What if I Fly? (26 page)

“What happened, sweetie?” Ellie asks.

Her voice hoarse and chin trembling, Julia explains where she was and who she was with. Ellie’s mouth drops open, and her eyes light up with excitement. She wants to know every detail about Julia’s interaction with Will.

“Did he open up at all?” Ellie asks.

Julia nods, her eyes sad, “He’s so unhappy, Ellie. What happened to him?” She shakes her head thinking about the wrinkles around his eyes, and the creases on his forehead, “I couldn’t believe how old he looked when I first saw him. I didn’t want to leave him, El. I had to tear myself away. He’s my home, Ellie! When I’m with him, I’m home. How can I still feel like this after all of these years?”

“You feel like this because you still love him. You two are meant to be together and that bitch stole your husband! It isn’t right. You know, since you told me about the abortion I have some understanding as to why my brother made this colossal mistake. What I don’t understand is what Avery gets out of it? A date on New Year’s Eve? Money? She buys whatever she wants, goes wherever she wants. But she has her own money so it doesn’t make any sense.”

Julia lies back on the couch, exhausted.

“Maybe she really loves him, Ellie. I loathe the woman, but I got the impression she cared about him in a warped way. Like she thought she’d be saving him from a life of banality by taking him away from me.”

“Okay, one, that’s fucking twisted. Two, fuck her! I don’t give a shit if she loves my brother, Avery can suck it. My brother loves you, he wants you, and he deserves to be happy with you and Liam. Would you ever consider…?” Ellie sighs, squeezing her hand.

“You really do have the filthiest mouth, El. Are you asking me if I’d have an affair with Will? If you hadn’t sent me that text message when you did, I would’ve brought him back here and made him forget all of his worries. But Ellie, I can’t be his mistress. As much as I want him, I have to keep Avery and their noxious relationship as far from me and Liam as possible. Why do you think I stayed in Europe all of those years? I missed home. I missed my family. And I missed Will… every day.”

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to pimp you out. I just want you two lovebirds to be together.”

“If Avery were out of the picture I wouldn’t hesitate.”

“Then we’re going to get her out of the fucking picture.” Ellie grins, a devilish gleam in her eye.

Julia laughs for the first time today, “What do you suggest? Hit man? My Uncle Vinny on Federal Hill will do it for nothing!”

“I wish!” Ellie giggles, “No, something’s got to give. She’s no saint. I’m going digging, and I’m going to find something.”

Chapter Twenty-One

Liam has caught an awful cold and it’s only the second week of school. He’s staying in Bristol with her mother while Julia teaches this morning, then she has to go home and tweak her article.

She’s been working on this piece for weeks and she’s proud of her work, but between teaching and writing, she’s strung out. She has to get her article in by Friday and her parents agreed to keep Liam for the entire week so she can focus and get it done.

Julia loves teaching and is grateful for the discount on tuition, but she’d love to take this week off. She doesn’t think that would make a very good impression with the Head of School.

On this beautiful September morning, the sun is shining bright, while Julia’s in the middle of her first class, comparing the elements of American culture to foreign cultures. Some of her students have travelled extensively and they’re having a lively discussion when the middle school director walks into her room and pulls her aside.

“I don’t want to alarm the students, but a plane crashed into the World Trade Center in New York. We think the plane may have flown out of Boston and we aren’t sure if anyone’s parents are involved.”

“Oh my god.” Her eyes grow wide with horror.

“Let’s keep it business as usual until we know more,” he whispers.

“Where were we?” She turns to her students and forces a smile.

Julia tries to focus on their discussion, but her thoughts are with the people in the World Trade Center and the plane passengers.
What a nightmare!

A few minutes before class is dismissed, the director comes back into her room. His face is pale, his eyes watery and the hairs on her arms stand on end.

“Another plane crashed into the South Tower. Both towers are on fire.”

She raises her hand to her mouth, and shivers.
We’ve been attacked.
One plane, a horrible accident. Two planes? This was planned.

She lived in New York when a car bomb went off in the basement of the North Tower in 1993. Six people died and hundreds more were injured. That was deeply unsettling. This is a catastrophe.

“We are contacting parents to pick up their children and cancelling classes for the rest of the day. Perhaps for the week. Check your email tonight.”

Julia’s in shock. All students are directed to go to their homerooms and wait for further instructions, but since she works part-time and doesn’t have a homeroom, she’s free to leave.

She walks out of the building, and looks up at the bright blue sky, not a cloud in sight. It’s a beautiful day, cool, dry, and sunny. Fall is around the corner, she can feel it in the air.

And two hundred miles away her beloved New York is under attack.
How many people will die before this day is over?
She needs information and climbs into her car, tuning the radio to NPR.

She checks her watch. It’s nine-thirty. Should she head home? Go to Bristol and be with her family? She’s in a daze, but feels the need to be around other people, and tries to remember what’s open at this time of day that would have a television. Bars are closed… 

The deli on South Main has a television!
She pulls out of her assigned parking space.

She wasn’t the first person to think of the deli. Dozens of people have stopped in to watch developing news, mostly businessmen and women who work downtown. It’s crowded, so she leans against the counter, her eyes mesmerized by the events unfolding on television.

The reporter is interrupted, “Apparently a plane has crashed into the Pentagon. There are reports of a fire on The National Mall and we’re being told that the Capital building and White House are being evacuated.” Everyone in the deli gasps.
This is insanity!
Julia scans the room, noting the fear etched on every face.

And then she sees him.

Will is sitting at a table close to the television and she closes her eyes and sighs, filled with relief.
He’s here. I need him and he’s here.
He’s been in her thoughts day and night since she last saw him, three weeks ago at Starbucks.

She’s been tormented with guilt, questioning herself and her choices. Has she done the right thing keeping Liam from Will all these years? Every time she looks at her son, she sees Will. Of course she’s always seen the resemblance, but over time the details of Will’s face had faded, and Liam has become separate from Will in her mind.

Not anymore.
Their resemblance is uncanny.

She’s meant to see him today. This isn’t a coincidence. Julia doesn’t hesitate for a moment, and weaves through the crowded deli, until she’s by his side, her hand on his shoulder. Will’s eyes meet hers and he stands, gathering her into his arms, and she holds onto him tightly, breathes him in and sighs. Reluctantly, they release their embrace and Julia sits beside him.

A few minutes later they watch in shock as the South Tower collapses. It disappeared in a matter of seconds, one hundred and ten stories, gone. The television screen turns black as the entire city is covered in a cloud of soot and ash, the bodies of the dead disintegrating. Her eyes are wide with fear and she buries her face in Will’s chest.

How does a skyscraper collapse from fire in less than an hour? That’s not supposed to happen!

Moments later there’s another newsflash. All planes have been grounded, but there are reports that a plane has crashed into a field in Pennsylvania. Reporters speculate that the intended target was the US Capital building.

The world has turned upside down in the space of two hours.

At ten-thirty Julia and Will watch as the North Tower collapses.
How many people died in those buildings?
Thousands of innocent lives lost in a senseless act of terror. She shakes her head, leaning into Will.

“All of those people woke up this morning, maybe took a shower, ate some breakfast, got dressed and went to work. Like any other day. And now they’re just…gone.” She pauses, “Let’s get out of here. I can’t take anymore.”

Death is all around them, she’s suffocating in the crowded deli. She needs fresh air, she wants to feel alive.

Will follows her outside and they walk along the Providence River. At the end of the river walk, Julia hops up and sits on the stone wall, Will standing beside her, his arms folded, looking at the sky.

“What are you thinking about?” She touches his arm. He turns to face her, and she can tell he wants to say something, can see the emotions flicker across his face.

“Nothing,” he says a moment later, shaking his head and turning away from her.

She could leave it at that, but she has something she wants to say to him. In light of today’s events it seems foolish to keep it to herself.
Who does it serve?

“Now that’s a lie. I’ll start.”

Julia takes Will’s left hand in hers, touches his wedding band, and tugs it off his finger. His eyes grow wide but he doesn’t stop her. She holds it in her hand for a moment, feeling the weight of the platinum band that legally binds him to another woman.

“I’d love to throw this in the river right now.” She carefully slides it into the pocket of his pants, and gazes into his eyes. “I love you, Will. I know I shouldn’t say that. I understand your situation, but after today,” her eyes fill with tears and she shakes her head in disbelief, “I just want you to know that you’re loved. You’re never alone, because you’re always in my heart.”

Will closes his eyes, his face transforming before her. He smiles, takes a deep breath and pulls her close to him, covering her mouth with his. They kiss with such passion and longing... When they come up for air, his hands are tangled in her hair and his eyes are searching her face. She’s flushed, breathless, her body burning with desire.

“I’ve always loved you, Julia,” he kisses her again, gently now.

“Will… come home with me.”

He nods, lifting her off the stone wall and into his embrace, then follows her home and sits in her driveway to make a phone call. Julia doesn’t care who he’s calling, as long as he walks through that door when he’s done.

She sweeps through the living room, picking up as many toys as she can and shoves them into the playroom, closing the door behind her. There’s no way she can hide the fact that she has a child, there are photographs of Liam everywhere, drawings framed on the wall and hanging on the refrigerator.

She isn’t sure what she’ll tell him, but right now she doesn’t care. As the awful events of today have proven, life is too short. Julia wants Will here with her.

She opens the front door, pulling him into the house and removes his suit jacket, loosens his tie and begins to unbutton his shirt. She needs to feel his skin against hers. Quickly, Will unbuttons her blouse, and unzips her skirt, the fabric falling to her feet.

Julia leads him upstairs to her bedroom in her bra and panties.
Does he see the stretch marks? The subtle roundness of my stomach?
She’s close to thirty, not the twenty-one year old girl he first made love to. She sits on her bed and unbuckles his belt, removing his pants and he kneels down, wrapping his arms around her, his head pressed against her chest.

“Will?” Julia pauses, running her fingers through his hair, “We don’t have to do this.”

“I want to.” He turns his face to her, “I’ve never stopped loving you Julia. Not for one second of one day. I don’t know how everything got so screwed up, but I want to be here with you. There’s no place I’d rather be.”

“I don’t have any expectations.” She leans down and kisses him, “I just want to love you.”

If there was ever any doubt in Julia’s mind they were made for one another, they’re gone forever. Their bodies fit together perfectly, two pieces of a puzzle, and bring each other such intense pleasure. She’s never experienced anything close to this with any other man. Only Will.

“Jules, you’ve brought me back to life.”

“Baby, you were alive, just not living. There’s a difference. I’m so sorry you’ve been unhappy all of these years.” She wraps her arms around him and kisses his neck.

“What about you?” Will reaches for a pillow, propping himself up in her bed, “You haven’t told me anything about your life.”

She rests her head on his chest and stares at a picture of Liam on her dresser.
What should I tell him?

“It’s been busy...”

Will is waiting for her to elaborate, but she doesn’t know what to say. She won’t tell him Liam is his son, not unless he leaves Avery.

“That’s it? Busy?”

She sits up and reaches for the framed photograph on her nightstand. The light in the room is dim, it’s after six-thirty and the sun will be setting soon.

“Will, I have something to tell you,” she whispers, and pauses, “I have a son.”

Will blinks several times, not comprehending, and with a start his eyes open wide.

“What?” his voice is hoarse, “Are you married?”

“No, I’ve never been married.”

She hands him the photograph and Will holds it inches from his face. This picture was taken of them when Liam was two. They’re both in profile and she doesn’t think he’ll see the resemblance.

“What’s his name? How old is he?” Will turns to her, astonished.

She wants to tell him Liam is his, but she just can’t, so she does something she swore she would never do. She lies to Will.

“His name is Liam. He’s four years old.”

Will nods, running his finger over the photograph, staring at it intently.

“Who’s his father?”

“Someone I met in Italy.” Julia swallows hard and looks down at her hands, “He’s never been part of the picture.”

“Where is Liam tonight?”

“He’s staying with my parents this week.” She takes a deep breath and sighs. He doesn’t seem to suspect Liam is his son. “Tonight he’s at my moms. I’m supposed to be working on an assignment, but I don’t think deadlines apply anymore.”

“What’s he like? Liam?”

“He is the light of my life,” she smiles. “He’s a precocious little boy, smart, sweet. A cuddlebug. He loves trains and baseball.” She turns toward Will and he’s smiling. “When I taught at the American School I’d take him out to the playground during lunch and we would watch the kids playing baseball. He was fascinated and has been obsessed since. I’m going to take him to Cooperstown sometime this year.”

“I’ve always wanted to go there. The Baseball Hall of Fame. Is he a Sox fan?”

“Of course!” she smiles.

“I’d love to meet him.”

“You will.” Julia touches his cheek. He’s in conflict right now, she can see it on his face. “Hey,” she whispers. “What’s the matter?”

“I wish I could go back in time.” His eyes are sad, his face serious, “I wouldn’t make the same mistakes again.”

Tears fill her eyes. There are so many things she wishes she could change. She set these events in motion by not trusting him. She should have had faith in him.