What About Charlie? (33 page)

She was both nervous and excited. They’d been apart for almost a month, a month where they barely communicated save for a few email and one telephone call. They’d communicated more in the past month than the last two months combined when she was still in St. Louis.

What would she say to him? How was he going to react to her? Would the strain and awkwardness that was so dominate between them in St. Louis be present here as well? Charlie desperately hoped not. She had yet to make up her mind about exactly what she was going to do, though she had decided there were three avenues of action – get divorced, remain separated, or get back together. Whether Evan realized it or not, this visit was key to their future. If they couldn’t begin to resolve their issues now, how could they ever hope to have a future with each other?

“Charlie?”

She jumped in surprise and whipped around toward the kitchen doorway, her heart thumping against her chest.

Evan stood there, his demeanor guarded. Dressed in a polo shirt and Dockers, his dress was casual. He looked handsome as ever. “I’m sorry to have startled you. I knocked on the door, but there was no answer…”

“No, no. That’s fine, Evan.” She couldn’t seem to take her eyes off him. “Sometimes I get so absorbed in what I’m doing I become oblivious to my surroundings. You have a good trip?”

She wiped her hands with a towel, determined to overcome this awkwardness between them. “Come. Let me show you what I’ve been doing for the past few weeks.”

Charlie first took him to the living room.

“You have done a lot of work, haven’t you?”

“Yes. I got rid of the furniture and bought new furniture. I kept daddy’s recliner and put it in his bedroom,” she caught herself, “former bedroom. I changed the wall decorations, bought new frames for the pictures and bought this landscape print to put over the fireplace. I’ve redone the bedrooms, too.”

She led him to her room.

He looked at her in surprise as he stepped into the room. “Why Charlie when the way it had been decorated was so important to you?”

She looked around the room, letting her eyes come to rest back on Evan’s. “I decided that it was time to quit living in the past. I never really moved on when my mom died. I left everything as she had decorated. I guess this room is symbolic of me and my life now…needing to move on…”

Does that mean you’re ready to move on now? With me or without me? He longed to ask.

“…I did keep the quilt that used to be on the bed,” she continued. “It’s now on a rack there in the corner, but all the crocheted decorations and knick-knacks were put in storage boxes. I thought my own children would like those mementos of their grandmother.”

Children? Perhaps she was planning on continuing the relationship.

“I redecorated Daddy’s room, too. You don’t mind staying in there, do you?”

“No,” he said quickly, not letting his disappointment show. He’d hoped to sleep with her – not do anything sexual – just hold her in his arms as he had done before when he was here after her father died.

“Good. I didn’t know if you’d feel uncomfortable sleeping in there since the one and only time you and daddy met was not the friendliest meeting.”

“Did he tell you that?”

“Of course not. I have eyes, Evan. I could see the way you two were acting towards each other. The tension between you two was obvious.” She touched Evan on the arm. “Let’s go and sit on the porch.”

“It’s very peaceful here, Charlie,” Evan commented as they stood on the porch looking out over the corn fields.

“It is, isn’t it? Before daddy died, he and I got into an argument. He wanted me to come back here to live. I was angry with him and I said What is here? There’s nothing but corn and soybeans! I didn’t go to college to become a farmer! I know I hurt him terribly when I said that. How wrong I was when I uttered those words! I’ve learned since then that this place is so much more than corn and soybeans. It’s a haven where one can come to find peace, where one can come face to face with reality. The isolation, the quiet has that affect on a person. I truly regret telling him that.”

Evan lightly grasped her upper arms and gently turned her to face him. “We all do things we regret.” He lowered his head, his lips meeting hers, tentatively tasting her sweetness. She moaned and then he slipped his tongue into her mouth, deepening the kiss.

“Kissing and sex is only a small portion of marriage. What about companionship, respect, communication? All those things are important, even more so than sex. Our relationship is lacking in everything, Evan, and I just don’t think it would be wise to have sex when we have all these other issues that need to be solved.”

Evan turned his back to her and looked out over the green corn fields. “I wasn’t thinking about having sex, Charlie.” He turned to look at her. “I wanted to make love to you, Charlie. And whether you realize it or not, there is a real difference. You’re right that companionship, respect, and communication are important aspects of marriage. Well, making love is just as important. We have to start somewhere. Where do you suggest we start? I drove all the way here from St. Louis to see you, hoping that we can settle things, perhaps start over. Well, I’m trying to bridge the gap between us. Obviously, this is not what you had in mind. I’m tired, Charlie. Tired of being tied in fuckin’ knots,” he sneered, his face twisting. “When you finally realize what you want, tell me. Just tell me so we can both get on with our lives with or without each other.”

Before she could reply, he had descended down the porch steps, making his way on foot down the dirt drive.

Charlie listened intently for Evan’s return. He’d been gone for two hours and she was beginning to worry. Where could he have gone on foot out in the middle of nowhere? What if he’d gone off the road and gotten lost?

Now, Charlie, she told herself, don’t get melodramatic. He’s simply taking a long walk, blowing off steam. That’s all.

Putting her head in her hands, Charlie shook her head, wondering how this time with Evan, which she had held so much promise, could be the beginnings of a disaster. She’d wanted them to get along, to talk, to get to the root of their problems, but in the end they reverted back to usual – her pulling away and his getting angry.

Charlie thought about that for several long seconds, putting herself in Evan’s shoes and also thinking of the times he’d pulled away from her in times of intimacy. It’d hurt deeply when he turned away from her. She supposed Evan hurt just as deeply when she turned away from him. Why hadn’t she realized that earlier?

“Aw, hell, Charlie. I’m guilty of the same thing. I suppose we’ve never adjusted to being married, adjusted to thinking about someone else.”

“Evan, you remember Mr. And Mrs. Harvey? They own the neighboring farm and have leased the property from me? They are having a small, informal potluck dinner at their home tonight. A few of the neighboring farm families will be there, too. They’ve invited us. I accepted on your behalf wanting the neighbors to meet you…perhaps I shouldn’t have. I can call and give our apologies…”

****

Charlie smiled, feeling warm, and, yes, perhaps happy, as she stood by Evan, her hand lightly clasped in his, as he conversed with one of her, no their neighbors. Evan surprised her with the ease he had fit in. She’d been worried that he’d be out of place, but just the opposite was true. He seemed to fit right in, listening, asking questions. Who would have thought Evan, a Boston blue blood, Harvard graduate, would be comfortably socializing with a group of Iowa farmers?

She felt almost giddy. She’d introduced him to her neighbors, and he’d been absolutely charming. Not only that, he’d yet to let go of her hand since they’d arrived. Charlie had the feeling he was reluctant to let her go. Was it because he was among strangers and wanted her there with him for support? Or was it because he simply enjoyed her being with him?

Watching him, Charlie got the feeling that he simply enjoyed holding her hand, having her beside him. Truth be told, she was enjoying it immensely herself. This was the first time she’d truly felt married to him, like he cherished her, wanted her to be with him. There was no one present who knew the circumstances of their marriage. It was a relief, a chance for them to truly act like a couple, to put the past behind them.

There were several couples present and long tables were set up for eating on the Harvey’s front lawn under the shade of their oak trees. Everyone was laughing, talking. The night was slightly warm, but a light breeze blew, cooling everything off. Looking over the crowd of faces, she’d mentally checked off each person in her mind. Evan had been introduced to everyone. He was now in a deep conversation with Charles Rich, another neighboring farmer. They were talking about farm prices of all things.

She leaned close to Evan, his aftershave assailing her nostrils. “Evan, Charles, if you two will excuse me? I’m going to see if Mrs. Harvey needs any assistance.”

Charles nodded and Evan smiled, winking at her. Was this the same Evan she’d married? He was actually being playful. The old Evan, the Evan who’d been her best friend, was still there!

They sat beside each other during supper conversing with each other as well as the people sitting beside them. Afterwards, the barn doors opened and a band materialized.

“Evan, there will be dancing,” she said, her eyes wide with excitement. “Will it be ok for me to dance? It won’t hurt my hip will it?”

He put his arm around her shoulder and gave her a reassuring squeeze. “You’ll be just fine. Just remember you don’t have the balance you once did since your leg is slightly shorter than the other.”

“I won’t forget. It’s been so long since I’ve danced. I can’t wait!” She looked up into his face. “Evan, I’ve accepted my hip and leg for what it is. I don’t have any false illusions about it. It’s time I start living with this instead of hoping that it will get better and do noting to improve my quality of life. When we get back to St. Louis, I want to find someone to add height to my shoe so I won’t need to use that stupid cane to walk.”

Evan took her face in his hands, not caring that it was an incredibly tender act and all were watching them. “I will help you any way I can, Charlie. Just tell me what you need and I will be there.”

The music started. Evan grabbed Charlie’s hand. “Let’s go dancing.”

****

Charlie was breathless. She’d danced every dance tonight with Evan except for two. Mr. Harvey danced with her for one song, Mr. Rich another. Her hip ached just a little, but she kept that to herself. If Evan knew, he’d insist that she sit down, but she didn’t want the evening to end. She wanted the magic to last forever. Of course it couldn’t, but she wanted it to last as long as possible.

To Charlie’s disappointment, two dances later the band began packing up. She and Evan pitched in and helped Mr. and Mrs. Harvey fold up the tables and chairs and put away the leftover food.

Charlie stood by the car door waiting on Evan. He was talking to Mr. Harvey about knee replacement surgery. Charlie smiled, so happy that Evan was fitting in.

Mrs. Turner had lowered her voice. Charlie immediately realized the darkness gave them a sense of privacy though they were only several yards away from the other guests.

“Of course.” What could she possibly want?

She came to stand close to Charlie, her voice almost a whisper. “Your father and I were very close friends. I was away when he died and was unable to offer my condolences and attend the funeral.”

“Thank you,” Charlie murmured, feeling that was not the purpose of this conversation. Why the need for whispering, the darkness to conceal them for mere condolences?

“Henry was very special to me.” She looked Charlie in the eye. “Very special. And I believe I held a special place in his heart as well.”

Staring at her in disbelief, Charlie merely nodded. There was no mistaking the meaning of Mrs. Turner’s words.

“Several years ago I gave him a token of my affection, a gold pocket watch, with an inscription on the inside of the lid. Perhaps you’ve come across it?”

Charlie ignored her question, feeling cold though the night air was warm. “What is it that you want, Mrs. Turner?” she asked coldly.