What Matters Most (18 page)

Gradually, as slowly as he could manage it, Josh let off the gas, breathing a sigh of relief when Nick got the unspoken message and backed off several yards. Josh let his anger simmer and roil as he drove, thinking of all the things he wanted to say to Nick, all the things he wished they could have said if they hadn’t been such idiots. But Josh had tried at least, and Nick hadn’t, so Josh’s anger only ramped up with his thoughts. By the time he neared WHAT MATTERS MOST

Bailey Bradford

106

the rest area where he’d been camped out in his truck, Josh was more than ready to pull over and confront Nick. He ignored the little voice that asked why he would even bother, since he kept telling himself that whatever this twisted thing was between them, it was over. If it was dead and done, what was there left to say?

Josh signalled and eased the truck into the rest area, unsurprised to find it mostly vacant. How many people would be driving along this desolate stretch of road anyway?

There was one car, and all the lights were off on it. Either the people or person in the car were asleep or using the sparse facilities. Josh parked as far away from them as possible then shut the truck off. Headlights shone through the passenger side window then the growl of a diesel engine vibrated clear through Josh as Nick pulled up on his right. Josh didn’t give himself time to think, just opened the door and leapt out. He’d taken two steps before Nick came barrelling around the tailgate.

Seeing the man who’d haunted him constantly for months was too much. Lust and

anger tangled inside him then poured out as he grabbed Nick by his shirt and spun him around, slamming him hard against the driver’s side door. Josh pressed up against the bigger man, the muffled grunt Nick made when he hit the truck firing Josh’s need to nearly uncontrollable heights. He shoved a knee between Nick’s thighs, then kicked at the man’s foot hard enough to make him spread. Nick tried to shove off the truck but Josh caught his forearms and jerked them to Nick’s sides. He leant in and ground his erection against Nick’s rounded ass, grinning evilly when Nick stilled, the scent of fear and sweat and man filling Josh’s senses.

“What the fuck do you want, Nick?” Josh growled, the rough sound of his own voice surprising him. He sounded like the alpha, the man in control, and that was a part Josh had never played before. His dick hardened more as he ground against Nick, still frozen, his eyes wide and those cruel lips parted. “This what you’re after? Something your little blond slut can’t give you?” The blond was pure bottom, Josh was sure, since he’d almost always been the same himself. But that was before, before Nick, before he felt this need to make Nick understand that Josh was more than just a convenient mouth, more than a way to dip his toes into the waters of his sexual curiosity. “Answer me,” Josh said, his hips now circling, working the denim covered globes. “Tell me why you bothered chasing me when you’ve already made it clear you didn’t want me?”

WHAT MATTERS MOST

Bailey Bradford

107

When Nick didn’t answer, a kernel of hope Josh hadn’t realised still existed withered in his chest. He released the other man and stepped back, the urges to fuck Nick or fight him kept him from going too far. Both were horrible ideas. Josh needed to leave; he had a family and life somewhere else, and Nick didn’t care to be a part of either of those things. Why hadn’t Josh got that through his head sooner?

“Get out of here, go back to your ranch and whatever bullshit life you’ve got,” Josh rasped, his throat burning as his eyes filled. “I’m not wasting any more time on you. This is over.”

Nick’s insides burned as if he’d swallowed battery acid. His body was a confused mix of lust and fear. The second Josh had shoved his erection against Nick’s ass, Nick had stopped fighting, held his breath, hoping, terrified, needing—he hadn’t thought of that, had somehow assumed if it came to anal sex, he’d be the one doing the fucking. Which was why, he knew, he was so completely thunderstruck by how much he liked the feel of a cock grinding against his ass, how
right
it felt, how much he wanted it. Although maybe that was just because it was Josh pressing up to him, Josh snarling and growling, handling Nick roughly, forcing him to submit. No, not forcing. Nick could have fought him, could have taken the smaller man down with a couple of punches, which meant he’d
wanted
what Josh was doing to him, and he wasn’t sure he could handle thinking about that. He surely couldn’t handle Josh walking away from him, not yet. Nick rolled until his back was against the door, his feet spread apart and knees locked to hold his quivering legs up. Josh rumbled something, or maybe it was just a sound of displeasure; whatever, it set every nerve in Nick’s balls on fire, making him needier than he’d ever thought possible.

“What’re you waiting for?” Josh snapped, taking another step back, then another until his heel hit the kerb and he stumbled. Nick wished it was daylight; he had no doubt Josh’s cheeks were flushed in that adorable way he only now realised he missed. That small realisation became an epic one, the slight crack that became a major fault and caused the dam to burst. Pride, ego, stupidity—in this case, it was all the same thing, and Nick had used it as surely as he’d intended to use Josh. He’d wrapped himself in it, thrilled each time Josh tried WHAT MATTERS MOST

Bailey Bradford

108

to contact him, sure in the knowledge the man still wanted him, but too proud, and too scared, to risk returning the calls or texts.

A coward, all the way to the marrow of his bones, and the sudden insight sickened him as he stared at Josh, absorbing the strong cut of his high cheekbones, the sparse smattering of facial hair that made Josh look much younger than he was, those big green eyes that in the moonlit night looked like twin pools of pitch black. The man was beautiful, inside and out, and Nick had done nothing but hurt him. He could have waited, let Josh explain why he’d told Nick to leave, could have not been such a bitch about it all—the list was endless, really, and Nick would have many lonely years to think about how he’d fucked up unless he found a way to fix it all. Maybe answering Josh’s questions was a way to start. Nick coughed to clear his throat then crossed his arms over his chest. Even he knew it was a defensive position, but he couldn’t figure out what else to do with his arms and hands to keep from reaching for Josh. He met Josh’s gaze unblinkingly even as inside he was a gelatinous mass of fear; if he fucked up any more, he knew he’d never see Josh again.

“I don’t want you to leave.” The first part was easy enough, but the second felt wrenched from him. “I chased you because I
had
to. I want you, uh, I want w-what you…”

Nick stuttered another moment then bit his lower lip until he tasted blood. Why couldn’t he say it?

Josh had no qualms. “You want me—you want to fuck me or for me to fuck you?”

Josh stepped closer and Nick could feel the anger rolling off him like waves of static electricity. “What’s wrong, you tired of your little blond fuck toy? Wanna know what it’s like to feel what he does when you’re fucking him? How it feels to have your ass split wide open on a thick—”

“Enough!” Christ, Nick was going to come in his jeans if Josh didn’t shut up! And he needed to clarify the whole Adam thing, and he would, soon, but first, “Yes! Okay? I want to feel you doing that to me!” He couldn’t say it, but damned if he couldn’t shout it out in circles and purple prose if he knew any. “I want it, I want
you
, not Adam, not—”

Nick didn’t get any further. Josh lunged upon hearing Adam’s name, and Nick found himself once again turned and pressed face first against the driver’s window.

“I don’t wanna hear about your boy toy,” Josh rumbled, his hands clamping over

Nick’s, his smaller body pressing against Nick’s back. Nick felt a nudge at his ankle and automatically spread his legs, lowering his ass down to where he and Josh both wanted it.

WHAT MATTERS MOST

Bailey Bradford

109

Nick shuddered and arched his lower back, bringing his butt into firm contact with Josh’s groin. “Adam’s not my—shit!” The burn of a palm slapping his ass nearly had Nick biting his tongue.

“I told you,
I don’t wanna hear about him!
”

Nick frowned but kept silent. Surely he’d get a chance to explain after…just after. Deft hands slipped around his waist, then Nick gasped as his cock was stroked through the denim, his balls cupped and squeezed. The thrust of Josh against his ass almost made Nick come; it dragged a low cry from him as his cock leaked and his body throbbed with need.

Parts of him were fluttered, almost pulsing, and as much as he didn’t want to think about it, one certain place felt empty and aching for something more. Nick whimpered a Josh humped against him. He realised his hands were free and he reached awkwardly behind him, wanting to touch Josh, any part of him.

Josh muttered his approval and rewarded Nick with the scrape of teeth over the back of his neck. Nick thought he was going to lose his fool mind. He found a place for his hands, clumsily cupping and pulling at Josh’s ass.

“You want it bad, don’t you, baby—Nick?” Josh’s hips beat a rapid staccato against Nick’s ass, stealing the breath straight from his lungs. Josh’s voice dipped lower, rougher than Nick had ever heard it—meaner than he’d thought possible. “Think you should beg for it? Tell me, how many times have you bent over and taken it for in the past six weeks?

Enough that I can just shove your pants down and ram my fat cock in without stretching you?” Josh groaned and shuddered against him before continuing. “Where’s your stuff?

Wallet? Glove compartment?”

How the fuck was Nick supposed to be coherent? His body was overheating with

pleasure and fear, which was ramping him straight towards ecstasy, and Josh thought he was a whore who let anyone fuck him or something like that, and Nick was terrified of being split in two without any…stretching, and way, way too turned on by the idea of it at the same time. And what was this crap about his wallet and the glove compartment?

“Rubbers, lube,” Josh said, as if he could read Nick’s mind, and maybe he could, or at least the confused expression he must be wearing. “Tell me you have them, at least one condom, please.”

WHAT MATTERS MOST

Bailey Bradford

110

Nick started to shake his head only to remember he was currently pressed with his cheek to the window. Words were better anyway. He needed to clarify something. “None of those things, I keep trying to tell you, I haven’t been with anyone so I got no need for those!”

He felt more than heard Josh’s snort, the waft of air on the back of his neck. “Sure, whatever.” Josh’s casual dismissal of the truth hurt, but before Nick could dwell on it, his pants were unbuttoned and shoved down, along with his briefs. Josh only pushed them far enough to free Nick’s ass, cock and balls.

“You better be playing careful with your new friends,” Josh whispered in a strained voice. Nick opened his mouth to answer with another denial. Josh thrust two fingers past his lips. “Suck them, get them really wet because they’re gonna be up your ass real soon.”

The promise shorted out a section of Nick’s brain. He moaned and lapped at the

fingers, thrilled at the chance to taste Josh. His eyes drifted shut as he imagined sucking Josh’s shaft instead, another formerly frightening thought that now only made Nick want to beg for the privilege of feeling that silk encased steel filling his mouth. God, he wanted to taste Josh, watch him come undone and—

Nick’s ass cheeks were parted, not too gently, either, making him suck hard and gag on the fingers he was wetting.

“Be still,” Josh hissed, then the firm slide of something hot and hard in his crease made Nick cry out. That was…his mind spun trying to process it, put it into words as Josh’s thick cock rubbed between Nick’s cheeks, tugging at the fuzz hair in his crack. A small part of him wanted to recoil, to deny this pleasure to Josh and himself, but the larger part stomped the denial into nothing as Nick pushed back into the contact. It felt so good, almost as good as the grunts and moans Josh was making as he thrust faster against Nick. “Not what you wanted,” Josh said between pants, “not what I wanted either, but…good.” His fingers slipped from Nick’s mouth, allowing Nick to murmur his agreement. Goose bumps prickled his flesh as Josh trailed his hand down, skimming over Nick’s erection, making him hiss and softly beg for more.

“Getting there.” Josh cupped his balls and Nick reached for his own dick, hard and leaking, the tip so sensitive he couldn’t stop himself from groaning. Josh used his other hand to pull Nick’s hips back. “Bend over so you can jack yourself.”

Nick scooted away from the truck, Josh glued to his backside like he was never

coming off. He leant forward and placed one palm on the door and kept the other pumping WHAT MATTERS MOST

Bailey Bradford

111

his cock. Josh’s hand left Nick’s hip, sliding over his lower back to cup the seam of Nick’s ass, pinning Josh’s dick between hand and crease.

“Yeah, this is…” Josh moaned, thrusting hard enough that Nick had to stiffen his arm to keep from smacking his head on the door. “It’s good,” Josh purred, brushing a finger past Nick’s balls. Fear reared its head and spread from Nick’s spine to his butt. He clenched his cheeks when he felt a digit press at his hole, unable to hide his apprehension.

“Josh, I haven’t—please,” Nick begged, unsure of what he wanted more, for Josh to penetrate him with that finger or to back away. He was shivering so hard his teeth were chattering but his erection hadn’t flagged; if anything it’d only become harder.

Josh stilled behind him, the finger rimming his anus dropping away. Nick knew then he hadn’t wanted Josh to stop, had wanted him to push Nick past his fear and show him what it meant to belong to the younger man. Nick peered over his shoulder. Josh was looking at, Nick thought, his ass, a frown pulling down the plush pink lips Nick had yet to taste again as he longed to.