooner rather than later. The best time is early in the second half of the first year, when babies are still relatively pliable and drinking from a cup is a novelty rather than a necessity associated with weaning.

But even though that ideal time has passed, it’s not too late to get your toddler started on the cup. Whether she has always resisted the cup or has just begun to fight it (perhaps in direct response to pressure you’ve been applying for her to give up her beloved bottle), these tips should help win her over:

Go cup-shopping together. Let your child hold the cups you’re considering buying, and allow her to pick her favorite style, color, and design. Some toddlers prefer one handle, some two, some like a spout, others want a cup with a straw built in. Then there are those who want to be grown-up like Mom and Dad and drink from what looks like a real glass. You may have to experiment with a variety of cup styles before you hit on one your child accepts. If you can, buy (or borrow) several so that your toddler can choose which cup she wants at each meal. All cups you choose should be nonbreakable; a weighted bottom will make tipping less likely.

Let your toddler get acquainted with her cup. Let her use it to feed her dolls, to serve tea to a friend, or to fill and empty in the sink (under your supervision).

Put the cup first. Always offer your toddler a cup before the breast or the bottle—but hold the parental pressure. At each meal and snack, pour a small amount of a favorite beverage into a cup. Place the cup within her reach and offer it to her periodically between bites (“Here’s a drink of water”). If she pushes the cup away, don’t force the issue. Continue to use this no-pressure approach daily, varying the cup and the beverage. One day,
possibly when she’s particularly thirsty, she will surprise you and take a sip.

Switch the liquid. Serving a liquid she’s unaccustomed to drinking in her bottle may make her less resistant to the cup. Once she’s used to the cup, you can start filling it up with her favorite fluids.

Don’t make weaning dependent on your toddler’s acceptance of the cup. If you do, she will keep rejecting what she considers an unacceptable bottle substitute. Instead, start cutting back on bottle feedings even as she continues to reject the cup. The human body craves fluids, and ultimately your toddler will take them any way she can get them. (If she’s consuming less milk during the weaning process, make sure she gets additional calcium from other sources, such as hard cheeses and full-fat yogurt; see page 506.)

Cover all bases. Drinking from a cup will be a messy business until your toddler becomes proficient. A large over-the-shoulder bib for your child and a plastic sheet or newspaper spread under the high chair will help handle the spills. Starting out with water or heavily watered-down juice will be less hazardous to clothing and floor. Don’t make a fuss about spills, or you might give your toddler another reason to reject the cup.

“I know I’m supposed to start weaning my son from the bottle now that he’s a year old, but he doesn’t seem ready to cooperate.”

Timing may not be everything, but when it comes to weaning, it’s a great deal. And weaning your toddler now would be excellent timing, for several reasons:
Dwindling flexibility.
Though he’s certainly not the putty in your hands he was six or seven months ago, your toddler’s still a whole lot less set in his ways now than he will be in the months to come. Once negativity and rebelliousness start kicking in, and every issue becomes a battle of wills, enlisting his cooperation in the weaning process will be more difficult.
Waning appetite.
Bottle drinkers tend to consume unnecessarily large quantities of milk and juice. At a time when toddlers start eating less, drinking more can sabotage appetites and contribute to eating problems.
Continuing health risk.
Infants who drink their bottles flat on their backs have an increased risk of ear infections. The problem can continue for toddlers who aren’t weaned from the bottle.
New health risk.
At this age, when most toddlers have at least several teeth, the bottle can start to become hazardous to dental health. Bottle-induced tooth decay, known as “baby-bottle mouth” or “nursing-bottle syndrome,” occurs when milk, juice, or another naturally sweet or sweetened liquid is allowed to pool in a child’s mouth routinely (as it does when he sucks on a bottle, but not when he sips from a cup), particularly during the time just before he falls asleep. The sugars in the fluids (lactose in milk and fructose in juice) are broken down by bacteria in the mouth. During the process an acid is formed, which feasts on protective tooth enamel, causing decay. Baby-bottle mouth can be severe and extensive enough to require extraction of the baby teeth and installation of a temporary replacement bridge. The cost is high both in money, and often, in self-esteem, since the toddler with missing teeth may develop speech and emotional problems. To prevent baby-bottle mouth, both the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry recommend weaning children from bottle to cup when they are a year old.

Of course, convincing your toddler to give up the bottle will take more than scientific evidence, professional
pronouncements, or simple logic. As a first step, provide your child with a substitute container for his beverages: a cup. By this age, many children are already proficient at drinking from a cup. If yours is, that part of your job will be relatively easy. If not, see page 26.

Once your toddler can drink several ounces of fluid from a cup at a sitting, you can begin saying “bye-bye bottle.” Choose one of the following approaches to weaning, keeping in mind how your child handles change—and how hooked he is on the bottle.

Cold Turkey
. If your toddler is easygoing, doesn’t panic in the face of change, makes transitions smoothly, isn’t particularly dependent on the bottle, and is proficient with a cup, a cold-turkey approach may work. Pick a time when you anticipate no other major changes in your toddler’s life—and when you will have plenty of time to devote to him. Select a day that begins well (if either of you wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, put the project off). Start the day with the announcement, proclaimed with great fanfare, that he’s a big boy now, and like all big boys (“just like cousin Josh” or “just like Daddy”), he can drink all his milk and juice from a cup (cheers and applause). Take him to the store and let him help you select several new cups in the style he likes best, with fun designs and bright colors. At home have him help you throw his bottles and nipples into the recycling bin. (Save one or two bottles to be used for play—as bathtub toys or when “feeding” baby dolls or stuffed animals.) During weaning, your toddler may be a little more cranky and sensitive than usual, and thumb-sucking may increase (or begin). Give him plenty of extra time and attention, and lots of hugs to make up for the comfort he’s no longer getting from the bottle. If your toddler remains unfazed at losing his bottle and makes no serious requests for it over the next few days, you can consider yourself lucky and the process complete.