What a Werewolf Wants (San Francisco Wolf Pack) (14 page)

“You shouldn’t want to be with me, not even for one night, as you put it.” He squeezed her hands. “It only makes pulling away more difficult.”

“But Ryder—”

As the bakery door pushed open, a couple barged in laughing hysterically, cutting her short. Ryder’s gaze raked over the couple as he sat back, slouched into the chair with his elbow propped on the table, and his hand clenched into a fist. Grimacing as if he’d tasted something sour, Ryder’s jaw clamped shut and his lips formed a tight line.

“What is it?” she asked, spinning around to check out the newcomers.

They appeared to be a perfectly normal thirtysomething couple. The guy was medium height and round in the middle, and the woman was a pretty redhead with freckles dotting her nose and cheeks. As the woman latched onto the man’s arm, he looked down at her and kissed the tip of her nose.

Axel emerged from the back with a chilly greeting, and the man pointed to a pair of cupcakes in the middle of the counter. He waved his finger around, and a shiny gold ring on his left hand caught Josie’s eye. Out of pure curiosity, she scoped out the woman’s left hand. No matching ring.

Strange.

She spun back around. “Do you know them?”

“One of them.” Ryder had paled in the last few seconds. He looked borderline sick. “I know the man, but I’ve never seen the woman at his side.”

Chapter Sixteen

Ryder should’ve said he knew the werewolf, because that’s exactly what the man was. Matthew Long was a well-known member of the San Francisco Wolf Pack. He was also married and mated to his Luminary…who was a brunette.

Most definitely
not
the woman clinging to his side.

Before they’d completed the bonding process, Mrs. Long had suspected Matthew of being unfaithful. Not knowing much about Luminaries at the time, Ryder had taken the assignment and assured her it couldn’t be true.

After all, if fate had designed two people to be together, why would one have reason to stray?

For months, he’d followed Matthew around and come up empty-handed. He’d tried to reassure Mrs. Long. Fated mates had to be perfect for each other, satiating each other’s every need. That was the reason they’d been paired in the first place.

Mrs. Long had insisted he continue the investigation, and so he had.

For another six months.

Then, after he’d pleaded with her to drop the case, Ryder caught Matthew with two mistresses. Confused and disgusted, he’d reported the findings to Mrs. Long. She’d confronted Matthew in Ryder’s office. He’d ’fessed up immediately, swearing he’d never betray her trust again. With a solemn vow, he got down on bended knee, professed his undying love for his mate, and begged her for a fresh start.

It hadn’t even been a year since then.

And here he was, letting some other woman wrap him up and claim him in the middle of a bakery.

“How do you know him?” Josie whispered.

“It’s nothing.” But the anger rose in him anyway. “We knew each other briefly a long time ago.”

“I see.” Her gaze flipped back to the couple. “Look how romantic they are, and so clearly in love. They must be newlyweds.”

Ryder could barely watch as Matthew chose a caramel-topped cupcake and fed it to his mistress. She pursed her lips and giggled, using the fakest laugh he’d ever heard. Gagging, Ryder cleared his throat. And drew Matthew’s attention right over. With a gasp, Matthew dropped the cupcake, splattering it over the tile.

“My shoes!” the redhead squealed, jumping back. “You paid a fortune for these and got icing all over them. Excuse me!” She pounded her fist on the counter to get Axel’s attention. “Is there a restroom in this place?”

The baker hitched his thumb over his shoulder. “Through there, make a right, and turn left down the hall.”

With an irritated snarl, she disappeared into the back.

Matthew’s lips twitched as he approached their table. “Mr. McManus…you don’t happen to remember me, do you?”

Oh, today was
not
Matthew’s lucky day.

“I never forget a face.” Ryder curled his fingers around Matthew’s hand in a death grip. “This is Josie Cole, soon-to-be the most infamous matchmaker in the area.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Cole.”

“Miss,” she corrected quickly.

Mr. Long’s eyebrows waggled. “Is that right?”

A growl reverberated through Ryder’s chest, and Matthew dropped his hand before he lost it.

“How is Mrs. Long?” Ryder prodded, standing eye-to-eye with the lying cheat. “Is she on her way?”

“No, I—” Matthew’s eyes shifted to the door, the baker, Josie, and back again. “She’s stuck at home and not feeling well, I’m afraid. Scarlett and I are here to bring her a few cupcakes. You know, to make her feel better.”

“That’s so sweet of you.” Josie stood with them, twirling the silver cake topper in her fingers. “Never heard of the cupcake cure, but I like the way you think.”

Did she always see the good in people? She might’ve been the only angel he’d ever met in his life.

Matthew laughed tightly. “Yes, well, I should pay so that when Scarlett comes out, we can be on our way. It was great seeing you, Mr. McManus.”

“One question before you go.” Because he simply couldn’t drop it.

Matthew spun on his heel as if he were in slow motion. “Yes?”

“When will it stop?”

The cheating, he meant.

Judging from the blush that fanned over Matthew’s neck and up to his cheeks, he knew exactly what Ryder had wanted to say.

“It won’t, most likely.” He smiled, but it was forced. Inside, Matthew was a hollow, poor excuse for a man. Coming close, he whispered, “The Luminary bond is one thing, but physical needs are something different, and I have to get mine met.”

“Luminary?” Josie breathed. “You’re a…”

Matthew winked, acknowledging her thought.
Werewolf.
Ryder’s fist clenched, but he held it at his side.

“No need to worry about my wife, though. We have an arrangement now.”

Holding on to a thread of restraint, Ryder seethed. “Ten bucks says it’s one-sided.”

Matthew took a step closer. “I don’t care if you’re fated or not, no two people are meant to be together in every way for a thousand years. It’s not natural.”

The floor disappeared beneath Ryder’s feet as Matthew’s words echoed through his head. His lungs grew tight. And suddenly the smell of sugary-sweet buttercream teased his gag reflex.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ryder said, but his voice lacked conviction.

“Of course you do. We’re one and the same.” Mathew patted him on the back as Scarlett skipped toward them. “I knew it from the first time my wife came to see you. You defended me against her, insisting I wasn’t seeing any other women. The way you slipped doubt into her head, whew.” He whistled. “Genius. Got me another six months—the best of my life.”

Ryder’s throat parched. “I thought you were innocent.”

“Nah, don’t buy that for a second.” Matthew kissed Scarlett on the cheek, grabbed a handful of her ass, and pushed her out the door. “You thought, just as I did, that cheating was an inevitable consequence to the marital death sentence, and you were right. Two people stuck in the same house, in the same rut, will eventually drive each other crazy. One of them will break. Fortunately for me, my wife does the breaking.”

Josie whimpered, a sound of shock and horror, and Ryder clenched his jaw until his back teeth cracked.

“As long as I keep my mistresses out of the house,” Matthew went on, “and make it home by seven, she can’t say shit.”

“What does she get out of the deal?” Josie asked, her tone laced with venom. “Because from where I’m standing, it doesn’t look like much.”

“She gets to tell everyone she found her fated mate.” He spread his arms wide. “One of the oldest, most respected men in the wolf pack. Thousands of women would kill to be in her shoes.”

Ryder’s lip curled in disgust. “Thousands probably have.”

“Oh, I’m sure the number’s about that high.”

As Matthew shrugged, pure, unfiltered rage blazed through Ryder’s gut. He twitched, flexed, fought the urge to shift. Rather than ball the energy into his gut, he channeled it into his fist and let it fly right into Matthew’s jaw. The cheater went down, straight to the ground, holding the side of his face. Blood gushed out of his mouth as his head went limp.

Behind him, Josie gasped.

He turned at the sound, glimpsing the same horror in her eyes that he’d seen on his ex. And then, just as suddenly, the terror was replaced with distress.

“Ryder, let’s go.”

But he couldn’t move.

He’d done it again.

It wasn’t to the same degree—he hadn’t shifted—but it was further proof that he was reckless. Unable to simply walk away from a confrontation. If the situation had been different…if Matthew had smacked Josie’s ass rather than Scarlett’s…he wouldn’t have been able to stave off the shift. He couldn’t even trust himself.

As Josie tugged Ryder out of the bakery, she called her order to the baker, who nodded in compliance before tending to Matthew.

“That was insane,” Josie said beside him once they were in his Charger, and on the way back to the Hornblower. “Are you all right?”

“Am
I
all right?” He scoffed into a sick laugh. “I’m far from it.”

“That guy was an asshole,” she said, turning toward him. “He deserved that.”

Ryder shook his head. “No, you don’t understand. The feelings were the same as they were before. If he’d touched you, or said something derogatory to you, I could’ve killed him.”

“But you didn’t, Ryder. You probably broke his jaw, and he might be drinking out of a straw for a while, but I bet his wife will thank you for that.” Her hand found his leg, and she squeezed. “He seemed to get off on pushing your buttons. He had to know what was coming next.”

But
she
had no idea what was coming, or what he was capable of. And she couldn’t see the change in her expression as she watched him strike. But he didn’t miss it.

He may have been able to refrain from killing Matthew, but that was because the jerkoff was distant from him and not threatening him personally. Given the right circumstances, he’d shift and unleash the beast again.

He stared out the front window, doubt clouding his mind.

“She’s better off without all this,” Ryder said to himself as an odd tingle spread through his chest. “Without me.”

“Did you say something?” Her sweet voice swept through the car, rejuvenating him, if only for a moment.

“No.” He clenched his jaw. Swallowed down everything he’d almost said. “Nothing at all.”

Chapter Seventeen

As Ryder took Josie’s hand and escorted her into the dining area of the Hornblower, he couldn’t meet her eye. He could feel shivers dance up her arm as he took her hand and led her toward the head table. In fact, now that he thought about it, he sensed happiness within her. Hope, and relief. Something had changed from the last time they were on the ship, when he sensed nothing but bitterness. She’d been closed off before. Now she was light on her feet. Smiling ear to ear.

Giving the “okay” signal with her fingers, Carrie’s eyebrows rose in question.

“Everything’s perfect,” Josie said as she took the seat at Carrie’s side. “How was the rehearsal?”

Carrie beamed. “It was a tease. I can’t wait for the real thing tomorrow.”

As Ryder took the seat on the other side of Josie, he scanned the room. Cameras in every corner. Hands clenched into fists in his lap—so he wouldn’t be tempted to reach out and touch her—he leaned over and said, “Looks like you’re going to nail the television special.” He nodded in thanks as the server brought over his requested dinner plate. Roasted bell peppers and asparagus. Not his usual, but something had drawn him to the choice on the menu. “Are you happy about that?”

“Of course.” Batting thick lashes, she eyed his plate. “I think the waiter might’ve made a mistake, though. That looks like it might be mine.”

“No, he got it right.” Ryder gulped down his glass of water in an effort to cool the simmer in his blood. Being close to Josie this way wasn’t good for his health. Hauling her into his arms wasn’t an option, so his nerves were frayed, and every muscle was tense. “I ordered the first vegetarian option.”

“I ordered the second one.”

“I know. That’s why I got the first.”

“But why—”

“So you could have two choices for lunch.” He stabbed a tiny chunk of bell pepper and held it out for her. “Want to try?”

“Sure.” She went still as stone, and then slowly leaned forward and bit the vegetable from his fork. “Thank you,” she mumbled, covering her mouth with her napkin.

“My pleasure.”

And it absolutely was. He yearned to feed her, take care of her, protect her, and wrap her in his arms. But she didn’t fit in his world. She’d never be able to accept him for what he was. He’d have to remember it. Tattoo it across his forehead, so he’d see it every day when he looked in the mirror.

“I forgot to ask,” he said, as the waiter brought over her tomato-basil pasta. He swallowed nails as he said, “Did you ever find your guy?”

“Who?”

Downing water to soothe the scratch in his throat, Ryder set down his glass. This was going to be harder than he’d planned.

But it had to be done.

“When I came into your office, you said you were going to start looking for your match.” Possessiveness spiked in his gut, but he had to go on. The words had to be said. “How’s it going?”

Say horrible. Terrible. I don’t want anyone but you.

“I found a few possibilities…”

His stomach sank. Of course she had. She was classically beautiful, sharp as nails, and could melt a man with her sex appeal. To top it off, she was funny as hell. Stubborn and independently successful. It was a wonder she was still single in the first place.

She picked at her dinner. “But I’ve decided not to call any of them.”

“Why not?” He hid his grin with a stiff drink.

As she glanced his direction, she quirked an eyebrow. “I thought there might be other options to explore. After our talk in the bakery, I’m sure of it.”

He hardened beneath the weight of her stare. Felt bricks press down on his shoulders. Sensed the hint of possibility.

This was it.

The moment he could haul her into his arms and show her the options up close and personal, or face the grim reality of their situation. If he wasn’t going to be in Josie’s life, she should find happiness with someone else. Marriage was hard enough with two people who were from the same world, who wanted the same things. As it was, he and Josie were lifetimes apart.

His stomach clenched into a tight fist as he forced the words from his lips. “There’s no reason you shouldn’t date around.”

When she stared, unmoving, unblinking, he repeated himself.

She dropped her fork. Wiped her mouth. Turned to face him. “You really think so?”

“I do.”

She winced. “What about all the things you said to me in the dream? Not twenty minutes ago, you said you were drawn to me like no other. You said you couldn’t stay away from me.”

He swallowed hard and said, “We all have to wake up from our dreams sooner or later.”

“I see.”

The subtle pout of her lower lip had him breaking in two.

She nodded, her eyes glossing with tears. “So you think I should call up Jeff Dumphry and ask him out?”

“Is that really the front-runner’s name?”

The second he got back to the office, he’d hunt Jeff Dumphry down and cut off his hands so he’d never know what it was like to touch her.

“He has every point on my qualities list. He’s a doctor, cat lover, and vegetarian. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind sharing from his dinner, either.” She eyed Ryder’s plate curiously. “He comes from a big family and wants to start one of his own as quickly as possible.”

A low growl rumbled through his chest.

“He’s tall, dark, and handsome, and—”

“Enough,” Ryder muttered, putting up his hand to stop her. Another word and he’d slam his fist through the table. “I don’t want to hear any more.”

She frowned. “Then why—”

“Because I was right before—there’ll never be anything between us.” He kept his voice low, although his heartbeat drummed in his ears. He could hardly look her in the eye. “I haven’t changed. I can’t protect you…from me.”

“You don’t have to.” She touched his hand, sending electric currents zinging across his skin. “You’d never hurt me. This”—she gestured between them—“feels so insanely right. I’ve been searching for this kind of connection my whole life, and I think I’ve finally found it.”

Words were right there, teetering on the edge of his lips, but they wouldn’t come. He took another drink as he read the hope in her eyes. She wanted what her parents had: a marriage where two people lived the picture-perfect life, living, working, and breathing for each other. But she craved a
normal
reality, not one where her significant other could turn into a canine at every full moon. And that’s what Josie needed to be happy: something normal.

“Josie…” He struggled to keep his voice emotionless as he squeezed her hand. “I can’t stand for you to see me differently, and eventually, you will. I’ll never be able to give you the life you want.”

“I told you,” she pressed, her tiny hand sliding in his, “we can deal with the wolf stuff. I can try—”

“Damn it, Josie, it’s more than that. It’s about this.” He pointed to Carrie and Mitch as they leaned in for a kiss. “That.” Leaning closer, he pointed to an older gentleman in the back of the room as he pulled out the chair for his disabled wife. “All of this.” He circled the room with his hand. “Marriage, children, the house with the white picket fence. It’s not a picture of reality, but it’s what you seem to want to capture anyway. You want the dream to be reality, and that’s fine,” he said, staring into her gentle brown eyes, “but you won’t find it with me.”

Worrying her bottom lip into her mouth, Josie’s gaze skipped around the room to each of the couples. “If that’s the way you feel.”

Last chance.

Regret burned a hole in his chest, and he hadn’t even put the nail in the coffin yet.

“It is.” With a deafening thud, his heart clenched to a stop. “You should call that guy—Jeff, or whatever—from the application.” Pain seared through him. “Sounds like he can give you what you’re searching for.”

“Fine.” She stood abruptly, dropping her napkin to the floor. “I’m sure he’d be more than happy to be my date for the wedding tomorrow.”

As she walked away and Ryder went cold, Mitch mouthed, “What the fuck?”

Shaking his head, Ryder dived back into his dish and fumbled with the fork. His hands went numb, and a cold, clammy wave washed over him. As Ryder glanced at the empty seat next to him, reality delivered a crushing blow.

This was what you wanted.

It didn’t matter that he craved Josie so badly he couldn’t breathe. Or that the tension in his muscles wouldn’t release. He couldn’t think about the fact that she was the only woman on the planet who could hollow him out with a single glance. He yearned for her on every level, yet he couldn’t have her. She didn’t belong at his side, even if fate seemed to think otherwise.

He’d pushed her away to prove the point.

Better get used to this lonely ache.

He’d live unmated, alone, for the next two hundred fifty years of his life so that Josie could find someone who could give her what she needed.