What A Rogue Wants (44 page)

Madelaine slept for long periods,
waking briefly when someone would press a drink or broth to her
lips or a cold sponge to her body. She hated that sponge! She tried
to draw away from it, but hands always gripped her and kept her
locked in place.

Sometimes she would float
out of her body, but she didn’t fly again, nor did she see her
other self. Mumbling voices spoke near her, but she couldn’t make
out what they said. One voice, deep and melodic, started to become
clear word by word.
Need
you
. Was the first thing she made out.
Then sometime later, a day? A week? One minute ago?
Love you
.
Stay with me.
She
nodded, her head as heavy as her grandfather’s old steel sword she
once tried to lift off the wall where it hung.

That voice stayed with her all the
time, speaking soft words. Sometimes it almost felt as if the words
caressed her hands, cheeks and brushed across her lips. There it
was again! A brush across her lips. She shivered in response and
forced her eyes open.

Stormy blue eyes stared back at her,
widening then filling with tears.

“
Grey?” she croaked,
thinking that was his name.

“
Madelaine?” His voice
cracked, and his head dropped beside hers. His heavy breathing
filled her ear and his warm breath tickled her lobe. “Thank you,
God.” His face came back into view and he pressed his lips against
hers. This time she knew exactly what that feather-light brush was
and her blood stirred to life once again.

The first couple of days it was all
she could do to stay awake long enough to put a string of words
together to form a sentence. She would fall asleep in the middle of
her comments or listening to someone talk, but whenever she woke,
Grey was always there, whispering he loved her and telling her that
everything would be all right and asking for
forgiveness.

She wanted to believe everything would
be all right, but as her memories returned, fear trickled in and
tears began to flow down her face.

“
What’s wrong?” Grey
clutched her hand. “Do you feel unwell? Shall I fetch
Plumbe?”

“
No.” She shook her head.
“You keep saying it’s going to be all right, but the last thing I
remember is that you hated me and wanted to trade me for your
brother’s life. Then I thought…” she averted her eyes, embarrassed,
but she had to know. “Then I thought perhaps you really did care,
and I couldn’t let you or your brother die to save me.”

He pressed his head to her chest, his
hands coming to either shoulder. “I love you. I was wrong to ever
believe you could be part of a plot to kill the king’s spies. I’m
so sorry.”

She shook her head, dismayed at the
pain in his voice. “You weren’t wrong to distrust me. I was trying
to help my father get the list to the prince. I didn’t see what
else I could do. I should have told you. Trusted in
you.”

“
I understand why you
didn’t. I’ve had time to think about it while you’ve been sick. If
my father needed my help to save his life, I would have done
everything in my power to save him.” Grey brushed a hand over her
hair. “Your loyalty is but one of the reasons I love you,
Madelaine. Can you ever forgive me?”

Forgive him? She reached out and
traced her fingers over the stubble on his jaw. He wanted her
forgiveness? Her heart exploded with joy. She’d been too afraid to
hope. She forced herself to hold his gaze. “Do you love
me?”

His gaze opened wide. “Don’t you
know?”

She shook her head. Call her obtuse,
but she wanted no misunderstanding between them. He ran his fingers
over her collarbone then moved slowly to her lips where he rubbed
his thumb back and forth, her heart racing with each delicious
sweep of his finger. His hand moved to her neck and gently grasped
her there. “So beautiful,” he murmured and pressed a kiss to her
neck then trailed kisses back up to her lips. “I love you,” he
whispered, before kissing her.

Her lips parted immediately, their
tongues mingling to stroke, explore and reignite the spark that had
never died. Heat kindled low in her belly and spread through her
limbs until she was panting.

Grey broke the kiss off slowly and
pulled back. He tucked a bit of her hair behind her ear. “I won’t
have you getting too worked up until you regain all your strength.”
The wicked smile of promise that curled his lips made her heart
hammer. She wished nothing else was pressing on her mind, and that
she could stare into his eyes the rest of the day, but she had to
ask the questions she needed answers to. “What about the king and
my father and me? And who was the man in the warehouse? Why did he
want to kill you? And me? And―”

Grey pressed a finger to her lips, his
eyes crinkling in a smile. “I’ll answer every question you have but
one at a time and while you eat.”

“
Eat?” She wrinkled her
brow. She didn’t care about eating at this moment.

Grey motioned to the doorway and
Rose―she recognized the woman from an earlier lucid moment―scurried
in with a tray laden with a bowl of steaming soup and a glass of
clear water. Madelaine’s stomach growled.

“
Your stomach agrees with
me, even if your head doesn’t,” Grey said, taking the tray from
Rose and dipping the spoon into the soup. “Open.”

She complied, but only because she was
suddenly famished. As she ate, he spoke about the spy Sutton, and
how he’d come to be at the warehouse and wanted to kill the other
spies as well as her.

The truth was horrible. She pressed
her lips together. The man had done wicked things but look what had
happened to him. He’d been abandoned. She couldn’t help but feel
sorry for him.

“
Madelaine?” Grey sounded
concerned.

“
Sorry.” She shook her
head. “I was just thinking how sad it was.” She took the napkin
Grey offered her and patted her mouth.

“
Only you would find a
deranged man’s tale sad. Need I remind you, he tried to kill
you?”

“
You need not. I bet you
feel sorry for him too. You just don’t want to admit
it.”

Grey held her gaze. “I wanted to kill
him. But you already had. I hate him for what he did, yet I do feel
sorry for him.”

Madelaine sighed. “Thank you for being
honest.”

“
You’re welcome. Anything
else?”

She didn’t particularly want to
address the “anything else,” but they couldn’t ignore it. “So now
you know for certain neither my father or I were plotting to kill
anyone, yet my father stealing the king’s list remains a fact. And
it remains a fact that I tried to help him.”

Grey set the tray on the table beside
her bed. “The king knows nothing of your part.”

She frowned. “Are you not sworn to
tell him?”

Grey nodded. “I am. And I vowed to put
him above all else and everyone else as long as I served him as a
spy, which is why I can no longer serve him.”

“
What?”

He took her hands in his. “When you’re
well enough, we’ll make our way to Windsor and marry, if you’ll
have me?”

She wanted to nod, but what was his
condition? “What is the sacrifice?”

“
Sacrifice?” His brow
wrinkled as if she spoke in a foreign tongue.

She glared at him. “Don’t act as if
you don’t know what I’m speaking of. At what price will our
marriage take place?”

He squeezed her hand. “A price I am
more than glad to pay.”

She averted her gaze to their
intertwined hands, suddenly fearful of what he was going to do.
Something was missing. “Where is your ring?”

“
I no longer wear it.” He
held her gaze without blinking.

“
You would turn against
your vow for me?” Her body shook with her question.

“
I already have.” Passion
laced his words. “I love you. You mean more to me than my honor or
my life.”

“
Grey.” She leaned forward
and pressed her lips to his. “I cannot allow that. We’ll tell the
king what I’ve done and beg his mercy for myself and my father. It
can be no other way.”

He shook his head. “I’ve already told
the king you had no knowledge of what your father did. And I told
my brother the same thing. I swore you were innocent. If you say
otherwise now, you risk my life for lying to the king.”

Her breath caught in her throat.
“You’ve trapped me.”

“
Yes.” He did not look the
least bit ashamed or repentant. He cupped her face. “I had to. I’m
sorry.” He didn’t sound sorry. “I love you, and I couldn’t risk
your demanding to save my honor by risking your own
neck.”

Warm tears slid down her face. No one,
not even her father, had ever put her first above all else. She
loved Grey with a fierceness that scared her. “What will you do if
you’re no longer a spy?”

He kissed her on the head
and then rose. “Perhaps I’ll really try my hand at being an
equerry
. Or maybe I’ll
just spend the rest of my life making sure you’re
happy.”

“
Won’t you miss serving
the king?”

“
I will.” His tone was
grave. “But how can I serve him when I’ve broken my vow to put his
concerns above all else?”

She twisted her hands together at the
look of sorrow on Grey’s face. “You did it for me. You won’t break
your vow again. I know you won’t. You’re the most honorable man I
know.”

“
My sweet, Madelaine.”
Grey brushed a hand against her cheek. “I would break my vow again
if it meant saving you. And if we are blessed with children, I
would break my vow to protect them first as well. No. I can no
longer trust myself to keep the vow I gave.”

She rose up to her knees, her head
spinning with the sudden movement. Grey caught her behind her waist
and held her against him. Her fingers curled into his side. “Your
father surely felt the same way. Surely, he put you and your
brother, sister and mother before the king.”

Grey’s brow furrowed. “I don’t know. I
don’t know if he ever had to make a choice between us and the
king.”

Desperate to make things right for
him, Madelaine’s words came out in a rush. “I want to marry you,
but I vow I won’t unless you promise me you’ll speak with your
brother before you tell the king you no longer wish to be a spy.
You don’t have to tell your brother about what I’ve done, though I
wish you would. Simply ask him if your father ever had to make hard
choices, learn what your father did and then decide your
path.”

After a moment, Grey
nodded. “All right. Once we get to Windsor, I’ll speak with my
brother. Now rest, if you feel up to it we’ll travel back tomorrow.
I don’t want to delay any longer.
And
I’ve an idea for how we can
perhaps convince the king to be lenient toward your
father.”

“
Tell me!” Madelaine’s
heart thumped wildly against her breast.

“
After you sleep. And not
before.”

TWO DAYS LATER MADELAINE’S STOMACH
churned as Grey led her through the corridors of Windsor castle and
to his aunt’s apartments. She was to wait with Helen while he went
and talked to his brother. She’d been the one to prod him into this
action, but now that they were on the course, she was worried. What
if Grey’s father had never been in a situation where he had to put
his family over his vow?

She pressed a hand to her queasy
stomach. That was silly. Surely he had and Grey would soon learn he
could serve the king and be the husband he wanted to be at the same
time. Still, she worried now that she’d convinced Grey to talk to
his brother, the possibility was there that he could change his
mind about marrying her.

She struggled to silence the annoying
voice of doubt as Grey knocked on his Aunt Helen’s door. When the
door opened and Abby stood smiling on the other side, Madelaine
stepped into the room and grasped Abby to her. She pressed close to
Abby’s ear. “Are you being treated well?”

Abby nodded. “Lady Helen is
wonderfully witty and has been very gracious to me.”

“
Thank you, dear,” Helen
chimed coming through the short hall that led to the sitting
room.

Madelaine regarded Helen with an
amused smile. “I can see how it is you’ve come by so many castle
secrets.”

Helen patted her hair, which was swept
up into a flattering updo. “I do have excellent hearing. And it so
happens I’ve recently heard a new bit of salacious
gossip.”

“
Are you going to share
it?” Madelaine was all too glad for the happy moment. Today may yet
end in tragedy if the king refused to listen to Grey’s suggestion
regarding her father, so she’d linger in bliss as long as she
could.

Helen grabbed Madelaine by the hands.
She blinked at the unexpected contact. “Grey wrote that the two of
you are to be married tonight!”

Madelaine’s jaw dropped
open. She forced herself to close it. “Tonight?” Her pulse raced
ahead. She wanted to marry Grey, but
tonight
? She said the first thing
that popped into her mind. “We’ve no priest.”