What to Expect the First Year (49 page)

“My baby just won't stop crying … and I need help helping her (and me).”

There's nothing more frustrating than trying to console an inconsolable baby—especially when you've been trying, trying, trying … and baby's still crying, crying, crying. But the truth is, not all soothing strategies work on every baby, and few work on every baby every time—but chances are you'll find at least a couple in the following list of tricks that will work on your baby some of the time. Just give each a fair shot before you switch to another (and don't pull out too many tricks at one time, or you'll overload baby's circuits—and step up the crying you're trying to stop):

Respond.
Of course you know that responding to your baby's cries is important—but put yourself in her little booties for a moment, and you'll see just how important. Crying is a baby's only way of communicating her needs—but it's also her only way of wielding any control at all over a vast and bewildering new environment: She cries, you come running to her side—powerful stuff when you're otherwise completely powerless. Though it may sometimes seem the definition of pointless in the short term (you come, she still cries), responding promptly to your baby's cries will, studies show, reduce her crying in the long run. In fact, babies whose parents responded to them regularly and promptly in infancy cry less as toddlers. What's more, crying that's been left to intensify for more than a few minutes becomes harder to interpret—the baby becomes so upset, even she doesn't remember what started all the fuss in the first place. And often, the longer baby cries, the longer it takes to stop the crying.

Assess the situation.
Even a colicky baby who does a lot of unexplained crying can cry for a reason, too. So always check to see if there's a simple and fixable cause for crying. The usual suspects: Your baby's hungry, tired, bored, wet or poopy, too warm, or too cold, or needs food, a nap, some rocking, some attention, a change of position, a new diaper, to be swaddled.

Do a diet check.
Be sure your baby isn't always crying because she's always hungry. Lack of adequate weight gain or signs of failure to thrive can clue you in. Increasing baby's intake (pumping up your milk supply if you're breastfeeding) may eliminate excessive crying. If baby is bottle-fed, ask the doctor whether the crying might be due to an allergy to her formula (though this isn't very likely unless crying is accompanied by other signs of allergy). If you're breastfeeding, consider doing a check of your own diet, since there's the very slight possibility that the crying might be triggered by baby's sensitivity to something you're eating. Test more common culprits, like dairy, caffeine, or gas-producing vegetables like cabbage, by removing them one at a time from your diet and seeing if there's an improvement in baby's symptoms. You
can add them back in one at a time to narrow down the culprit or culprits, if any.

Get close.
In societies where babies are always worn or toted in carriers, there isn't as much crying or fussiness. This traditional wisdom seems to translate well in our world, too. Research has shown that babies who are worn or carried for at least 3 hours every day cry less than babies who aren't toted as often. Not only does wearing or carrying your baby give her the pleasure of physical closeness to you (and after 9 months of constant closeness, that may be just what baby's crying for), but it may help you tune in better to baby's needs.

Swaddle.
Being tightly wrapped is very comforting to many newborns, especially during those fussy periods, since it offers the same warm, snug security they grew accustomed to in the womb. A few, however, intensely dislike swaddling. The only way you'll know which holds true for your baby is to give swaddling a try the next time colic begins (
click here
).

Take a clue from kangaroos.
Like swaddling, kangaroo care—cuddling your baby close to you, cocooned under your shirt or zipped into a sweatshirt skin-to-skin, heart-to-heart—gives many babies a sense of comforting security. Just keep in mind that, as with swaddling, some babies prefer more freedom of movement and will resist being held tightly.

Rhythmic rocking.
Most babies find comfort (and calm) from being rocked, whether in your arms, a carriage, a vibrating or swaying infant seat, a baby swing (when baby's old enough), or being worn while you walk or sway. Some babies respond better to fast rocking than to slow—but don't rock or shake your baby forcefully, since this can cause serious whiplash injury. For some babies, rocking side to side tends to stimulate, rocking back and forth to calm. Test your baby's response to different kinds of rocking.

A warm-water bath.
A bath can soothe some babies—though bath-haters may just scream louder when they hit the water.

Soothing sounds.
Even if your singing voice has a fingernails-on-the-black-board effect on others, your baby will probably love it … and be lulled by it. Learn whether your baby is soothed by soft lullabies, sprightly rhymes, or rock ballads or pop tunes, and whether a hushed, high-pitched, or deep voice is the ticket to calm. But don't stop at singing. Many babies are calmed by other sounds as well—the hum of a fan, vacuum cleaner (you can wear your baby while you vacuum—combining motion with sound, and getting your floors clean at the same time), or clothes dryer (try leaning your back against the dryer while you're wearing your baby to get a nice vibration with the machine's purr). Also soothing: a repeated “shh” or “ahhhhh, ahhhhh,” a white noise machine, or an app that plays nature sounds—like the wind blowing through trees or waves breaking on the beach.

Massage.
For babies who like to be stroked—and many do—massage can be very calming, especially if you give it while you're lying on your back, baby on your chest. (
Click here
for tips on baby massage.) Experiment with light and firmer strokes to make sure you're rubbing your baby the right way. Your baby's not buying the massage? Don't push the rub—some little ones are touch averse when they're fussy.

Add a little pressure.
On baby's tummy, that is. The “colic carry” (see
illustration
) or any position that
applies gentle pressure to baby's abdomen (such as across your lap, with belly on one knee and head on the other), can relieve discomfort that might be contributing to the crying. Some babies prefer being upright on the shoulder, but again with pressure on their bellies while their backs are being patted or rubbed. Or try this gas reliever: Gently push baby's knees up to his or her tummy and hold for 10 seconds, then release and gently straighten them. Repeat several times. Alternatively, you can bicycle baby's legs gently to relieve any gas pain.

Satisfy with sucking.
Sucking doesn't always have to come with a meal—and in fact, newborns sometimes need to suck just for sucking's sake. Using the breast or bottle to satisfy your baby's need for extra sucking can lead to a cycle of too much feeding, too much gas, and too much crying. When your baby's fussy but not hungry, try a pacifier (that's why they call them soothies) or your pinkie. Or help your little one find her fist to suck on.

Comfort with consistency.
Even babies who are too young for a schedule can be calmed by consistency—singing the same song, swaddling the same way, rocking at the same speed in the same direction, playing the same white noise sounds. Consistency is likely to pay off with soothing techniques, too. Once you find what works, stick with it most of the time, and try not to switch around too much from one strategy to the other during the same crying jag.

Get out of the house.
Sometimes, just a change to an outdoor location will magically change a baby's mood. Add motion, and you've got a really powerful soothing potion. So take your baby for a walk in the stroller or in a sling or carrier, or strap her into the car seat for a drive (but turn around and head home if the crying continues in the car—otherwise it could distract you from the road).

Control air.
A lot of newborn discomfort is caused by swallowing air during feeds. Discomfort leads to crying—and crying leads to more swallowed air, a cycle that you definitely want to break when you can. Babies will swallow less air during feeds if they're properly latched on during breastfeeding or slightly upright during bottle-feeding. The right-size nipple hole on a bottle will also reduce air intake. Be sure it isn't too large (which promotes gulping of air with formula) or too small (struggling for formula also promotes air swallowing). Hold the bottle so that no air enters the nipple (or choose one that controls for air), and be sure to burp baby frequently during feedings to expel swallowed air. Sometimes a change of nipple or bottle can significantly reduce crying.

Start fresh.
As new as your newborn is to the world, she's wise beyond her days when it comes to picking up your feelings. If you're struggling for hours to soothe your baby, you're bound to be stressed out—and she's bound to sense it and be stressed out by it. The result? More crying, of course. If you can, periodically hand baby off to another pair of loving arms so you can both get a stress break and a fresh start. Have no one to relieve you? Try putting your baby down in a safe place for a few minutes (see
box
).

Excise excitement.
Having a new baby to show off can be fun—everyone wants to see the baby, and you want to take her everywhere to be seen. You also want to expose baby to new experiences in stimulating environments. That's fine for some babies, too stimulating for others (particularly young ones). If your baby is colicky, limit excitement, visitors, and stimulation, especially in the late afternoon and early evening.

Check with the doctor.
While the odds are that your baby's daily screaming sessions are due to normal crying or colic, it's a good idea to talk the situation over with the doctor—if only to get some reassurance and maybe a few extra soothing strategies. Describing the crying (its duration, intensity, pattern, any variation from the norm, and any accompanying symptoms) will also help the doctor rule out any underlying medical condition (like reflux or a
with your older child—or head to the playground (you can push the swing wearing a sling). The new baby will be lulled, and your older child will feel loved.

Wait it out.
Sometimes nothing relieves colic but the passing of time. And while that time may seem to stretch on forever—especially if your baby's colic is a daily struggle—it may help to remind yourself (over and over and over again): This, too, shall pass—usually by the time baby's 3 months old.

“My baby has crying jags in the afternoon. Should I give him a pacifier to comfort him?”

It's easy, it's quick, and for many babies it turns on the comfort and turns off the tears more reliably than a dozen hoarse choruses of “Rock-a-Bye Baby.” There's no denying a pacifier can work remarkably well at comforting your baby and calming his crying (especially if he has a strong need to suck but hasn't yet figured out how to get his fingers in his mouth). But should you pop that binky into your baby's mouth at the first whimper? Here's a look at some pacifier pros and cons:

• A pacifier could save your baby's life. Talk about a powerful positive: Research has linked pacifier use to a decreased risk of SIDS. Experts believe that babies who suck on pacifiers may not sleep as deeply and wake more easily than babies who don't, making them less susceptible to SIDS. Another theory is that sucking on a pacifier might help open up air space around a baby's mouth and nose, which ensures he gets enough oxygen. Because of the reduced SIDS risk, the AAP suggests that pacifiers be used for babies under age 1 at naptime and bedtime (assuming your baby will take one—not all babies will).

• The pacifier is in the parent's control. That can be a good thing when nothing but plunking that pacifier in your baby's mouth will generate calm. Plus, unlike the thumb, which is in baby's control, when you decide it's time for your baby to give up the binky, you're the one who'll be able to pull the plug (whether your little one will put up a fight is another issue).

• If a baby gets attached to a binky, the habit can be a hard one to break—especially once your baby turns into a more inflexible toddler (when the continuing use of pacifiers is linked to recurrent ear infections and, later, to misaligned teeth).

• A paci can become a crutch for the parents. Plunking that pacifier in your baby's mouth can become just a little too easy and a lot more convenient than trying to figure out the reason for the fussing or if there might be other ways of placating him. The result may be a baby who can be happy only with something in his mouth, and who is unable to comfort himself any other way.

• Being paci dependent can mean less sleep for everyone, because babies who learn to go to sleep with a pacifier might not learn how to fall asleep on their own—and they might put up a sniffly fuss when the binky gets lost in the middle of the night (requiring weary mom or dad to get up and pop it back in each time baby wakes up). Of course, though inconvenient, this is a pretty minor con compared with the significant pro of safer sleep for pacifier-using newborns.

What about nipple confusion or pacifiers interfering with breastfeeding? Contrary to popular belief, there is little evidence that pacifiers cause nipple confusion. And as far as throwing a monkey wrench into long-term nursing for your little monkey, the data doesn't bear that out either. In fact, some research shows that limiting the pacifier for newborns actually decreases the rate of exclusive breastfeeding. Still, there's no doubt that your milk supply is dependent on your baby's suckling—which means that spending too much time with a mouth full of binky can mean too little time spent with a mouth full of breast, which can mean too little stimulation for your milk supply.