What A Rogue Wants (39 page)

Damn. Damn.
Damn
. If he focused on the chant and the
steady, fast clop of the horses’ hooves, he could keep his
uncertainty away. His ploy worked for the better part of three
hours, but then she fell asleep and slumped against him, soft,
trusting and beautiful. Her flowery smell invaded first his nose,
then his mind and finally his heart. He stared alternately between
the road and her beautiful lips. Then the road and the long,
slender slope of her neck. Road and black eyelashes against creamy
skin.

Blast! He jerked the reins hard to the
right as he almost drove them off the road. Madelaine moaned and
stirred beside him, but she did not wake. No indeed. She snuggled
into him, and then she flopped onto her side, her head landing in
his lap and her slender fingers curling around his thigh. A sigh
escaped her.

He tensed every muscle. Longing and
need shot through him. He’d never allowed himself to need anyone
after he’d failed to gain his father’s love, and then Madelaine had
come along. She’d stolen his heart with her uniqueness and her
goodness. Anger stirred. What goodness? It was a lie.

Or was it?

Was she merely a pawn in her father’s
game? When he recalled her kisses, the way she looked naked, and
the love he thought they’d shared, he wanted to believe in her.
What would doubt do? Give her a fighting chance to escape? Would
she abandon her father if she saw the king and understood what was
at stake?

She moved again, her hair falling like
a thick blanket over her face to hide it. He resisted the twitching
urge to push the tresses behind her ears. Pain tore him apart from
the inside out. Maybe this pain was his punishment.

He’d given a vow to the king and then
he’d turned around and been prepared to abandon his vow. What sort
of man was he? Grey laughed bitterly. He’d set out to prove himself
worthy of his father’s trust and he’d proven just the opposite.
Old, familiar self-pity poured through him, but he ruthlessly
reined it in.

“
Grey,” Madelaine
whimpered in her sleep.

“
Hell.” He was too weak to
deny himself one more touch. Reaching down, he stroked her hair,
then gently pushed it away from her face. Even scratched and dirty
she was beautiful. No chant would help him now. Thoughts pounded
him from every direction. He glanced down at her again. This was
the last time he would allow himself to touch her. “You break my
heart,” he whispered and then looked up to drive them toward
Kew.

THE PALACE AT KEW SPRAWLED across a
bright green lawn with rows of lush trees surrounding the palace on
either side. Any other time, Madelaine would have longed to sit in
the grass occupied with nothing more than memorizing every detail
of the beautiful building. Holding herself stiff on the carriage
bench careful not to brush her leg against Grey’s, she dismissed
the beauty around her. She needed to concentrate, but fear made it
hard.

The sun cast fading rays on the lawn
to join the developing shadows and cool breeze. Night was fast
approaching. The darkness would certainly suit her mood better than
the sunshine of the day had. It had been humiliating to wake with
her head on Grey’s lap, but when he never said a word, nor spoke to
her the entire trip here, her humiliation had grown.

The carriage rumbled down the stone
drive toward the entrance. Once Grey pulled it to a stop, stable
hands emerged to hold the horses. Grey dismounted, then held his
hand out to Madelaine to help her down the three steps.

She blinked. It was hard to believe he
was willing to touch her. With hesitation, she grasped his hand. He
curled his fingers around hers, and his heated touch seeped through
the material of her gloves. Her heart swelled. She nearly blurted
out the love that was still inside of her. She looked down, afraid
one glimpse of her face would reveal to Grey how she still
foolishly felt about him. To be fair though, love would take time
to kill if it could even be obliterated at all. Of course, the
noose they intended to put around her neck would take care of her
feelings soon enough. She gulped at the thought.

Grey helped Abby out of the carriage
and then led them both up the steps to the front entrance. To
Madelaine’s utter astonishment, the door swung open to reveal a
butler and Grey’s Aunt Helen, dressed resplendently in
gold.

Grey’s mouth dropped half-open.
Obviously, he’d not expected his aunt to be here. “Aunt Helen?”
Grey swooped through the door and dragged Madelaine behind him. Did
he think she would try to escape even now?

Once they were inside and the door was
shut, the angry voices somewhere close were impossible to ignore.
Madelaine studied Grey’s aunt. She looked composed except for her
furrowed brow.

“
What are you doing here,
Aunt Helen?”

“
The queen requested I
come to be with her, but I’m to leave today. The king wished all
but family members and the doctors to leave.”

Grey nodded, his gaze straying from
his aunt to the sitting room down the hall where the arguing voices
appeared to be coming from.

Helen gestured to the bags sitting
against the wall. “I was just about to depart. My driver is pulling
my carriage around now.” Helen smiled at Madelaine. “It’s good to
see you, my dear. I was worried about your abrupt departure from
Court. No one seemed to really know where you had gone. Is all
well?”

Grey pushed Abby toward his aunt,
which saved Madelaine from having to lie. “This is Abby,” Grey
said. “She needs employment and comes highly recommended. Can you
take her with you as a personal favor to me and employ
her?”

Helen raised her eyebrows but nodded.
“It just so happens I need another lady’s maid. My current one has
gotten so old she sleeps all the time. This will be perfect. Louisa
can train you and eventually you can take her place. We can discuss
the particulars in the carriage, if this suits you?”

Abby nodded then bit her lip as she
focused on Madelaine.

Tears constricted Madelaine’s throat.
Was Grey sending Abby away now so she would not be with her when
they took her to the tower? She was grateful. She loved Abby and if
she could save her from harm then she would. “Go, Abby.”
Madelaine’s voice hitched. “There’s nothing you can do for
me.”

“
But,
Madelaine―”

“
I insist. Besides, I
don’t think Lord Grey will allow you to stay. Will you, my
lord?”

He shook his head, settling his gaze,
cold as ice, on her. “I’m afraid not.”

She sucked in a choked breath but said
nothing. Whatever he’d felt for her was gone, if it had ever been
truth. Loneliness swallowed her.

Abby flung herself at Madelaine with a
sob. “My lady,” she moaned.

“
Grey,” Helen said, her
tone halting. “Might they have a private moment to say
goodbye?”

“
I suppose it can do no
harm.”

Madelaine gave Helen a grateful smile
as the woman put her arm around Madelaine and led her and Abby out
the door. Helen’s carriage was already in front, her coachman
waiting. He rushed past them and came out carrying the first of
many bags.

Abby squeezed Madelaine’s hand before
addressing Grey. “Might we have our moment now, my
lord?”

“
Certainly. I’ll just help
with the bags.”

The notion was absurd, but Madelaine
held her comment. Helen kissed Madelaine’s cheek. “I’ll see you
soon, dear.”

Madelaine doubted that, unless Helen
attended hangings or by some miracle, it didn’t come to that.
“Thank you for your kindness,” she said, barely managing to hold in
the sob threatening to escape.

“
Nonsense. We ladies of
the Court must stick together,” Helen said, before sweeping into
her carriage and shutting the door.

Abby immediately grabbed Madelaine by
the arms. “You must listen.”

Madelaine nodded.

“
I know you think you were
the wedge that drove your parents apart, but it’s not
true.”

“
Don’t try to make me feel
better,” Madelaine said.

“
I’m not.” Abby released
her and unclamped the gold locket around her neck. She handed it to
Madelaine. “Open it.”

Madelaine frowned but complied. A
picture of her father was on one side of the locket beside a
picture of Abby’s mother. “Oh, Abby. I’m sure he thought of you as
a daughter as well.”

“
No, Madelaine.” Abby’s
voice was pained. “He didn’t, though he knew he was my
father.”

“
What?” She had to be
misunderstanding.

“
You didn’t drive a wedge
between your parents. My mother did. And then I did. Your father
and my mother had an affair, and I was the product, born three
months before you.”

“
I don’t believe you.”
Madelaine’s stomach clenched.

“
It’s true. Your mother
didn’t hate you. I think she hated the life she was stuck in. Ma
told me when your mother found out about their affair, your father
promised her she could leave.” Abby snorted. “Men and their
promises. He said they would live apart as if they were not
married, but she could reap the benefits of his money and title.
Then your mother found out she was pregnant, and he wouldn’t let
her go until he was sure she wasn’t having a son.”

Bitterness filled Madelaine’s mouth
like the tartest of candies. She sucked her cheeks in. She’d
thought her father had adored her from the day she was born. He’d
been the one person who’d loved her unconditionally, until her
mother had died and he’d wanted her to change. She’d been wrong.
He’d not loved her from her birth. He’d wanted a son. Hoped for a
son. Was there nothing about her life that had been as she thought?
“Why didn’t he leave after I was born?”

“
Your father had left on a
trip. He was gone for near a year, and Ma told me when he returned
you were coming up to your first birthday. You were already
reckless like a boy. He instantly loved you and refused to let you
go. He told your mother to leave, but she stayed because she loved
you too. She didn’t hate
you
. She hated
him
and the fact that you loved
him.”

Tears blurred Madelaine’s eyes. Her
mother had stayed for her. Yet she’d taken her anger with Father
out on her. Father had wanted a son, gotten a girl and did really
love her. She’d been born an oddity, but Father had loved that. It
suited him because he’d wanted a son. In a way it made sense. She
dashed a shaking hand over her eyes. If only she’d known her mother
had loved her a little, life would have been so much easier. If
she’d known her mother had stayed for her, she would have done
everything in her power to be the daughter she wanted. Behind her,
footsteps clomped down the stairs.

“
Time to go, miss,” the
coachman said.

Abby gripped Madelaine in a fierce
hug. “I love you,” she whispered in Madelaine’s ear. “Save
yourself. Your father has lost his way, but he wouldn’t want you to
go down with him.”

Madelaine watched the carriage drive
away and take the only person she could really trust out of her
life, probably for good. Her knees felt like cream, but she managed
to stay upright. Grey stood silently beside her; close enough so
she couldn’t run yet not so close they might accidentally brush
against one another. Thoughts swirled in her head. She couldn’t
save her father, but could she save herself?

Madelaine bit her lip with
uncertainty. Even if she could bring herself to abandon her father,
would Grey let her escape? She harbored no illusions that she could
get away from him unless he willingly let her go. If he had really
loved her he might, but if he’d been using her, she didn’t stand a
chance. How to ferret out which was the truth. Before she could
decide, he faced her and stared for a long moment like he might
stare at a snake set to strike.

“
Come.” He took her hand
and pulled her toward the door.

She didn’t resist. What was the point?
His look of disgust said everything. He’d never let her escape. As
they entered the house, angry voices drifted toward them. Grey
paused midway down the hall as if trying to decide whether to take
her with him or leave her here. Making up his mind, he tugged her
down the hall and stopped in front of a door that led into what
appeared to be the king’s audience room.