Well of the Damned (18 page)

After
the children were tucked into bed, Gavin, Feanna, and Liera relaxed
in the family room with a glass of wine. Rogan’s bastard
daughter weighed more heavily on his mind every time he looked at
Liera or heard her speak or caught a sniff of her perfume. Feanna
stared at him, her body stiff and her brow furrowed. He knew she
wanted him to tell his sister-in-law about her husband’s
infidelity, but would Liera want to know? If he were in her shoes, he
wouldn’t. Not with Rogan dead.

“Liera,”
Gavin said hesitantly. “Let me ask you something as a woman. If
you knew a secret about me that would hurt Feanna to know, would you
tell her?” If she agreed with Feanna that a wife had a right to
know everything about her husband, then he would tell her about
Rogan’s bastard child.

Liera
looked at Feanna. “No, I wouldn’t. What would be the
purpose in it?”

“To
be honest,” Feanna said. “A husband should share
everything, good or bad, with his wife.”

Liera
shook her head firmly. “You’re happy together now, aren’t
you? If you learned something about Gavin that he was ashamed of and
didn’t want you to know, what would that do to your
relationship? In the years to come, you’ll disagree, you’ll
argue, you might even stop speaking to him or sharing yourself with
him in the bedroom for a time, but why dampen the happiness you have
now? It’s not my business to tell Gavin’s secrets. I
might try to convince him to tell you, but I wouldn’t do it.”

“I see,” Feanna said.
She stood and smoothed the front of her skirt. “I guess you
win, Gavin.” She bid Liera goodnight, and without offering him
a kiss or another word, she left.

Gavin
put his head in his hands. She’d been so difficult lately,
which was both frustrating and maddening. It was as if she was
incapable of seeing reason. Feanna was a good person, though, with a
pure heart. He loved her for who she was, not what she did.

“Oh,
dear,” Liera said, surprised guilt on her face. “Did I
say the wrong thing?”

“We
had an argument earlier. I told her the secret would stay secret but
she thinks it’s dishonest to withhold the truth. If telling it
does no good and possibly does harm, there’s no good reason to.
And so I won’t. I’m at least as stubborn as she is. She
won’t budge me on the matter.”

“Well,
don’t worry about Feanna. Her mood will change a lot during the
coming months because of her condition. She loves you, and she’ll
come to accept your decision not to tell her what you’re
hiding.”

He
exhaled hard, glad she hadn’t guessed it wasn’t his own
secret they were discussing. “I hope you’re right. I
don’t want to keep feuding about it.”

“But
Gavin,” she said, “if it’s what I think it is,
perhaps you should reconsider. Withholding the reason for your
missing tooth is one thing, and I know it amuses you to make up
stories about it. Keeping secret a bastard child is something else
entirely.”

Gavin’s
mouth dropped open in surprise.

“Don’t
be angry. Rogan told me about her a few years ago, and he told me
about your arrangement.”

“Our
arrangement,” Gavin said, not knowing what the hell she was
talking about. “Right.”

Liera
laughed and patted his leg. “Don’t feel bad. I agreed
with him. Your nomadic lifestyle made it difficult to visit
regularly, but now that you’ve settled down in one place...”
She raised her eyebrows encouragingly. “I’m sure you’re
sending money to keep the child fed and clothed, but don’t you
think you should tell your wife? Should you die before your son is
born and named as your heir, Savior forbid it, Keturah has an equal
claim to the throne.”

“How
much did Rogan tell you about our arrangement?”

“Well,
he told me he took money and gifts to the child’s mother every
month, and that you pay him back whenever you visit. He didn’t
think it was fair for Keturah to grow up not knowing any of her
family, and so he was glad to do it. I begged him to bring her to the
house to meet her cousins, but he thought the boys would let it slip
and get you upset. He’d promised to keep your secret, and in
telling me he broke that promise. I hope you’re not angry.”

Gavin
chewed the inside of his cheek. “Maybe you’re right.
What’s done is done, and I hate arguing about it.”

“She
might be upset at first, but she’ll understand. You weren’t
married when Keturah was conceived, so she won’t think ill of
you for being unfaithful. It was a mistake, that’s all.”

Gavin’s
head spun. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about the girl’s
existence slipping in front of Liera. “I never saw you and
Rogan argue, even in all the years you were together.” He hoped
she would confide some marital secret that might explain why Rogan
fathered a bastard child.

Liera
waved that notion away with one hand. “You didn’t see a
lot of things. Our marriage wasn’t perfect, but we had love.”
She gave a little snort. “Did Rogan ever tell you I left him?”

His
eyebrows shot up. “No. When was this?”

“Before
GJ was born. We’d been feuding a lot, mostly over how to raise
our sons. I thought he was too stern, he thought I was coddling them.
We couldn’t come to an agreement over discipline, and that
disagreement spilled into other areas. Soon, neither of us could do
anything right in the eyes of the other, and so I packed up my sons
and went to my mother’s house. She lived in Saliria at the
time, so I was just going down the road a piece.” She chuckled,
staring at her hands cupping her wine goblet.

“I
had no idea. How’d you remedy it?”

She
took a deep breath. “I didn’t. Rogan did. He showed up on
my mother’s doorstep and apologized for his mistakes and his
flaws as a man, begged me to forgive him, and said no matter our
disagreements, we belong together. He said he could never love
another woman the way he loved me. I was ashamed at myself for
running out on such a fine husband, and so we went back home with
him. I think GJ was made that night.” Liera giggled. “And
soon I came to see he was right — about the boys, about the
farm, about a lot of things.”

Gavin nodded. They both fell
silent for a few moments.

“Gavin,”
she said quietly, “I appreciate and understand your wanting to
comfort GJ when he’s missing his father, but pretending you’re
him won’t help him adjust to the fact that Rogan’s dead.”

“Maybe
not,” Gavin said. “He’s just a boy, and he’ll
live the rest o’his life with only the memories he has,
which’ll fade as he gets older. If he needs an embrace or a
whispered word to get through a tough day, the ones who support him
and help him will earn and keep his trust. I can’t be their
papa, but they look to me they way they would’ve looked to him.
I resemble Rogan enough to remind them every day o’what they
lost.”

“Don’t
you think I know that?” Liera snapped. “Whenever I
glimpse you walking past, my heart pounds with the hope my dead
husband’s miraculously returned to life. My loss is renewed the
very next moment when I realize it’s you.” She burst into
tears and covered her face with her hands.

He
sat there helplessly, unsure what words to use to comfort her. He
missed Rogan too, and accepted the responsibility for all the pain
his death caused. He put his arm around her shoulders. “I’m
sorry, Liera.” He could think of nothing else to say. The ache
in her heart wouldn’t be cured by words. He knew that. “I’m
going to Calsojourn tomorrow. At least you’ll have a respite
from my face for a bit.”

Despite
her red nose and tear-filled eyes, Liera laughed. “I don’t
know whether to be glad or sad.” She stood, leaned down and
kissed his forehead. “Go up and talk to your wife.”

Chapter 21

Their
last night together didn’t go quite as Gavin had hoped it
would. Feanna was cold, shrugging off his touch, and tugged the bed
covers tighter around herself. He knew what she wanted to hear —
an admission that he’d manipulated Liera into supporting his
argument without knowing it was Rogan’s secret and not Gavin’s
they were talking about. He wouldn’t do it. The principle was
the same, and Liera stated what her preference was. For Gavin to
disregard it to satisfy Feanna’s sensibilities was to do an
injustice to Liera. The matter was between Rogan and his wife, and
not between Feanna and anyone else. Lying beside her in the dark,
Gavin tried to explain it. He even told her Liera knew about Keturah
but believed her to be Gavin’s daughter, but Feanna just pulled
the covers over her head and made no reply.

When
he awoke in the morning, her side of the bed was empty and cold. He
bathed and dressed and found her outside the stable, directing the
packing of her bags, while her footman chased after her with a
rainshade.

“I
want my books in the carriage with me,” she said. “And
perhaps some bread and cheese.”

“Yes,
Your Majesty, but we can stop for a meal whenever you’d like,”
the footman said.

Their
three daughters were sitting in one carriage, giggling and waving and
blowing kisses through the open window. Their son, Trevick, was on
the wagon, arranging crates and baggage and strapping them down.
Gavin’s nephews Jaesh and Asiawyth were standing with Liera,
watching with sadness, while Rogan’s youngest son, named after
Gavin, was hunting for stones and skipping them across the larger
puddles.

Gavin
went up behind Feanna and put his arms around her and nuzzled her
honey-colored hair where it fell softly across her shoulders and
back. She turned around to face him. “Gavin, I’m glad
you’re here. I tried to wake you, but you wouldn’t stir.
I was hoping to say good-bye before I left.”

Hoping
to?
The idea that she would have left without saying good-bye if
he hadn’t awoken in time didn’t sit well with him. Once
she was back from Ambryce, they would need to sit down and talk, to
resolve the tension that seemed to be building between them. He hoped
it was just her pregnancy making her more difficult and emotional.
That would pass. He didn’t want to consider the possibility
that he’d chosen his bride too hastily, before knowing her true
temperament.

The
horses were hitched, the supplies were loaded and the battlers and
attendants were ready to mount. Feanna bent down to kiss and embrace
each of the children. She entreated them to behave themselves and do
their lessons. By the time she reached Trevick, who’d hung back
shyly, tears were streaming freely down her cheeks, and the three
girls were bawling.

“Oh,
don’t cry, my loves,” Feanna said, wiping her eyes.
“You’ll have Papa to keep you company, and I’ll be
home before you know it.”

Oh
hell,
Gavin thought. He’d forgotten to tell her he was
taking Cirang to Calsojourn. He wondered whether he should tell her
now or just explain to the children after she left. No, she would
find out from them when she got home, and he would be under her shoe
for days, maybe even weeks.

“Um,”
he said, scratching his temple, “I meant to tell you yesterday
— I got to go to Calsojourn. I’m planning to leave
shortly myself.”

She
looked at him with a mixture of anger and disbelief. “You were
going to let me leave without telling me that? Who’s going to
stay with the children?”

“Edan
will be here, and Liera. Hell, we got a whole palace full o’people
to look after them.”

She
opened her hands dramatically. “But neither of their parents.
Couldn’t you have timed your journey for after I returned? By
the Savior, Gavin!”

The
three girls quieted, looking at them both with wide eyes.

He
didn’t want to do this in front of the children and her
attendants and guards. If he just apologized, maybe she would drop
the matter until they could talk. Alone. “I’m sorry. I
should’ve told you yesterday.”

“Yes, Gavin. You should
have. Why didn’t you? Why couldn’t you just tell me you
were going away? It’s such a simple thing. I could have delayed
my own journey if yours is so important.”

“You
kept storming out o’the room every time we had a conversation.”
He knew as soon as he said it that it was the wrong thing, but he’d
never been very good at stilling his tongue when he had something to
say.

From
the corner of his eye, he saw Edan approach, followed closely by
Eriska, who must have gone to fetch him.

“So
it’s my fault?” Feanna screeched.

Now
all the battlers and attendants were inspecting their boots, their
saddles, anything to hide their embarrassment.

“No,”
Gavin said with a sigh, wishing he could unsay what he’d said.
“It’s not. I should’ve made a better effort, but
you didn’t make it easy. I said I’m sorry.”

“Children,”
Edan said, “say your good-byes and go inside. Your mother will
be home in no time.”

The
three girls quietly embraced Feanna once more, no doubt sensing the
tension and not wanting to add to it with more tears. Jilly ran to
Adro and embraced him tightly, and then the girls went with Edan back
inside. Trevick gave Feanna a shy embrace and stepped back with blush
in his face.