Wednesday's Child (13 page)

Liam’s hand whitened around the cup. “I begged Him to intervene, but He didn’t answer.”

“God always answers. The gunmen attacked, you were injured, your wife and several others died. You cried to Him for help, and you feel He ignored you because the slaughter continued. He didn’t ignore you. God always answers. Sometimes the answer isn’t the one we want. Sometimes the answer is not yet. Sometimes the answer is no. It doesn’t mean He doesn’t stop loving us.”

“Why?”

“Like any child, what we want isn’t always what’s best for us. We may never understand while here on Earth, but one day we will.”

Liam brushed a hand over his eyes and pushed up. “Thanks. I should...”

Jacqui tugged at his hand. “Don’t go, Liam.”

He stood still; hesitating for a moment, then shook his head. “I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Can I give you a lift?”

“No.” He hurried from the building, trying to ignore the pounding inside of him. Catching the bus home, Liam put his headphones on, blasting his MP3 player as loud as he could stand it. He didn’t want to listen to the small, insistent Voice.

****

Liam continued to ignore the Voice and everything else, including his phone and email the next day. He rang in to work sick and sat on the couch, staring across at the bottle of wine he’d picked up on the way home from the church on Wednesday. He didn’t remember buying it but it wasn’t there when Jacqui visited on Tuesday.

He didn’t know how long he stared at the bottle, before he thumbed through the phone book searching for an address.

He rang the information line and listened to the times given. The nearest meeting was just around the corner from him. If he left now he’d have time to make the start of the session. The evening sun was warm, almost too warm for seven PM. He rolled his shoulders, the familiar ache starting under the rough cotton of his shirt.

The doors stood open and he could hear muffled voices spilling onto the street. He hesitated. The Voice seemed to reverberate in his head.

Go.

Was this really such a good idea?
The Voice told him so, but honestly, he’d never felt good enough for God. Not even this would do that.

God…
He paused.
I’m not worthy to even speak Your name. I don’t deserve the help these people can offer. I’ve thrown it away too many times. What do I do? How can I do this?

Go.

The Voice was louder, but at the same time gentle and loving.

But I’m not worthy…

Go. One day at a time.

He could do that.

Making his way inside, he took one of the few remaining seats. He sat quietly, listening to the others speaking, still not sure he could do this. Then the coin passed to him. He hefted the weight in his hand and looked at it.

“Just pass the coin along the row if you don’t want to say anything,” the group leader said. “No one will think any the less of you.”

Liam took a deep breath and slowly looked up. “My name’s Liam. And I’m an alcoholic.”

****

When he went back to work on Friday, he continued to block out the Voice still whispering insistently inside him. Every day. Every hour. Every minute.

“Mr. Page?” Jacqui greeted him.

“Hello, Miss Dorne. It’s looking good out here. The kids love the picnic area.”

She smiled. “They’ll like the table tennis even more when it goes in later today. I wondered how you were. You weren’t here yesterday. Have you been sick?”

“Yeah, but I’m all right now.”

“That’s good. I was wondering what you were doing tonight?”

Liam dodged a couple of running teenagers. “I was going to watch the tennis. Why?”

“I owe you dinner, and I was wondering if you’d let me cook for you.”

He paused for a moment. He’d not had a woman cook for him since… “I’d like that. Thank you.”

“All right,” she shifted the clipboard in her arms. “I’ll see you at my place about seven.”

“Sure, see you then.”

The rest of the day he spent wondering if he should take something with him. And if he did, should he take flowers or chocolates? Should he wear jeans or slacks or stay in his suit? Would she want casual or formal? He should have asked. He was so out of practice at this, despite having dated her for over a month now. He was tempted to ring Patrick and ask him, but really wanted to keep the relationship with Jacqui quiet for now. He hadn’t even told Niamh, and he usually told his twin everything.

Deciding on casual, he picked a blue shirt and jeans and plumped for both flowers and chocolates. Feeling incredibly nervous as he rang the bell, he wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans, hoping he wasn’t underdressed.

Jacqui answered the door in a floral sundress, her hair scraped back in an untidy ponytail. “Hi.”

Liam kissed her and held out his gifts. “I didn’t know what flowers you like so I got carnations.” Of course he’d technically given her carnations when they first met, although he hoped these would go nowhere near her laptop.

She beamed. “You guessed perfectly. These are my favorite. Thank you. Come in.”

The smell of cooking floated from the kitchen, making his mouth water and his stomach growl in anticipation.

“The tennis match is on in the lounge. Help yourself to a drink and make yourself at home. I’ll be right in with the food.”

He nodded and went into the lounge. The curtains moved in the breeze. A bottle of wine and another of juice were on the sideboard. “I didn’t think you drank.”

“I got it for you. Unless you fancy something else.” Her voice echoed down the hall.

Liam looked at it, torn and severely tempted. He could still see the look in her eyes and hear the disappointment in her voice when she found him in a drunken rage three days ago. His hand hovered for a moment, before his new found resolve kicked in. He was two days and counting. One day at a time.

He poured two glasses of juice and sipped his, glancing at the TV.

Jacqui came in with two plates. She smiled as she saw him with the juice.

“Can you get a refund on the wine?” he asked.

“I’ll give it to my neighbor.”

“I wouldn’t want it to go to waste, but…” He paused. “I went to an AA meeting yesterday. I’m two days and counting.”

Jacqui set the plates down and hugged him. “Liam, that’s wonderful news.”

“Thank you. Dinner smells good.”

“Figured we could eat in here—slum it, as Mum used to say.” She picked up the plate.

“There’s nothing wrong with TV dinners every so often.” He took the offered plate. “It looks wonderful. I’ll swap you for some juice.”

“Thank you.” She exchanged the plate for the glass and sat on the couch.

Liam paused as she said grace, and then took a bite. “This is lovely. I don’t remember the last home cooked meal I had.”

“Thank you. It’s one of Mum’s recipes. Lamb cobbler—one of those ‘chuck everything in the same pot’ dinners, so it’s really easy to do.”

“Less washing up,” he laughed, winking at her. “So tell me about your parents.”

Liam ate as they chatted, enjoying every mouthful, almost as much as her company. She wasn’t afraid around him. He carried the empty dishes to the kitchen and lost for the washing up. He picked up the tea towel. “I still think I’d have pressed charges,” he said going back to the topic of her parents and an incident with the neighborhood kids.

“Dad wanted to. But Mom didn’t. Despite that and everything else I did in my rebellious teenage years, my father still loved me.”

Liam froze, her words hitting him right between the eyes. “Sorry?”

“I said, despite everything that happened. My father still loved...What is it?”

“Excuse me one moment.” The small insistent Voice became a loud shout. Liam dropped the tea towel and ran from the room.

Locking himself in the bathroom, he leaned against the door, tears spilling down his face.
Oh, God, forgive me.
He stumbled over the words as he renewed his relationship with God and asked forgiveness for the way he’d acted since Sally’s death.

He knew what he was doing and the implications. He could feel God’s arms around him and His peace flowing through him as he spoke. He didn’t do anything in a light-hearted way. God loved him and died for him and he needed Him back in his life.

When Liam went back into the kitchen, he felt lighter than he had for a long time. He walked back over to Jacqui and picked up the tea towel. “I’m sorry—there was just something I had to do. Some One I had to…”

She smiled at him. “I know. There’s a peace in your eyes that hasn’t been there before.” She hugged him tightly, wet hands and all. “We love you so much.”

“That’s the royal ‘we’ I take it?”

“You bet,” she laughed.

11

Liam’s faith rekindled from a spark to a flame over the next two weeks. He and Jacqui read and prayed together most days. He became convinced more each day she had come into his life like this for a reason. She’d been instrumental in bringing him back to God and he was eager to see where God led them in the future. She drove him to each AA meeting and sat in the car outside while he went in alone.

He went to church on Sundays with Jacqui and to the weekday meetings. He hadn’t heard from Patrick, but there was no point in hassling him. So long as he kept Jacqui away from Vince, everything would be fine, but since she hadn’t heard any more from him, maybe he was finally out of her life.

The school grounds were almost done and looked fantastic. The only down side would be not seeing her at work each day.

He was due to pick Jacqui up to drive her to church. He tucked his shirt into his trousers, and then stood in front of the dressing table. He looked at the small photo of Sally he kept in with his cufflinks. His fingers traced the gold wedding ring on his left hand. “I will always love you,” he told the photo. “And taking this off won’t change that one iota. What I feel for Jacqui is different. I’m not sure how, but it’s not the same love as I have for you, but then she’s not you.”

He looked at the ring and twisted it slowly until it slid off his finger. He set it in his cufflink box on the chest of drawers in the bedroom right along with Sally’s wedding and engagement rings. It felt incredibly strange not wearing it, almost like he was standing there naked, but he knew he’d never forget her. He didn’t need a ring to remember her. He ran his fingers over the chain around his wrist and took a deep breath. That he’d keep wearing.

He picked Jacqui up and she did a double take at his hand. “Liam?”

“I figured it was time,” he said quietly. “I’ll never forget her, and she’ll always have a place in my heart, but it’s time. If we’re doing this dating thing properly, then I need to start afresh with you, and you don’t need to be made to feel second place.”

“I don’t. I know she’s your wife and…”

“Was my wife. You’re my girl now. Assuming you want to be.”

She hugged him. “Yes, I do want to be your girl.” She grinned. “Does this mean I get to meet your twin now?”

“You really want to?”

“Yes, I’m sure. Now come on or we’ll be late.”

****

Liam looked at Jacqui as the Sunday service finished. “Are you sure about this?”

She laughed. “You’ve been sneaking out of here for the last couple of weeks to avoid her and yes, I want to meet her. Assuming you’re not ashamed of me.”

“Of course I’m not. All right, she’s right down there with Jared.” Liam took her hand and they made their way downstairs, to where Niamh and Jared still sat in the pew talking to the people in front of them. Liam stood where he’d catch her eye, not wanting to interrupt.

Niamh’s whole face lit up and tears sparkled in her eyes. “Liam.” She was on her feet, her arms tightly around him, before he could react. “What are you doing here?”

He hugged her back. “The same thing as you, sis—worshipping God. I’ve been coming for a couple of weeks now.”

“Does this mean…?” she broke off, hope in her voice.

Liam nodded. “Yeah, thanks to someone I want you and Jared to meet.” He pulled Jacqui close. “This is Jacqui Dorne. Jacqui, this is my twin sister Niamh, and her husband Jared.”

Jacqui shook hands with them both. “It’s nice to finally meet you. Liam talks about you a lot.”

“Does he? Well, he’s told me nothing about you,” Niamh’s eyes widened as she took in his left hand. “No ring…does this mean?”

Liam looked at Jacqui and nodded. “Yeah, Jacqui’s my girlfriend.”

Niamh squealed and hugged him again. “What are you guys doing for lunch?”

“Not much as it happens.”

“Then join us. Jarrie’s cooking as he works the next four days.”

“Jared’s roast dinners are famous.” Liam grinned at Jacqui. “You haven’t lived until you try one. And he always cooks enough to feed an army. Or should that be an entire platoon of firefighters?”

“Then lunch would be lovely. Thank you.”

“Follow us back to ours, then.” She looked at Liam. “And you’d better not be hiding anything else from me.”

Liam attempted to look innocent. “Now would I do something like that?”

“Yes,” Niamh and Jacqui chorused together.

Jared laughed. “You’re outgunned and outmaneuvered, mate. I’d quit while you’re ahead.”

Liam nodded. “Looks that way. Come on, I’m starved.”

****

Liam sat with Jared on the patio listening to the girls’ chatter coming through the kitchen window. “They seem to be getting on OK.”

“Think Niamh’s hurt you didn’t say anything sooner. How long have you been seeing her?”

“I’ve known her a couple of months. I met her through work. I didn’t tell anyone—no one at work knows we’re dating, either.” His fingers moved over his left hand. “Seems strange not wearing the ring. Only took it off this morning.”

“Are you serious about her?”

“It’s a little early to talk serious.” Liam crossed his legs, going on the defensive. “That’s one of the reasons I didn’t mention it.”