What if I Fly? (14 page)

“How often Will? How often do you see Avery?”

“She stops by every once in a while,” he mumbles, rubbing his fingers over his temple. He can’t blame Sloane for opening the bag on this one. I should have told Julia months ago...he meant to, but the timing never felt right.

“How often is that?” Julia’s voice rises, “Once a month? Once a week?”

“Maybe once a week,” he sighs.

Julia stands abruptly and paces around the room.

“Jules, listen. We’re just friends. She understands we’re in a relationship. I was going to tell you but…I don’t know…I didn’t want to upset you for nothing.”

She stops and glares at him.

“It’s not nothing,” she whispers angrily and leaves the study.

His sister appears moments later and closes the door behind her.

“William, what the fuck did you do?”

“Please Ellie,” he holds up his hand, “not now.”

“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what happened,” she stands over him, jaw clenched. The last thing he needs is his sister’s wrath right now.

“I need to talk to Julia.”

“Good luck with that! Julia’s gone. She left.”

“What?” He sits up with a start, then lies back on the couch, resting his arm over his eyes, his stomach churning.

“Please tell me you didn’t let Avery decorate your house. Please, Will. While I still have some faith in you.”

He’s silent, his thoughts racing.
How can I make this right?
It took Julia so long to trust him…she’ll see this as a betrayal of that trust. Ellie grabs a chair and pulls it over to the couch.

“Will…I’m trying very hard to understand what’s happening here. Are you saying that you let your ex-girlfriend from a thousand years ago weasel her way back into your life… and furnish your home?” His head is pounding. “The home you asked Julia to share with you?”

He nods his head.
What the hell did I do?

“Will, are you insane?!” Ellie shouts, grabbing a pillow and hitting him, “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“Ellie stop, okay?” He holds his arms up to shield himself, “Just stop. This is bad enough as it is.”

“Please explain this to me, like I’m a child.” She sits back in the chair, dropping the pillow to the floor, “Because this makes absolutely no sense. None, at all.”

“Do you remember when I told you Avery stopped by the day after Julia’s birthday?” Ellie nods. “Well, she stopped by unannounced later that week and I explained the situation to her. That she can’t just stop by anytime she feels like it.”

“Wait a second,” Ellie holds up her hand, “You told her not to stop by unannounced? You didn’t tell her to stop coming by entirely?”

“El, how could I do that? She just needs a friend to talk to. Avery’s harmless.” Ellie’s eyes are wide, disbelieving. “What! Why are you staring at me like that?”

“Can you possibly be this clueless?” She bites her lip and takes his hand in hers, “William. If she’s so harmless, why is Julia gone? Why didn’t you just tell her from the start that Avery’s been stopping by? Why did you feel the need to keep it a secret?”

He opens his mouth to speak but Ellie stops him, “Will, don’t bother. You kept it a secret because you knew Julia would tell you to make her stop. And you hate confrontation. It’s one of your weaknesses.”

He sits back and rubs his hands over his eyes. His sister’s right. He didn’t want to hurt Avery, and he didn’t want to upset Julia. So he did nothing.

“Avery’s so manipulative Will, can’t you see that? You have to put a stop to this or she’ll destroy the best thing that’s ever happened to you. God brought you and Julia together. You can’t let Avery come between you!”

He nods his head. He knows that’s what he needs to do, but how can he tell Avery to go away? Ellie doesn’t understand because she doesn’t have all of the facts.

“Go get Julia, Will.” His sister stands up, hands on her hips, “Put a stop to this bullshit with Avery and make things right.”

***

Julia didn’t go straight home. Whenever she’s having a tough time she gravitates to the water. Even in New York City.
Tough day?
Take the subway to South Street Seaport.
Really bad day?
Hop on the Staten Island Ferry. The water has a soothing effect on her, calms her nerves, and helps her think clearly.

From his parents’ house, she took a drive through Colt Park, parked near the boat launch and decided to take a walk along the water. It’s freezing out and the wind is whipping off the bay, but she doesn’t care.

She hasn’t felt anything since she left Will’s house. Nothing. She hasn’t cried, gotten sick. She feels empty. She should’ve known this was too good to be true. He’s too good to be true. People don’t get everything they want in life, why should she? Love makes you blind. Julia knew something wasn’t right when she mentioned the living room décor. She felt it and ignored her gut.

Lesson learned. The gut is fool proof.

Slowly, Julia makes her way back to his car, and sits behind the wheel. Closing her eyes she takes a deep breath in.
I can smell him.
She loves how Will smells, no cologne, just his skin. She rests her head on the wheel and the tears start to fall.

Gabby doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about. Julia wants to take her frigging cupid’s bow and arrow and torch it.

A half hour later she drives to her mother’s house, all cried out. She’s not surprised to find Will waiting for her when she pulls into the driveway. She doesn’t look at him or speak but doesn’t stop him from entering the house. She walks to her bedroom and closes the door behind her and thankfully Will has the sense not to follow.

Lying across her bed, she reaches for the phone to call Gabby, but replaces the handset before she dials.
This, she has to handle alone.
It’s time to follow her own instincts, not the directives of her well-meaning friend.

Finally Julia enters the living room in her pajamas and sits beside Will, her blanket, a cocoon protecting her. He lit a fire while she was in her room and she stares into the flames.

“Julia. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you she’s been stopping by. It was wrong.”

She nods and continues watching the fire. She feels nothing again.

“I promise you we just talk. Julia, please look at me.”

She turns her eyes toward him, but stares right through him.

“Please Julia…” he takes her hand and she quickly withdraws it. She doesn’t want him to touch her.

“I opened my heart to you,” her voice is soft, calm. “I put it all out there and you lied to me.”

“I didn’t lie to you, Jules,” he says, a twinge of desperation in his voice.

“Yes you did,” she nods her head, her voice steady, “You lied by omission.”

“I didn’t want to upset you. I was wrong.”

“You didn’t want to upset me?” She glares at him. “No, finding out from your sister-in-law was much less upsetting than you telling me yourself. Or, even better, I could’ve waited for Avery to tell me herself when she pops by to say hello sometime over the next few weeks. That wouldn’t have upset me at all.”

“I told her not to come while you’re there.”

“Why is that, Will?” Those words snap Julia out of her anesthetized state. Anger flashes across her face and she yells, “If you’re doing nothing wrong, why tell her to stay away? You’re not only lying to me, you’re lying to yourself! You knew this was wrong. And you did it anyway. Why? Because you’re afraid of hurting her?”

Will nods, his head bowed. Her eyes open wide, stunned. His words are an arrow straight through her heart.

“What about me, Will? What about my heart? What about hurting me?” Tears spring into her eyes, and she rests her head on her knees.

He leans in to hug her and she jumps at his touch, pushing him away. Julia closes her eyes, trying to figure out what to do.
I love him
, her heart reminds her. Does she want to throw what they have away?

She believes Will when he says nothing happened between them, despite Avery’s best efforts she’s sure. He can be so completely oblivious sometimes. He wants to believe the best in people and thinks he can help Avery.

Julia knew this wasn’t over.
She knew it!
The way she sees it, she has two choices, sit back and let Avery destroy them, or confront the viper, face to face. Maybe it’s time to find out what Avery’s thinking for herself.

“I want you to invite her over for drinks. This week. And I want you gone. Just me and Avery.”

“Alone?” Will blinks in astonishment, “I don’t think that’s a very good idea.”

“I want to talk to her myself,” Julia rises, standing over him. “And I’m telling you now Will, if you don’t agree to this I don’t want to see you again. Do you understand that? You lied to me.”

“I don’t want to lose you, Julia.” His face is pained and her chin begins to tremble.

“You’ve put her feelings ahead of mine for the past three months. Now it’s time for you to put mine ahead of hers.”

“Okay. I’ll do it. Anything.” 

Chapter Eleven

Julia watches from the library window, as Avery pulls up to Will’s house in her black Mercedes.
Black. The color of her soul
. Avery exits her car, tossing her blond hair over her shoulder and pulls her fur coat tightly around her. She’s wearing a dress or skirt, hard to tell yet, and heels.
Where does she think she’s going? A gala?

Julia’s wearing a soft, fitted cream cashmere sweater she found at a consignment store, worn bootleg jeans and her bitch kicking ankle boots. She figures she’s going to need them.

“Are you sure about this?” Will walks up behind her, “You want me to leave you here alone with her?”

She turns to him and nods, wraps her arms around his waist and holds him tightly. She has to do this. Avery needs to be put in her place.

They’ve been back in Washington for two days. Since Christmas, they’ve come to a détente of sorts. She conditionally forgives Will for keeping this from her but he has to tell Avery to stay away and she knows he’s dreading it.

“Julia it’s so good to see you again. I’m sorry if there was some misunderstanding the last time we saw each other.”

“Yes, well that’s all water under the bridge now, isn’t it Avery?” Julia smiles. This is all a show for Will. He won’t leave if he thinks she’s upset.

“I’ve been looking forward to getting to know you. Will’s said so many wonderful things about you.”

“Has he?” Julia kisses Will’s cheek, “Thanks babe. I think it’s time for you to go. See you in an hour.”

“Okay, I’ll see you soon.” Will pulls on his coat, stands between them, and hesitates. Kissing Julia, he whispers, “You’re sure?”

She nods her head and he reluctantly leaves them alone.

“How do you like how his place is coming along?” Avery asks the moment Will closes the door behind him. “We found this couch at Sabun House here in Georgetown. And this rug, I love this rug. I saw it at Cady’s Alley and fell in love with it. I called Will and told him to meet me right away. I was so excited when he bought it. Doesn’t it look perfect with the other furniture we’ve picked out together?”

The bitch didn’t waste any time!
Julia won’t give Avery the satisfaction of showing any emotion.

“Let’s cut through the bullshit, Avery. What are you hoping to accomplish here?”

Avery stops at the sofa table where Julia has a bottle of wine and three glasses waiting.

“May I?” Julia nods curtly and Avery pours herself a glass of wine. “We found these glasses at Cartier. Love them.” She holds one up to the light, then looks at Julia, “I thought I made myself clear the first time we met.”

“I see. So you’re just waiting for an opportunity to pounce,” Julia pours herself a glass of wine. “Is that it?”

“Julia, he’ll realize you two aren’t suited for each other on his own.” Avery picks up a photograph of his family, “I don’t need to do a thing. You can’t share a life with him. You don’t fit into his life. And you know you don’t.”

“Wow, Avery. You certainly are confident…or delusional. It’s hard to tell the difference, they look so similar,” Julia takes another sip of wine…
God, I hate this woman!
“Will and I have created our own life. Together.”

“You only think you have,” Avery chuckles, “You’re Will’s last fling before he’s ready to settle down. He’s experimenting. I’ve seen it happen with every guy I know. You’ll see. Women like you don’t end up with men like Will.” She turns to face Julia, “You know I’m right.”

Avery takes a seat on the blue armchair, runs her hand over the fabric, smiling to herself. Julia’s lightheaded, and feels the heat rising from her neck to her cheeks.

“Think about it Julia, what could you possibly offer him? Men like Will need someone who can help them advance their position. You would only hold him back.”

She knows Avery’s trying to get under her skin…
and it’s working
.

“Avery…I can offer him something you never will.”

“And what’s that Julia?” Avery raises an eyebrow, sardonically.

“Love.”

“And what makes you think you have the monopoly on that?” Avery’s face turns pink, “You think I don’t love him? Why do you think I’m here? I’ve always loved him. I’ve loved him enough to give him his space when he needed it, and I love him enough to save him from his own folly.”

“That’s so sad, Avery. To love someone all of these years, who doesn’t love you back.” Julia’s face reflects pity but she her throat is closing, threatening to choke her. “No. What you feel isn’t love, it’s entitlement. You want something you can’t have, but think you deserve. That’s not the way it works. Right now Will feels sorry for you, but he’ll see through you. Eventually, he’ll see right through you’re little act. And I’ll give it to you, you’re a hell of an actress.”

“Oh, Jules, call it whatever you like, but my little act, will take me right to the altar. I hear wedding bells in our future.”

“If that happens
Ave
,” Julia stands toe to toe with her nemesis, “You two deserve each other.”

***

This has been one of the longest and most stressful hours of Will’s life. He’s driven around town aimlessly, praying they’re able to resolve their differences so he won’t need to have that discussion with Avery.

Julia’s been distant with him over the past few days, not that he blames her. She said she understands his intentions were good, and reminded him “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.” He heard that expression a lot growing up.

Ellie called him this afternoon and was more direct. She told him to “grow a pair.”

If it comes down to it, if he has to choose, the choice is clear. If the only way to keep Julia is to stay away from Avery then it’s done…as much as he’s dreading that conversation.

Exactly one hour later, he turns the corner onto his street and Avery’s car is gone.
This can’t be good.
He just assumed Avery would be here when he got back. They didn’t make a plan. Julia was going to talk to her…
then what?
Will parks his car in the garage and comes in through the back door.

“Julia?”

He finds her standing near the couch, drinking a glass of wine, her face strained.

“Babe, what happened?”

Julia refills her glass and pours one for him, stands near the fireplace and takes a huge gulp.

“Oh, me and
Ave
, that’s my nickname for my new best friend, we had a good talk.” Julia takes another big gulp of wine.

Shit.
This is worse than he thought. He knew he shouldn’t have left them alone.

“Let’s see if I can summarize. Basically she thinks we’ll self-destruct, so she doesn’t need to do anything but wait. Eventually, you’ll be rid of me and run straight into her arms because I’m not good enough for you. That’s it in a nutshell.” Julia drinks the rest of her wine in one swig.

“So there you go! Invite her over for dinner and a movie, because fuck it! I’ll be gone sooner or later. You two can be best buddies in the meantime.”

“Julia, that’s ridiculous. Honey, come sit down.”

“You know what?” Julia stares at the couch, “I think we should fuck right here on the couch the two of you picked out together.” He winces at her words. “Or on the rug she bought with you. That’s all I’m good for, right? A good fuck?
Guys like you always go back to their own kind.” She opens another bottle of wine.

“Julia. You’re talking crazy. Please.”

He’s paralyzed. He’s never seen Julia like this.

“No, Will, I want another drink in the fucking wine glasses Avery picked out!” Julia hurls the glass into the fireplace, obliterating it. “Did you two register somewhere? Let’s save everyone the time and go buy the shit right now!”

Julia lays on the floor in front of the fire and stares at the ceiling.

“Oh, God, the room’s spinning.” She closes her eyes, pressing her hands against the floor. “Are you just wasting time until something better comes along?” Julia whispers, “Is that what this is, Will?” She curls her body into a ball, tears streaming down her face.

“Julia, she’s wrong.” He sits on the floor beside her, afraid to touch her. Her pain is tangible, and he wants to make it better, but doesn’t know how. “I love you, Jules. Please, never doubt that. I want us to be together, always.”

Watching her suffer, he’s filled with rage.
What the hell did Avery say to her?
Every time she stopped by she seemed genuinely respectful of his relationship with Julia. She may have flirted a little, but she never made any moves on him. He thought she understood the situation, but apparently he was wrong.

He’ll deal with Avery tomorrow. Right now Julia needs him.

“Jules, I’m going to pick you up and get you away from all of this broken glass, okay?” She’s remains silent. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

He brushes the glass away from her with a throw pillow, lifts her into his arms and looks around the living room.

Avery did pick out everything in here. Why did I let her do that?

It seemed harmless enough at the time. He needed furniture and it gave them something to talk about and seemed to make her happy. But this isn’t Avery’s home. It’s his home, and Julia’s home. His stomach turns thinking about the mess he’s made of everything.

He can’t stay in this room. Will carries Julia up to their bedroom, the only room Avery hasn’t touched.

“That vulture…she’s swooping in...” Julia mumbles, “Too weak...you can’t stop her…”

“Shhh, Jules. Don’t do this.”

Julia passes out and he gently lays her down on the bed, covering her with a blanket.
What have I done to her?
Will lies down beside her, brushing her hair away from her face.

“Julia, I’m so sorry…” he whispers.

***

Oh my god.
Julia winces, her head throbbing. She can’t focus her eyes and a wave of nausea washes over her. Pushing away the comforter, she runs to the bathroom and grips the toilet, emptying her stomach. Will sits beside her, rubbing her back.

“That’s right, get it all out.”

She retches until there’s nothing left, and collapses on the cool tile floor. Will carries her back to bed, propping her up against him and lays a cold washcloth on her forehead, then helps her take a sip of water.

Julia can’t think.
What happened?
She looks around the room confused, then looks at Will and is flooded with memories of Avery and the horrible things she said the night before.

Women like you don’t end up with men like Will…

“Leave me alone.” She slumps down on the bed and turns away from Will.

“No, Julia. I won’t leave you alone. If you don’t want me to touch you, I won’t. But I’m not leaving you,” Will says holding back tears, “I love you, Jules. Tell me what to do, please.”

She hears him, but can’t speak. The pain is unbearable.
Is this what my mother endured for a full year?
No wonder she wanted to drink away the pain. Her father ripped her heart out and she was in agony.

But Will isn’t gone.
He’s right here holding her, trying to soothe her.
Will is not my father
. She’s not alone in this bed. Julia turns toward him and wraps her arms around his chest.

“Make her go away. Please…” she whispers, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“I’ll tell her to go away. I promise.”