WestwardWindsV2Arebooks (17 page)

Shock kept Dean silent for a moment before he said, “Who said that to you?”

“That’s not important. You need to change your attitude, Dean. It’s not right to make others miserable because you are. Stop it right now,” Tessa told him. She whirled around and walked angrily away.

Seth watched Dean walk back and forth across the main barn floor. His brother was highly agitated and seemed to be growing more so with every passing minute.

“Dean,” Seth said softly.

“What?”

“You wanna talk about it?” Seth asked.

Dean let out a sarcastic laugh. “Talk? Why does everyone have to talk about everything? I thought we did talk about it. I thought everything was fine. Then all of a
sudden it’s not again. I have no clue what’s going on. All I know is that I keep sleeping in the barn because I can’t sleep in our bed because I can’t sleep while she’s so close and mad at me or I’m mad at her.” His groan of frustration was loud in the barn.

Seth watched a couple of the horses’ ear flick back and forth at the sudden sound.

“Dean, quit scaring the horses and just tell me exactly what’s goin’ on,” Seth said and leaned against a wall.

Looking at his brother, Dean said, “She’s still wound up about those letters. Can you believe that? I thought it was done and over.”

Seth frowned. “What made you think that?”

“Because we made up,” Dean said.

“So you talked about it?”

“Sort of.”

Seth asked, “What does that mean?”

Dean resumed his pace and said, “We … you know. Made up in bed.”

Seth sputtered with laughter, which drew an annoyed look from his brother.

“I’m sorry, Dean, but it always cracks me up that you’re so shy about this subject,” Seth said. He cleared his throat and forced himself to be serious. “Ok, so you thought because you ‘made up in bed’, as you put it, that it meant that the argument was over?”

“Yeah. I thought she forgave me and I forgave her,” Dean said as he came to a stop in front of Seth.

Seth let out a sigh. “Dean, sit down here and listen to me,” he said as he indicated a couple of hay bales.

Once they were seated, Seth said, “Dean, I want you to think about something, ok?”

“Ok.”

“Are you really over bein’ mad that Tessa didn’t tell her family about gettin’ married?” Seth asked. “Think about it carefully.”

Dean didn’t want to think about it. As with everything else, Dean just wanted to forget it and go on. “What good does it do to keep going over it? I’d like to just move on from it.”

“That’s not what I asked you, Dean. This is why she’s still mad. You don’t want to talk about stuff. I’m not
sayin
’ that I’m the most chatty guy, but I’m not afraid to face what I’m feeling,” Seth said. “You are. When Ma and Pa passed away, you wouldn’t talk about it. I’ve yet to really hear you talk about it and you don’t talk about them very much at all. It was the same way with Sarah and the baby. When you keep
buryin’ stuff, it’s got a way of coming back on you later, Dean.”

Dean wanted to hit something. “You
wanna
talk about Ma and Pa? Ok, let’s do that. I was here with Marcus when both of them died. I had to arrange the funerals and take care of Marcus while you were on drives. I had a wife and we had Sadie at the time. The ranch wasn’t
gonna
run itself, Seth. I didn’t have time to sit around wallowing in grief. There was work that needed done so that I could keep us fed and everything else.

“Again, when I lost Sarah and the baby, I was alone. You know that if Lydia and Charlie hadn’t been here to keep me sane, I might have… You know what I’m saying. I had another funeral to arrange and I had to watch them put my wife and child in the ground. I had two little kids to comfort and take care of, Seth. I lost the woman I loved and I had to
face the fact that she was never coming back! And the ranch. It’s always here, always needs attention, and I don’t have the luxury of constantly whining about crap that I can’t change. So you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t talk about things like that because the fact is that I can’t handle it!”

Seth had never seen Dean so worked up before. “I’ve always felt guilty that I wasn’t here, Dean, but I was
tryin’ to keep our business going, too. It was just in a different way. Pa couldn’t do the drives anymore, so it was up to me. I’m sorry, Dean.”

Dean nodded. “And now, I’ve got this woman who I love who is mad at me and she wants to talk. Sarah never had to talk all the time.”

“Tessa isn’t Sarah, Dean. There’s partly where you’re making a mistake. She’s her own woman and has different ideas about things. You’re expecting her to act a certain way because that’s what you were used to with Sarah. I loved Sarah. You know that. But she was very sweet natured and didn’t rock the boat. Tessa’s not like that. She speaks her mind and she’s not a pushover,” Seth said.

Dean half-smiled. “Yeah, she sure does. I think it’s one of the things I love most about her. She’s not boring, that’s for sure. Ok. You asked me if I was really over her not
tellin’ her folks about me.” He blew out a breath as he thought about it honestly. “No. I’m not.”

“Then why say you are?” Seth said.

Quietly Dean said, “Because it’s easier than dealing with it.”

“Exactly. Tessa’s not going to let you get away with that, Dean. She needs and deserves more than sex from you. Sex is not
gonna
fix what’s wrong. You
gotta dig deep here and face the real issues or you’re gonna
lose her,” Seth said. “Don’t let that happen, Dean.”

Marcus whistled as he poured some coffee, put a splash of brandy in it, and walked out onto his porch. He spent a lot of time out there because he loved being close to nature and the view was always pretty. Sitting down in his favorite chair, he took a sip of his coffee and thought about what he wanted to do more; read or whittle.

He did neither because he heard hoof beats on the lane and he wondered who it was this night. Marcus was used to late night visitors since he didn’t require much sleep and was usually up when other people were sleeping. It was still fairly early, however. Geoff and Tessa rode into the light thrown by his lanterns.

Marcus gave them a big smile. “Hey, you two. This is a nice surprise.”

“Papa wanted to see your house and I wanted to pick out a book to borrow if that would be all right?” Tessa said as she dropped Zip’s reins. She’d finally gotten on to ground tying a horse.

Geoff followed suit.

“Well, there’s not much to see, but you’re more than welcome, Geoff. I’m sure you’ll find something to borrow, Tessa,” Marcus said as he rose from his chair.

Geoff climbed the three porch steps and looked at all of the curls of wood on the floor. Three chairs sat across the porch that ran the length of the house. A small table sat by one of the chairs and Geoff saw whittling tools and knives sitting on it along with a lantern. A small stack of books sat by the porch railing.

Marcus saw him looking around and said, “My porch might as well be another room. I’m out here most evenings.”

“It’s nice,” Geoff said. “It seems like it would be very relaxing after a hard day of work.”

Marcus nodded. “It is. Well, c’mon in and I’ll show you around.”

Tessa had already gone inside. Geoff followed Marcus into the small house and found himself standing in a small kitchen.

Smiling Marcus said, “Welcome to my chaos.”

Geoff laughed because that was exactly what Marcus’ house looked like. He was astounded at the number of books in the small space. Tessa crouched in front of bookcase in the parlor, searching through titles. As he looked at some of the books, Geoff saw that Marcus had very eclectic tastes. The books were not arranged in any particular order or even by subject. Fiction and nonfiction were jammed together.

“Marcus, you have quite an impressive collection,” Geoff said as he looked at the younger man.

“Thanks. Our pa was an educated man and I guess I followed in his footsteps that way. We don’t have a school so I read whatever I can. As you can see, I’m sort of a packrat when it comes to my books. Even if I’m not going to read a book again right away, I hang on to it. You never know when it’ll come in handy, especially when people around here want something to read,” Marcus responded.

“Yes, I appreciate the one that you loaned me,” Geoff said. “I’m enjoying it very much.”

“Good. I thought you might. Would either of you like some coffee?” Marcus moved towards the kitchen.

“I would love some,” Geoff replied.

“Yes, Marcus. That would be nice,” Tessa said.

Marcus said, “Do you want a little kick to it or just boring old coffee?”

Geoff laughed. “A man after my own heart. Please add a kick.”

“None for me,” Tessa said.

“As you wish,” Marcus said in a lofty manner.

Geoff found Marcus very amusing. “Are you always like this?”

“Guilty, sir,” Marcus said as he carried their coffees out onto the porch.

They joined him and sat down. Tessa took a sip of coffee and made a face. She switched cups with her father while the men laughed at her.

After swallowing she said, “I think there is more brandy in that than coffee.”

“Good. Just the way I like it,” Geoff said.

Marcus picked up a new piece of wood and turned it around a few times while he made a thoughtful face. Geoff watched as he smiled and started carving. Marcus’ hands were strong and his movements sure as he began shaving off large pieces of the wood as he rounded off the corners.

“What are you making?” Geoff asked.

“I think it’s going to be a wolf. Speaking of dogs, I wonder where Roscoe got to. Maybe he has a lady friend,” Marcus said with grin.

“Perhaps he does,” Geoff said. “How do you know what it’s going to be?”

“Well, I just sort of see it in my head. Each piece of wood has its own spirit, so to speak, and it tells me what it will be,” Marcus said.

Geoff thought that was very unusual. “So what you’re saying is that the wood tells you what it wants to be?”

“Yeah, that about sums it up,” Marcus said.

Geoff took a long sip of his coffee and enjoyed the brandy laden drink. “Mmm. That hits the spot.”

Marcus smiled. “I thought you might like that.”

Tessa enjoyed listening to her father and Marcus talk. While her father was getting to know him, Tessa was also gleaning more information about her brother-in-law.

“Who taught you how to whittle?” Geoff asked as he looked out into the night.

Marcus’ hands stopped working for a few moments before starting up again. “Ma. She was always working with wood of some sort. She said it relaxed her when she was upset or nervous.”

“Your mother? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a woman doing woodworking,” Geoff said.

Marcus’ throat became clogged with tears as he thought of his mother. His voice was thick as he replied, “Ma was an extraordinary woman who was strong and kind. Woodworking wasn’t the only talent she had.”

“I’m sure not,” Geoff said as he frowned with concern. “I didn’t mean to upset you, Marcus.”

“Don’t think anything of it,” he said. “As closed up as Dean is about his feelings, I’m the exact opposite. I don’t hide my feelings very well and, frankly, I don’t care to. Well, sometimes, anyway.”

“What about Seth?” Geoff asked.

Marcus brushed away a tear and said, “He’s somewhere in the middle, I guess. Seth isn’t as touchy about stuff as Dean and he doesn’t get misty-eyed at the mention of our mother.”

Geoff cleared his throat and said, “I … uh … noticed that Dean is rather a strict task master.”

Marcus laughed at that. “Yeah, you could say that.”

“Why do you listen to him?” Geoff said. “I’m sorry. I think the brandy is getting to me and I’m becoming nosy.”

“No more than Seth,” Marcus said. “After both our parents were gone, Dean helped finish raising me. I’d just turned fourteen when Pa passed and I was sixteen when Ma died. Dean was the one here with me mostly because Seth was out on the trail a lot. So it fell to him to do it. I guess he became a sort of surrogate father to me. So, that’s why I listen to him. Plus, it’s just easier to go along with him.”

Tessa had seen this aspect of the relationship between Dean and Marcus, so she understood what her brother-in-law meant. She admired her husband for his commitment to his family. There was never any question about how seriously he took his responsibilities. Her mind wandered as Marcus and Geoff talked of all manner of things for another half hour or so.

When the visit ended, Tessa thought about the rift between her and Dean and looked up at the stars as they rode home. She prayed for some guidance in the matter, but none magically came to her.

Tessa watched as Dean undressed with trepidation. Apparently he wasn’t planning on sleeping in the barn and, when he slid under the covers, Tessa knew he wasn’t going to sleep on the floor either. As she got in the bed, she kept as far away from him as she could and lay on her side facing away from him. She jumped a little when he spoke, breaking the silence.

“Tessa, we are gonna talk about all of this, but I need a little time to get my thoughts together about it so that I can have an honest conversation with you,” Dean said.

“How much time?” Tessa asked.

“I’m not sure. I’m not good with feelings and stuff, but I’m gonna try,” Dean said as he remembered Seth’s words.

“All right.” Tessa decided to be patient with him for the time being. “I appreciate that.”

Dean smiled in the dark. “I don’t suppose you’d be interested in the other kind of talking.”

Tessa put her pillow over her face and tried to smother the laugh that came out. It amazed her that even in the middle of an argument Dean could say something funny like that.

Dean heard her and chuckled. “Is that a yes or a no?”