What about us? (36 page)

“Well perhaps I’m not at my
best just now.  So why don’t we get on with whatever it is you’ve come here to
do or say.” I said firmly.

He looked at me and his bright
eyes seemed to take in everything about me, almost as though he was weighing
things up in his mind.  The way he looked at me made me realise that he knew
stuff about me, stuff that he ought not to know.  He made me feel uncomfortable
and he had no right to do that.  Regardless of what rights he might have as my
judge and jury, he didn’t have that one.

I leaned forward, having found
my courage again, albeit briefly.  “You don’t know me Javier.  I don’t care
what you think you know via other people’s memories, getting information that
way that doesn’t give you knowledge, in spite of what you think you’ve seen.”

I knew about the implants and
the pods.  Of course I’d never experienced them for myself, but I knew a little
about them from what Jack had said and I was guessing that somehow he’d been
inside Jack’s mind.

The thought of Jack brought me
to my next question.

“Did he give you his thoughts,
or did you just take them?” I asked.

“Well my dear, that
is an interesting question...”

He paused and something made
him decide to tell me more than he had at first intended.  I saw this in the
way his eyes locked onto mine and in the way he shifted his position slightly. 
It made me wary, because I didn’t know why he’d done it, but I suspected that
it wasn’t really for my benefit.  Quite frankly the man scared me; he was like
a predatory animal that contains its power until exactly the right moment to
strike and I was in no doubt about who was going to be dinner.

He spoke softly and I made
myself listen.  “The honest answer is both, but it depends on which point in
time and which reality your question relates to.  The Jack that was taken from
you yesterday gave up very little information willingly, although when I left
him I think he was starting to see the wisdom in my actions.  However, the Jack
that came to me, the one you don’t know, he gave me everything.  In fact he
gave me much more than he realised.

“There are, there have been and
potentially there will be others.  Some I have met, some I have known only through
the implants of others and as for yet more Jacks, well I am vaguely aware of
their possibility.  But I am not sure enough to know what was taken and what
was given willingly.  Does that make any sense to you?” he asked, watching me
carefully as I thought about his words.

That little internal shimmer I
had experienced was connected to what he was saying.  I knew that as clearly as
I knew my own name, but I couldn’t explain it.  I did know that something had
changed somewhere in time and that it was in some way connected to me.  It also
occurred to me that this man was sitting here at the table with me.  He came
from the future and he could travel to the past.  To my past in fact, so he
could have erased me from existence and I would never have known.  But he hadn’t. 
Why?

The other little snippet he had
given me was that there appeared to be, or at the very least, to have been at
some point in time, more than one reality.  This was more than my little mind
could deal with; I’d have to go back to it later, but it made me happier than
he’d intended it to.  I now knew that in these other realities Jack and I
existed, together.  I didn’t say any of this, I just said, “Sort of,” and left
it at that.

To be honest I think my answer
frustrated him.  I think he actually wanted to discuss the idea with me,
probably to show off, which wouldn’t have been difficult; what with him being
the great mind and all that.  Anyway, I didn’t give him the chance.  I just
waited to see what he was going to say or do next.

It didn’t take him long to
regain the upper hand though, and after a moment or two he smiled and sat back.

“Are you not the smallest bit
interested in the fact that there was, or is, a Jack that will not save you?
There is a Jack, you know, that chooses to let you die under that car.”

He was so smug he almost
sniggered, but managed to pull himself together, before rubbing it in.

“Yes, a different Jack; one
that leads his life without you in it and who, by the way, achieves great
things as a result of you not being able to hamper his not inconsiderable talent
and abilities.”

This was an interesting
question.  I wasn’t in the least bit surprised that Jack, any Jack in any
reality, left to get on with his own life, would achieve great things.  I was
actually quite proud of him and I think I must have shown something of that on
my face, because the illustrious Javier looked puzzled for a moment.  I
gathered my thoughts together and tried to focus on what I was prepared to
share with him.

After a bit, I took a deep breath
and tried to make him see what was blindingly obvious to me.

“I’m happy for that Jack, truly
I am.  It’s only right that someone as clever as he is gets the chance to do
great things, things that lots of other people benefit from and when you see
him next you can tell him that from me.” I said, suppressing a giggle at my
ridiculous, yet sincere words.

“But the fact of the matter is;
I’m sitting here with you, in Paris, in 1912, a place and time that in the
normal course of things I have no right to be in.  So this can only mean that
he did save me, one way or another.  I think we both know that even that Jack
saved me.  So you see he really does love me; it really is as simple as that.  It
doesn’t matter if you do or don’t understand, because hard as it might be for
someone like you Javier to comprehend this, not everything is about you and nor
does everything concern you.”

This time it was me that sat
back and smiled.  It really was that simple.  Well, that part anyway.  Whatever
was coming next was probably going to be a bit more complicated, but I made
myself think about one thing at a time and pushed everything else out of my
mind.  That he had given me hope was never his intention, I’m sure, but he had
and it would help me find the courage I might need to face whatever it was that
was surely coming.

We sat in silence for a while
and I looked up at the sky.  Clouds were beginning to appear.  I knew the rain
would come soon and for a moment I was undecided.  I didn’t really want to go
anywhere with him, because there was less chance of him shimmering with me in a
public place and here at least, I could get away from him easily.

We only had about thirty
minutes before the heavens opened, so it was time to get to the heart of the
matter.

“You said you were my judge and
jury.  What exactly is it that I have done that you need to judge and what
could my punishment be?” I asked. 

“Actually, you saved the
world.” he said slowly.

I think I laughed.

He smiled at me, but this time
it seemed genuine enough.

“Honestly Grace, you did and
believe me, no one is more surprised than I am.”

“Hah! Right, and how exactly
did I manage that?” I asked, more than a little incredulous.

“You were kind.  You helped
someone achieve a better life, someone who had no expectation of ever amounting
to much
.
” he said simply.

I snorted, probably in quite an
unladylike way.

“Well that’s alright then.” I
said.  “So what is my punishment to be?”

I surreptitiously began to
gather up my dress and petticoats a little under the table, hoping he couldn’t
see what I was doing.  The fashion was for long straight skirts, so I wouldn’t
be able to run anywhere unless they were hauled up above my knees.  My boots,
although soft, were flat and sturdy and he was a lot older and heavier than me. 
I was confident I could outrun him if need be; I just had to be ready and I was
watching him very carefully, just in case he was planning to make a move.  If
he was, I was going to be ahead of him.  Sometimes I have a lot to thank my Mum
for.  I always knew when to get out of her way and was quite the expert at
dodging a slap or a flying object.

“Well there you have me...” he
said.  “In a way, you can help me decide what it should be.”

He spoke almost as though I
wasn’t there, more like he was thinking aloud rather than talking to someone.

“Strange sort of system you
have in the future...” I muttered.

He didn’t smile or laugh or
even make any acknowledgement that I’d spoken; he carried on speaking quietly
almost as though to a child.  And that rankled.

“You see Grace, I am not that
interested in individuals as such.  My work, my passion, such as it is, has
always lain in the collective so to speak; the many, not the few.  I strive for
a better future for everyone.  Individuals will benefit or not, depending on
their role in society and their own choices to a certain extent, but the human
race will ultimately be better for the work that I and others like me do.  Can
you understand that?”

He turned to me, his face cold
and expressionless.

“Yes, I can understand that.” I
said slowly and then felt the need to show him that I really did.  “I tried to
do the same in my job.  It was different of course, but the sentiment was the
same.  I tried to make things better for as many people as I could, except of
course, the people I worked with in the home had already done their bit for the
past and the present, rather than the future.”

He looked at me strangely,
almost as though I were crazy, then he seemed to rearrange his face, or maybe
what I’d said made some sense when he thought about it.

“Quite.  Anyway... sometimes,
only rarely I grant you, an individual is important.  I am not being arrogant
when I say I am one of those individuals.  It should come as no surprise to you
to learn that Jack is another.”

He looked straight at me and
his eyes were burning again.  I got the distinct impression that he despised me
and everything that I stood for.  It hurt, that someone who Jack respected so
much could judge me in this way.

“Oh.” I said, sucking the air
in as I spoke.

Then the penny dropped and I
suddenly ‘got’ what it was all about.  It wasn’t about me at all, it was all
about Jack.  We both wanted him but we couldn’t both have him.  One of us was
going to lose and he meant to be the winner.  Given the size of his intellect
in comparison to mine, he probably thought he was making a safe bet.

As the chill in my bones spread
to my innards, a tiny little voice somewhere inside me said, “It’s not always
just about brains...”

Well, at least his cards were
on the table and although what he’d said didn’t explain everything, I was
beginning to understand why he was there.  Perhaps my saving the world, which I
still doubted, meant he couldn’t just unexist me.  He had to do something with
me, which wasn’t necessarily good news, but on the other hand I was still
alive, so not all bad news either.

As I watched him I just knew
there was more that he wasn’t telling me.  Whether he was going to or not,
remained to be seen, but at that point I couldn’t tell.  Of course all it meant
was that he remained the cat and I remained the mouse.  But, I was a loved
mouse and that made me stronger than him, or at least that was what that tiny
voice was busy telling me as we sat there in frosty silence.

When the first big drops of
rain splashed down onto the table, there was as always, a distant roll of
thunder.  The heat was oppressive, making you sweat even when you were sitting
still.  I knew it would be several hours before the rain stopped and that
wonderful after storm freshness replaced it.  I wondered what those hours might
bring.  I didn’t dare hope that it might be something good; not a lot that
could be called good had happened since Jack had been snatched from me.

I carefully examined this man
that Jack had so clearly admired and respected.  Apart from the fact that he
was really very clever indeed, I hadn’t seen anything that made me want to even
try and like him.  He was cold and distant, and fast losing the small amount of
interest he’d had in me as well.  He couldn’t understand why Jack would choose
me over an illustrious career and it was also becoming clear that given his own
way, he wouldn’t even let him have the option.  I was also sure that if he
could, he would prevent him from ever returning to me, but at that moment, my
mind was a bit on the blank side about what I might be able to do to stop him.

As I watched him, he seemed to
come to another decision.  “Shall we walk, or would you prefer to be inside? We
do of course, have more to discuss, but it matters not to me where we conclude
our time together.  We can even stay here if that is what you wish, but you
look uncomfortable and there really is no need for that.”

His eyes looked sort of dead as
he spoke and I didn’t like their flatness at all, not one little bit; I’d seen
for myself how brightly they could burn.  This change clearly reflected his
wish to hide his thoughts, which was not a good sign.  And because I’m no mind
reader, it made me feel even more vulnerable.

The rain started to come down
harder.  I knew that anyone who was awake by now would stay inside until the
storm was over and walking through empty streets would give me no protection at
all.  If Jack was going to make an appearance anytime soon he would find the
storm in progress.  But where would he look for me? That was the single
question on my mind.  I knew there was really only one other place I could take
my judge and jury to.  It was also the only other place that Jack would hope to
find me.