Weight of the Crown (18 page)

There he stood. Lysander. He looked magnificent in his uniform—and slightly out of breath. She glanced over towards the closed curtains so he wouldn’t see what she was thinking. It was quite some way from the landing strip to the house. He must have sprinted all the way.

‘I’m here to take you home, Alyssa.’

‘What for? As your second-best woman?’ she seethed. ‘Sorry, you’ve come to the wrong place. Save the fairy tales for your nephew. I’m through believing in your stories.’

Her voice dripped acid as she tried—and failed—to slam the door in his face. It bounced off his boot as he kicked at the gap.

‘I’ve spent the past week putting Ra’id’s interests
first. It’s you I’m interested in now, Alyssa. I’ve come for
you
.’

She froze. Lysander was a master of shock tactics, and used her momentary pause to wade straight into the attack. He spoke quickly, his chest rising and falling as though he didn’t have time to catch his breath.

‘You told me to go to hell—well, I’ve been there, and now I’m back. I’ve proved I can do my job better than any other man alive—’

‘And now the Kahani inheritance is safe.’

‘Yes.’

‘How does it feel? Any better than turning your back on me at The Queen’s Retreat?’ Alyssa stared at him, very still apart from the crimson blush firing her cheeks.

‘I had to do that.’

‘Why? To prove you could?’

He turned all the power of his blazing eyes on her. After a long pause only fractured by his roughened breathing, his answer bruised the silence.

‘Yes. Great empires have been brought down by women who weren’t fit to look you in the face, Alyssa. It’s happened in Rosara, too—twice in my lifetime. The first time it was my mother, the second time Akil’s wife was the cause of all the trouble. I’ve never wanted to risk making the same mistakes other men in my family did. I needed to show the world—and myself—that I could put my country before my heart.’

‘And what about
me
? What part are you expecting me to play in the Lysander Kahani Appreciation Society?’ Alyssa forced the words past a growing lump in her throat.

‘My people need strong leadership. Rosara has that now, and I must start building a team to take it into the future. I have to be the managing director of a whole country—’

‘Or an engineer, calculating how to get rid of dead weight?’ The chill in her voice reacted with his anger to make him hiss with exasperation.

‘I came here to explain things to you, Alyssa. Can’t you at least let me have my say?’

‘I don’t need explanations. I don’t even want to
look
at you!’ She turned her back so he wouldn’t see her tears. ‘You’ve got everything you want. Rosara, a fiancée hanging on your every word, and now you’ve come back to tie up the last inconvenient loose end—
me
!’

There was a pause. She heard him walk around so he could take up a position in front of her again. When she refused to raise her head, he bent down and looked up into her face. He was running his teeth over his bottom lip, perplexed. She closed her eyes to get him out of her sight. After an agony of silence, she heard him retreat.

‘No …’ he said eventually. ‘I can’t say I understood a word of that.’

‘And I always thought your English was so perfect,’ she snapped.

‘Yes. It’s about as good as your manners.’

The sound of him pacing backwards and forwards across her room was almost enough to make Alyssa open her eyes. Before she could gather the strength to do it, he started talking again.

‘You’re right about the loose ends, at least. It was unforgivable, shutting you out so completely. I had to
force myself to do it. Alyssa, you were everything to me that night and while I’ve been away I’ve kept you close with every heartbeat. You’re right—sending you back to England with Ra’id was partly a test. I had to know if I could carry on being everything to my country while you were affecting me so much. When we were together—when we made love, I forgot everything but you.’ His voice became a whisper as he searched her face for any change in her feelings. ‘That … frightened me. It was, after all, the same kind of madness that led to my father breaking down in tears every time my mother’s name was mentioned.’ A spasm of pain passed over his face. Shocked by the violence of his reaction, Alyssa automatically threw out her hands to him, but with a shake of his head he turned away.

‘You’ve never dealt with that?’ she whispered in horror.

He shook his head a second time, but still couldn’t face her. ‘Or the thought of how my brother was fooled by his ex-wife.’

Alyssa felt her heart hammer a warning against her ribs. Lysander was hurting, but then so was she.
He’s gone from having a new woman every night to having a fiancée—and me
, she thought viciously.
Two pretty permanent fools, and both on strings.

‘So whatever made you turn to seduction as a career, Lysander? It sounds like you’ve grown to hate women over the years.’

‘I don’t hate them. I love them. But only on my own terms. I could never afford to let them get too close.’ He looked at her then, biting his lip as though realising he had said the wrong thing.

Alyssa folded her arms as though that could protect her from him. ‘I came here determined never to let you within a million miles of me, ever again,’ she said, staring at him as the darkest pain of his past began to ebb from his expression. It was a moment of absolute stillness—until a huge crash made them both start and look back at the door connecting Alyssa’s suite to the nursery.

‘Alyssa! Come and hear what’s on the radio—’ Ra’id burst in, fresh out of bed and heading straight for her. Seeing Lysander, he squealed with delight and changed direction. Alyssa was already half crouching, ready to scoop the little boy up in her arms. As he threw himself at Lysander instead she slowly straightened up. Her original aim had been to see them happy together, but for the first time watching someone else’s family bloom, without her, didn’t ease her pain.

‘Uncle Ly! You’re on my radio, and you’re here, too!’ The little boy was jiggling up and down with excitement. Lysander was having trouble keeping hold of him, but neither of them seemed to care. They were both laughing. Alyssa took a step back, leaving them to enjoy themselves. This was family time. There was no room for a nanny at moments like this, but she had never given a second’s thought to this part of her job before now. Now it hurt to know that Ra’id would always have a place in Lysander’s heart, while she had none.

Lysander was getting his smartphone out of a pocket and holding it up to show Ra’id. ‘Now I’m back, you don’t need to listen to the radio. You can see what I’ve been saying to people on here.’

‘It’s me! Look, it’s a picture of me!’ Ra’id bellowed, grabbing Lysander’s phone hand and wrenching it round so Alyssa could see the display, too. The little boy was focused on the one thing that meant anything to him, but that was only a small part of a much bigger picture. The phone showed film of Lysander, giving his last press conference in Rosara. Projected onto a screen behind him as he spoke was a photograph he must have taken during their last picnic. Alyssa was hugging Ra’id, and they were both in fits of laughter. As the camera moved away from the backdrop and zoomed in on Lysander’s face Alyssa didn’t know how much more she could take. She pushed her words past the blockage in her throat.

‘Perhaps Your Majesty would like to put the prince back to bed himself?’

Ra’id put his arms around Lysander’s neck as the successful conqueror nodded at her and set off towards the door connecting Alyssa’s suite to the nursery.

‘I’m coming back to carry on where we left off, Alyssa, right after I’ve put Ra’id back to bed,’ he said firmly, disappearing into the bedroom and closing its door behind him.

Alyssa was so angry and emotionally exhausted she couldn’t think what to do. She stood staring at the door blankly. When, after a long time, it opened again, she was alert to the smallest detail. Lysander locked the connecting door behind him to make sure they wouldn’t be disturbed. Alyssa made a noise of disgust.

‘Typical! I wonder how often you’ve done that in the past.’

‘I’ve come back for you, Alyssa. What’s wrong with that?’

‘Because, like a fool, I let you seduce me despite the fact I’ve always known what you were like.’

Lysander said nothing to begin with, but she could tell he was angry. He betrayed it in the rigid set of his jaw and the iron intensity of his stare. It was a long time before he could trust himself to answer. He stood, trying to collect himself while her nerves stretched to breaking point.

‘That’s why you’re different, Alyssa,’ he said in a ragged voice. ‘You’ve always seen the man in me, not the image.’

‘Really? And which bit of you do all those women in all those glossy magazines get to enjoy?’

‘What can I say?’ He hitched a weary shoulder. ‘I’ve told you—I like women. They like me.’

Alyssa’s voice was carbon steel. ‘I’ve noticed. I wonder how Princess Peronelle will feel about that.’

He looked at her askance. ‘Why should
she
care?’

‘When she’s your wife, she’ll do more than care. Be careful she doesn’t stab you through that wicked black heart of yours, Lysander Kahani.’

His careful study became a frown. Alyssa’s fists were balled, waiting for him to try something. What he did was so unexpected, she didn’t have either the time or the sense to react. Taking her gently by the arm, he led her to the nearest chair. Putting his other hand to her forehead, he felt her temperature. She shook it off angrily.

‘Don’t do that to me!’

‘I’m worried about you, Alyssa.’

‘Oh, don’t give me that! You sweet-talked me and seduced me in a moonlit garden, while all the time you were getting ready to make vows of undying love to another woman in the chapel of the Rose Palace!’

‘Alyssa, you aren’t making sense …’ His refusal to come clean infuriated her.

‘Yes, I am! I’m sick of making a fool of myself over you, when all the time I was nothing more than a stopgap until you married Princess Peronelle. Well, good luck to you both—and you’d better tell her not to bother running to me when you start tearing
her
heart to shreds!’ Alyssa bounced out of her seat, her sense of injustice growing by the second. ‘I’d rather have taken my chance in Rosara and been blown to bits a thousand times than watch you wreck another woman’s life!’

He gazed at her with those steady dark eyes that had always spoken straight to her heart—until now.

‘What in the hell are you talking about, Alyssa?’

‘Don’t give me that! You had the cold-blooded nerve to seduce me, when all along you knew you were lined up to marry Princess Peronelle!’

‘Who told you that?’

‘Ra’id. He said his father arranged everything, before he died.’

With that, all the weariness fell away from Lysander’s face and he gave her a look of naked disbelief.

‘You’re not telling me you believed what a five-year-old boy told you? Or that I ever, in my entire life, did anything simply because my older brother thought it was a good idea?’

‘Of course I believed it!’ Alyssa exclaimed. ‘It’s all over the news! Everyone’s been saying how King Akil
picked you out the perfect bride, years ago. Ra’id just filled in the details for me.’

‘That little monkey …’ Lysander said in a slow, faint voice. ‘Oh, Alyssa … my brother was always dreaming up schemes to make Rosara great. I didn’t agree to a fraction of them when he was alive, and once he was dead I conveniently forgot the ones that didn’t interest me. There has been so much more going on in my life since that was discussed. Time has passed, I had to come to terms with Akil’s death while making sure Ra’id was well cared for, and then I had to get used to the idea of being Regent—an arranged marriage never crossed my mind. You didn’t really think I’d be party to something like that, did you?’

‘Of course I did.’

‘But the whole idea is ridiculous! I’ve never given it a minute’s consideration.’ He put a hand over his eyes. ‘Although I’m sure the people of Rosara thought there was nothing they’d like better than a royal wedding between me and Peronelle, until I told them in that press conference about something much more exciting.’

‘Is that why you let the English-speaking media get away with printing all the details of your wedding, right down to who would be designing the bride’s dress?’

He raised his hands to the sky. ‘I have been fighting for my family’s birthright. How the
hell
was I supposed to find the time to read newspapers?’

Alyssa felt her temperature heading off the scale again. ‘You didn’t need to—and neither did I. The press must have been following you everywhere. Didn’t they say anything?’

Wearily raising his hands, Lysander went to cup
her face. She took a step back. Fury flared in his face. His arms shot out and he caught her by the shoulders. Pulling her close, he trapped her body as well as her gaze.

‘My mind has been full of other things. I’ve told you—I’ve been too distracted to care about rumours, tales and lies.’

‘It was a shame
I
couldn’t manage to distract you better than I did.’ Alyssa’s words crackled like static.

So far, Lysander had been on the defensive. Her accusation changed everything.

‘For one brief moment in my country’s history, you were far more distraction than I could handle. I thought the pleasure you brought me would dilute my sense of duty. It was only when I managed to put some distance between us, I could get things into perspective.’ He hesitated, and looked almost embarrassed as he added quietly, ‘Things like … the way I feel about you.’

‘That I was a handy stand-in until your honeymoon with Peronelle?’

Alyssa’s granite stare was as abrasive as her words. She couldn’t risk falling for his lies a second time.

‘Oh, Alyssa! When you and I … What
do
you think I am? Doesn’t the fact that I came back to fetch you home prove that you mean more to me than any other woman in my life? You’re the only one who really matters to me, Alyssa,’ he said simply.

Alyssa wanted to believe him, but there was something that didn’t quite fit. ‘You said there’s only one thing your people would enjoy more than a royal wedding. You never said what it was.’