What the Duke Desires (17 page)

Lillian turned her face away. It seemed Simon’s feelings on class only applied to marriage. Not that it mattered. He didn’t know the entire connection they shared, but she did. There could be no future for them, despite her desire to comfort him and despite the passion they had shared last night.

“No, I didn’t consider it because I suppose it would complicate things a great deal,” he murmured.

“It would risk more people finding out about your father’s true colors,” she murmured, watching his every reaction carefully.

He turned on her, nostrils flaring slightly. “At this moment, I don’t care about that. I deserve to know my brother if he still exists. And he deserves to know me and our sister, Naomi.”

“Are you saying you wouldn’t care if your father’s treachery were revealed to the world?” she asked, shocked.

He hesitated and then he shook his head. “I am angry at him for his duplicity, but I don’t want the world to see it, at least not yet. Perhaps someday…”

Lillian blinked. That meant he might one day allow the truth to come out, only on his own terms. And that made Lillian even more certain about her decision to release her own drive for revenge.

“I think of Naomi and her children when I think of the truth coming out. And my mother. I suppose I think of myself as well, though perhaps that is selfish.”

“It isn’t selfish, Simon,” she whispered as she looked down at her feet. “You have done nothing wrong. You shouldn’t have to suffer for what your father did. It isn’t fair.”

Simon frowned. “Well, so much in this life isn’t fair. I think of all the people he hurt…Don’t they deserve retribution?”

Her stare jerked up. Yet again he was offering her the perfect opportunity to reveal the truth about herself, her mother. She could confess why she had come here and what she wanted from him when she began. Maybe, in this charged moment, he would understand.

Or perhaps he wouldn’t. And now that she had allowed him to tell her this, his greatest secret, he would hate her all the more.

Could she take that risk?

Before she could decide, he let out a great sigh.

“You see why I am twisted inside about it. But I must face one thing at a time. If I
do
look for this man, this brother I never knew I had, I’ll have to use great care so as not to reveal my true purposes.”

He looked at her. Framed by the sunny window, he looked like a dark, fallen angel. Sensual and beautiful and tempting. Despite all her misgivings, she wanted him more than ever.

And yet she had promised to avoid temptation. Especially considering their conversation this morning, touching him, kissing him, making love to him…it was wrong. She couldn’t do it again, no matter how much she wanted to.

Staggering to her feet, she turned away. “I should leave you. You obviously have much to consider and plan.”

He caught her hand. “Please don’t go, Lillian.”

Gently he tugged and she moved toward him with little resistance. It seemed she could summon none when he was tempting her.

“Simon,” she whispered, helpless.

He tilted his head, and suddenly his lips were on hers. She couldn’t resist him. Her arms came around his neck, her body molded to his. The needs she had been trying to fight overtook her and she forgot everything else.

“Thank you,” he whispered as he moved her flat against the wall. He braced a hand on either side of her head, and those intense green eyes snared her. “Thank you for hearing me, and for your lack of censure.”

Moisture filled her eyes and Lillian turned away in the hope he wouldn’t see the tear that trickled down her cheek. Of course he did and swiped it away with his fingertip.

“Don’t cry, Lillian,” he murmured, burying his lips into her neck. “No tears. Just pleasure and laughter and everything good. I want to give you that. I want you to give that to me.”

She shut her eyes as he kissed the column of her throat. If there was something
good
in this situation, it was Simon. Him with his warm eyes and warmer hands. Him with that strange ability to make her feel right and comfortable even though she really didn’t fit into his world.

And he didn’t know it, but he had somehow given her permission to forget the past, forget her anger.

She wanted the strength to resist that temptation, to do the right thing, but she couldn’t find it. She surrendered. And she told herself it was the last time.

She arched into him as he slid his hands to her backside and cupped her harder against him. She moaned against his shoulder, massaging the heavy fabric of his jacket as she breathed in the masculine scent that was so uniquely
him
.

If this was to be the end between them, if she was to find the strength to let him go, she wanted this last encounter to be memorable. Perfect. Later she wanted to be able to remember it in full detail and have no regrets.

She leaned back against the wall and went to work on his jacket, yanking the heavier fabric aside until she freed him of the vestment and tossed it away.

“Here?” he panted even as he lifted her, grinding against her in a way that made her catch her breath.

“Yes,” she moaned, as both commentary to his actions and answer to his question.

He didn’t ask again. Instead, as she tore at his shirt, he began to hike her skirts up, balling them in one fist as he slipped the other hand beneath them to stroke warm fingers against her thigh.

When he moved higher, finding the damp entrance to her body, she shut her eyes and let out a long, ragged sigh. She was still tender from the previous night’s activities, but that only served to make her exquisitely sensitive to his gentle touch. Almost immediately, her body twitched and grew hot and wet in anticipation of the invasion to come.

She spread her legs wider, a wanton invitation, before she finished removing his shirt. She couldn’t help but smile as she looked at the broad expanse of his bare chest again. Great God, but he was beautiful. Perfect.

She pressed her lips to his shoulder, tasting him, tormenting him with the tip of her tongue. When she dipped her mouth lower, it was his turn to groan in pleasure.

“Careful now,” he whispered, his tone rough and seductive. “Don’t play with fire.”

“I like fire,” she said, moving all the lower to suckle one nipple between her lips.

“Enough,” he growled, and suddenly she was off her feet, lifted against the wall and utterly helpless as he fitted himself between her legs.

He kissed her, flattening her back against the wall with his body, arching into her so she felt the hard length of his erection. And suddenly it was free, though she hadn’t seen him unfasten his trousers. He arched again and the tip of his hard length breached just the outer folds of her body.

She found herself holding her breath, waiting for more. Waiting for the utter pleasure and possession that was to come. When he maneuvered her just slightly and thrust forward, everything she had been anticipating came to be. He slid into her body with no resistance and was fully seated in a heartbeat.

They moaned in unison and she clung even tighter as he began a grinding, pleasurable rhythm that took her to the brink so quickly she could hardly breathe. She tilted her head back, gasping as pleasure overwhelmed her, overtook her, owned her, just as he did. She lost all control, clinging to him and groaning out his name as wave after wave washed over her.

He was quick behind, his thrusts driving harder, faster. His neck strained as he neared the point of no return, and then he moaned deep within his chest, and for the first time she felt his essence fill her. She wrapped her legs about him tighter and reveled in the feeling of them joined, their breathing in unison, bodies still quivering.

It was a perfect moment.

One that was utterly ruined, just as she was, when the door to Simon’s office flew open and three of Society’s pushiest, gossipy ladies stepped inside with Simon’s butler close behind.

“Has no one ever heard of knocking?” he asked, tilting his head in question at his butler, Vale. He bent to retrieve his shirt from the floor and calmly put it on.

“My apologies, Your Grace. The ladies were quite insistent upon seeing you,” the butler said, beginning to collect himself now that Lillian was properly covered, though she had not yet turned to face the group. She continued to stare straight out the window, as though if she remained still long enough, everyone would forget her.

Her obvious humiliation was the only thing that truly troubled Simon in that moment, which was still quite amazing.

“I understand, Vale. You may go.”

He turned on the three women, recognizing them as the Marchioness Piddleford, the Countess of Covington, and the Viscountess Rogers. All three were vicious gossips and had come here with obvious designs that he marry one of their daughters.

“As you can see, ladies, you have interrupted me in a private moment with my fiancée.”

When he said that, it forced Lillian to spin around. She faced him with wide and wild eyes, and her mouth opened but she didn’t seem capable of making coherent sounds. He met her stare briefly, but then turned back to matters at hand.

Strangely, the three women before him had identical expressions to Lillian. Shocked, somewhat horrified…utterly speechless. And that was so rare that he took a moment to enjoy it.

Only a moment, though, for Marchioness Piddleford recovered first.

“You are
marrying
that little mouse?” she repeated, shaking her head.

He nodded. “Indeed I am, my lady. I assume you’d like to give congratulations on the happy news.”

The two held stares for a long moment, but then the marchioness eased out a slight nod. “Congratulations, Your Grace,” she managed through clenched teeth. “And to you, Miss Mayhew.”

The Countess of Covington followed her friend’s lead, but Viscountess Rogers was beside herself. She flew forward.

“And just why did you waste our time in coming here? We could have accepted invitations to any number of house parties. Instead you toyed with our daughters, Your Grace!” she snapped, ignoring her friends as they made lame attempts to silence her with fluttering hands and murmured pleas.

Simon arched a brow. “I brought a large group of ladies here to see if any of us were compatible enough for a marriage. While all the women in attendance were more than charming, Miss Mayhew captured my interest. There was no deception in my actions, nor any intent to toy with those I invited, my lady. I had never met Miss Mayhew before she arrived here, if
that
is your implication.”

“My implication is that you have chosen a women far beneath you, and why?” The viscountess’s face was bright red now. “Because she was willing to spread her legs for you?”

Simon moved forward one long step, extending a finger toward the woman in warning. “Have a care, Lady Rogers. That is my future wife you are maligning. I doubt you will want to isolate yourself from her or from me in the future.”

Lady Rogers pressed her lips together, and for a long moment not a sound filled the room. Then she turned on her heel and marched out with the other two women trailing behind her.

Drawing a deep breath, he looked at Lillian. She was staring at him, hands raised at her sides and shaking wildly. Her eyes were wide and stormy, her mouth still open, and yet no words were forthcoming.

“Well, this news will certainly be around to all ears in the party before twenty minutes have passed,” he mused, tilting his head to look at Lillian more closely. He was rather concerned by the expression on her face. “Why in the world were those biddies awake at this hour anyway?”

Instead of answering, Lillian took a step forward.

“Why? Why did you
do
that?” she asked past pale and trembling lips.

“Defend you?” he responded. “Because no one will speak of you that way. Ever. I won’t allow it.”

“No,” she said, and there was a hint of hysteria to her voice now. “Not that. Why did you say we were getting married?”

He moved forward and took her bloodless hands. They were cold as he placed them between his own. He smiled at her, hoping to reassure her. To calm her.

“Because, my dear, you and I were just caught in the worst of compromising positions by three of the most notorious gossips in London Society. Marriage is our only option, and I thought it would reduce the damage if I implied we had already come to that agreement.”

Lillian whipped her hands from his and stared at him. Then her gaze slowly took in the room around him, the piles of paperwork, the mess of files. She shook her head.

“I cannot marry you. I can’t.”

His brow wrinkled. “Because of my father’s actions?”

She let out a bark of laughter that was anything but humorous. It was harsh and frantic. “Simon, you said yourself you only wanted me as your mistress.”

He shook his head. “That arrangement would have been different. If you had come to London and I had put you up and we carried on an affair, it would have been discreet. A group of gossips wouldn’t have walked in on us. When you and I were finished, you still might have been able to marry another, or at least to have a life of your own choosing. Now…”

She stared at him, and the full ramifications of what had happened seemed to be hitting her. She blinked a few times. “Now that cannot happen.”

“No.”

She cocked her head. “So you are trying to save me. As a consequence, you’re being forced into a marriage far below you in order to make
me
whole.”

He reached for her hand, clasping it in his own and pulling her a fraction closer. “That isn’t why I’m marrying you.”

The moment he said it, he knew it to be true.

“I think…” He paused, pondering his words carefully. “I think in some way I
wanted
to force my own hand. I wanted to be put into a position where I couldn’t talk myself out of a union. Today I wasn’t careful when we made love.”

Her eyes widened. “You did that on purpose?”

He shrugged. “No, but I think some part of me allowed it to happen. If there could be a child, that changes everything. Even if we hadn’t been disturbed, I would have asked for your hand.”

She shook her head. “But you wouldn’t have had to, Simon, you could have—”

“Been just like my father?” he interrupted, hating the bitterness in his tone.

She stared up at him for a long moment before she shook her head. “You are
nothing
like him.”

“Then you know I couldn’t have abandoned a child, even the hint of a child.” He drew in a deep breath. “And there is more to it than that, even.”

She blinked, and the terror that had streaked her face since they’d been intruded upon was beginning to fade just a fraction. “More?”

He nodded. “Lillian…from the first moment we met, we felt a pull toward each other.”

She hesitated, but then inclined her head as agreement.

A smile he couldn’t help tilted his lips. “How very enthusiastic of you,” he teased, and was pleased when she smothered a laugh. In that moment, he knew everything would be well, even if it took a while. “I really
did
look around at the other women here. I tried to find an interest in them, but in my mind they were empty. And all I could picture when I thought of myself shackled to one of them was a life just as empty. But when I was with you, it was different.”

She blinked again, and this time there were tears sparkling in the ever-changing depths of her eyes. Right now they were dark, almost brown, and seemed to go on forever.

“With you there was, there
is
a connection. And that changed everything for me. I tried to make it less than it was, tried to say that if you were in my bed, my mistress, it would be enough, but I don’t think it would have been.”

“There will be so many obstacles, Simon,” she whispered. “Perhaps more than you even know.”

He frowned. “You mean the gossip our being caught will cause? Well, we won’t read the banns. I’ll arrange for a special license so we may marry the moment we return to London.”

“It won’t be just that,” she began, but he interrupted her with a raised hand.

“Are you referring to your past? People can hang. If this situation with my father has taught me anything, it is that even the most ‘perfect’ citizen has secrets. Those who talk about you are likely trying to cover their own.”

“What you are saying means more to me than you know.” She shook her head. “But I need to say that—”

He lifted his fingers to cover her lips. “There is nothing more to say. This is what we shall do. I make you no false promises, I think neither of us feel love for each other, but in time that may come. I do think we could be happy.”

Leaning down, he took her in his arms and pressed his lips to hers. He felt her stiffness, her resistance for only a moment, and then she softened. Her arms came around his neck, her lips parted. She was saying yes with her body when she couldn’t with words.

And Simon felt a peace that was deeper than any he had ever known.